Should I Tell Her How I Feel? Or Keep My Mouth Shut?

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Hey there everyone,

Let me start out by introducing myself…I’m a college student in my early twenties, part-time mall cop…oh, and unwilling slave to unrequited love since my senior year in high school. I didn’t just fall head-over sneakers for this young lady….I fell and tripped into the Grand Canyon.

It was far from being one of those “love at first sight” deals however. She was/is a cheery, outgoing girl who said what was on her mind, even if it didn’t make any sense. I, however…was not. I was (still am) a socially awkward person who pretty much keeps to herself. I was able to chat and make friends of course. Social situations were just never my strong point though…

Anyway, her personality…I found it to be rather annoying at first, so I didn’t really talk to her unless we ended up in a group together. BUT, one day, she introduced herself to me before class started, stating she wanted to get to know me better. I was reluctant, but agreed to it.

Long story short: HUGE friendship began that day, and proved to me that first impressions can be dead wrong.

Now, a few years later, she starts an online romance with a girl who would later become her first girlfriend (and first long-term relationship). By this point in time, I’m already at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. Obviously, I’m heartbroken, but I tell her I’m happy for her.

Still….mixed signals start to arise. At some point in time, I did something stupid (can’t quite recall what it was), and she muttered something along the lines of “…this is why I won’t date you.” It was more to herself than anything, so I chose not to comment. Then, at another time, while we were lounging around her house, she just randomly tells me how much she loves how calm and collected I could be. This time, I tried to comment, but ended up getting tongue-tied…yap shut again.

Basically, she’s made quite a number of comments saying that she would date me, but at the same time…refuses.

Here’s the kicker: a couple years back she moved to a different state to be with her girlfriend.

At this point I’ve basically given up, and just stopped contacting her. I tried to focus on nursing my heart back to health, tried dating a few other ladies. Still, not a day went by that I didn’t think of that girl. 24/7 she was on my mind and in my heart. Safe to say, it slowly but surely killed my love life.

I spiraled into depression over a girl whom I haven’t even seen in two years.

Then, out of the blue, said girl calls me….I didn’t even know how she found my new number until my cousin called to tell me that she gave it to her.

I considered hanging up, but she was crying so much. She told me about how awful her life had been going down, and that all she and her girlfriend do is argue. I tried to comfort her, and told her that she and her girlfriend could work through this, and that she could always come back here if anything goes wrong….and that she could always call me just to chat or talk about issues (I’m stupid).

So….now she calls every night, when she’s outside buying groceries and her girlfriend (who hates me) isn’t within earshot. And honestly?….I feel like I jumped right back to square one.

Please help me. It was hard enough NOT talking to her, and now that we’re talking AGAIN…I feel as if I should say something. At the same time, I just don’t want to make things awkward between us. It’s that side of me that fears for our friendship that ends up shutting down any attempts at a confession.

Should I tell her? Or keep it to myself?

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