Lesbian tendencies but in long marriage with kids (one gay)
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Hi!
My teen daughter recently came out and is in a loving relationship with some one older. We are fully supportive and love her girlfriend. However, seeing their relationship has made me start to recognize (and admit to myself) that I have lesbian tendencies too. I have always loved checking other women out, but put it down “but women do that, don’t they?”. I really appreciate a nice body on another woman and have often wondered what it would be like to have a body like that. Now though, my daughter and her girlfriend (her girlfriend mostly) talk to me about lesbian sex and how good it is. I find myself getting excited and have started watching lesbian porn and wondering what it would be like to be with another woman. I also figured out – for the first time – how to please myself although I used to be “grossed out” by this and have been mastrubating during and after watching the lesbian porn.
I have been married for over 20 years, am overweight (but decent looking) and have 3 kids. The sex is infrequent (my choice) and “boring”. I have not been happy for many years and we are coasting along for the kids. How do I proceed? I would like to find out if I really am attracted to other woman (other than just appreciating them). I know discovering who you are later in life is not easy, but better late than never. I too want a chance to be happy. HELP! How do I go about finding out who I really am, or if this is all there is for me (the life I am living now…..)
PlanetSappho.com
I don’t think I am old enough to give you an advice. But I do know other websites/ forum online that do have people who have gone through this stage.
However, even though I am still young, I think you are making a right decision of finding out who you are. It doesn’t mean that you’ll end up leaving your husband or anything like that. Discovering yourself will give you a true sense of who you are. Its one of the most rewarding and painful thing in the world. But be brave, you deserved to know who you are. And it’s not like a weightloss plan. It’s a lifelong journey.
You have a wealth of information at your fingertips. Research wisely. Whatever decision you choose for yourself in the end, you must always take everything under consideration to avoid doing anything reckless.
Best of luck, my friend!
I am glad you are taking the time to learn about yourself. This isn’t just a sexuality thing. This is everything about you!
>>> another heterosexual wife bored with her life <<<
@salty I am going to hell for laughing at your comment.
@salty……how wrong you are…….I am not bored – I am miserable and have been for many years. I am just realizing now that there may be reasons other than choosing the wrong MAN to spend my life with.
Just because I have avoided seeing myself clearly in the past is no reason to fob me off. Not everyone is as clear cut about who they are. There are also many other factors that influence our decisions……societal, familial, and what is “expected”.
Your comment is insensitive at best. Thanks for making me feel so comfortable about sharing and trying to finally find some peace,and happiness for myself…..NOT.
You want sensitivity? You post at a lesbian site talking about “lesbian tendencies” and “lesbian sex”. Lesbians have sex not “lesbian sex”. Heterosexuals attach the word – lesbian – to anything that females do together. And if a woman dates or has sex with a woman she is referred to as a lesbian which she does not have to be. What does “lesbian tendencies” mean? That sounds like something that would apply to heterosexual women who think about women for five minutes that they are not thinking about men. Now that you give a thought about women that is “lesbian”?
To me you don’t seem to be attracted to women. Thinking a woman has a nice body is not the same thing as being sexually attracted to the woman. Perhaps after seeing your daughter in a romantic relationship with a female you think you can get that with another woman. But you seem to be only interested in having sex with a woman and not a relationship with a woman. Watching porn and listening to your daughter and her girlfriend talk about how good sex is (not “lesbian sex”) with a woman you dared to masturbate. But pleasuring yourself does not mean that you would like to be touched by another woman. Just because you didn’t throw up when watching female-female porn does not mean that you are interested in women sexually. Why do you talk about sex with your teenage daughter and her girlfriend?
You are the one who wrote that sex with your husband is “boring”. Bored because you are not interested in your husband anymore so you maybe want to try something different. Why write to a lesbian site? Why not try another man? Why not get with another heterosexual female friend who also wonders what sex would be like with a woman?
It’s not my job to make you feel comfortable. I am a lesbian. I do not have “lesbian tendencies”. I do not have “lesbian sex”. Since I’m only interested in women, and do not do men, I don’t need to attach the word lesbian to make it clear what gender I had sex with. And I am interested in more than sex with a woman I am attracted to.
So you picked the wrong man. There are plenty more out there.
Salty is a bit opinionated there, but definitely has a point. However, it’s ignorant to judge someone else and their struggles based solely on the information you’ve shared here. Personally, I can only tell you to dig deep and don’t be afraid to find things out about yourself. Think about what you really want, what your highest goals are, and what kind of person you are by having these goals and desires. I sure as hell can’t help you figure out your sexual orientation, but I can tell you thinking deeply about yourself as a person is what worked for me (as far as discovering things about yourself). Don’t be afraid, and don’t lie to yourself. Best wishes, good luck.
SilverLight, you just gave your opinion didn’t you? People post give a little information and expect opinions based on that information. I gave my opinion. Just because she didn’t like my reply it is still my opinion. It did not alter her life. Maybe she expected all replies would be that she should try to find a woman to have sex with. Well, of course she can do that but I don’t really believe that she is sexually attracted to women if she has to put so much thought into it and only now that her daughter is with a woman. Some woman behave as though their sexuality is a game ……..
Salty, “Opinionated” is not the same thing as “opinion”. I meant your opinion came off as a bit strong and not willing to bend or see things differently. Nothing wrong with you having an opinion. Moving past that, I do agree with a lot of what you said, but you as a single human being cannot know what it’s like to be someone else. That’s just how things are. I, for one, unconsciously forced myself to believe I was asexual for 17 years of my life. Only recently, and through a significant amount of thought, have I discovered that I’m actually homosexual. Things are not so simple as they seem. She may be just having a weird faze, brought on by shallow thoughts and impulses, but she may also really have something to discover about herself. I like to keep my mind open to possibilities. Though your approach can be useful, as well.