New GF is best friends with ex…
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Hey everyone, I’m a 19 year old college student and I just started seeing someone new a bit over a month ago. I really like her a lot and I know that she likes me, but there’s an issue…her ex.
My GF is best friends with her ex. They talk every day, and her ex is still really dependent on her for emotional support, even though the ex has a boyfriend. They’ve been friends for about six years and have always had a really strong relationship. Her ex is like her fallback girl, whenever my GF isn’t with someone, she’s more or less with her ex. They never really stopped talking after they broke up, they just became friends and it’s as if there’s still lingering feeings between them and it’s making me really uncomfortable…I’ve been having to think of our relationship as polyamorous in order to soothe my jealousy. But sometimes, it just gets to be too much and I get really upset. I’m not really sure what I should do…she’s going to a concert with her and a bunch of her friends this weekend and her ex is going to be staying overnight with her, IN HER BED, for two nights. I’m not really scared of anything physical happening because I trust my GF to be physically faithful to me, but I still feel like that’s a lot of intimacy to share with someone, particularly an EX who still gets jealous of me…
I’m not really sure what to do about all of this. I talked to her about it last night and she felt really bad that I was feeling like this and asked if there was anything she could do, and I said she could stop talking about her all of the time, but I don’t know if that’ll make me feel much better at this point. I said having her ex stay over would be okay because it’s a week away and I’m honestly not sure how I’d feel about it yet. But overall, I don’t know what to do…I’m not sure if I should keep trying to figure it out or if it’s just going to get worse. She’s been really good to me otherwise- she’s always surprising me and she makes me feel good. It’s just this one thing that’s bogging it down. It makes it hard to wholly enjoy our relationship.
I’m not sure if I should stick it out or just walk away. I really don’t want to end it but I’m not sure if it’s the right thing to do. Please help.
PlanetSappho.com
Hey!
and our relationship was fine – the ex situation didn’t change much, but then neither did our trust for each other. Good luck!
What I think it comes down to is how much this emotional intimacy between your girlfriend and her ex is affecting your relationship. You said you trust her to be physically faithful, but obviously that’s not enough (and reasonably so!) otherwise you wouldn’t be making this post.
You can’t prevent their friendship/whatever, they’re gonna be close because of their history. Again, it depends mainly on how you feel about them being close. I don’t there’s a right or wrong thing to do – I know it’s weird, I’ve been there. It doesn’t feel great to have someone like that around your girlfriend, and it’s unlikely that she’ll disappear. I basically weighed up how much I liked my girlfriend versus how little I liked worrying, and eventually decided she was worth it
Hm that is a tough one. I have to say it is odd that she would be sleeping with her ex in the same bed. Then again, I tend to more jealous and sensitive than others…I think you have to be very realistic about whether you are affected by it. There can be a tendency to say that it is fine, when it isn’t. You are already doing the right thing by voicing your concerns, which inherently will make your GF more sensitive and aware in the future anyways.
However, if you really care about your GF and want a long term relationship, asking her to never talk to her ex is not going to work. I think all you have to do is feel it out, and if it gets too much after another few months (as in 6 months…you guys have been dating for only one month!) then you got to go. Life is too short to “share” your GF with someone she may be still in love with. I am not saying that is the case, but a GF truly in love with you would out of consideration and love for you would not talk to her ex a lot, especially if she knew it upset you.