CousinLove

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Okay my name is Jen & I have nowhere else to turn, I’m hoping by the time I get some advice I’ll be in a better place and hopefully over this whole ordeal. I want to get this off my chest because my heart is in two. I won’t mind the cruel comments about my sitch because I know everyone who reads this will have their own opinions and that’s to be expected. But please, be kind.

I  have pretty much come to terms that I’m bisexual and  I have been in a closet relationship with my (first) cousin for the past 2.5-3yrs. Most of my family knows about my sexuality, but no one really knows about this ‘closet relationship’. I’m 29 and she’s 25 and It’s been a very passionate and intimate relationship; both serving as each other’s 1st girl relationship. We would make the time to see each other as often as we could and we would do practically everything together. However, because of the distance, (Nor CA-AZ) we weren’t together all time but we still would make it appoint to keep the relationship close (i.e. text all the time, talk on the phone, IM, etc.) we both told each other I love you, and made it exclusive that either of us weren’t seeing anyone else.

In the middle of last year I got a little more comfortable with my sexuality and sought out attention from other girls. Come to find out, it was nothing but senseless games and wasted time. While leaving Brenda on the back burner, I sorta pushed myself away from her. I communicated very indirectly and she’s somewhat moved on and is finding attention from other girls too.

On a recent trip out to CA, I found out that she’s sorta moved on with another girl,….a girl who’s married (possibly divorcing) and has a child. I tried talking to her while I was there, I apologized like crazy, cried, but she didn’t give me a whole lot of closure besides telling me “I thought you were over me”. I asked her if she was over me, she said no, but now I’m with someone and it’s all messed up. From what I can tell, this girl is a split image of me; from what Bren has told me- she reminds me so much of you. Even while I was there, I met her and she told me the same thing- Bren says that I remind her  so much of you!  I’m so glad I do. (ugh)

Come to find out, the married girl broke things off with her about a week ago. I know that she’s pretty down about it; and I’ve been trying real hard to stay in touch with her, trying to help her keep her mind off of what’s happening. I’ve offered advice to her, but she’s told me that she flat out- she’s too hard-headed & doesn’t really want to hear it at the moment. I wish I could fix things, but I’m not going to continue to even try to be there when she doesn’t really acknowledge fixing things with me. She’s too occupied with hurt over this married girl.

My problem is – I feel like what we had was soo ridiculously special that I don’t care what people will think and say, I just want to be with her, I love her soo much. Yet,  I realize the situation, I see that obviously she’s upset and cryin over this girl, she’s ‘moved on’ to some extent that I just need to take this as an opportunity to move-on and stop wasting my time. Any advice is welcomed.

Sincerely Confused.

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