Me and my problems. My goodness…

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I am severely in love with my girlfriend. It’s been seven months as of January 24th, but by the time this is published, it will have been eight.

I have a little problem. D, my one friend that I was undyingly in love with before she. Has literally kicked me out of her life for no particular reason. It hurts to think about it. Because I knew I lost someone that I really trusted. I was playing a little game with her. I was teasing her. But I wasn’t doing it in a mean way. I was being playful. I wasn’t exactly that exclusive with my girlfriend at the time. And we would playfully banter at each other in suggestive words. Though I didn’t take it as far as she did. And when I started to feel a little uncomfortable with her honesty, she would pull back and stop talking to me. And that hurt. A little after my last post here on this site(before it was published), she cut me out completely. I didn’t realize until I went online to greet her like I normally did before I went to school. And for last year to be very hectic and I wish I could undo some of the things that had happened. I really do not want to deal with her anymore, but I wish I had some explanation as to why she cut me out like that. Did she do it because she was expecting me to drop my girlfriend for her?

Also, as I have mentioned in the beginning, I really love my girlfriend and I would do anything for her. You see she had told me things and told me that she was very comfortable with me. And I feel the same around her. I am such a shy person that I have a hard time getting close to people. (I personally thank D for crippling me like that.) I really want to do the things we say we’d do to each other. She is quite shy as well. And both of us really like cuddling. Yet somehow our ex friends made us unable to touch each other. The other day I was finally able to touch her hands. But rubbing lotion into them. I was enjoying the skin to skin contact. OH! And I must add that I had bought us a pair of jade rings. She really loves it and never takes it off. Nor do I. And it is cute how she is too afraid to lose it. I adore her so much. Ahhh, it’s too painful to think if we ever ended this relationship.

Anyways, I need some tips or advice on getting closer to her. Like physical wise. I really want to feel that close to her. We fool around on messengers and sext. But that’s about it. I have dreams of making out with her and actually having sex. And it is weird how I know her reactions and what she looks like underneath her clothes. And I feel so awkward around her, because I do not know if she actually understands what I am feeling… I am strongly sexually attracted to her, and I am starting to lose my mind. Like no joke… She said that sometimes she is a little disappointed that we never do anything.

I’d appreciate it if someone were to help me out…