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Thank you for any advice or opinions you can give me! I’m really just reaching out in hopes that I am not alone.
To start my story off, I was a very sexually aware child, and have been masturbating since I can remember. I developed a porn addiction-all sorts, at age 14, I am 18 now. I grew up in a conservative catholic home with boy crushes. However, when I was 15 I remember being turned on by girls undressing in the locker and dressing rooms. We only had one openly lesbian couple in my high school and I always knew something about me was intrigued and attracted to them. However, I was hopelessly in love with my male best friend for years-or so I thought? My first real kiss wasn’t until my senior year of high school with a different boy. Then this past summer I had my first real sexual relationship-also with a boy. However, I know I want to be with girls. I am not sure if I settle for boys for the sexual experiences. Or if I am just curious? I have now had several sexual encounters with men, most of which I am sexually satisfied with but I know I cannot keep a relationship with a boy to save my life. However, I can picture myself with both sexes when it comes to marriage but I usually masturbate thinking about girls. I am just feeling confused, a tad lost and to be honest a little bit scared-but I am not sure why. In my community, bisexuality is invalidated as an orientation and I feel I have to be either straight or gay. Not sure what to do or what to tell people. And then there is Pansexuality, which I know little about but that could be how I identify? Thanks again for anything that may help me out. Please be kind with your responses. (: