Lost and Confused

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Hello. I have found myself recently in a bit of a pickle. I’m worried, confused, and not entirely sure what course of action I should take. (I apologize if the post becomes lengthy).

A bit of background information. I’m bisexual (a few years into college) and I want to start an intimate relationship with my lesbian friend (who after 2 more years will likely go back to Malaysia which is her home country). Distance doesn’t matter to me though.

Her short hair is softer than down and her skin is silky smooth and taunt. Her almond shaped eyes are deep chocolate brown almost black and I could drown in them. She has a small button nose that’s adorable and lips not quite full that entrance me. They swear like a sailor and yet are feminine. Her neck is absolutely divine and her chest is small, but fits perfectly with her muscular butch body. Her lovely flat stomach and curved bottom will be the death of me. Her hips are smooth and her legs are strong, right down to her dainty feet. She has tattoos galore and by god she is beautiful. She is brash and bold, and has an amazing heart. Though tough, she takes care of her friends. She’s confident and friendly and wonderful. When she hugs me I feel my pulse increase to embarrassing levels. From only a hug.. Not only is she a fantastic friend but I am sexual attracted to her as well. I fantasize about her.. I want to take care of her, cuddle with her, fall asleep with her in my arms..

Alas my problem. I don’t want to ruin a friendship with her because she means too much to me to screw it up. I don’t think I’m her type though and I highly doubt she sees me as more than a friend. But I can’t help myself. Just looking at her drives me wild. Sitting next to her makes my heart ache. And I know she has a really close internet friend whom she jokingly calls her wife.

Should I ignore my feelings altogether and pretend I don’t have them? Should I keeps my feelings secret and be content with my fantasies? (not always sexual, but falling asleep or holding hands together) There’s no harm in a fantasy right… Or should I try to make her see me as more than a friend? (which would be lovely) and how would I go about making myself a romantic interest for her? Or am I just hopeless?

And advice would be lovely and I apologize for the length.

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