confusing cliche!
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Ok, So this is new to me…and probably pretty cliche.
So.. im 23, confused, and I think pretty infatuated with one of my closest friends. We have become very close in the past year and a half. We cuddle and joke, and flirt but I believe her to be straight. (she has had long term relationships with blokes!) every now and then though, probably because of flirting i get the feeling shes not being 100% honest either, my only issue is i cant take the risk on our friendship. Since i have known her we have both got with other people (she believes me to be straight(as does everyone else i know!) She has only been with one guy, which was completely random, and she keeps being weird when i ask about him, yet shes completely out right with other friends. I know its pointless and that I need to stop trying to hope that she likes me as more than a friend.
I need to try and get over her, without breaking up the friendship or backing away, we are in a group of friends who all see each other alot. I have tried not contacting as much, blaming it on the job. But i cant seem to shake it. I have been feeling like this for over a year now. Im guessing this isn’t a phase as i have been thinking about women for a while, but Im not ready for everyone to know and not sure if i ever will be.
Any help, or advise would be appreciated.
PlanetSappho.com
All down to how you’re feeling. If you don’t with to tell anyone then just keep it to yourself, although if you wish to talk to someone maybe you should tell someone close that you know won’t judge you for your sexuality. and maybe you should ease off talking to her if you want to get over her. However, do this slowly as you may have the problem of her thinking you’re avoiding her.
I dont think its a phase. And trust me people don’t flirt just because, there’s always something behind that. If you really care about this girl you should just come up front and be honest and tell her how you feel. Whats the worst that can happen. It doesn’t seem like your feelings are going away any time soon. So might as well and do something about it. If she feels the same way and is afraid. You might need to make the first move.
Regarding your sexuality. just think would you rather date or have a relationship with a man or a women or both. For example I find some guys to be handsome but I would never date them because i’m a lesbian. You see my point. Good luck
I actually am not sure that you should tell her your feelings right now. You don’t want to jeopardize your friendship. It would be devastating for you to tell her and deal with her negative reaction on top of you questioning your sexuality.
I would get clues first. Bring up gay topics. See her reaction. If she doesn’t react well, distance yourself. If she does, then maybe take it a little further.
I am in a similar situation as you. I am not 100% sure about my sexuality, although I am more certain I am gay. But I came out and told my friend my feelings at the same time– and it didn’t go well. It ended up being a double blow.
My point is, protect yourself. Be proud of who you are, and acknowledge your feelings without shame, but move slowly.
I don’t understand why you “know it’s pointless”. Five minutes reading this website should prove pretty thoroughly that having dated guys hardly means she’ll never date a girl.
I’m not sure that telling her has to be such a bombshell. Imagine telling her:
“Hey, you can take this as seriously or as not-seriously as you want to, but I just want you to know – if you ever want to try dating a girl, I’m first in line.”
Then, if she wants to, she can take it as hypothetical if-we-were-gay chat that doesn’t really have to mean anything. And if you do need to stop crushing on her, it might be easier once you’ve made a real try.