Sexual problem with a butch partner (more explanation in the post) and I need your advise

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I am a female, a bisexual, who was sexually harassed by a male stranger when I was 8, I was traumatized by that incident and feared guys until I was 19. I felt safe for a while since I went to all girls boarding school. i decided to embrace life and overcome my fear after high school. I had no problem sexually, with my first ex-bf, in fact he was the best, but we didn’t end up together because he was an asshole.

My last relationship with another and the last guy, was good. He was a gentleman, a nice guy but I could count how many times we had sex when we were together, it was starting to frustrate me, but somehow I put up with it. That wasn’t even the reason we weren’t together. We broke up in a good way coz he needed to move to another state in the east coast. He was the last guy I was together with until my current gf.

I used to have a gf back in university, she is a femme. Whenever we did it, I always took charge and she didn’t touch me at all – which I’m fine with, I consider myself as the dominant one and do not prefer to be touched. But that was way back in uni.

My current partner is a butch. She is perfect, she’s my type, cute, sexy and attractive in her own way and I fell in love with her at first sight. She is the first butch I’m together with. Problem is, sex in the beginning was fine, but eventually, it decreases. She always wants it and eventually I’m always, as she claims, rejecting her. BUT I really do love her wholeheartedly and there is no way I am rejecting her. I love my gf so much I’d die if I lose her.

Our relationship is perfect, except sexually. BUT I couldn’t find the reason why I refuse to make love to her. I mean we do it whenever I or WE BOTH WANT IT, (when I mention I WANT IT, means I want her to do me—which demand is gradually decreasing), but whenever SHE WANTS it (means she wants to do me without me wanting or thinking of it), I keep making excuses or even if we did it, I’d end up feeling nothing and it builds up, making me refuse sex at other times as well. Whenever I do her, she didn’t always experience climax. Only countable few times, and they were just minor ones. We fought about sex at the end. She said she never let her exes touched her before, but with me, she somehow compromised, and she gave the excuse she was still trying to understand her body ( in trying to achieve climax/ achieve orgasm) and on my part, I think it is she is supposed to feel that naturally.I feel like a failure and a disappointment for refusing to make love to her and satisfying her. That demotivates me.

Help me please figure out, is it caused by my infrequent sex with my ex bf (which became common to us)?,

or is it because of the harassment incident occured when I was a kid (which I had never gone for therapy regarding to this incident)?

Or is it because I have always been dominant ( but my butch partner doing me in the beginning of our relationship was fine)?

Is it because I’m always frustrated by failing to satisfy her?

Or is it because everything is always the same and it became too familiar to me?

Or is it just my libido?

I couldn’t figure out what is actually the root of the problem. She always made the effort to arouse me, but she always failed to. Instead, her effort made me feel ticklish and sensitive.She tried to do it with different position but I don’t fancy them. I once asked suggested using sex toys,dildo specifically but she once accused me of missing doing it with guys, which isn’t true. I didn’t suggest anything ever since and just not have it with her.

I don’t want to end up doing it with her because I pity her, but I don’t want to force myself either. Sex is supposed to happen naturally. I really need help. I love her so much; it breaks my heart to disappoint her. I need help in figuring out my problem and advise on how to make things change for the better!

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