Hello everyone, this is my first post here. I shall remain anonymous to protect myself, as well as the people I mention. First I shall tell you more about me. I’m Asian and 15 this year. I’m in an all girls school, and since I joined I have started feeling differently about girls. However, it only became more serious this year, and I am now very confused about my sexuality. I currently think of myself as bisexual, but I am not sure actually.

I do like guys, but I’m not sure how much, and whether I like girls more. When I see cute/hot guys, I feel like getting them to notice me but I don’t dare to flirt, because of my inexperience. I also have a sort-of boyfriend whom I just got close to recently, although I’ve known him since I was 9. He is very nice and caring towards me, and I feel very happy with him. I know that he also likes me in a more-than-friends way, just like me, as he sends flirty texts. However, I am worried about taking our relationship to the next level, one of the reasons being this is my first relationship. Also, I think that I may be bi/lesbian and I won’t want to hurt him in any way.

However, I feel a lot more comfortable being around and talking to girls. I guess this could be because of me being in an all girls school and having minimal contact with boys, hence my awkwardness around them. I like girls not just as friends, because I have caught myself staring at some of my friends and thinking about touching some of my closer friends. I don’t know if that’s normal as a teenage phase, or whether I’m really bi/les.

My best friend, whom I have known since I was 7 and is one year younger than me, has an average body and thinks she is fat, but I think she is hot. I have thought about kissing and touching her, but I’m afraid that it will ruin our beautiful friendship (We’ve been besties for more than half our lives and we have so much in common that were like sisters). She is in a mixed school, and I know that she likes guys, but I have no idea if she likes girls as I am too nervous to ask. I find myself fooling around with her, doing things like tickling her and playfully hitting her bum, and hugging her. I also tickle and hug my other friends, but in a different way. When I go over to her house, we lie on her bed and chat or use her laptop, and I find myself lying really close to her, touching her legs and snuggling close. I have no idea how she feels about this or if she minds, as she doesn’t say anything, move away or verbally acknowledge my actions, but I know that she is aware of it. I don’t know if all best friends act like that, as I’ve only had one best friend, her, since young till now. I know that we are special to each other, as we both have other close friends, but we both don’t treat them the way we treat each other. Another thing that makes me feel that she may sort-of like me back is how we address each other. I have good friends that call me dear, but my bestie calls me dear and darling openly, and in private online chats, sms’es, and away from others, she uses sweetie, lovely, honey etc, and so do I. My bestie is the main reason I think I may be bi/les, and I don’t know what to do.

I also feel a little for one of my other good friends who is in another girls school. However, I am more worried about what she might think, as she is the religious type. She is really beautiful, and has an even hotter body. I have slept over at her house and when she was asleep, I just couldn’t resist, so I cuddled really close and touched her a little, and when she shifted a little and her arm ended up around me, I was so happy. However, I have never flirted the way I did with my bestie, and she has no idea about how I feel.

After I realized that I may be bi/les, I went online to look for sites such as this to help answer my burning questions and find out more. While browsing, I came across some YouTube videos on lesbian kisses in movies and after watching them, I got really turned on and wanted to try it out. This made me feel that I wasn’t straight, and probably bisexual or lesbian. However, I still feel attracted to guys, but I really love my bestie too. And, I just got started with my sort-of boyfriend as well. So now I am really really troubled and confused about my feelings, how strong they are, whether this is a teenage phase or for real, and my sexuality. Should I continue flirting around with my bestie, and let her know, or not? And should I continue being with my sort-of boyfriend or leave him? Am I a lesbian or bisexual, or could all this be just a passing teenage phase and I’m only being curious? I’m in such a dilemma. Thanks for reading my long post, and any comments will be greatly appreciated.

<3, Anonymous girl

There’s this new girl in my school, who I am falling in love with. She is so amazing. She and a few of my friends are going to a concert on Saturday and I am super psyched. The problem is one of my friends is a boy and he is super popular. I’m pretty sure she likes him. What should I do?

I also tend to try act cool around her and end up making a fool of myself. I need some advice and you guys are my only hope. Please help me.

Alright, I’m confused and really angry.  In December, I was preparing to attend my first semester of school 1000 miles away from home.  Before I left, “Lily” and her boyfriend broke up because he felt “the relationship wasn’t going anywhere.”  Lily and I have been friends for a few years, the first of which I spent pining after her.  She returned my feelings, but because I was too cowardly to ask her out, she started dating our mutual friend.  It was kind of special for me, because it had been the first time that a crush of mine on a girl wasn’t unrequited.  She became a little depressed over it, she’s very emotional, but I believe I convinced her not to worry over me.  I got over her and no longer feel romantic about her.

Then, two years after I liked her, she has broken up with the boyfriend, and was feeling really down about it.  To try and comfort her, I tried to explain to her that she can do better, because she could have done better; she could have dated me instead of that guy.  I told her the truth, which was at one point in my life I would have given anything to be with her.

Now, she is flirting with me through texts saying how much she misses me, and to quote, that she “wants to….*ahem*…see me” really badly.  She also apparently expects a date when I come back.  I don’t know what to tell her.

I appreciate her as a friend now, but nothing more!  Was telling her that she could have had me a mistake?  I was trying to comfort her because I do care about her, but at one time she told me she was going “strictly dickly” for her boyfriend once broke my heart.  Any tips on how to approach this subject with her?

Gratefully yours,

Niki

Ok so me and my friend have been hooking up for the past month. Yes this is the same one from my other posts, the one with boyfriend, the one I live with, the one who can’t see herself in a relationship with another woman. Well we both decided that we would just “have fun” which is fine with me. I mean I have been having so much fun the sex is amazing! The only problem is that I can’t get rid of my feelings for her I can push them back for awhile but then they come right back… I mean I know that hooking up with her is probably not healthy but I can’t resist any chance I have to be with her, she just has something that pulls me towards her.

Well on with the story here, so she says that she is constantly thinking bout me and when the next time will be that we can be together again. She says she is always trying to think of ways we can do it while her boyfriend is home, like what code we can use or when he’s not going to be home… So the other night we were at this party and she said she wanted me and we ended up going to the bathroom but we got interrupted, so then we left and ended up just pulling over and doing it in the car. Well on the way home she tells me that she is always thinking of me and that she wants me in her bed! (Usually we use mine just because I figured she wouldn’t want to do it on the bed she shares with her boyfriend.) So when she said that I was shocked and I asked if she was serious and she said yes that way when she’s just laying in bed she could be thinking about me! Wow!! Like what does that mean?

So a few nights ago her boyfriend went out with his friends and she stayed home, and when I got home she said to go to her room and of course I did because I couldn’t say no to her even if I wanted to. So we had amazing sex and I really love satisfying her, I did feel a little weird because I was in the bed that her and her boyfriend share, I was a little grossed out too because they do stuff there too gross! She said that she is really comfortable with me and she has never been that comfortable with anybody else. I feel like something is there, like there is a deep connection and I think she feels it too. But then at the same time I don’t know if I’m just seeing what I want to, like I don’t know if this is all in my head. My cousin has said that when we all have gone out including her boyfriend, them two don’t act like they’re together, that my friend doesn’t seem happy, I see it too but I feel better knowing that someone else sees it too. My cousin also says that she is always looking at me and that night we went out like I would go to the bathroom or something and she would be right behind me even tho I didn’t ask her to, I figured I would let her have time with her boyfriend ya know but no she would leave him all alone on the dance floor to go with me…

So I don’t know I’m trying to not get my hopes up and I know I should stop but I can’t. Am I just being really stupid or what?? What do you all think about this? Is she in denial or is it normal for straight girls to want to have sex with girls without feelings? And if this is just about sex, why hasn’t she ever had sex with another girl these past 4 years?? Why only with me?? Any advice will be appreciated thanks!!

Hello there dearly loved sisters, doing well? I hope so. It’s me Hanna again, getting even more mixed signals from the one I love so much. I would like to say first thank you from the bottom of my heart to the ones who commented on my last post, it made me cry knowing there are people who actually are kind enough to spend their time and give me advice, thank you so much, it was greatly appreciated. <3 And thanks in advance to anyone reading this now and has a moment to perhaps offer some more words of wisdom.

Now this still concerns my best friend, the one I wrote about in my last post. For those of you who don’t know I can give you a quick summary, been best friends with this girl for about 3 years now, we are both in 9^th grade, I admitted my true and pure love to her, she doesn’t know how to react but she knows she loves me. If you may still be confused maybe reading the last post I have up will help. C:

Okay now to get to my confusion.

So I am seeing how things are turning out, still talking, hanging out, IM-ing my friend with every moment I can, I now go over to her house every Tuesday after school to hang out because we want to be with each other anytime we can. One day on Monday we were at art club, I was working on my coil pot for pottery and we were just talking about various things. We came across the subject of the future, you know what we are going to do, college, and then life after that.

Well she told me “My mom says I am going to die out there on my own if I am alone after college.” I turned to her and replied laughing “My mom says the same thing to me!” This made her laugh too, and then she said “What if we moved into an apartment together after college? Jess (her other best friend) says she is going to Japan when she gets older.” I nod and smile “Yeah sounds good!” We started laughing some more, and then it got a bit quiet and she quietly said “I- I was serious you know.” I simply replied “So was I.”

This made my heart race so much, just the thought of being with her even after High School and College really made me so happy. I brought the subject of this story up because it really sounds like my friend wants to be with me for a long time, what I was wondering however did she think only as friends then when we moved in together? I know I should have asked her then and there, but I don’t want her to pressure her into anything.

So, I’m not sure what to do. I’m really not sure. I’m falling for a girl that isn’t even aware of me. I just broke up with my girlfriend because all she wanted to talk about was sex, and never about anything else. And now we aren’t going to get back together, so it she doesn’t matter.

But that isn’t my point. I’m falling for a girl, and I have her number and everything. But I feel as if she never wants to talk to me. I always want to talk to her, or ask what she is doing. I try to text her everyday, but I’m afraid I’ll get on her nerves. We have a lot in common, and I’m pretty sure I’m falling for her, and she is going to steal my heart. And I know when I fall for her I’m probably going to hit rock bottom, and hurt myself. I want her to notice me, but I don’t want to be annoying about it. I’ll do little things just to get her to notice me, but they don’t seem to work. I don’t want to bug her. She’s different from other people, and she isn’t like everyone else. There is something about her that just stands out.

She’s smart, funny, and short. But that doesn’t matter. She is the same age as me, and we live in different states, so that is also a factor. I think that could be one reason why she wouldn’t like me, or go for me like that. I wish she would see me, for someone amazing, but I feel as if it will never be. She looks at everything in a different perspective, and not just as what it is.

I really have no clue what to do, and I need some serious help. I want to be with her, but I don’t know if she wants to be with me, or even what she thinks about me. I need a way to get notice, or a way to not fall for her. Please help me?

My situation is that I have been with my partner for nearly 10 years and love her greatly, although we have split up a number of times as I thought I had fallen out of love with her.  There is a large age difference between us. I told her when we split on one occasion that I had feelings for my dearest friend, which devastated her as her previous partner cheated on her with a mutual friend. I had a relationship with my friend and that was great but I needed them both in my life.

Cut a long story shorter… I eventually got back together with my partner but she does not want me to have any contact with my friend. She is the dearest friend I have ever had, she knows me so well and always makes me laugh, we are totally in tune with each other. We have not been in contact for 6-8 months as I try to build bridges in my relationship. But I miss her. She is now in another relationship. However, my partner still does not want me to have contact…

What can I do? Any suggestions? Can I keep my relationship and rebuild my friendship? I have hurt both of them but am sad without my friend in my life at all.

Look forward to hearing some thoughts and advice.

How do you know if someone likes you or just likes you as friends? I have a major crush on my BFF but I don’t know if I should act on it, she knows I’m 75% gay. I’m always talking about guys and girls being hot and the weird thing is that she doesn’t find anyone attractive; either she’s asexual or just weird lol. She doesn’t have a boyfriend or like no one, and pretty much just hangs out with me all the time, she tells me every single thing that happened in her day and she texted me something cute and I said wow you’re cute and she’s like you’re pretty cute yourself, and she’s always at my place and helps me clean and offers to cook for me and we just watch TV laying next to each other and I don’t know, what if I do something and I fuck it all up? I don’t wanna ruin our friendship. She’s my best friend but I like her too much… should I just let it go?

Hello, my name is Hanna. I know it may be extreme for a girl my age to say that I have found true love, but I think I honestly have fallen in love, and its no ordinary crush that most teens my age go through. I have recently discovered with myself that I am a bisexual teen, figuring out these feelings have been hard and difficult but I know they are true and is what my heart says. Even though a lot of people tell me I am too young for love, I don’t believe that love has any boundaries or limits.

Now there is this girl I meet in 7th grade, she was a quiet one, and a bit of an outcast from others or perhaps some called even a “weirdo”. I wanted to try to get to know her, because I believe everyone deserves a chance no matter what my other peers or friends might say. One day we randomly got paired up in my Face (Cooking/home class) class and I got a chance to know her. Before long we started talking and having a great time, laughing, sharing interests and without knowing forming a friendship. We were friends but by the time the quarter ended so did that class and I had no other classes with her so I didn’t get much time to talk to her again. Then 8th grade rolled around and we had the same Math class together all year long. We would talk again, she started inviting me over to her house to hang out, and we were starting a close bond with one another. But I noticed something…

So hello there everybody who is out there reading this forum.

I guess I’m here for some advice on where to turn to, how to go about my situation. I’m sixteen years of age, and I have this crush on this girl “S”, who sadly is straight and has no plans in being anything other than straight. She’s nineteen, gorgeous inside and out. She is taken at the moment and it’s killing me each and every day I see her, knowing she is way beyond my league. I’ve had simple little crushes before on straight girls but it never has lasted this long before. It’s like I need to talk to her everyday, I make up excuses just to talk to her. When I see her name pop up, my heart skips a beat, when I see her in the halls I find myself extremely happy and at a loss for words. I think about her a lot, and I try hard to stand out to her but nothing is working.

This past week, we’ve been through a lot. We’ve been fighting a lot. She would always ignore me in a way when I was with her or talking to her while all her friends were around. So I told her how I felt about it and how I didn’t like being ignored. She promised she would try harder to not ignore me, but a couple days later I walk up to her to talk to her and then some of her friends walk in after me and she stops talking to me and talks to her friends who just came in. I stood there thinking this won’t take a while, but I gave up and walked away. She called after me, but I was too upset and hurt to even bother to turn around. Later that night, after ignoring her for the rest of the day I spoke to her and mentioned how she broke her promise and all she could say was that she was “sorry” and that she “can’t keep her promises” very well.

I can’t not talk to her, but I feel like I have to try to not talk to her because I feel like I should be angry with her. But this whole night I’ve been wanting her to talk to me. I was rude with her (due to my anger) and I ignored her a lot today, I regret it all. I just want us to be able to talk about our problems without the rudeness from both sides. I don’t know how to go about any of this, I don’t know what my feelings mean, I don’t know how to act upon my feelings and I don’t know what to do about “S”.

 ~CloudEight

Well, the situation is quite complicated. I’ m bisexual and I’m attracted to my classmate. She’s bisexual too, but she has a boyfriend. She likes to flirt with other guys and girls, and she was flirting with me for a long time, too. Once, at the party, she was trying to kiss me, but her bf reacted in time. At the next party we kissed and everything started to be different, more emotional between us. Another time we, let’s say, ended up in bed together, and I think I got too involved since then.

She’s intelligent and hot, she can have whoever she wants, but still, she’s addicted to that jerk, her bf. I think she knows she shouldn’t be with him, because he’s cheating on her and they argue almost all the time. I’m really jealous of her. Anyway, sometimes she says that she loves me (I don’t know if she’s serious or it’s just a friendly ‘I love you’) and sometimes she can be really mean and treats me like I mean nothing to her. A friend of mine said I should talk to her, but I don’t want to make a fool of myself. I don’t know how to act around her and not to show my feelings for her. Should I fight for her or let her go?

Over the past year, I was with the girl of my dreams, my best friend. She is a very lovely woman, very sweet and funny. The relationship in itself went well until the very end, when it all hit the fan, and I’m left with much to desire and questions, but no answers.

It all started at the end of my freshman year. She and I were (still are) best friends, and we hung out together all the time. I had my share of crushes and flops in the closet with girls (one crush, one prior psycho girlfriend) but she had no experience. By the end of sophomore year, I realized I was deeply in love with her. Summer comes, and I haven’t gotten the guts to say my feelings… So nothing happens.
Then comes junior year…

Throughout the year, I begin to gradually come out to my circle of friends. My Aforementioned Best Friend already knew, but this might have shook her a little because I had a feeling that by then she figured out my feelings for her. More time passes and I finally get the guts to tell her how I feel. The end of junior year doesn’t turn out well; when I asked if she wanted to try going out, she turned me down. That night was awkward, especially because she spent the night at my house… We usually sleep in the same bed too, and that was REALLY awkward. When she shot me down, I needed alone time, so I walked outside and basically pouted to myself out on the porch. Well, my window is right next to the porch, and I forgot that I left it open, so whatever I said out there, she heard. So she changed her mind, out of guilt. Not the reaction I wanted, but I rolled with it anyways, ’cause I’m selfish. A couple days later she dumped me, which was okay, I guess. I didn’t want to force her into anything, at least, not purposefully.

It’s summer then and I decide to hang out over at her house. Just because she shot me down, doesn’t mean we still can’t be friends, right? Nighttime rolls around and she starts holding my hand… Confused, I just go with it. Then one thing turns to another and I decide to just go for it, and I kiss her. Very passionately, I must say. Now, a part of me is kicking myself for doing that because I knew she was so uncertain, but she decided to try to go out with me again.
That summer was magic.

Senior year goes by, and I graduate with her. A very happy couple we were. That summer though, things start going downhill. I could feel that she was getting more annoyed with me as time went by. I just ignored it like an idiot and just tried to make it work without addressing anything, until it hit the fan. She wanted a break, saying that I can go out with other people if I wanted to. Honestly I think she was giving me the option to give her the option. Two months go by and we don’t speak very much to each other.
What a bumpy road, that relationship was.

Finally the phone conversations pick up again, and we talk on the phone quite a bit. Sometimes it seems as though she wants to be with me again… she calls me really late (3:30 AM!), we talk for hours on end, and she seems to want to hang out with me a lot. I kept a journal of what she did and how she behaved, and it seems pretty peculiar. Once, I was over at her house and I had to leave, so despite my self-restraint, I reached for her with my hand, and I stroked her face. Immediately I playfully pushed her head back and went for the door when she smacked my butt. Having to always get the last smack, I threw a couple playful swats at her, and she was smiling the whole time. Her smile was so warm, like before the relationship went down the tubes. Another time she called me at about 6:30 in the morning, wanting me to come over. She threw excuses at me as to why… Our pipes were frozen, she needed help beating a boss, so on so forth. Then my phone’s battery was dying, so I had to go. She sounded so disappointed that our conversation was getting cut short. So I said that I could grab the other phone and she sounded relieved, excited even. Around Christmas time she wanted to talk to me more than to finish making presents for her family.

I keep getting vibes from her that she wants more from me. But not only am I unsure, I don’t want to “Bust a move” on her like before. I don’t want to push her into anything. I know I did before. She was unsure about her feelings but I went for her anyways. So I don’t know what to do. I want it to work. I know what I did wrong, but it might be too late. Do you think that she still might have feelings for me, and should I make a move? Or should I wait and see if she gives me any more signs?

So remember my post “need some advice”? Well a quick recap, I am in love with my best friend who I am currently living with and also who has a boyfriend. She is always flirting with me and sending me some pretty strong signals that she feels the same way.

So anyway this past Friday we had a party at our house for her birthday, it got a little crazy n we all got a little drunk. Well all the girls, her and I included went into the bathroom and everyone started making out with each other! It’s funny because all of them are “straight” except me of course. So anyways my friend, lets call her S to make it easier, and I started making out it was intense! Then we had to stop cuz all the guys were asking for there girlfriends and wondering what was going on… But we all ended up going to the upstairs bathroom and right away S and I started making out and everyone left us in there alone, we couldn’t get any further because somebody was leaving and wanted to tell her bye. So we stopped until she came back upstairs and went into her bathroom which I of course followed her and she was in her closet (she has a big walk in closet) and we started making out again, she shut the closet door it was real intense, but before we could get any further her friend came knocking on the door saying that her boyfriend was asking for her. I was so frustrated!

So today, Sunday, we were talking, well texting and I asked her if she regretted it and she said no, and I told her that I wanted more with her and she said she did too! She said she was confused and torn and didn’t know what to do about Scott… I told her to do what feels right, to do what is going to make her happy. She kept saying that she doesn’t wanna hurt me or her boyfriend but she wants me and she can’t get that night out of her head. So I asked her how she feels when we kiss and she said good and that I’m an amazing kisser but she thinks it means something different to her than it does to me. Totally not what I wanted to hear, so I asked her what she was confused about because I got totally lost. She said that what she wants from women and what I want from women is different; she said she could never see herself in a relationship with a woman. Wow!

I thought I would have been upset but actually it feels good to know for sure now and who knows maybe over time something more will happen but I’m not going to wait around for her I am going to find me a beautiful girl! She and I will be friends just like before and maybe even fool around every once in a while… But thanks for all of your advice; you all really helped to give me that confidence to say it out loud to her.

I’m so glad I found this site. I need help. I hooked up recently with an old best friend of mine. My old feelings for her surfaced and I’m madly in love with her. The problem is that she’s straight and has been involved with many men and even has kids. But we talk and connect so much that I am wondering how she feels towards me.

Sometimes, I feel like she is flirting with me when she tells me how she can look sexy in a certain outfit. One time she told me that she’s got red bra & panties for Christmas, when I asked her if she has a Santa Claus outfit. Of course when she said that it just drove me crazy! I don’t know what to think. She’s told me she loves me. But another friend of mine says that she’s just probably feeling good and that’s why she flirts. Women flirt with anyone.

But do they really? Do straight women flirt to other women like that? My other friend also told me that she probably just loves me as a friend and that I probably just don’t know how to receive it because I’m in love with her. She says that everything she says just may have some meaning for me. But I don’t know if she’s right. Recently I told my best friend I was gay and she seemed okay with it. She keeps telling me she’s straight and asked me how it was for me the first time I was with a woman as she’s never been with a woman.

She asked me if I was comfortable or not. I told her I was comfortable and she said that was good. We connect so much on so many levels that she’s told me our friendship is special. Some time ago, we lost touch because I freaked out because I couldn’t handle my feelings for her and she kept talking about guys. It scared me away. She said she was hurt and confused. But I wondered why she would be hurt when I thought only a man could ever hurt her and not me. I can’t figure her out.

Sometimes she emails me a lot and lately she’s subsided. Maybe she’s busy, I don’t know….I just came out to her as well…I don’t know if she’s thinking of that….she said that she’s accepting of it….When she went out of town during Christmas, I got an email saying she missed me. So I wonder how she really feels towards me. Is she really straight like what she says? She says she’s a hugger when it comes to friends….Or is she bi? And doesn’t know it? Please help and give me your opinions! Thanks!

I’ve been hiding around ever since I can remember, I wasn’t a normal little girl who played with Barbies and liked to put make up on. I guess no one made much of it, but I always knew. Since elementary, ever since I have a memory…I’ve liked girls. Of course it was a silly crushes when in elementary, but I hid it well. I honestly didn’t make much of it either. I always thought myself as one of the guys… not in the whole extent but I loved hanging with my buddies. I played soccer with them, I laughed at their jokes, I played card etc. I was always surrounded by guys and I got along with them more than with girls. Time went by and nothing changed, I had crushes here and there but obviously never more than that. I knew that it was never mutual. It was till high school where things got harder for me…a popular homosexual. I am very well known around town; well I do live in a small town. I sing and that’s why many people know me, I’m also very out going, and people like my sense of humor. I’m a tomboy but I was relieved that the fact that I was that didn’t scare people away. I am currently 17, but my mom says I was born 30 years old. I don’t like fooling around, and even though I am what I am… I am also catholic. So I have lived with people letting me how bad it is to be what I am, I believe god loves us all no matter what so I let that slide. I have morals thought and I’m not one to go out and experiment… I already know what I am. People who don’t know me have often confused me with being a guy… it doesn’t bother me as much as it should. But here’s my story.

I am 19 years old. I recently came out to my parents and the response was not good. They’re strong Christians and they kicked me out. With no money or stuff… my friend J let me stay at her apartment for as long as her roommates would allow. It lasted about a week. It was the best week of my life! We slept in the same bed and fooled around a lot… she’s had several partners and I’ve never actually had sex with a woman. Yet. But I wanted to be with her but I didn’t want to make the first move in that direction or seem easy or something… J believes in free love. No relationships, so when we were talking she explained that to me and of course I said that’s no problem I can control myself… lol well… I didn’t do a very good job.

Right now I’m staying 5 minutes away from her and I go see her almost every day and she acts like she still likes me in how she hugs me and touches my hair and smiles all the time… But she hasn’t kissed me or anything since… I don’t know if she just wants to be friends now? Or she’s waiting for me to make a move? She confuses me and the worst part is I love her. And I’m not supposed to. It’s not what she wants. But I can’t help it. I need some advice… I should probably talk to her but I don’t want to make our friendship awkward. Because if she will never love me like that I can handle that. But I can’t handle losing her completely. Please help!

To start with I’m 17, soon to be 18, I’m a junior and I have fallen for my best friend. She knows I’m gay and she claims to be straight. But she told me that she has feelings for me. And I told her how I felt about her and she told my other friend that I was so sweet and romantic and that’s what she likes. I catch her looking at me and then we lock eyes and the feeling I get when we lock eyes it’s like no other. And she feels the same way. And I don’t know if I should believe her or not; she knows that I love her and that I would give her what she wanted and treat her like no other… She says we’ll we need to figure out what we are feeling and we decided on a kiss but it hasn’t happened yet. When we talk we just go on and on we could talk 24/7 if we could… she always wants me to play with her hair and rub her neck… and the things we do and talk about kinda leads me on and I don’t know what to do… I try to impress her but I don’t think it works… I’m just confused I guess…

Can someone give me some advice or if you need to know more to understand just let me know and I will tell you.

Hello, so am 18 years old and I live in a country where lesbians are not given their rights, I knew I was a lesbian since I was little and I didn’t tell anyone about me , and two years ago I met R (who is straight) in high school  and she became my best friend, I fell in love with some girl in my school and I didn’t tell her because she was straight but I told my friend R about me and I told her that I was in love with this girl, and she told me to forget about her because she doesn’t know and she doesn’t care.

6 months later I got over that girl , and me and my friend R used to talk on the phone for hours about everything , and few months later I fell in love with my friend R and I told her but she told me that she loves me but not in the same way and am like a sister to her and that I shouldn’t expect anything from her and I should just love someone else , but I just couldn’t get over her because I see her everyday and she is my best friend.

When my birthday came a few months later she told me that she has a surprise for me and when I went to her house to spend my birthday there she kissed me on my lips and she told me that she thinks it’s wrong and she was almost going to puke but she did it for me, I don’t know what am going to do I love her so much and until now every time I go to her house or when she comes to me we have a great time and she let me kiss her if I want to and she let me hold her, but every time when we’re outside in some place and she see some guys she told me that she think he has a great body or that she want to touch his muscles and she wants him for her.

She always tells me that if she met a hot guy this year or the next few years and he proposed to her she will say yes and she will  have babies with him and I always listen to her and pretend that I am okay because she’s my best friend when I feel like I want to die. I don’t know what I should do. I love her more every day and when she’s not with me I feel like am losing my mind.

Hello, my name is Lucy and I am 14 years old.

I’m pretty sure that I’m a lesbian because the only males that I’ve ever been attracted to are men like Pete Wentz, Gerard Way, or Johnny Depp… ou know, rock stars and movie stars (and rather feminine rock stars and movies stars at that!) Other then them, I’ve only ever been attracted to girls. At first I was reluctant to admit that I was a lesbian, I thought of myself as being bisexual because I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it if it was just a phase… But, now I’m completely sure that it’s not a phase. I have a girlfriend. Her name is Emma and we’ve been a couple for almost an entire year, although we’ve known each other for five years and have been very close friends. This is where my concerns begin…

First of all, Emma isn’t a lesbian… she’s bisexual. This only bothers me because I’ve never felt like I was good enough to be her girlfriend. Even though she constantly reassures me that she thinks I’m pretty, and beautiful, and that she loves me very much, I still have the tendency to get very jealous and insecure when guys talk to her. Emma is adorable. She’s the same height as me (about 5′1), thin, she has bright green eyes and short brown hair. She’s a very cheerful, optimistic person and everyone that meets her immediately falls in love with her. I’m almost her exact opposite. I’m not quite as thin as her. I have short, spiky black hair. I’m a very emotional person, it’s very easy to make me cry or to annoy me and I’m a pessimist. In short, I much prefer books to people. The only person that makes me truly happy is Emma! It doesn’t matter how bad of a mood I’m in, all I have to do is hear her voice or look at her face and I feel happy! I know it sounds really cliché, but I really do think that I’m in love with her. So, the thought of losing her absolutely terrifies me! Not only are guys constantly hitting on her, but our friend Samantha (who is bisexual and, in my opinion, much more attractive then me) is always hitting on her too!! I really don’t trust Samantha, she asked Emma out before I had even told anyone that I was bisexual (I had had a crush on Emma since 6th grade, but was too afraid to tell her) Emma turned Samantha down, told me what had happened, then told me that the reason why she hadn’t agreed to be Samantha’s girlfriend was because she wanted to go out with me! Emma and I have been a couple ever since. Although I trust Emma and I know that she would never do anything that she thought would hurt me…I also know how gullible she is and how manipulative Samantha is! I don’t want to be controlling and tell Emma that I don’t want her to hang out with Samantha if I’m not with them…but, it really scares me to know that I could lose her!

Another problem that I have is that I want to be a little more intimate with Emma. I don’t mean sex, we’re only 14 and I think that’s a bit young for that sort of thing. What I mean is that I want to kiss her more. We’ve only ever hugged and kissed very briefly on the lips. I’m very deeply attracted to her and I’d like to try kissing her open-mouthed…But, I’m pretty shy and don’t know how to go about asking her. If she’s not interested in being more intimate, I don’t want to scare her off by coming on too strongly.

It would really mean a lot to me if someone could please give me some advice.

Okay, I’m not really sure how this whole thing works but I guess I’ll tell you my situation and hopefully you can give me some form of advice. I’m almost 18 years old and for the past 3 years, I have had feelings for my best friend that is a girl, her name is Amy. When Amy and I first started getting close and I developed a crush on her, she started dating Rick, who was my close guy friend. I told Rick everything, even about my secret feelings for Amy. But now, Rick was dating Amy and I felt very betrayed and hurt, but I didn’t want to stop being friends with Amy. So, over the following months, I stood by Amy’s side as a friend, a close friend, one that she always talked to about her problems, even the problems with her and Rick. Rick ended up cheating on Amy a couple times while they dated, but Amy always gave him the benefit of the doubt because she said she loved him. This broke me of course, but I wasn’t going to act selfishly. I tried to be supportive of Amy and Rick’s relationship, but then I started to see that he controlled her and really didn’t care about her. He was using her for her love and her body and she was too involved to see. Everyone told her this, her family, and her counsellor. It wasn’t until this past summer that Amy and Rick finally broke up, and her and I got really close, closer than ever.

She told me that even while she dated Rick, she had feelings for me, and Rick saw that and hated me for it. I guess they used to argue about me a lot, he didn’t want her to hang out with me anymore but she didn’t want to let me go completely, but she did limit our communication for him. I would always speak out to her about it and she’d feel bad and cry a lot. But again, back to this past summer. It had been nearly two months since Amy and Rick broke up and Rick was dating a younger girl. Amy and I got drunk one night ad ended up having sex and cuddling together through the night. We acted all flirty and ‘together’ for the week after, but then it all stopped when she started talking to Rick again. Her and I started losing touch, she was falling apart, but I knew she needed me as a friend so I stood by and pretended I wasn’t hurt or felt used.

Rick and her stopped talking again during the summer, and Amy started messing with one of my exes who is a guy. His name was Mike. Mike tried to go all the way with Amy but she wouldn’t let him. Then whenever she was with me, we’d cuddle on her couch, watch TV, and fall asleep in each other’s arms at night. She gave me butterflies and I thought her and I could be more than friends. She then told me she was done with Mike and she was never going to hurt me. Summer ended, school began, and she started talking to Rick again but it didn’t damage Amy and I’s closeness.

Her and I kissed a lot and had sex every weekend during a sleepover. I really felt like she was mine, my love, the only one I wanted to give everything to. She then asked me out, and it was the happiest day of my life. She actually seemed like she had feelings for me. But it only lasted a week. Amy started talking to Rick while she and I were dating and he threw his charm upon her. She couldn’t resist and we broke up. She told me that everything that ever happened between us was a misunderstanding. It broke my heart and I really wanted to end my life. But, I tried to pretend it never existed, that I never had feelings for her. It never really worked. Especially when Amy and Rick started dating not long after she broke up with me. Call me pathetic but I would cry every time I saw her smile when she was with him. But I still tried to be a supportive friend, so I stood by her side and acted like nothing was wrong. I didn’t want to lose her, I feel like I can’t live without her. But a month later, Amy saw that Rick never changed and he was still the controlling guy that only wanted her for show and her body. She broke up with him, hated him, and stopped speaking to him.

It’s been over two months since she broke up with him, and she hasn’t said a word to him. She and I hang out 4 or more times a week, and we are really close. She holds my hand sometimes, linked and all. She also touches me as if I were her lover or her girlfriend, but we are just friends. Ever since she broke up with me I’ve had it in my mind that everything between her and I was something I created in my head, and she only wants to be my friend, so I don’t act on my feelings anymore or well I try no to. Sometimes it’s hard to resist, like when we have tickle fights and her face gets close to mine. Sometimes we end up making out, sometimes we do more. But the next day we won’t talk about it, well just hug each other a lot and say ‘I love you’. She also cuddles with me when we sleep together. I don’t want to be stupid and think she has feelings for me when she probably doesn’t, but I can’t stop having feelings for her. I feel like she is my world and I have to do everything possible to make her life better. I feel like she is my girl, and I want to protect her from harm. But she is not my girl, and I’m trying hard to forget my feelings for her. I’ve even tried to get closer to guys. I’ve even kissed a few. But every time I kiss a guy or someone else that isn’t Amy, I feel guilty and that no one can possibly make me feel the way that she does. But, she doesn’t want to be with me; at least I’m pretty sure she doesn’t. She still says she loves Rick and she dreams about him and misses him and stuff, but she still acts like she’s my lover.

What am I to do? How to I just stay her friend and forget my feelings or learn to control them?

This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.

I go to college about nine hours away from home, and now it’s inter-semester so I’m home for about a month. My dilemma lies inside a coffeehouse cafe in my home town. There’s this waitress, who is gorgeous and into a lot of the same things as myself. I frequent this place not for the food or coffee, but her, I think she knows it too. She flirts with me every time I’m in there complimenting me on something every time I come in (which is very often), she’s the only one that comes over to my table and stares at me the entire time I’m there. I of course am looking at her as well because she is beautiful.

I am always with friends when I go in there (it’s that kind of place) and I’m always tempted to ask her out. I’ve been afraid that I’m misreading the signals but every time I walk by the place, she comes outside and talks to me, (she says she’s taking a cigarette break, but there’s never a cigarette in her hand) and whilst I’m waiting for a table outside she comes out and talks to me (this only happens when I’m by myself).  I don’t know what to think about it. I’m only home for a few more weeks and would love to talk to her. Do you think she digs me or I’m just misreading the signals?  Oh btw she is older then me, I’m 20 I think she’s about 25. I can’t get her out of my head! I would like to start the new decade resolving this problem!

I am 17 years old. Soon to be 18. I have a problem. I am a straight girl well that’s what I think. But now I really am not so sure about that. On and off I have always wondered if I was bi and I really think I am. But that isn’t so much the problem. My problem is the fact that I deeply and full heartedly believe I am in love with one of my best friends. Which as you can tell is a girl and a lesbian. I don’t know what to do though. I think we both feel the same but I don’t know…

My heart just leaps when I talk to her and I love being near her. She always makes me smile and our relationship is complicated, we have been through a lot together as friends. But now I just I don’t know how to continue being just friends. None of my friends have any idea that I am admittedly bi. They all think I am straight. Including my five best friends. If this goes anywhere things could really change for me. My family has no idea. One of my five best friends is her ex and first love whom she does not have a good relationship with. Another of my best friends would just freak. And another one of them, I don’t know how she would react because I think she already thinks something is going on. It’s very confusing I know. That’s why I am asking for help.

I know I am in love with her. I can feel it to my core. But neither of us has the courage to tell one another. We keep trying but it’s just not happening. I don’t know how to just admit it and I don’t know what I should do after that? Please I really need advice.

Last year, my freshmen year of college, a friend of mine told me his friend had a crush on me. I thought nothing of it; I never told anyone about my past relationships with women so there was no suspicion about my sexuality. Anywho, this woman told me and hinted to me time and time again that she was into me. We cuddled, I slept in her bed a lot and a few times I almost acted on my growing feelings towards her. Everyone thought we liked each other but no one ever said anything, she had many boys that she would sleep with but always went back to me and told me she loved me. I never acted on anything until one night, we kissed, we fingered, we got caught. After that night we never really did anything else. I told her I was bi, now I have a girlfriend, she has a boyfriend. But she still texts me every now and again telling me she wants to cuddle. We are great friends now, my girlfriend is studying abroad next semester, we are breaking up. What should I do about her? I’ve always liked her.

Yeah, uuhm, ok. My story’s kinda long & awkward. I’m also writing it at 3:30 am so, the spelling/grammar may be odd. Alright. I’m 16. I think I might be bi, or something. I’m in Canada, I’m not sure if that’s relevant. Whatever. I’m kinda maybe in love with my closest friend, B. I don’t know if I’m writing this in the right place on here; the screen on my iPod is kinda small  & warps websites. I can’t risk my parents seeing this on the history. And it’s 3:30am, so turning on the computer would wake them.

Anyway, back to my problem. I’ve kinda had feelings for my friend on and off for 3 years, if u count elementary school where it was more subconscious than anything. Her best friend is not me, but she’s my closest friend, which already feels pathetic. The past three years I’ve been freaking out. But when I’m with her, I’m so happy, I don’t care. In grade nine I told another friend I thought I could trust& she told someone. We were fighting. My closest friend, B, who I’m kinda in love with wondered why me and this friend D were fighting. I explained D had told one of my secrets. Of course B wanted to know the secret. She guessed, eventually asking “you don’t like girls, do you?” Well, after she said it like that. “Of course not!” I replied. I’m a liar. What else is new? Well, the year before, I mentioned to my mom that B had never had any crushes on boys. I had crushed on boys since third grade, and I found B weird. Her best friend G didn’t like boys either. It’s been years, we’re in grade eleven, and they have still yet to have a crush on a boy. Well, they like movie stars, but I feel that doesn’t really count. Well, back to grade eight. My mom wondered if B and G might be gay. Anyway, in gr9, when this fight with D was going on, I became almost depressed. I found it hard to get up in the morning, and fell into bed when I got home from school. I pulled it together after a month or so.

That summer, B invited me and G up to her cottage. One night when we were hyper on sugar, she brought up “have you guys ever had a crush on a girl?” it turned out we all had. But B tried to wave it off. “My mom says it’s because I’ve been at our all girls high school and my hormones are looking for replacements because there are no boys around” I wasn’t totally convinced, but it might just been my fantasy talking. I admired to liking B in the past, but said I didn’t like her anymore. G thought she was bi, like me. When school started up I tried to talk to G a bit about it, but both her and B pretended the conversation never happened. Somehow I got through grade ten. In that summer, I was not invited to her cottage. I went to summer school, and my class was all boys except for me& one other girl. At first I was so shy I kept jumping up to go to the washroom. They were all really cute/hot. I had a hard time talking to them until the last week. I had crushes on two guys. Every time I was around them I’d blush and fluster and rack my brain trying to think of things to say.

After summer school I talked to them over the Internet, and even then my heart would thump, and things I’d say would come out so wrong and I’d freak. But after august, they weren’t online, or ever said hi back, and by September I’d completely forgotten about them. I was scared to see B again. We have 2classes and lunch together. It’s so much fun! She’s the most hilarious, beautiful person I know. I find myself constantly trying to impress her, make her laugh, make her smile, pay attention to me. I succeed maybe half the time. In drama, when we put on our Christmas presentation for the school, when we were practicing, some days she had to fill in and play the boy who has his arms around me, I walk sexily towards & flirt with & he hits on me. I was charged with electricity that day. Plus, she’s a better actor. When we had to lip-sync all I want for Christmas is you, she’d joke around and sing the words overly exaggerated to me. Or someone else. The part of ‘more than you’ll ever know’ made me laugh inwardly at the irony. In world religions, our teacher calls us the dynamic duo, and even said we make a cute couple, which made me so lost. Because I find her so remote around me sometimes. Like she’ll hug and joke around with everyone but me. I can’t help wanting to touch her.

One time her hair kept getting caught in her glasses, and I just reached out and fixed it without thinking. I did that two more times. The last, her hair wasn’t even messy. I just reached out. She didn’t catch on, or at least I don’t think so. But sometimes when I’m around her and G, I feel so left out. They have the same interests. Like girl on girl anime stuff, because they say the ’stories are better’. Uhm, ok? And when a girl in our drama class told us she wasn’t straight, but her best friends straight but lets her touch her, B says “like G and me”. Our other friend said, “yeah, but u don’t touch each other” B says “or do we?” I can’t tell if she was joking, but it didn’t sound like a joke to me. I’m SO lost here. I know it’s been long & rambling, but I feel like I missed my chance, and I don’t know what to do. Any insight will be GREATLY apreciated!

Well, I’m sixteen. I’m pretty sure I’m bi, because I like guys too, but I go to an all girls school, so it’s kind of like they don’t exist.
Anyway, I started wondering about being not so straight in grade seven I didn’t tell anyone, but I thought I might not be straight.

I liked my friend K, but after a while I sort of blocked it from my mind. I didn’t really think about it, but I’d always have more fun when she was around. I was jealous that I wasn’t her best friend. Her best friend was L. We all went to the same high school, which is all girls.

I liked K a lot more in grade9 when there weren’t any boys to have flimsy crushes on, and I thought about her a lot. I lost sleep. Every night I’d think about her before falling asleep. But we rarely saw each other, with no classes together. I met a girl in my math class who shocked me. D. She was atheist, and I’d never known anyone who wasn’t catholic, Jewish, or Muslim, and she had very specific opinions on everything! She amazed me. D blocked out thoughts of K. But by then I was freaking out about being bi, and really felt I needed to tell someone.

You know how it’s easier to tell people you don’t really know? Well I told H over txt message, which was stupid. She told someone, B, who told me. I freaked. We had this big fight, but no one really knew. I told K that H and I were fighting because I told H a secret, and she told someone. K tried to guess the secret, asking “you don’t like girls, do you?” “Of course not!” I replied, feeling so guilty.

The fight blew over, but I’m never comfortable in the same room as H anymore. That summer, K invited L and I up to her cottage for a few days. On the second night, we were hopped up on way too much sugar at about 2am, and K asks L and I if we’ve ever liked another girl.

K says she did. But her mom told her that it was probably because she isn’t around boys, so her hormones are looking for replacements. I was surprised she told her mom. L said that she was sure she was bi. She had liked a lot of girls I knew, one MR who was really hot. I admitted to liking D, and that I’d liked K in elementary.

I thought I’d found people I could talk to, but in the morning they acted like it hadn’t happened, and K was really bitchy for the rest if the time. In gr10 I tried to talk to L a bit, but it never worked. We never brought it up again.

I fell on and off for K and D. This past summer K didn’t invite me over to her cottage. We actually have classes this year, and dramas really fun, but she like wrestles with this other girl, and is really free with hugs and stuff with everyone but me. I act normal, but one time she caught me staring at her.

In religion class our teacher calls us the “duo” and said we make a cute couple, which made no sense at all. Especially seeing as our school is catholic.

She’s my best friend, but I’m not hers, that’s L. I’m driving myself crazy thinking about it. It scares me how much my happiness depends on her, like today I sent her a merry Christmas email, and was feeling really crappy, but when she replied back I danced around in my seat and was a grinning fool for a few hours.

I don’t know what to do at all. I don’t think she likes me, I don’t even know if she’s bi. I know she never had crushes on boys in elementary school. Like me, she’s never been on a date, never had a first kiss. I know, we’re unusual for 16 year olds. I really don’t know anything and the ‘what if’s are driving me crazy! If anyone has any insight, please help! I apologize for the extreme longness of the post, but I don’t know how to make it shorter. I’m also writing at 4am, which is probably making me ramble. I really haven’t slept well for over 3 days in a row since gr6. Advice would be greatly apreciated!

This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.