Advice Needed on Saving Relationship
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Hi, I’m a 29 year old lesbian, my partner is 28. We’ve been together for 5 years, and lived together for 4.
About two years ago, she pulled her back in a work-related injury, and still has chronic flare-ups of stiffness and pain in it and her hips. I’ve urged her to see a chiropractor, but she’s resistant and our insurance won’t cover most chiropractic services. But since then, I guess I became emphatic to her injury, because it made sex difficult and our sex life tapered off. I’ve tried rekindling it a few times, but it only lasts a week or two before tapering off again.
I should also add that I’m currently in the closet with my parents. I had come out when I was 19 and still living with them, only to have them send me to a therapist to ‘fix’ me on the threat of it or be kicked out of their home. As my job at the time was only paying 6.50 an hour, I did the therapy and pretended to get better. I think this has also put a strain on the relationship.
Recently though, about 3 months ago she proposed the idea of an ‘open’ relationship because she was interested in another girl, who she works with. I initially was okay with the idea, but the more I thought about it the more I realized I was becoming insanely jealous and resentful towards this other person, and within two days of okaying it I backed out. I asked for her to try to work on our relationship first, before she attempted anything like that. There’s been some improvement, but last night she brought the idea up again because as she put it ‘the feelings won’t go away’. We had a huge argument and I went to bed crying.
What should I do? Is there any hope of saving this?
PlanetSappho.com
wow that sounds really hard, just an idea, maybe you should treat her a bit, try to save it by making her feel really special, otherwise its hard to tell you this but is she let someone else into her heart she probaly let you out of her heart
If her injury is the cause for lack of sexual activity with you then why does she want to start a new relationship with someone else? Will her injury be less painful? It seems more like she has lost interest in you. You two live together so you are not just dating. I think it is time to split up and for you to find someone who really wants to be with you.
I have to agree with Salty here. Hard to face the truth here. I personally cannot be in an open relationship. This is a very very hard thing to go through. I wish you the best of luck.
I also agree with Salty and luck, if she was really into you and still loved you the same way she wouldn’t be asking you that, besides it is possible that she is using the pain to run from you, in a more comprehensible way and like that. When I start dating someone, for real, and in you case to live with that person I commit for that relationship and if I feel like I want to be with others maybe I don’t love my GF that much, when you love and care I don’t believe that you want to go for openings or to see the other person being hurted…
I agree with what the others said. While sex isn’t the most important thing in a relationship, it is still important. I was in a relationship where the sex dropped off and then I found out she was cheating. For 4 years we were back and forth until I finally cut loose from her and found the real love of my life! (which I never believed I could do at the time)
Don’t sell yourself short and stay with her. You deserve better than someone who wants to date other people, and has no interest in pleasing you. Sounds like she’s moved on. You should too.