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I don’t know what to do
September 1st, 2010I’ve always known I was different (sexuality-wise) but I only really accepted it maybe 4 years ago. I’m 17 and I’ve been in love with one of my friends for a year and a half. I cherish our friendship so much; I have never even mentioned how I feel about her because I couldn’t stand to have our friendship get weird. When I’m with her, all I want to do is stare at her and touch her. She has never said that she is anything but straight, but I feel a deep connection with her. We make each other laugh and just having her with me makes me feel so great about myself, like there is an amazing girl who wants to be with me. She doesn’t like to give too much attention to people, but ever since we started talking two years ago, I’ve noticed she pays special attention to me. At parties she is usually sitting by me or watching me from across the room. She also isn’t much of a touchy person (neither am I) but when we are talking, she always seems to touch my shoulder or leg, even when it’s completely unnecessary. Being so self-conscious of my sexuality has kind of messed me up a bit, (I’ve never been in a relationship) so whenever she touches me I go completely frozen and I can’t form a sentence and I get all weird, then I usually try and get away from her because I’m so nervous. I’ve noticed that she really likes when I drink, she encourages me to get drunk with her, I think it’s because I am more calm, I can remember us hugging for a really long time when I was drunk with her once, (something I wouldn’t do sober). We have a lot of sleepovers, (I love waking up next to her) and I’m afraid that if I tell her, I will never get to experience that again. I have tried to get over her many times, but I can’t do it. She has been such a big part of my life and my thoughts for so long, that I feel empty without her, even though we haven’t even done anything. I keep waiting for her to make the first move so I can safely tell her how I feel without being the one to risk our friendship. The last crush I had lasted 3 years, until I met my current love. I’m afraid that if she never makes a move, I will never give up on it and last years waiting for her. My family is also holding me back from coming out. Homosexuality is becoming a lot more prominent in today’s society, and whenever my mother is exposed to it she is completely disgusted. I’ve also heard my dad say horrible things about Ellen DeGeneres, and all he knows about her is that she is a lesbian. Finally, my grandmother (lives in my basement) all of a sudden has a huge issue with one of my cousins who recently came out. She never had one bad thing to say about my cousin until now. I know my family would tell me that they support me, but I know how they really feel about it, and I don’t want to live knowing that they are disgusted with who I am. I have never told any of my friends or anyone for that matter about how I feel, it’s becoming a huge problem for me lately because I’m feeling lonely and I just want someone in my life who knows who I really am and loves me for it.
What I am asking, is: Am I imagining all this chemistry I have with my friend? What is the best thing for me to do concerning coming out to my family? Any Advice?
I know this is a lot to absorb… I have never written down what I am feeling before so I had a lot to say. I greatly appreciate anyone who takes the time to try and help me.
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Help
August 31st, 2010I am in trouble.
I had my first relationship with a girl when I was 15. She was my first love, and I felt way too scared to let anyone know about it. We lived in a small town, and everyone was very homophobic, and you know how high school is. She dumped me for another girl but still tortured me for another two years, calling me when she was drunk, saying she missed me, she loved me, she wasn’t happy with her current girl etc.
I ended up going out with one of her male friends just for convenience and got pregnant at 17. He was abusive and controlling and kept me prisoner for 3 years until I called the police on him. However, I seem to keep thinking I am bisexual, only to go out with a man until I get pregnant, and then I don’t want the man anymore. I am no longer attracted to him, I am annoyed by everything he does, and I think about girls all the time, where before I am pregnant, I seem to want the man and love them. I love children so much, but this seems like some psychological need for children that is overriding my courage to be a lesbian and be happy. I am now pregnant with my third child in the same pattern, meet the guy, love the guy, get pregnant, find the guy grotesque and unattractive and want to date girls again. I have only had that one girlfriend all this time, but I have had some experiences with other girls (only kissing/ making out) and have loved every minute of it).
Would any girl want to date a girl with 3 children who claims they are a lesbian, or will they not believe it? I don’t know what psychologically has caused me to do this, but could it be solved by getting my tubes tied or something, so that I can’t anymore? And what about these men that I had good intentions with but apparently was just using ? Should I abort this one, and just try and be a lesbian and not want more kids? I am so torn I have no idea what to do, or why I can’t just settle and love and marry a guy…
I am now 23 years old and about to have three girls by three different fathers, none of whom I loved anymore shortly after getting pregnant. I am so attracted to women that I am sure I am a lesbian. Why has this happened? Has this happened to other lesbians? Is it simply fear of coming out, or biological need for children, or what is wrong with me? Should I abort my baby? Is it wrong to keep this one if I will not be with the father (I have tried and I just can’t, it’s like lying to him and me, and it’s damaging for me to have sex just because I feel like he is expecting it, not because I want to).
Please help me!
I can’t figure this out
August 31st, 2010Hey,
I’m really confused at the moment; I would like to get someone else’s advice.
So all this started a few months ago, I started having feelings for my best friend and I tried to just shake them off but as they got worse I realised that I can’t ignore them any more and I needed to accept them. So now I know that I’m a lesbian because I’m sexually attracted to other women but I still think guys are hot, when I see a good looking guy I feel really excited and drawn to him, I sometimes go as red as a tomato but I always get way to shy for anything to happen. This is another thing that confuses me. Am I lesbian or bisexual? I have never had sex with either gender so I might just be curious about men.
Well back to the story, I have talked to my best friend about being a lesbian and turns out she’s thinks she is a lesbian as well but here’s the problem. I have never actually wanted to take this relationship any further. When I see other women I can imagine myself with them but when it comes to my best friend it just grosses me out.
She suffers from depression and when we are hanging out we both have heaps of fun but when I have been with her for too long in one day or I saw her the day before and she was in a depressive mood, I get really angry at her and need to be anywhere else as long as I’m not with her. She is very clingy; I’m always the one that has to say bye on the phone. Plus I always go to her house because if she comes to mine, she will never leave. She can spend all day every day with me but I can’t with her. We did go to Coffs harbour together for 4 days and I did enjoy that but at the end I wanted to go home and she didn’t. The weeks after that trip I made sure that I didn’t see her that much and I felt so much better having space from her.
When she isn’t with me or hasn’t talked to me for a few days she’s gets really depressed and then I feel guilty. I can’t stand it anymore, I know this makes me sound like a horrible friend but I think there’s only so much you can give a person. I have been friends with her for 2 years and she has been depressed for all of the friendship. At the start I didn’t mind at all her telling me all her problems and just listening but as a year went on the issues where still the same and I have had enough, plus the issue of being a lesbian didn’t make dealing with this any easier. She is the only person I have been able to tell everything, can I find someone else like that? I still want to be friends with her and help her through the depression; I know that if I end the friendship she will probably kill herself (she has attempted it before). I f I could get rid of those thoughts about her and pursue other women that would be awesome but I don’t think that’s possible.
So my main question is, do I keep her as my best friend and find a girlfriend or boyfriend? Or Am I just in denial about my feelings for her and I should try and have a relationship with her? I don’t know what to do; I can’t make sense of what I really want.
Thanks for reading this, I really appreciate it
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Gay best friend
August 28th, 2010Hi,
I am straight, and I have a lesbian best friend. I know her for five years, and she was struggling with her sexuality until now. She wanted to date men and settle and be married. I tried helping her to be more girlie so men can be attracted to her. Don’t get me wrong I didn’t change her she wanted me to help her. She signed up on those dating web sites and went on a few dates. Trust me I am straight, and I had no luck either with those dating web sites. She ended up with some pretty assholes. Anyways let’s get to the point.
Before we became best friends she had a relationship with this woman. The woman ended up hurting her. I am guessing this was 10 years ago (long time). I am an Asian woman and so is my best friend. We did everything together and even slept in the same bed just like sisters. No, I swear we never did it. We never crossed that line. I love her to death and don’t want to lose her. If you see us you might think we are gay. We just have that bond that I can’t describe.
So the old girlfriend shows up of course talking and getting close again. Oh by the way, I used to live with my best friend and I finally moved out because I wanted to be close to work and happenings. My best friend lives in the suburbs. When I moved out my best friend used to stay with me in my apartment since my apt was a closer commute to her work as well. I stayed with my sister in Long Island for almost a month. I texted her and asked her to pack up her clothes and stay with me. She said I can’t. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She explained to me that if she is planning to be in the relationship with a woman she is no longer staying with me because her girlfriend who used to be ex-girlfriend doesn’t want her to stay with anyone over night.
Please explain this to me because I would think the girlfriend is controlling and also insecure about our relationship. I am devastated and sad and balling my eyes out. I haven’t slept for days because now I miss her, and everything else has been arranged around her new girlfriend. She already told me that I sounded needy and don’t bring her to a point where she has to choose. Now I am in a dilemma that I can’t say anything because I might lose the friendship. I cherish this friendship dearly. She tells me no one can come between us, but wait a minute she is already pushing someone between us. I want our friendship to be same as before. She said everything is the same between us except I can’t stay with you.
Please make me understand because I don’t understand it.
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Am I a lesbian?
August 27th, 2010Hi,
I was wondering if you could help me find my self, because you already know you’re a lesbian, and therefore might be able to help me. Ever since I can remember I have been in awe of girls and found them attractive to some degree, and when I was 10 I even kissed one of my friends when we were messing around in her room. Soon after that, I started dreaming of kissing girls, and since then, I have had many erotic dreams about girls, and although I am only 14, I am questioning my sexuality. I think some guys are cute, although the thought of a penis, both circumcised and uncircumcised, make me feel ill. I love the thought of vaginas and breasts and love the thought of women. Where I live, almost everyone is straight, and my family expects me to be too. I would never date a girl, because I would be too scared about what people would think. I don’t know many guys that I think are cute, yet I know many girls who I find beautiful and would happily kiss. One time when I when I was sleeping at my best friend’s house, I saw her vagina by accident, and ever since I have had erotic dreams about her, and when she had a boyfriend, I was jealous of him taking away her attention. I was at my other best friend’s house and we were home alone playing operation (the board game), and I really felt like kissing her. I also felt the same feeling when I was sleeping at her house, and her PJ’s turned me on so much. I always used to think she was kinda pretty, but now I think she’s hot, sexy, beautiful, etc… Also, I find random women in the street hot, yet rarely find random men attractive. Is this just a stage or am I a lesbian or bi? Please help I’m so confused!
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My Problem
August 26th, 2010I’m new here and was delighted to find a community like this, anyways lately I’ve been rather confused, and wanted input from people I can actually tell haha.
I have always had the same three friends since pre-school/ kindergarten and they’ve always been the best friends anyone could ask for. Though two years ago I had fell in love with one of them, we were both very sadistic and masochistic, but she was terribly bipolar and started treating me like I was nothing to her, after the first year and having to apologize once before.
It was almost like I was someone to knock around on the side but then she was flirting with this other girl, (even though she told me explicitly that she can’t even see her self in a real relationship, and she planned to never have sex.) She also told me she liked her over the summer when I didn’t see her.
Well now I don’t talk to her anymore, and I finally got out of that-for the most part. I still love her but now she just seems to be like any other d-bag you can find these days, it broke my heart.
I still have my other two best friends however, and it’s been about a year and a half since I talked to her. But now my dilemma is my mind is starting to give me feelings for my other friend. I’ve always admired her, we hang out all the time-and she knows me more than my first ‘best friend’. However she is straight, and it’s one of those scenarios that seem so ridiculous you have to laugh at how absurd the thought is. I can’t seem to shake these feelings though, sometimes I feel like she’s being comforting to me, and we do jokingly flirt, but that’s just what friends do and I know she is probably as straight as ever. Though she doesn’t dress very girly and she’s never liked any boys, other than commenting on K-Pop band singers and various actors. To make things worse her parents are very traditional Koreans, and for anyone who knows hard up Asian parents…well being gay/lesbian/etc is probably considered a disgrace in a lot of cases.
I really don’t know what to do, I keep telling myself to ignore it because it’s an impossible scenario, and part of me doesn’t like it. But what if I can’t ever shake these feelings? I don’t plan on abandoning my friends ever, so do I just go on feeling awkward around her?
Since I’m homo-romantic, it isn’t as hard I suppose, but I don’t know how to tell her without making things awkward. Especially if I’d like a hug, since I never ever hug anyone, it would probably give it away.
What would you guys do?
Regards, Cori.
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How do I tell my mother?
August 25th, 2010Hey,
I’m a lesbian and have been for years now (3 years). I am only 15 and I know that is young but I am sooo sure that I am lesbian and not just ‘curious’ or ‘going through a phase’. Now all of my friends know about my sexuality but my mother doesn’t. Now me and my mum aren’t very close, I don’t really tell her much but I feel that I should tell her that I’m lesbian but don’t know how to go about it. I’ve asked my friends and they don’t know how I should go about it either. I’ve asked her how she feels about lesbians and bisexuals and she wasn’t really sure what to say and it made me a little bit more worried because she may be somewhat homophobic. So yeah I don’t know what to do or how to tell her…
Any advice?
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I need your help
August 24th, 2010Hello to everyone. Sorry for my English, I come from Greece.
I want to tell you my problem and I hope that you will be able to help me with your answer.
I have a very good friend, almost best friend. We’ve known each other for 5 years. We go out together a lot, have vacation together; generally we spend a lot of time together. But 7-8 months ago I realized that I was starting to fall in love with her. I’ve never felt like this with a woman before. All my relationships were with men because I thought I was straight. The problem is that I am in love with my best friend, I want to make love with her but I don’t want to lose her as a friend. She is straight, a lot of boys like her but she always avoids them. This summer when she kissed someone, I thought that my heart was going to break, I was so jealous. What can I do with all those things? How can I realise if she would ever do something with a woman? How can I hide this feeling so she won’t understand anything?
I think that she is not like before; something is going wrong with her behaviour towards me. How can I realize that she didn’t understand what I am feeling for her?
I want to thank you very much for your time, and I hope that you will give me an answer to my problem. Take care.
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Curious
August 19th, 2010For a few years I have been questioning my sexuality. I am almost positive that I am not straight. But I guess I don’t want to say anything unless I am? I am just very confused at this point. I have noticed that I am very attracted to women and men are sort of boring to me I guess. I also cannot imagine myself having sex with a guy; it sort of grosses me out. Not sure whether that is because I am a lesbian or because I am a virgin. I also have kissed girls before and I find it more exciting than kissing guys. Can anybody give me any advice? Please and thank you!
Still in love with my ex
August 7th, 2010Hello,
I guess I am having a hard time completely getting over my ex girlfriend… After she moved out of my apt a year and 1/2 ago she immediately started a relationship with someone new. We have hooked up about 3 times in the last 7months… But I know to her it doesn’t mean anything. Another problem we have is not being able to let each other go … I mean, all of a sudden we are “Bffs” and just recently became roommates again, supposedly just for a short time but who knows its very difficult to be comfortable seeing the person I love tongue down someone else on my living room sofa … I know I did this to myself She moved to NC to be with me 3 years ago. So feel like I have to look out for her when she needs me …as she looks out for me as well. I just don’t want to be miserable forever and I don’t want her to feel like she can’t talk to me about things because of my feelings for her. I guess my question is should I just let this “friendship” go…Thanks in advance
Nikki
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My journey
August 5th, 2010Hi I’ve been a steady follower of TLQ for quite some time. During this time I struggled inwardly with my own uncertainties about my orientation. With a Christian background, all my life it’s been instilled in me that gay is wrong which makes me question if there’s something wrong with me because I find women attractive. I know that my family won’t accept me, hell most of my friends won’t accept me but I want to begin the journey towards what I know is my true self. I guess basically this is a confession and another question in itself. I simply wanted to say I love women and I don’t care what the world says about it. I know confessing in this manner isn’t really that much of a step forward but I feel that some progress is necessary before all progress can be made. Any support, words of wisdom, encouragement would be extremely helpful and appreciated. Thanks again. 
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How Do I Come Out To My 2 Homophobic Best Friends?
August 4th, 2010Hi, I’m 14 & 2 of my friends are really homophobic and I want to tell them that I am a lesbian but I fear that they will tell everybody because I am not yet out of the closet but I feel sometimes that if I do not tell them they will realize that I love women and men do not interest me at all and they are going to become crazy telling everyone that I’m 100% lesbian.
But one of my (boy) best friends is really gay and he told them that he is gay and they threat him well so maybe everything is going to be okay and they going to accept me. But I still have fear of opening up to them! So what should I do? Open up to them or not? Please help me!
~Alondra~
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I’m In Love With My Best Friend
July 26th, 2010I can’t stop thinking about my best friend, I think I love her. A few years ago I thought I liked her, but assumed it was just a phase. I met my ex boyfriend through her and we were together for 2 years. He and I went our separate ways when we decided we should start seeing other people… partially because I couldn’t stop wishing he were her (although he isn’t aware of that.)
I’m starting to think it’s not a phase. She is gay, and a few months ago we slept together. Neither of us have spoken about what happened, but we’ve become so much closer since. I really want to tell her I love her, but if it is a phase I don’t want to crush her, that is if she even feels the same way. I’m worried if I tell her our friendship will suffer… or my ex boyfriend who is also her close friend will be hurt. I don’t know what to do. Help!
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Older Lesbian
July 22nd, 2010What advice would you give to a “new” older lesbian? I’m 53 and hope to learn and navigate my way through this life change as peacefully as I can.
Thank you for helping!
Ccc
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Mixed signals
July 19th, 2010Hello,
I am gay since I known myself and had very few relationships and just with women. I have no guilt of being gay but I can’t say that I’m comfortable with myself. When approaching women things are not easy for me. My most important problem is I look so femme that no one ever imagines I’m gay. However, after coming to UK for studying I saw that I have lot more problems that I thought I had.
My story I know looks like a hopeless one. Here it is:
I came to UK for masters. There is a girl in my class who I noticed a few months later after starting my degree. The story started with the coffee machine. I needed a pound for coffee and she was passing, asked it from her. When she handed in me the pound I remember how her eyes sparkled and how our fingers touched. After that, one night we went with the classmates to a bar crawl. We had good conversation there and drank. She, I can say is a cold person, but she looked happy that night. When both of us were really drunk, I noticed her looking at me from the other side of the table that night in one of the bars. She locked her eyes to mine and was smiling. After that night I didn’t see her for some time and when the school begin again, things were confusing. I was shy and she was ignorant sometimes while other times very much interested in me. I wasn’t sure why she ignored me but I knew whenever I was talking to someone or doing something she was checking me. The second term we again went for a bar crawl. I remember that night I was very nervous because most of the people there were men and we were only three women. Most men were I knew into her because she is very hot. I was sometimes shy with her and sometimes self-confident. I was definitely shy that night and ignored her mostly. I remember her saying that if someone told her about his feelings she would escape. She was looking at me while she was saying this. That night while passing to other bars I was in her arm, walking happily, drunk but in one of the bars I remember ignoring her. Then one of the guys from the group approached me and started talking to me, I didn’t want to talk to him but I did, instead of going and talking to her. She was standing there alone and started looking into this guy’s eyes. The guy very quickly walked around me and started flirting with her. Then we got out of the bar for somewhere else and had to wait for a friend. They continued walking, talking and then disappeared. I was traumatized and that night ran away from people. Next day I wanted to talk to her and we did. I couldn’t say how I was hurt but I knew that she knew and was kind of happy seeing me being hurt.
Afterwards she was very good to me but I was angry. She started dating the guy but never told me anything. My friends when they asked her she replied and looked into my eyes when she did, looking half shy half happy, seeing me more hurt. She very interestingly stopped being ignorant and answered all my friendly endeavours after that night but I was very angry and one night I texted her and told her that I was unhappy and I should go my way if she wanted to be with the guy. She was angry too and said she didn’t know I had those feelings for her. That was the time when she learned I was gay. I felt guilt because she wanted to be friends so I tried to continue to be friends. We were friends in a way but I was sometimes angry and she continued seeing him and telling me nothing. One day we went to a bar and that guy came and I was so frustrated that I ignored her the next day. She texted me and wanted to talk and I answered a day later and this time she didn’t care. She started avoiding me but came to see me whenever I texted her. She started lying about where she was and what she was doing. Then I stopped trying to be friends and wanted to show my real feelings. One night she accepted to sit and listen to me and said tell me what’s in your heart. I told her things but I was half drunk. We looked into each others eyes and I had the chance to kiss her but I couldn’t. She said she knew my feelings at the beginning so it was a lie when she behaved shocked when she first heard about my feelings! That night she looked into my eyes and lips and I wonder what held me from kissing her. I held her arm and said I wanted to hold her hands. I remember her shaking when I held her arm. At the end of the night I told her that she preferred him because it was easy and acceptable. She looked angry after saying that. She said she had to stop her friendship and after that she stopped replying my calls and my texts. But we talked when we were in a group of people… One night I started to be so obsessed that I went to talk to her. She asked what I needed. I couldn’t say I wanted to kiss her. That night her words were cruel and she said she wanted to be normal. I remember fainting. However, even if she didn’t want to be with me, she started befriending my friends and in a bar again she invited me for shopping just as she invited my friend. That night I had a nervous breakdown because she was inviting me for shopping but avoiding me as well. These mixed signals made me crazy. The last point I need to mention is that one night when we were sitting in a cafe, my friend asked her if she ever fell in love. She said once she was in love with her ex. Her boyfriend, who she started dating that night, was sitting at the table but she never said anything about him. My friends as well thought that she was not in love with him because she preferred sitting close to us then to him. However, afterwards I learned from the same friend that she told her some days later that she was in love with this guy and wanted to move with him to another city.
Anyway, what happened after that is whenever I stop my interest she starts wondering I know but when I have interest in her she ignores me. She is not on campus for now but will come back. I don’t have so much time left in UK but I wonder what’s going on and what should I do. I am very angry, I can’t stop hating her and hating that guy as well. I am sure she hasn’t told anything about me to him. She kept it as a secret. I hate her because she never told me about her feelings for a man before and let me fall for her and she was happy to be loved platonically by a woman. She always told me that we were not spending lot of time any more so we were not close! She was making fun of this. I think I want to take revenge sometimes and sometimes I wish she calls me… Please give me some advice not just saying move on as I already know that but I wonder what this was. I need interpretation which is not homophobic. I still don’t know why I am so sure that she liked me but escaped and made a boyfriend. My friend says I should totally ignore her if I really want her, she thinks she will come after me if she had anything for me inside her. Is my gaydar totally gone? Had I fallen in love with a straight woman?
Lazystudent
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Being Pulled Out of The Closet
July 16th, 2010I’m 17 and I have known since I was 14 that I liked girls. I am currently in a relationship with someone and it’s wonderful. My mother and my two sisters know that I’m gay but my Father doesn’t. And recently, my ex-fling (if you will call it that) just sent him an e-mail with a picture of myself and my girlfriend kissing. I’m not even sure how she got a hold of it. My mom told my dad something like “You can’t drag people out of the closet, let her come to you and tell you.” So he hasn’t really brought it up and he has acted very normal and everything. I want to go up and tell him that I’m gay, I’m not sure how though. I’m nervous… Within the first week of dating my girlfriend my sister asked me if my relationship with her was “romantic” and then proceeded to tell my other sister and my mother.
So I didn’t really get to come out to anyone and I wanted to very much, I just needed some time. But apparently I don’t get time… My Dad already knows. But how do I actually go up to him and tell him?
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I Am So Jealous
July 14th, 2010I am 17, bisexual, but more into girls than boys, I am in a relationship with the only girl that makes me happy and can make me cry my eyes sore, just by doing something to hurt me… don’t get me wrong, she loves me shitless, she has shown me this so many times, she’s 19, she’s older than me but she doesn’t know this, she’s bicurious, I am her first girlfriend, but she’s not mine, I’ve been into girls since like forever. We’ve been going out for a year and a half now and its been amazing! She’s such a girly girl, she’s totally lipstick, so pretty and fusses over me a lot, pampers me rotten, but I am just a lipgloss lesbian, loved by the girls and boys and attracted to both, though I am mainly into girly girls.
The problem is not with her but with me, I think I am selfish… because even though I love her so much, I still kind of cheat on her, she doesn’t know about this though, I can’t help it at all, hooking up with random girls, friends of friends, even her friends… so the main reason I am writing this is that, some months back we had a MAJOR issue that really rocked our relationship, we broke up for some time and she met this guy and she was really into him… to cut the story short, they started going out and still are… even though we’ve kissed and made up…s he asked me if I want her to break up with him, but I said no because apparently he makes her happy… that was then, but now, I can’t take it any longer, I get jealous when I know she’s around him or when he calls her if she’s around me… Please how can I get over my jealously?
This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.
Am I In Love With My Teammate?
July 13th, 2010Hey I’m new here and I really need your help. I’m 17 yrs old & I’ve always liked guys. I’m on a basketball team & there’s a girl there that’s bi…in the beginning of the season I was talking to her but I didn’t like her like that. So as we kept hanging out I realized I really like her and when we’re together we have fun and we pecked a few times… I know I’m not a lesbian I just like her I can’t picture myself with another girl; it grosses me out. But with her it’s different. She has a 3 year relationship with a guy now and the basketball season ended a few weeks ago & now I can’t stop thinking about her. It’s crazy… I think I love her but I don’t know… She knows I like her…
This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.
Free download: “Southland Auto Acres”
July 11th, 2010Audiobook and e-book versions of “Southland Auto Acres” — a comic novel about car sales and lesbian love — are available for your free downloading pleasure at www.StickyPress.com.
Just out of college, Becky Pine wants a job, a girlfriend, and a manifesto. Southland Auto Acres, a car lot in Los Angeles, becomes her boot camp for learning about love, relationships, and the real world.
Originally published as “Up: A Novel” in 2002, the book was reissued under the title “Southland Auto Acres” in 2010.
Confused
July 10th, 2010I don’t really know where to start… I am so confused and unhappy, I am really in need of some advice. I have known that I was at least bisexual since early childhood. The guilt and anxiety I felt about my attractions devastated me as a kid and now into my early adulthood (I’m 22). I’m not even sure why because my parents aren’t bible thumping bigots or anything like that. They’re actually kind of liberal, and I remember asking my mother when I was very young what “gay” meant (I heard my older brother calling one of his friends gay). She said most men like women and vice versa but some people like people like themselves, and that’s okay. But when I learned what gay was I knew that was me, and have had this knot in my stomach pretty much ever since.
After I went through puberty I did develop crushes on boys and in a way forgot about my attraction to other women, or I guess repressed it. Unfortunately this was around the time I discovered drugs and alcohol (around 12) and figured out what I thought was a “cure” to the anxiety I felt. I lost my virginity around 14 and was still having crushes on boys and was sexually active. My best friend and I (she was a girl) were lying in her bed one night gossiping about what boys we liked and whatever 14 year old girls talk about, and I noticed how we were basically holding each other and started to move away. She sensed it and told me there was nothing wrong with what we were doing. I tried and tried to fight my feeling but it was too strong and we ended up kissing. To this day I have never felt ANYTHING like that when I’ve kissed a man. We ended up having sex when I was in a drunken blackout and would just stay in bed for hours touching each other and kissing. When she told one of our friends about it I was so mortified I stopped spending the night with her and we drifted apart. I met my high school boyfriend after that and pushed my memories in the back of my mind.
I have had several boyfriends since I was 14. I enjoyed sex with some of them, others not so much. I have genuinely cared for some of them, but I have never felt that spark like I did with my best friend. When I kissed her it was like electricity, or fireworks, like in the movies. I can’t even describe it. Every time I’ve kissed a guy since then, I try my damndest to feel that spark again but I haven’t. I feel so unfulfilled and lonely. I read an earlier post that said that she only goes for extremely attractive men, but finds ordinary women beautiful. I am the same way. I have considered myself bi since I was a teenager but now In my early 20′s I’m coming to the realization that I might in fact be a lesbian. I HATE this about myself. I don’t want to be a lesbian at all, I just want everyone to see me as the same me, not someone different than everyone else. But I am different.
I have a boyfriend now, but I have to be numb before we can have sex. He knows that I am bi. I met a girl on Craigslist but she has a boyfriend and he’s really abusive and causes a lot of drama. I wish I had a lesbian friend to talk to, I know that I have to accept myself or I will go crazy. I’m still not sure if I am a lesbian or bi. I just don’t want to hate myself anymore.
This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.
I Can’t Get My Friend Out Of My Head
July 9th, 2010I’m 29 and have always considered myself a heterosexual female. I have had thoughts about friends before, but never have felt compelled to ever pursue anything. There was one time where my best friend (who’s bi) offered to kiss me to get a guy to leave me alone. I was surprised that I was tempted, but I didn’t take her up on the offer.
There’s this woman I’ve worked with for the past couple years and just recently have becoming better friends with. I’ve always thought she was very beautiful, but never thought too much about it. A few weeks ago I shared some very personal things about an abusive past with men with her and she was awesome about being there for me as a friend. From that point on, I can’t seem to get her out of my head.
The thoughts have been enough to have me willing to experiment. The problem is that I’m fairly sure she’s straight and I don’t want to lose a friendship over a crush. I also don’t know if it’s really a crush or if it’s something where it’s there only because of the things I shared (as in I trusted her enough to talk to her about something I feel very vulnerable about).
The other part that is a little confusing for me is that I’m unhappily married. I’m ok with the thought of being bi, I just don’t know if my feelings are real. Do I take the chance on the friend? Any thoughts?
This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.
My Question
July 7th, 2010Hi there,
I met a girl through one of my best friends because they are very good friends. We’ve been hanging out a lot and have been and we talk a lot on MSN. She always looked at me with those “I’m -into-you” look and would hit me flirtingly and stuff like that. We would dance with each other at dances and be very touchy feely. I would ask her out to dinner (in a gay way) and she would say yes but it didn’t happen because well, I was scared.
Last night, we were at a party and we got extremely intoxicated. We were on each other all night, I kept feeling her up like the insides of her thighs and underneath her shirt and I was sitting on her lap and she said “kiss me” but I didn’t want to because it seemed more like a “straight girl kiss me thing”. Mind you, she was very drunk as well. We held hands all night and she didn’t seem to mind that I was on her all night she didn’t hit me or anything, we even played a little basketball together and were still all over each other. My friend even told me that I might as well already hook up with her. I told her I was mad at her but I don’t remember if I told her why (because I liked her) I remember saying cause I like you and her saying it back but honestly, I have no idea. She said we weren’t friends we were lovers.
Unfortunately, as we were holding hands and going to another event she wanted to go see the guy she is like in love with. They ended up kissing and he wants to only be friends with benefits and she wants more but she still likes the fact that they are kissing again or whatever. Honestly, I’m confused x100000.
I told her I was sorry for being all over her all night and she said it was okay because she was being a little weird as well.
Now, I don’t know whether or not I should tell her I like her or just leave it be because she’s probably gonna be back with that boy?
Thanks!
This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.
Confused
July 1st, 2010Hello hello,
Getting straight to the point (no pun intended): Yesterday I realized that I may very well be a lesbian. The thought of being bisexual or a lesbian never bothered me in the slightest; I think that a lot of people arguably fall under a continuum of bisexuality without even realizing it, but I’m kind of leaping over that and hypothesizing that I may not even be into men, at all.
At nearly 24, I’ve never actually been with a woman – besides several very drunken phases with my girl-friends throughout high school.
During this time, I was a bit of an ugly-duckling, and although I definitely had an interest in guys, I rarely dated. After high school
I guess I grew into my looks, and men suddenly found me attractive. I entered a long-term relationship with a man – we had great sex – but when I’d get drunk I would just cry, a lot. It would always confuse me, because I was never sure what was upsetting me so much.
Later I convinced myself it was because I was unhappy in my relationship, so I ended things. After this break up, at nearly 19, I dated a couple of men very briefly, however I could never quite commit myself to the relationship, and would rather immaturely make a wreck of things while inebriated. I slept with a few men over the next year or so, but only ever when I was drunk, and numb. I also convinced myself that being inebriated was the reason I never enjoyed it. I thought I fell in love with a guy shortly during this time; however, he was the only guy I liked who I never managed to even kiss – and I think that in a way – knowing that I couldn’t have him– well maybe I thought I was in love with him because I was lonely and wanted something to hold onto and knew that it was safe to “love” him because he’d never try anything with me.
Click to continue reading “Confused”
New Feature: Private Messaging
June 24th, 2010Hello Ladies,
I just wanted to let you know that as of this week we have a new feature on TLQ that allows you to send private messages to other TLQ members. You can access this feature by clicking on the “PM” tab in the top menu.
If you don’t want to receive any of these messages then uncheck the default setting (in the ‘Settings’ tab) ‘Allow others to send me messages?‘ and if you don’t want to receive an e-mail when someone PM’s you then you should also uncheck ‘Email me when I get new messages?‘
Have fun.
Lori, admin for TLQ
CONTEST: Win Mary Gauthier’s ‘The Foundling’
June 23rd, 2010On her new album, Mary Gauthier takes the listener through the moving tale of her journey to find her birth mother.
She was born to an unwed mother in 1962 and subsequently surrendered to an orphanage where she spent her first year. Gauthier was adopted shortly thereafter but left her adopted family at fifteen, wandering for years looking for, but never quite finding, a place that felt like home. Struggling to deal with being a lesbian, she abused drugs and alcohol.
Later in life, Gauthier searched for, found, and was denied a meeting with her birth mother. The album is truly a masterpiece of emotion with Gauthier telling her incredible story.
Listen to “Sideshow” below, which perfectly captures the loneliness and the pain of being an abandoned child.
TLQ will give away one copy of the album! Leave your (nick)name in the comments below before July 20th, the winner will be notified and will receive the album in the mail. (I’m sorry to say the album can only be sent to American residents, I hope you ladies can understand this and we will try to make it up to you some time!)
Of course you can also buy the album here: http://www.marygauthier.com/store/
