Posts by ruggergirl:

More Ups and Downs Than a Roller Coaster

June 24th, 2009

This may be a confusing post, and for that I apologize. I came out when I was a junior in college. At that time I was so desperately “in love” with my best friend that I was CERTAIN it was because I was gay. Love for a female automatically means you’re gay, right?

A lot of my friends in college were gay, and to this day many of my circle are gay. Here’s the problem: I have since had a physical encounter with a female, and it was awful. It did nothing for me and I even ended up faking it. I have also been borderline in love with a man, but still don’t find myself physically attracted to any gender in particular. My closest circle of friends are all straight, so have never had to weigh the question of their own sexuality. My next ring of friends already assumes that I’m “family” – and the truth is, I don’t know what I am – gay, straight, bi, asexual.

Could it be I’m just in love with the idea of being in love? I know none of you can answer for me whether I am gay or straight. But any advice on how to figure it out once and for all would be greatly appreciated. Thank you!

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