Straight Woman in love with a Lesbian. but I have a problem.. lol

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Hello everyone! :)

You all might think this is c r a z y!!!  But rest assured all is good.

First of all… I’m married to a great guy who KNOWS about my feelings and knows that things will happen but he does not want to know when where how (the details)

Second of all…. I have this awesome girl who is my ultimate best friend… she’s a lesbian and knows about my husband’s thoughts on this.

 

Now let’s start a little brief story.

 

She and I met about a year ago which our friendship was full of laughter from day one until a month ago I found myself flirting with her a lot such as wearing sexy clothes and standing next to her where I noticed she started to tremble or caught her staring at me in a very affectionate way.  When she left out of town to visit her mom, we were texting and I teased her “Are you having fun reading those lesbian stories on your app? ”  She was like “um  it’s okay… Its getting boring”   I said  ”Hahaha I write incredible sex stories but they are always with a guy and a woman.”    She asked me to write one with two girls.   That blew my mind so I put myself and her in a story situation but kept it at like a paragraph and by the time she finished reading  she was stunned  ”Wow…..just wow….!”    I did one more story and she was again blown back in amazement.

Somehow our conversation turned into this way.

Her:  I end up comparing lips with my gf and this girl
Me: Omg  you just met that girl and straight out kissed her?  wtf
Her:  Her lips are different than my gf’s  better though.
me:  Ha ha  you’re tempting me to tell you that mine are way better ;)
Her:  Hmmmm

(I decided to tell her how attractive she is and all..  no more holding back)
Me:  I think you are so cute
Her:  No serious… really?
Me:  yeah…
Her:  um  thank you lol
Me:  Hmm…
Her:  Um….  do you like me?
Me:  Oh yeah you’re my best friend :D
Her:  Um….. i mean  more than that?
Me:  Lol  well….  yeah.   I just suppress it down.
Her:  Serious?
Me:   I like like you   You are very attractive
Her:  oh my god…. I’ve been  attracted to you for months
Me:  really?
her:  Yeah
Me:  Hm….. why?
Her:  you are just being you and so sexy.  I want to tell you but I couldn’t
Me:  well now you can.   I won’t bite….. *giggles*  hard?  :D
Her:  lol  I might like it..

Well things like that  happened and I thought that it will be different or same  so when she got back in town.  we were just like the same  Nothing new.   Again she left for the second trip back We texted and it got a bit hotter  where I flirted heavy on her.   She invited me to meet her and her mom and everyone at a spot for photography (I”m a photographer)   So I drove out there and met up with them.  Again everything seems normal .  I got busy taking pictures and all.   Nighttime fell. I was still alone, taking pictures until she showed up by my side and I said

Me: “Oh hey you.”
Her:  OMG  I’ve been trying to get your attention up there!”

(We both are deaf by the way)

Me: Oh?  (looks up at the castle second story)  My bad… it’s dark.
Her:  Oh I know!  I was like  (waving furiously) and thought oh f. this… I’ll come down and get her!
Me:  ha ha ha  sorry!!  :)
Her:  wanna go up there?  More new pictures to do!?
Me: Okay.

We went up there and I took more pictures of the stars and stuff  Got AMAZING INCREDIBLE PICTURES!!   Finally I felt satisfied and we were sitting down on the floor under the stars.   Mind you… I’m a night person and it puts me in a romantic element.    We had some laughing conversation until it was time to get up.  I stood up and said

Me:  Um… why are you afraid?
Her:  me??  (blushing)
Me:  Yup you.. I can sense you want to get close to me.
Her:  Ummmmm *looks away*   well.. yeah….
Me:  what’s stopping you?

We were walking to the stairs and then I made a body  and moved close to her kind of cornering her.  She was panting a bit  (in good way)  and I said “Well?”   She said  ”I’m chicken!!!”   I laughed and let her walk to the stairs.

She asked me “How did you know I have a crush on you?”   I said oh there’s some clues.  First of all. you hug people but you haven’t even ever hugged ME!       She was like “ohhhh now i’m busted haha  ”

The next day we went to the movies for the first time and she had her leg pressed against mine and all.  After the movies I dropped her home and went home myself  (We live across from each other )   I thought to myself  ”I really want to hug her.  ”  I’ve been wanting to hug her for months but I never went out and grab a hug.   I worked up my nerves and went over to her apt to give her a hug then go home but when I got there, she was on the videophone with someone who we both know and we all chatted for about 30 minutes til I said I had to go home.  She told him “bye” and hung up.  I stood up and said  ”come here”  She was like  ”Why….”  I said come here… she got up and I wrapped my arms around her neck and hugged.   She was shocked then she slowly wrapped her arms around my waist and held me really close.  It felt so good.   and then after like 2 minutes of hug hold, we released and she was holding her chest, bitting her bottom lip.  I smiled and left.  but my neck was pounding.  I never felt my pulses going crazy.  I thought my neck was gonna explode.

Now.. let’s speed up a bit.   she and her gf broke up because that gf was threatening to kill and all.  all of us stood behind my best friend to support her and help her get through it while she told the estranged gf (they’ve been estranged for 3 months)   that it’s over.    She and I have already gotten to kissing part, and a bit more than that.   maybe to 2nd base.

MY PROBLEM!!!!

Here it is…  when we are behind closed doors she’s so affectionate and all of that but in public she acts like we are strangers.   the other night I told her this “I hate feeling like i’m a secret”  She got upset at herself.    I understand that people don’t like pda or anything but  that night before I said the secret.  we were at a hookah place trying it out in another town and there were no one.  She did kiss me where we exchanged the hookah smoke :P    however she did not sit close to me or put her hand on my leg or anything until we got to the car and she reached over to hold my leg and pulled my hand to her hand.

I’m frustrated she’s like this.   she loves me or she does not.   in action.

She has already told me she is deep in love with me,  her sister would flirt with me on purpose to make her jealous and push her sister aside and go “Hey! that’s my woman!”  or my guy friend texted me asking me to be his wingwoman and she got really angry and called him up on videophone and said  ”THIS IS MY WOMAN!!  Don’t ask her for sex or anything”

Aigoo… what should I do with my best friend?  lol   I m not asking for anything.  I’m not rushing.. I’m just confused because it’s like “come here… ”  and pushing away.     She said she is not pushing me away.   It feels like to me.   Help?   Any advices? Ideas?

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