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Ok. So I have a little bit of a problem which may seem daft but I’ve never been good at relationships and dating. So I would appreciate your advice.
I have a major crush on one of my best friends.
She’s a lesbian (she recently realised that bisexual just wasn’t what she was happy with) and is looking for a girl for a relationship. She goes out to a lot of LGBT events and club events and all sorts, she likes a good drink and is generally shy of flirting without one, but very flirty when she has one!
So here’s my problemâ€¦ I’ve thought she was gorgeous since we met in the first year of uni, it’s why I first got chatting to her. However at the time I didn’t really think too much of it, I was in a long-term relationship with a guy and didn’t expect that to change. But we struck up a really good friendship and spent a lot of time going to societies in first year and gathering a great group of friends around us. All great.
My relationship with the guy broke down in quite an unpleasant manner at the beginning of 2nd year leaving me in pieces. During this time, I also hadn’t spent as much time with my friends, the girl included. It took me awhile to gather myself back together. But when I did, I realised how much I feel for my friend and I would like to take it further.
The problem is – and it may seem very silly – I don’t want her to think this is some kind of rebound relationship or me using her to make ex-boyfriend shocked/jealous. It’s been awhile since the break up and I would never treat someone like that, but I know she’s faced a lot of women who have exploited her bisexuality/lesbianism for getting at guys. I don’t want to be seen as that at all!
It doesn’t help that as far as she knows I’m straight. I’ve never said as much because no-one ever directly asked me but the boyfriend implied it and in truth I’ve never had a girlfriend. Really, I’ve never deeply considered what I am sexually. I fall in love with individuals, especially wonderful personalities, not genders. Most of them have been guys but that just always felt like coincidence to me. I’ve never worried about things either way. Now, however, it feels like an issue.
So what do I do? Are there ways of appearing genuine to a lesbian that I’m just not seeing? I’m terrible at relationships and flirting generally but thisâ€¦ I really don’t want to mess it up. I long to get close to her and let her know how beautiful she is, because I don’t think she’s been told that nearly enough.
I should also mention that she goes for a slightly more masculine look in general and I know I always dress stupidly girly. I don’t know if this is an issue or not. I wonder if dressing and acting more relaxed might help or if it would reinforce the ‘friend’ over the ‘lover’. She’s never flirted with me and I don’t know whether that is because of perceived ‘straightness’ or that she’s not interested.
Pleaseâ€¦ adviceâ€¦ it would be wonderful! This is all so new to me. : )