Posts by dariamorgendorfer04:

Not Sure

November 15th, 2008

So about a month ago, I started feeling some weird vibes from my girlfriend. I’m the first girl she’s been with and we have been together for over a year. Anyhow, I felt weird for a while (like I wasn’t really being appreciated and loved) and then discovered that my girlfriend wasn’t sure she wanted to be in a lesbian relationship. She said she was scared of the future and was thinking about guys. She said that she was “so happy with me that it made her nervous” because she wasn’t sure she wanted to be with a woman. We took a break for a few days and at the end of the time, she said that she had come to the conclusion that she wanted to be with me, so we got back together.

Last week I started feeling the same vibes that I did a month ago. When I confronted her (a few days ago as well as last night), she told me she loved me and asked me why I didn’t trust her more. I told her I didn’t think she was as attracted to me and she looked so upset and asked what else she could do to make me believe her – believe that she was still in love with me. She looked so sincere that I thought I must be crazy, so I forced myself to trust her and fell asleep in her arms.

This morning, I was trying to leave her a loving note on some scrap paper that was crumpled and left on her desk. I opened the paper and saw in her handwriting something to the effect of “I love her, but sometimes when we have sex, I’m not attracted to her. I know I’m not gay. I think I’m going to end up with a guy. I can’t believe this relationship has lasted a year and a half! If I told her she would be so upset. What do I do? I’m not gay! HELP ME!”

I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t believe she had looked me in the eye the night before and told me she was just as attracted to me as the day we met and led me to believe I was insecure. I went home, called her up and told her we were broken up. Later, I got a phone message saying that the note was from a month ago and that she feels differently now, that we had worked through that obstacle. I’m still in love with her and want things to work out between us, but I’m not sure they can. I’ve lost so much trust in her. I can’t shake the feeling that she’s just too scared to see what life is like without me even though she’s not attracted to me. She hates the dark and doesn’t like sleeping alone. Or maybe she is just really homophobic and I should try to stick it out. My mind is so confused. What should I do?

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