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I have fallen head over heels for one of my best friends. I am 15 years old, she is about 4 months older than me. We have been friends for about 3 years and I’ve had a crush on her for at least a year and a half now. I’ve been trying to get over it because she’s straight and she doesn’t even know that I’m bi, but my feelings are getting stronger rather than weaker.
She always cuddles up to me, the same way that couples would cuddle, while we watch movies with friends. It always makes me feel really special, like maybe she’s not straight and we could get somewhere. But then I’ll stop cuddling her to go and get a drink or something, and when I get back she’ll be cuddling another friend the same way she’d been cuddling me. I always feel very jealous when this happens, and it also makes me realise that she’s being friendly with her cuddles, not loving.
She also flirts with me a lot as a joke, and I flirt back, but she doesn’t realise how much it actually hurts me, because it gives me false hope every single time.
She will also often tell me that she loves me, but then she’ll add, “Only as a friend of course,” and laugh about the notion of the love being anything other than a friendship.
I’ve been putting up with that for a very long time now, but she has recently got a boyfriend called Will and she won’t stop talking about him. The other day she leaned on my shoulder before getting up again and saying, “You’re not as comfy as Will.” Whenever she talks about him she gets all starry eyed and dreamy, and it always kills me inside but I have to put on a fake smile for her.
She also wants to set me up on a date with one of Will’s guy friends. I just wish she would stop talking about her relationship with Will, and my potential relationship with some other guy, because the only relationship I’m interested in is an impossible relationship between me and her.
I’m just not sure what to do, any advice would be greatly appreciated. Please help me, thank you.