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Question about dating
March 14th, 2010Hello,
I am sorry this is so long but I could not miss any parts of it
I sent an e-mail to my friend (a girl too) a few weeks ago telling her that I loved her. She replied something like “love is a great thing to share with me.” and I got confused and received mixed friend’s interpretations about that. It took me 3 years to be able to say it. She had some doubts that I was a lesbian but was not sure. We have been seeing each other for coffee or lunch for a while now and the next time I saw her after writing to her that love letter she kept looking at me with sparkling eyes. She always flirts with me but I never know if it’s just for teasing me or if she does it with intentions.
I was too shy to ask her about the e-mail so I waited and finally asked her what she meant. She seemed a little nervous talking about that but she said that the first impression she had of my e-mail was that I did not care about her because I said goodbye at the end of the letter implying that I never would see her again. I just said that because I thought I would scare her away (we have a 15 years age difference–I am the youngest). After that, she said that she did not want me to feel nervous around her. She put her hand on mine and has been touching me, hugging me more and longer ever since.
She never expresses her deep feelings but she uses her body language all the time to “say” things. I am an expert of body language and I know that she has used most of the sexual/love/attraction body language with me.
For instance, I was in the same room hotel with her. After taking her shower, she put her towel around her before putting her clothes on. She changed in front of me putting her dress on and I saw her with the towel around her waist, only wearing her bra. I looked at her with loving eyes (I am in love with her BTW) and she saw I was looking at her so she immediately came to me to talk about something random, still wearing only her bra and the towel. A few minutes later, she had put her dress on and was seating on a chair. Her panties were below her knees her dress was hiked up very high. She had her legs open enough that I could see her …She faced me and when I realized that I saw it, I looked at her and she smiled.
Another time, we were at a coffee shop and she said that she had to go to the bathroom. I looked at her butt while she was walking away and apparently she felt my eyes watching her. She turned her head over her shoulder, slightly raised her shoulder toward her chin and looked at me with a coy smile. She often stares at me and I can see sparkles in her eyes. She also touches me a lot.
I can’t figure out if she has feelings for me. And it is especially hard because she never talks about her deep feelings. I see her no more that once a month because she is extremely busy (2 jobs + many kids + a volunteering club which takes her a lot of time). Once a month is really not much and I keep waiting for that day all month. The other day, a friend of ours invited us to have lunch next week and she could not because she was busy. She said that she was busy until the day when she and I have lunch. She asked if we could have lunch with him instead of that date with her. I was really disappointed because I already barely see her I don’t want to see someone else when we are together. Does that mean that she does not really care about me?
Maybe she is thinking that I am not interested. What should I do?
Thank you so much!
This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.
Mingle
February 16th, 2010Hi ladies,
your admin here. Just a quick note to let you know about the new features we’ve added to TLQ. Some of you may have already noticed that the menu on top has been extended somewhat. Some of you have already explored it… We’ve added ‘Mingle’. This is a WordPress (what TLQ runs on) plugin with the following features (and I quote):
So, with Mingle you can create your profile page, become friends with other TLQ-members and post on each other’s ‘message board’ (like your wall on Facebook). So far there is no private messaging yet, but I’m sure that will be added soon. We thought this would be a fun way to interact and check out each other. 
Also, if you want to exchange e-mail addresses you no longer have to do it in the comments, you can do it through Mingle so the world isn’t watching anymore (only your ‘Mingle-friends’, which you’ve chosen or accepted).
I just want to be clear that the main function of TLQ will remain the blog that is written by all of you. I would like to urge you not to post questions on your Mingle profile because they are private and only your friends will be able to see them (hence, you won’t get many comments).
Everyone who registers for TLQ (via this link) is automatically registered for TLQ Mingle, but if you want to have a post published on TLQ you will always have to pass by the ‘Admin part‘. It may be a bit confusing at first, but remember this: Mingle = Private & TLQ Blog = Public.
This post will remain at the top for a week to allow as many people as possible to read it. If you have any questions, do leave a comment or e-mail (ask@thelesbianquestion.com).
Have fun & take care,
Lori, admin for TLQ
I Don’t Know What To Do
February 7th, 2010I have a girlfriend. We have an intense attraction for each other and we love each other… She’s bi and I’m lesbian. I’ve been with a few women but she has only had relationships with men. Now I have never had a problem with a girl and oral sex and orgasms… but she would rather use the vibrator. She says she loves it when I’m down there but when I am she likes to stop me and she wants me to use her vibrator… I don’t know, I just tried so many times and so many different ways, rough gentle fast slow wild controlled… She gives all the signs of loving it but I can’t get her to come and orgasm, only if I use the vibrator and my finger it works… I don’t know what to do, but it’s kind of drivig me crazy to know that I can’t get her to climax… and I’ve tried talking to her and asking her how she feels…
Questioning, Again
January 31st, 2010Like most of the other women on here, I’m questioning my sexuality. Except I’ve got it backwards. I’m 17, out as a lesbian in my high school and with my hyper-religious family, but recently I’ve started to wonder if I’m really bi. Or even hetero.
I’ve had crushes on girls since I was five. I’ve really fallen in love once before, honest-to-God love, and it was with a wonderful girl. Women make my heart stop and I can’t help looking at them and wanting to get to know them more, to sit down and talk with them, to touch them. But I don’t really find the traditional hourglass figure, blonde type of girl hot. It’s how she carries herself and how confident she is that turns me on. I find androgyny in a girl incredibly hot. I find power in a girl sexy. Think Xena, or Catherine-Zeta Jones in Chicago, or Elphaba, Shane. Dark and strong.
I’ve never really fallen for a guy–I fell into a bit of a hero worship/boy crush with one once last year. It was the first time I had felt that way about a guy, and it was great, because bi is a helluva a lot more socially acceptable than gay. Except when I actually thought about kissing him, or having sex with him, it was hot, but it also felt plain wrong. Hot and vomit-inducing at the same time. I have no idea why. But I’ve noticed attractive guys and I’ve fantasized sexually about them. I can find a guy arousing; sometimes it’s happened without me trying. It’s just there’s always an underlying feeling of “Ewww, penismangross.” when I start to really think about it.
Most of my friends are guys. I form close relationships with certain girls, but as a whole it’s easier for me to strike up a conversation with a guy than it is for me to talk to a woman. It’s been that way ever since I can remember. I never learned how to understand women when they talk. Girls tend to hint at things and imply what they really mean when they’re talking, and most of the time it goes over my head until days later when I think “Oooh, that’s what she was trying to say.” But with the close female friends I do have, I feel much more bonded to them than the guys. It’s not like I don’t like the guys as friends, I do and I love hanging out with them and playing videogames or talking about music or computers. It’s just there’s not that–thing–there that there is with the girls.
Click to continue reading “Questioning, Again”
How do you know?
January 30th, 2010I posted something a week ago about being confused about my sexuality. Although I am sure of what I want out of life… I was just wondering how you knew you were lesbian, bi or straight? I still struggle with the fact that I dated a girl in college… and am wondering whether or not I am lesbian. My questioning my sexuality post was posted last week and as I mentioned before… I dream about and fantasize about guys…yet am scared of becoming intimate with them. It could be of what happened when I was younger… mixed with a little fear of being judged. I have always pictured myself with a guy and get jealous when I see couples walking together and wish it were me.
Anyways… I was just wondering if any one could share how they knew they were lesbian or bi. Or even being straight if you were questioning that once as well.
Thanks!
This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.
Questioning My Sexuality
January 20th, 2010So I am driving myself crazy and need help. I am 24 and am confused about my sexuality.
Growing up I had many “boyfriends” in elementary and middle school. I have always had crushes on guys and think guys are extremely attractive. They have good bodies and I love the attention I get from them. I get turned on looking at a penis and thinking about having sex with a guy.
In high school I had short term flings with guys, but no long term relationships. I had crushes on guys, but could never work up the courage to talk to those that I had crushes on. I enjoyed flirting with guys and always wished that one guy would take enough interest in me to ask me out.
In college, I became friends with new people. One of those happened to be a lesbian. I didn’t know she was a lesbian at the time and she was just coming to terms with who she was. We started hanging out and I liked being around her. I was jealous of her in some ways….she was good in school, she was good in sports and every body liked her. After a couple of months, we started to get really close. We ended up “dating” – which included fooling around and having girl sex. I enjoyed fooling around with her, but when we had sex I got this uncomfortable/not right feeling in the pit of my stomach. Almost as if this isn’t what I should be doing. When we were dating, I had crushes on guys and often wished I was in a relationship with one of them. It got to the point where I secretly hung out with one guy and we kissed (which I liked). I was never fully committed to her…I enjoyed flirting and being around guys and frequently made out with them. Eventually she broke up with me, which I admit hurt. But she didn’t break up with me to my face… she started fooling around with another girl and lied about it. I was hurt that she didn’t bother to tell me and I had to find out another way. I got over it and now when I see her, I think “what the hell was I thinking.” She is not the type of person I want in my life. I did have a “’short-term” fling with another girl after that…but it was almost like a rebound relationship. More than anything, I just enjoyed being around her and the fooling around part came with it. This particular relationship ended very quickly and once again…I ask myself “what the hell was I thinking?”
Both of those relationships were in the first three years of college… and ever since then I have not had any involved or desire to be with girls. I have had major crushes on guys and dreams about being with them. I have had a few fool around sessions with guys but have always enjoyed the single life. However, now I am getting to the point where I want to be with someone. And that someone I want to be with is a guy… I fantasize and envision myself being with a guy…however every time I get to the point of physical contact… I pull away. I have a small fear of being intimate with guys… I get really nervous around them and worry too much about what they will think. My wants, desires and sexual attractions all involve guys… yet I can’t seem to take that step into being intimate with them (meaning sex).
What does all this mean? Am I a lesbian because I dated a girl in college? Am I a lesbian because I am scared of guys and haven’t slept with one yet? I have friends who are gay and I respect them for their decisions. It is just not something I see myself in. I don’t look at girls and say “oh you are hot I want to get on you.” But I can’t get my college experience out of my head. I go back and fourth between lesbian and straight. Most days I think I am straight… but why would I be scared of guys if I was straight? I need some advice and some help. This is eating me inside and I just want some insight as to what other people think. I am sorry this is so long… but I just wanted to make sure I told my entire story.
Thanks!
This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.
Engaged volunteers needed!
January 20th, 2010I am looking for volunteers for a study of attitudes towards marriage and parenthood among engaged couples. The study consists of a 25-30 minute online survey. To qualify for the study, you must be 20-35 years old, live in the U.S., and plan to marry or have a commitment ceremony within the next 365 days. You and your romantic partner must not have children, and this must be the first marriage for both of you.
You can:
- Help a doctoral candidate;
- Increase the pool of scientific knowledge;
- Support research on marriage and families; and
- Spend some time thinking about your relationship!
I am working with Dr. Charlotte J. Patterson, a Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia. This study has been approved by the University of Virginia Institutional Review Board #2009025800.
If you and/or your romantic partner are interested in participating or want further information, please email me at survey.couples@gmail.com. I will send you a link that you can use to access the study.
Thanks!
Cristina Reitz-Krueger
Doctoral Student
University of Virginia
(434) 243-8558
survey.couples@gmail.com
This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.
Question
January 5th, 2010Okay, I’m not really sure how this whole thing works but I guess I’ll tell you my situation and hopefully you can give me some form of advice. I’m almost 18 years old and for the past 3 years, I have had feelings for my best friend that is a girl, her name is Amy. When Amy and I first started getting close and I developed a crush on her, she started dating Rick, who was my close guy friend. I told Rick everything, even about my secret feelings for Amy. But now, Rick was dating Amy and I felt very betrayed and hurt, but I didn’t want to stop being friends with Amy. So, over the following months, I stood by Amy’s side as a friend, a close friend, one that she always talked to about her problems, even the problems with her and Rick. Rick ended up cheating on Amy a couple times while they dated, but Amy always gave him the benefit of the doubt because she said she loved him. This broke me of course, but I wasn’t going to act selfishly. I tried to be supportive of Amy and Rick’s relationship, but then I started to see that he controlled her and really didn’t care about her. He was using her for her love and her body and she was too involved to see. Everyone told her this, her family, and her counsellor. It wasn’t until this past summer that Amy and Rick finally broke up, and her and I got really close, closer than ever.
She told me that even while she dated Rick, she had feelings for me, and Rick saw that and hated me for it. I guess they used to argue about me a lot, he didn’t want her to hang out with me anymore but she didn’t want to let me go completely, but she did limit our communication for him. I would always speak out to her about it and she’d feel bad and cry a lot. But again, back to this past summer. It had been nearly two months since Amy and Rick broke up and Rick was dating a younger girl. Amy and I got drunk one night ad ended up having sex and cuddling together through the night. We acted all flirty and ‘together’ for the week after, but then it all stopped when she started talking to Rick again. Her and I started losing touch, she was falling apart, but I knew she needed me as a friend so I stood by and pretended I wasn’t hurt or felt used.
Rick and her stopped talking again during the summer, and Amy started messing with one of my exes who is a guy. His name was Mike. Mike tried to go all the way with Amy but she wouldn’t let him. Then whenever she was with me, we’d cuddle on her couch, watch TV, and fall asleep in each other’s arms at night. She gave me butterflies and I thought her and I could be more than friends. She then told me she was done with Mike and she was never going to hurt me. Summer ended, school began, and she started talking to Rick again but it didn’t damage Amy and I’s closeness.
Her and I kissed a lot and had sex every weekend during a sleepover. I really felt like she was mine, my love, the only one I wanted to give everything to. She then asked me out, and it was the happiest day of my life. She actually seemed like she had feelings for me. But it only lasted a week. Amy started talking to Rick while she and I were dating and he threw his charm upon her. She couldn’t resist and we broke up. She told me that everything that ever happened between us was a misunderstanding. It broke my heart and I really wanted to end my life. But, I tried to pretend it never existed, that I never had feelings for her. It never really worked. Especially when Amy and Rick started dating not long after she broke up with me. Call me pathetic but I would cry every time I saw her smile when she was with him. But I still tried to be a supportive friend, so I stood by her side and acted like nothing was wrong. I didn’t want to lose her, I feel like I can’t live without her. But a month later, Amy saw that Rick never changed and he was still the controlling guy that only wanted her for show and her body. She broke up with him, hated him, and stopped speaking to him.
It’s been over two months since she broke up with him, and she hasn’t said a word to him. She and I hang out 4 or more times a week, and we are really close. She holds my hand sometimes, linked and all. She also touches me as if I were her lover or her girlfriend, but we are just friends. Ever since she broke up with me I’ve had it in my mind that everything between her and I was something I created in my head, and she only wants to be my friend, so I don’t act on my feelings anymore or well I try no to. Sometimes it’s hard to resist, like when we have tickle fights and her face gets close to mine. Sometimes we end up making out, sometimes we do more. But the next day we won’t talk about it, well just hug each other a lot and say ‘I love you’. She also cuddles with me when we sleep together. I don’t want to be stupid and think she has feelings for me when she probably doesn’t, but I can’t stop having feelings for her. I feel like she is my world and I have to do everything possible to make her life better. I feel like she is my girl, and I want to protect her from harm. But she is not my girl, and I’m trying hard to forget my feelings for her. I’ve even tried to get closer to guys. I’ve even kissed a few. But every time I kiss a guy or someone else that isn’t Amy, I feel guilty and that no one can possibly make me feel the way that she does. But, she doesn’t want to be with me; at least I’m pretty sure she doesn’t. She still says she loves Rick and she dreams about him and misses him and stuff, but she still acts like she’s my lover.
What am I to do? How to I just stay her friend and forget my feelings or learn to control them?
This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.
Coming Clean – Was I abused? Or was it true love gone wrong?
January 5th, 2010Hi guys,
this is my first time up here although I left a few comments before.
My background is that I studied in a girls school from grade 1 to grade 11 (6 year – 17 year) and my understanding of relationships is the reverse of what most other people are – mine starts with lesbian and then the exploration of the heterosexual side.
I have had my first taste of a lesbian relationship when I was 13, with a teacher at school who was 9-10 years older than I was. It was damn scary, the first day she came to school and was introduced by the headmistress, I started being into her, simply because there weren’t a lot of young, relatively decent looking teachers at my school.
The story developed to a stage where she started paying attention to me, small simple things but you know she was trying to bring a message across. When she knew I would be in the hall, she would take the opportunity to turn up at the same time to “catch” me during breaks and lunch hours; or sometimes in between classes when we were moving to other classrooms, she would “accidentally” walk across the same corridor and look at me. Things escalated to a point when she would deliberately call me to the front at the beginning of her class to help her arrange tools and stuff. One time after class, I was one of the last one to leave (the next class who was 2 years below me already filled up the seats). As I was leaving, she said “KH!” I turned around and she pulled me by the collar and whispered/muttered something into my ear which I couldn’t figure out the exact words. Even my classmates started to make jokes about the teacher in front of me, such as asking me to keep in control of the teacher.
Then the next step she did was to show up in class without wearing a bra with her nipples protruding through the tight black fabric around her chest which was already thin enough to see the shape of her tits, she looked at me deeply and then turned away. She kept asking if I was close with my classmate who happened to be a dyke. It turned out that my classmate was also really infatuated with her. She was quite jealous of the treatment I got from the teacher, she started sabotaging everything I did, even when I stated that I had no intention to be in a relationship with the teacher, she still wouldn’t stop as she saw me as a threat too important to be ignored, the only way that my classmate could be at peace is if my image was somehow ruined in front of the teacher.
I figured that I needed to stop this kind of relationship before anything went awry, I started ignoring her and staying out of the teachers’ circle (she had a lot of fans fond of her and would surround her before and after class to gain attention). Then hell struck me, I started being isolated and my classmate who had this intense infatuation enjoyed seeing this happen, who knows? Maybe she played a part in it. The teacher started hating me to the guts, just everything, her expression was different, and she stopped trying to initiate anything to me (which I thought was great btw). This kind of awkward relationship continued in grade 8-10. Firstly I was gutted already to have to cut off this relationship abruptly because some jerk couldn’t handle her own jealousy issues. But then when I turned 15 and in year 11, she called my home line (don’t know why somehow she had my home number) sometime after dinner one night. I can still vividly remember it till this day how the conversation went:
“hello? Can I speak to KH please?”
“Um, yes this is.”
“Hi there, its Miss. xxx, how’ve you been?”
“I’ve been fine thanks.”
Click to continue reading “Coming Clean – Was I abused? Or was it true love gone wrong?”
I’m in love with my professor
December 28th, 2009Hello!
I’m writing because about two and half years ago, I met this wonderful woman. She was one of my professors in one of my classes. I fell in love with her in about the third day of meeting her. At the time I was very deep in denial about my sexuality. Only until recently (and mainly because of my strong affection towards her) have I come to accept and explore my gayness. During the course of the class with her I think that she noticed my attraction towards her. She gave brief lectures about lesbian motherhood and “gaydar” in a class that is not quite related. She even approached me and started to talk about “my behavior”. At the time what I thought that she meant by that statement was completely different than what she actually meant. I actually met with in her office (she has a “safe zone” sticker on her door) and talked about how insecure I felt in her class. Now, looking back at that statement I feel that what she wanted to talk to me about was my gayness and my attraction towards her (I was just too stupid to see the signs). Well anyways, I signed up for one of her classes during the next semester (I’m considering whether I should drop it), it’s my last semester in school, and I want to take the opportunity to talk to her about how I feel about her. Do you think that I should tell her that I love her after the class is over?
I don’t know whether she is gay or not (I hope that she is) but I somehow think that I have a future with her. (I know you must think I’m crazy but who isn’t crazy while madly in love?)
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I’m in love with my best friend. Again.
December 28th, 2009Well, I’m sixteen. I’m pretty sure I’m bi, because I like guys too, but I go to an all girls school, so it’s kind of like they don’t exist.
Anyway, I started wondering about being not so straight in grade seven I didn’t tell anyone, but I thought I might not be straight.
I liked my friend K, but after a while I sort of blocked it from my mind. I didn’t really think about it, but I’d always have more fun when she was around. I was jealous that I wasn’t her best friend. Her best friend was L. We all went to the same high school, which is all girls.
I liked K a lot more in grade9 when there weren’t any boys to have flimsy crushes on, and I thought about her a lot. I lost sleep. Every night I’d think about her before falling asleep. But we rarely saw each other, with no classes together. I met a girl in my math class who shocked me. D. She was atheist, and I’d never known anyone who wasn’t catholic, Jewish, or Muslim, and she had very specific opinions on everything! She amazed me. D blocked out thoughts of K. But by then I was freaking out about being bi, and really felt I needed to tell someone.
You know how it’s easier to tell people you don’t really know? Well I told H over txt message, which was stupid. She told someone, B, who told me. I freaked. We had this big fight, but no one really knew. I told K that H and I were fighting because I told H a secret, and she told someone. K tried to guess the secret, asking “you don’t like girls, do you?” “Of course not!” I replied, feeling so guilty.
The fight blew over, but I’m never comfortable in the same room as H anymore. That summer, K invited L and I up to her cottage for a few days. On the second night, we were hopped up on way too much sugar at about 2am, and K asks L and I if we’ve ever liked another girl.
K says she did. But her mom told her that it was probably because she isn’t around boys, so her hormones are looking for replacements. I was surprised she told her mom. L said that she was sure she was bi. She had liked a lot of girls I knew, one MR who was really hot. I admitted to liking D, and that I’d liked K in elementary.
I thought I’d found people I could talk to, but in the morning they acted like it hadn’t happened, and K was really bitchy for the rest if the time. In gr10 I tried to talk to L a bit, but it never worked. We never brought it up again.
I fell on and off for K and D. This past summer K didn’t invite me over to her cottage. We actually have classes this year, and dramas really fun, but she like wrestles with this other girl, and is really free with hugs and stuff with everyone but me. I act normal, but one time she caught me staring at her.
In religion class our teacher calls us the “duo” and said we make a cute couple, which made no sense at all. Especially seeing as our school is catholic.
She’s my best friend, but I’m not hers, that’s L. I’m driving myself crazy thinking about it. It scares me how much my happiness depends on her, like today I sent her a merry Christmas email, and was feeling really crappy, but when she replied back I danced around in my seat and was a grinning fool for a few hours.
I don’t know what to do at all. I don’t think she likes me, I don’t even know if she’s bi. I know she never had crushes on boys in elementary school. Like me, she’s never been on a date, never had a first kiss. I know, we’re unusual for 16 year olds. I really don’t know anything and the ‘what if’s are driving me crazy! If anyone has any insight, please help! I apologize for the extreme longness of the post, but I don’t know how to make it shorter. I’m also writing at 4am, which is probably making me ramble. I really haven’t slept well for over 3 days in a row since gr6. Advice would be greatly apreciated!
This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.
Lesbian Bar Question
December 23rd, 2009Hi,
It’s Ivy from China and I am going to Los Angeles this Christmas for holiday. Can you suggest some “L” bars for me? Actually I am a big fan of “The L Word” and I want to find some places like “She
Bar” or “Milk”, whatever. That’s the major reason why I will be in the city.
Thank you,
Ivy in Beijing
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Seeking opinions before I jump my friend :-)
December 19th, 2009Hi girls,
I am seeking opinions before I jump my friend. =p
First of all, I never cared for labels & just chase whoever shook my tree, guys or gals; but when people ask I just tell them – I like cats, male & female, humans can stay away.. Just chasing & not getting anything out of it…
Now there’s my friend, A & when I first saw her at my ‘new school’, I was like – hell she’s like me. So I managed to enrol in school & we were in different courses but we became damn close during that period. I sort of felt the vibes from her that she’s a lesbian [80% sure]. Also we are pretty similar in terms of how we ‘chase’ people, personality, work styles, ideal homes, interests, etc. It stuck me that I met my ‘equal’ – the ‘ideal’ kind of person to be with, we can play off, complement, crack each other up, etc =] We even talked about if she gets her own place & it’s big enough, she’ll grant me access to the kitchen & living area as my cat area lol.
She’s about 6 years older, same birthday as another friend of mine [who started the 'heck the labels, follow the feelings' recently] but totally different from her. So for about 2 yrs we sort of hung out pretty often, msn-ed everyday etc. Until in august we felt a shift from a common friend, B [we gamed together quite a bit in months prior] & she felt damn awkward to see us. We didn’t know why, until A mentioned in passing that it might something she said to B in July.
These few days we were joking about B & it seems that C, another friend, was drifting away from A & that maybe B said things to C since they probably are working together. So I asked A what happened & she said – she told B that she likes her. & from there everything went south… Hence the conclusion was that B is most probably a homophobic & probably ’spreading the poison’ around… With that, A’s ‘coming out’ had disastrous effects to losing friends & maybe more…
Now it comes to me… while I 80%-guessed that she’s lesbian. It was the verification that she was one, that shook my tree big time. Since then I’ve been having thoughts of her, like we can actually be together. But as ‘equals’ – 2 andros/alphas, I’m not sure how she sees it, or how she feels of me; maybe it’s the ‘buddy/friend’ feeling… I don’t really want to risk telling her my feelings [I’m not sure if she knows if I’m a lesbian; hell I don’t even know myself] & end up losing her as a friend, e.g.: her & B… Maybe it’s a crush or the realization of the ‘one’ has appeared.
So dear sistas, suggestions, ideas, knocks in the head? Many thanks to those who read. =]
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Confused and hurt
December 8th, 2009Hi. I’m only 14 and I have been openly bisexual since I was in 8th grade. I’m now a freshman in high school. I have fallen in love with a girl named Kaili. She’s bisexual also. She comes from a Puerto Rican/Dominican and very religious family. Both of her parents know that she is bi. As do mine. Whenever Kaili and I are together, we’re usually kissing and holding hands. She knows all about my feelings for her. And just last month, she told me that she likes me. We’ve talked about being in a relationship. But, she’s afraid of being in one due to the fact that she got her heart broken by another girl over the summer. She’s beautiful, trustworthy, funny, and everything I could ever ask for. I love her with all of my heart.
I knew that I was bisexual around February of 2009. Kaili’s orientation was going around the school. We were only in middle school, so of course everybody was afraid of her developing crushes on them. I remember that on my birthday, in May, she gave me the greatest present. Not only was SHE the first person to wish me a happy birthday, but she told me that she liked me. About a week later, we were in her bedroom and we didn’t do anything. We hardly even talked. By the time I had to leave, we kissed. The next day, she told me that she felt nothing and that she didn’t like me anymore. I had never cried so much in my life. I felt crushed. We awkwardly regained our friendship and now, I’m struggling.
Today is Kaili’s birthday. She’s 15 and I got her a HUGE stuffed animal giraffe. We hung out after school with our friend Jen at Kaili’s house. Around 4:30, my older sister had to pick me up. I walked over to Kaili, who was on the phone. I stood there for a second until she pulled me across the room so Jen couldn’t see us. Her lips practically stayed to mine. She wouldn’t let go. And I didn’t want her to. Then, she stopped and walked me to the door. I could still feel her lips on mine and I felt butterflies in my chest as I walked to my sister’s car.
Stuff like this has been going on for a month. We haven’t done anything more then tap kissing for long periods of time, holding hands, or cuddling. She’s making me wait to just make out. I want to be her girlfriend more than a musician wants to sing. She’s broken my heart. But now, with every kiss, it’s finally healing. I’ve caught myself smiling at any of her IMs or text messages. I know that we could last a while if she would only make it official.
I need some advice. What should I do? Should I continue to keep fooling around like this? Or should I tell her that I want to go out with her? Could anybody please help me?
Thanks,
Sharon Marie
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Is my gaydar in need of repair?
December 5th, 2009There’s this thread over at this forum called L_Anon that I’ve been following and is making me feel like a bit of an old perv, but it’s just so interesting. I know this is a bit different than what’s normally asked here, but I thought I’d give it a try anyway: What do you guys think is the deal between Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez? I think these girls were in love – emphasis on *were*. Currently, they don’t really appear to be on speaking terms which is sad, because they were the best of friends for about ten years.
Why do I think these two were in gay love with each other? Well…
Check out these pair of custom Nike sneakers that Demi had, apparently
anyway, commissioned some lesbian chick from France to make: http://i50.tinypic.com/2le6ir6.jpg
They say: DL4SG (Demi Lovato 4 Selena Gomez) & Unbroken
Also, there’s this blog (two of them, technically; one was deleted) that
some believe to be the property of Selena Gomez.
Deleted blog:
http://community.livejournal.com/demi_selena/216039.html
Non-deleted blog:
http://community.livejournal.com/demi_selena/371692.html
You won’t be able to view the above entries unless you join the LJ
community, Demi_Selena.
Other “evidence”?
Demi:
*Audio/Video*
http://s1.zetaboards.com/L_Anon/single/?p=931791&t=2173757
“If anyone is recording this to put up on Youtube, I have a message for Selena. Selena, I love you so much.”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GddtuovFcCI&fmt=18
Says dating a Jonas brother would be disgusting:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hZTxzSaSv4&fmt=18
Her and Selena are mindful of what they do together in public, because they
don’t want their actions to be *misconstrued* as anything other than
innocent, BFF gal pal time:
http://s1.zetaboards.com/L_Anon/single/?p=714095&t=2173757
Is a vegetarian:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2HeS7MVF_H0&fmt=18
*Tweets*
Too many to post, but I’ll just leave this one right here:
http://s1.zetaboards.com/L_Anon/single/?p=925665&t=2173757
http://s1.zetaboards.com/L_Anon/single/?p=695582&t=2173757
*Misc*
Look closely at the shirt she’s wearing:
http://justjaredjr.buzznet.com/2009/10/24/demi-lovato-pretty-pink/
Demi would rather take Selena to the prom:
http://s1.zetaboards.com/L_Anon/single/?p=766063&t=2173757
I haven’t even gotten to Selena yet, but I think I’ve made my point with
what I’ve already posted. So, you tell me: Are these the gayest straight
girls ever or is there more to the much publicized BFF relationship of
theirs than meets the eye?
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Love Letter
December 5th, 2009Well, I’m in middle school and I’m bi and I have this friend who I’m super close to and I’ve liked her as more than a friend for maybe about a year, and we always joke around that we like each other and it’s really hard for me to tell if she’s just joking or if she’s hinting that she likes me back, also because we always cuddle, which I’m not really sure means anything because friends cuddle too. She too is bi and I’ve really wanted to tell her how I felt for a long time but since she moved I rarely see her, though just the other day I was extremely sad and missed her so badly that I wrote an extremely long love letter and sent it to her and now I feel like a complete idiot because it’s super cheesy and I guess my question would be, was that an extremely idiotic thing to do?
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I am going crazy!
December 4th, 2009Ok, here is the short version of this story. I’ve been friends with a married woman – let’s call her J- for about 2 years. now. We had an immediate attraction to each other and became very very close too quickly. We would talk on the phone for 3-4 hour stretches and always flirted with each other. She even kissed me- a real kiss- one night and told me it was her best kiss ever.
However I was a little too touchy with her the next week and too open about my feelings for her. She got upset and we had to have a talk wherein she told me: “I can’t reciprocate your feelings because I’m straight.” But she spent a very long time trying to assure me that we would still be great friends and she didn’t wanna lose me. Then she proceeded to avoid me for a few months to “be with her husband.” BTW, this is a very unhappy marriage and she is not in love with him.
Some time later we got back together and things returned to normal. We kissed a few more times and kept up the same kind of flirting. But she always told me she was straight, straight.
Recently though she has become even more affectionate with me – touching me all the time, holding hands, telling people in public that we are a couple, lots of playful flirting. And she has kissed me again as well. She now claims she is 99% straight but that she doesn’t care if it’s a man or woman, only the person’s personality.
Well, we went out drinking the other night and me and her flirted up a storm together. She admitted to me that if she were single she would definitely sleep with me. But meanwhile she keeps going on about wanting a BF I know she is attracted to me, but I can’t figure out what she wants with me. We are really good friends and very close emotionally so I can’t imagine sex between the 2 of us would simply be an experiment. I’m not thinking of trying to take advantage of her or anything, but what should I do? THANKS!
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Should I Tell My Friend
November 26th, 2009Hey! What’s up? Ok so I am in middle school and I have this one friend. She and I are very close and I love her to death. Well at our school there’s this crazy little thing we do, we all pretend to be lesbians and have our “girlfriends”. Well me and my fake girlfriend used to not be so close, not I don’t think we could be closer! She is my everything! I can’t picture myself without her! But for our little fake relationships, we’ll go around hugging holding hands, slapping each other’s ass and I remember for her birthday I went to her house for the night, she was all on me and wouldn’t stop hugging me or grabbing my butt.
Wel,l my friend is supposedly as straight as can be. I’m not buying it though. I mean she says she loves me and wants to be with me all the time, she is constantly telling me how sexy or beautiful or hot I am or how much she loves me. So over the time her and I have been friends, I find myself falling for her. I don’t know what to do, I want to tell her that I’m bi, but I’m afraid if I do it could ruin everything and make things totally awkward or even worse, she tells someone. I have no clue what to do. I can’t figure her out. I have even dropped hints about my sexuality; she apparently hasn’t picked up on them. Im at a loss of what to do!
Please help me!!!! I need good advice!
Message From The Admin
November 25th, 2009Hi,
This is your admin talking. I have just deleted two posts in which the author talked about her being abused as a child. I fully admit that I should have been more thoughtful before posting these questions in order to protect the person who asked them. I will look into this immediately and try to find out what measures can be taken and how to avoid this in the future. For one, I will be much more vigilant when publishing questions.
The Lesbian Question aims to ba a safe haven for everyone, but this is of course the internet… that kind of says it all.
Meanwhile I would like to thank every one who has contributed to this website and made it the great forum it has become.
Lori
Curious
November 25th, 2009Hi. I feel kind of stupid writing this email but I just wanted to ask someone some things that I’m afraid to tell anyone who knows me. I’ve told several friends I was wondering if I was bi or a lesbian, and none of them have judged me, but I don’t think they think I’m serious. I am serious. I am so seriously thinking that I favor girls over boys.
Last year, I asked a friend of mine who was an adult and bi if she though I could be and she said I was just young and to not really worry over it until I was older. I guess that advice still holds, but I’ve been kind of brooding over it today. Besides my thinking that I favor girls over boys, I also have never loved a boy and never kissed a boy and a part of me finds the idea of sex with a guy disgusting (I’m a virgin but porn is most definitely intriguing, especially lesbian porn). I don’t know. I’m probably not. I just needed to tell this to someone and, like I said, you don’t know me so you were safe. =]
Your insights would be greatly appreciated.
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Do I Tell My Friend?
November 17th, 2009Hello,
I came across your site tonight for the first time, and it was perfect timing. I’ve been struggling over these past couple of years, as I have very strong feelings for one of my best friends. I’m 25, going on 26 next month. My friend and I met at work a couple of years ago, and always got along really well. We make each other laugh, and are there in the tough times, as well. I had a sexual dream about her and I one night, and ever since then, have looked at our friendship in a different light.
A couple of her close guy friends are gay, and she’s very comfortable with the topic, in general. In fact, we both admit that we enjoy seeing guys in homosexual relationships (and will often, somewhat jokingly, send each other links to YouTube videos of two guys making out and such.) One of our favourite shows to watch together is Queer as Folk, and we always browse the gay and lesbian movie section at a downtown record/dvd store. We have even bought a few of them to watch together. So, we’re both very open, but I’m not sure how she feels about her own sexuality. She has dated guys before, as have I. Neither of us have been with another woman. We are moving in together on January 1st, and have talked about buying a condo together within the next couple of years. We often talk about how neither of us are interested in dating guys (and the conversation always ends up with us saying we just need to “borrow” one once in a while to satisfy our sexual needs.) I want her so much, though. And I really have no idea how she feels. I always get this energy when I’m with her, and I think we both kind of feed off each other, which ends up in this high energy/flirty kind of environment. I’m not sure she’s interested in a relationship, though. I don’t know if she is a lesbian, or even bi. I don’t know if I am, either. All I know is that I have such strong feelings for her, and I want to be with her so much.
Any advice on what to do now would be SO appreciated. I’ve been coming so close to telling her, or just making subtle moves to feel things out a bit. I’m afraid of compromising what we have, though. Especially as we will be living together in less than 2 months.
Thank you…I really appreciate your time.
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I’m In Love With My Friend
November 16th, 2009Hi I really need help here… I’m 21 yrs old and I have been in love with this girl for a loooong time… I don’t know what to do about this. I met this girl a long time ago at college and it was love at first sight for me. Then I became friends with her… We were classmates. We are not best friends, we’re just friends… but for me it was enough already. Just to talk to her is more than enough for me. Every single day I came to school not wanting to miss my chance just to see her. I was very excited to go to school just because of her. However, after we graduated we separated and she went to a different school. I was very sad. Then I tried so hard to forget about her. But still I did not open myself to anyone; I guess I still have feelings for her. Yes, it is true I am still in love with her. It is weird, right?
How can I be so in love with her? Then after a few years we meet again during school reunion. I am so excited and I look forward to meeting her. Of course, I feel sooo nervous and there was like millions of butterflies in my stomach. We met that night but she came with her best friends. I only talked to her briefly but I really wanted to spend some time alone without her friends. We never saw each other again that night and I went home feeling disappointed. We separated again and we met again two years after that. At that time, I had just finished my big exam, and when the result came out and she texted me and asked for my result. I told her and she encouraged me to go to the same university as she is. I followed her advice and then we meet again.
I told her my decision and she said that she can’t wait to see me. I was so excited and I can’t wait to see her too but of course I didn’t tell her that… We met the first day she was smiling at me and we talked shortly. Then the next few days we always bumped into each other. And every time we saw each other she will smile at me and her friends smile at me too. And I wonder why did her friends smile at me too as I did not know any of them. At a time she pulls my belongings and act as if she didn’t do it but I know it is her. She also always tries to touch me (specifically my hand by pretending to play with me)…what does she mean by this? She also tried to help me once for my big exam and again when the result came out she ask me again. And again ask me to go to the same place as her.
Oh I forgot to tell you guys that there was this one time that we stare at each other. She and I did not look away for a long time and we both look serious as I can tell. But eventually I pull my attention away as I don’t want her to know my real feelings. I am so confused by this. There is still a lot that I want to tell you. I guess next time I will tell you guys… please I need help!
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Please Help
November 12th, 2009Hi my name is Jay and I no longer live with my parents so that basically gave me more comfort to dress like a stud/Ag… I normally take the masculine side, I get shape ups & get my hair braided and I love it. I feel so comfortable this way. But my parents have no idea. Well, before I left my mothers house I was changing slowly and she realized the transition and she would get upset or annoyed and wouldn’t understand why I would do that. She also told me that as long as I’m in her house I couldn’t dress like that. My father doesn’t know I dress like that and I think if he found out he would be furious. Just cause I’m there only daughter.
Holidays are coming up and its time to see them. I don’t want to put up a front and hide the way I dress. I really want them to see and accept how I dress and how I look. I don’t want to hide it every time I see my family. I want to be myself. Can you please help and give me some pointers and advice? How should I approach this to them? Thank You
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Please Help Me…
October 21st, 2009What determines your sexuality? I think my best friend is gay and has been in the closet for a long time. She and I recently started a relationship and about 4 weeks ago, we went to a hotel room and made love all night long. As we were lying in bed together, she tells me that she can not do this anymore. That she does not want to hurt me anymore. She says she loves me to death and would do anything for me, yet she doesn’t believe she is in love with me.
Anyways, she ended up going away for awhile, and I didn’t say goodbye, after two weeks, she sent me a message of how much she missed me… I told her that there was nothing to miss, and that really upset her, long story short, one minute she says one thing and the next she says something else. I am sooo confused… she says I drive her INSANE, and I do something to her, she has never been with any other women before nor have I. She has made it clear that she does not want to lose me as her good friend. But that is not enough for me, I want more from her and I know she is capable of giving me more.
She finally admitted that she is so scared, because if she allows herself to fall for me (I think she already is) that she doesn’t believe this could go anywhere. As our culture and religion does not allow it. I really love this person with all my heart. I don’t want to loose her, yet I want so much more from her… I don’t know what to do, every time we talk, we always end up crying and one or the other is really upset and therefore, the rollercoaster starts all over again.
Please help, I am so lost without her. I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I just want to walk away from her completely and never look back, but I am so weak… please help me. What should I do? Should I leave her once and for all, or try to be patient? Unfortunately, I am not a very patient person.
What Should I Do?
October 21st, 2009Hi,
I don’t know where to start, but here it goes. I had been married for 19 years and I’m going through a divorce. For the last 2 and half years I have been in love with a female co worker. I don’t know what drew me to her, but I have never in my entire life had any sexual or any other type of attraction to women until her. We recently started dating and sleeping together. She tells me she loves me so much and can not stand the thought of losing me as her friend, but she is not in love with me. She tells me that I drive her insane, and making love to me is incredible. She has been with men her entire life as well.
Something draws us together and the connection we have is so strong. I want more from her. She is so afraid of letting me in and actually seeing where this could lead. My heart is so torn. We are always thinking about each other. We make each other laugh and have an amazing connection. A few nights ago, she decided that this was not going to go anywhere. But she does not want to loose me as her best friend. I don’t know what to do. Every time I break from her she somehow convinces me that she needs me in her life and so the rollercoaster starts all over again…
Please help; I can not keep doing this with her. Help me find the words to end this craziness once and for all…
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