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Is She Really Straight?

November 24th, 2009

Okay so here’s the deal in really really like this girl I’ve known for two years now. She is incredibly beautiful and smart. She is not afraid of acting like a dork in front of anyone and its one of the things i most like about her. But she is a straight girl… so I assume.

I am a senior now and I’ve known i was a lesbian since the seventh grade but i am still another one of those in the closet. I have never been with another girl nor have I ever kissed another girl. My best friends who I’ve been friends with all through high school have no idea I am a lesbian because I’ve been playing the straight girl role all my life. We go to parties all the time and mess around with guys from school and I join in so no one will wonder about me since the last time i had a bf was in the eighth grade.

There are no gays or lesbians out in the open at my school even though I’m sure they’re out there. People make such a big deal about anything here we’re all afraid to come out, at least I am. I really wish I could tell my friends the truth but I don’t want to scare them away either. I know that if they’re my real friends they will stand by my side no matter what, but I still can’t risk it because what if they don’t and then they go off and tell everyone else…

Anyway back to my girl. So I have known her since last year when she was in one of my classes and from the very first time I talked to her I thought she was amazing. Though I only talked to her a few times that year when we did we could go on forever. We would always tease each other and she would always play with my hair. I liked her a lot then but I simply let it pass like every other crush I’ve had on a girl because I’m always too afraid to act on it. Now this year she is in one of my classes again and we’ve been sitting next to each other all year me in front of her and she plays with my hair just like she used to. But now I’m even more attracted to her. We change seats every quarter in our class and she always cheats the system so that she ends up sitting behind me. Whenever my hands are cold she warms them up for me with her own. I don’t ever hang out with her because my friends don’t know her very well. So this week I asked her to have lunch with me and she said yes. Then I asked her again the next day which I probably shouldn’t have but I really like this girl so I did and she said she already had plans. But she apologized a million times and said she would make it up to me in a cute little note she left for me in my next class. Then she asked me to hang out with her this week after school but I couldn’t because I already had plans and she seemed really upset that she didn’t even talk to me the next day in class.

So I think she is straight and that I might be reading her wrong because a year ago she was in a relationship of a year and a half with some guy but hasn’t been in another one since. I really like this girl and I want to know if she feels the same way I feel about her because I don’t think I have ever felt like this for another person before. I really don’t know what to do because I don’t want to lose this girl as a friend but I really want to know how she feels about me if she’s scared like I am to act on our feelings. Is there any advice on how I can get hints if she’s les or not. Please help I’m in need of some advice.

Thanks a lot for reading!

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