Hello again everyone. I posted here a little while ago, talking about my online girlfriend coming to meet me for the first time. I’m Shauna. (:

My best friend’s name is Maria. We’ve been best friends since our freshman year in high school and now we’ve graduated. She’s the only one I can talk to about literally everything, and she totally understands the relationship I have with my girlfriend (y’know, the whole online we-live-across-the-country-from-each-other thing and all). So about two years ago, before I met my girlfriend, Maria, her boyfriend, her brother and I all went to this park at night. We’d been hanging out all day and most of the night, and we were pretty ‘hyper’, I guess? For lack of a better word. Anyway, we ended up playing truth or dare, just kind of joking around, and Maria and I made out. And I mean really made out. At the time I’d been questioning my sexuality and had begun to realize that I may be gay. I’d also never kissed someone before, and my hormones were going crazy at the time. As we were making out, I was totally LOVING it, and I found a new thing about myself: Making out is one of the funnest things I’d ever done. As I was thinking about how much fun I was having, nothing romantic ever even crossed my mind. We were kissing and that’s it. I didn’t feel anything for her, and I didn’t think she felt anything for me. Then a year later (during that year Maria had broken up with her boyfriend and was trying to figure out her own sexuality) we were talking on the phone and in so many words she told me she loved me. I didn’t feel the same, and her confession came as a shock to me so I didn’t really say anything about it, and we kinda forgot about it. (at least I did.) Fastforwarding to two nights ago. My girlfriend will be here in California in 7 days, and I’ve been feeling kind of anxious about it (more details on that in my previous post). That night Maria and I’d been hanging out all day again, and we went to that same park. Now I take full responsibility for what happened, because it was all my idea. Basically, we kissed again. It was nowhere near as long or intense as previously, and that was only because Maria stopped it. I blamed me wanting to kiss her on my hormones again, but underneath that I was kind of scared. Here I was about to meet the girl of my dreams in a week, and I was completely insecure. I thought, what if we don’t click? What are we going to do? What if we DO click? How can I go back to phone calls and texts after being with the real thing? It’s like going from marinara sauce to ketchup. It just wouldn’t be the same. So I kissed Maria, because I knew that she loved me. I knew it would be so much easier to just love her and be with her, and break up with my girlfriend. But when Maria stopped she woke me up. She told me she couldn’t do it because of Ashley (my girlfriend). She was the one who was saying the things that I should have been, what I should have already known, and what should have kept me from kissing her in the first place. So I felt terrible, and I was spilling my guts about how I felt about Ashley, my concerns, how I was going to be content with a long distance relationship, even for just a little while. And while I was spewing, in the back of my mind I knew that this must’ve been hurting Maria. Hearing the girl she loves going through so much pain because she loved someone else so much. But I couldn’t stop. And now, we’re back to normal again. We pretend like it hasn’t happened, but I still feel terrible. I basically have been leading my best friend on all this time, because I never told her that I have no wish at all to be anything more than friends with her. I also feel terrible because I willingly kissed another girl, knowing full well that I promised my girlfriend, and she me, that I would never cheat on her.

So having read all of that, I’m asking you TLQ, what should I do? I’ve told my girlfriend how Maria feels about me, but not that we kissed. She told me to just give it to her straight, but that’s hard. I know I need to do it though. Also, should I tell Ashley that we kissed? And that I even considered trying to love another girl? Granted, I don’t love her. But I still kissed her. And I think it’s only fair to be truthful with the girl I truly love because I respect her enough to tell her. But I thought about how I would feel if she told me the same thing. I would never trust her again, especially since they lived so much closer to each other than we did. That, combined with the fact that early on she told me that cheating would be the ultimate dealbreaker, is making me hesitate about telling her. I truly believe that she loves me to death, as I do her. And I truly believe that she would leave me. Or if she didn’t, our relationship would never be the same.

-sigh- Thanks for reading.

This might seem weird, and I really don’t mean any offense (I always hate questions, statements, rants, etc, that exclude certain groups of people or seem to indirectly put down other groups)…

I am very frustrated by the seeming lack of resources for older lesbians to meet, communicate, get advice, etc. And I’m not really even talking about being in your 40s or 50s. I’m 29. It’s just that I have noticed that every lesbian-oriented site I visit seems to have a more active teen and twenty-something population than 30+ population.  This is not to say that the older lesbians aren’t there…they just aren’t as active, or the bulk of the discussions on those sites don’t really match, what I feel is, a more mature woman’s palate. Over at AfterEllen, there are sections explicitly for 30-somethings and 40-somethings, and those sections aren’t that active. And I feel like even lesbian sites that really are for all lesbians get a little overrun by younger ones such that even when there are older ones they’re hard to identify.

Unfortunately, the internet really is the only way I have of meeting women for friendships or dating or what have you…and the impression that I keep getting–which I know is incorrect–is there are few lesbians 30+ out in cyberspace for me to interact with. And I’m not looking for dating sites where you have to pluck out lesbians one by one, and I’m not necessarily even looking to date (I am attracted to mainly older women, though, i.e. late 30s and 40s)–I just want to find a group of lesbians who are talking about more than Lady Gaga/The L Word shows/pop culture, clubbing/the bar scene, crushes, coming out, the same old gay rights debates and just the other usual topics. I really miss just having people around to have mature conversations with, and it would be great if they were lesbians since my friends are mainly straight females.

I don’t mean to imply that women younger than 30 can’t have mature conversations or offer helpful advice…I don’t know…I guess, personally, I have never really gelled with people my age (I grew up in a family where everyone was older than me). Even when I participated in LGBT groups in school, it just never worked for me…and the one friend I made from any of those groups is an older gay male, haha. And now that I’ve finished school, I don’t even meet gay people my age and, like I said, the internet is full of teens and early twenty-somethings.

Am I alone on this?

Hi, I’m 14 & 2 of my friends are really homophobic and I want to tell them that I am a lesbian but I fear that they will tell everybody because I am not yet out of the closet but I feel sometimes that if I do not tell them they will realize that I love women and men do not interest me at all and they are going to become crazy telling everyone that I’m 100% lesbian.

But one of my (boy) best friends is really gay and he told them that he is gay and they threat him well so maybe everything is going to be okay and they going to accept me. But I still have fear of opening up to them! So what should I do? Open up to them or not? Please help me!

~Alondra~

This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.

I’ve been in love with this girl I met in high school since my junior year and I haven’t been able to get over her. It’s been 3 or 4 years now and I really would love to forget her. She broke my heart because she left and moved to a different city. At first when she moved she would email me but than it just stopped. After a year passedund her number and called her but she didn’t want to talk to me;she just hung up and that tore me up because I thought what we had was special. I had written to her a few times but she never wrote me back. So I just stopped but I think what hurts me the most is that I don’t know why she doesn’t want to talk to me. I rather she would tell me something like to leave her alone or something but no sometimes I think it is because I’m the first girl she’s ever been with. I know she did love me at some point but now I just want some closure even if she was to tell me something that would hurt me. I have been with other girls but that was before her and they didn’t mean nothing to me. I feel in love with her and I have never felt this kind of love. So now I just want to forget her.

What should I do to forget her? Do you think it would be wrong for me to go see her? Because I know where she lives but I’m scared when I go what I’m going to find. I’ve been single for a long time every now and then I mess around with some guy friends but I haven’t found anyone that would make me forget her. I’m bi by the way and it’s hard for me to find girls; what should I do?

Thanks for reading. xD

Okay, so I’ve known I was bi for a very very long time, as I experienced kissing a girl in year four, and it escalated from there. I’m going to be starting year nine soon so I’ve been bi for a while. Only 4 of my very best friends know about this and one of my best friends I’ve fallen for. It started out as just a silly crush and then I fancied her now I can’t stop thinking about her, I know I’m in love with her and she knows how much I feel for her too. But the problem is – she’s completely straight; she told me outright she’ll never love me and I don’t know what to do. I miss her when she’s gone and I can’t stop thinking off her.

She’d be my first girlfriend because I usually only think of girls in a more sexual way then relationship (I’m currently dating a guy). I told her I want to kiss her, and she said that if I did she’d hate me forever. I have no idea what to do and I wish she’d love me back! How should I approach this?

I have tried to talk to her about kissing, but she’s having none of it. I’m going out of my head and cant move on, she doesn’t care mostly about how I feel, she’s my best friend and I don’t wanna loose that, but I’m also completely in love with her. I’m scared if I do kiss her she really will hate me – and that she’s not just saying threats.

Help!

First of all, I’m not so good in English. Hope U can understand even if sometimes my words turn upside down, lol.

I have a problem, keep messing with my mind. I’m a closet lesbian, no one knows I am. But I ever had a relationship with a girl, but then we broke up because she actually already have bf… and I feel like I’m not really into her… maybe just to fill my loneliness and it was her who bravely said she loved me. There’re many girls attracted to me but I ignored them because I want to concentrate on my studies & don’t want to slip into any problems anymore with this kind of relationship. Oh… for your information, I’m quite boyish & I looked ‘handsome and charming’ – that’s what they said.

But, when I finished my studies & started working, I changed my appearance to a very feminine side (but my cool is still in), tried to change my life. Anyway, I still didn’t have feeling for boys but no relationships with girl too. The problem occurred when I met this woman (she’s already married with 2 sons).  At 1^st sight, I didn’t feel anything. But after several meetings, I felt something had bloomed between us. I started to confuse & suffer with the feeling.

Actually, the way she acted caused me headache. I don’t have any clue does she loves me or not. She get closer to me day by day but one day, I made a mistake by ignoring her once (only once), & she keep avoiding me after that… really strange. she looks angry but at the same time she seems wants me to get jealous of her by getting closer with my other friend…It hurts me, not because I’m jealous but because she avoid me, didn’t want to look at me, & didn’t reply me when I’m talking. But I keep talking to her & she started to talk to me after I tried so hard. At 1^st, she looked shy & always smiles when talking to me. After that, we became friends as usual and at that time she left my friend… obviously she was only trying to make me jealous.

I’m still confused if she loves me or not. Here is the situation, she treated me n my friends dinner, & my friends get a little surprise because she never treat them before (actually I’m a new worker there). N then there was one boy came to my life, from friends recommendation and she found out, she prevent me to accept him with a reason, go get other handsome man. Actually, I’m not into that boy too. She asked me to hang out again but never got a chance because of work. N she asked me to accompany her to do her work in a very romantic way but I can’t because of work too. She always tried to touch me every time we met. She looks so jealous if I’m with another girl or guy (especially guy)…if she saw it, she won’t speak to me, acts like I’m not there. & there’re many other signs, too long to be told

At the same time, she also made a very opposite signs of attraction. She always mentioned about her husband….I admitted I’m jealous but I won’t show it, I made it like a normal conversation. But the way she tell about her husband was strange…looks like to show off or else to make me jealous once again. She only mentions about her husband in front of me……what’s that mean? I’m suffering with this stuff…don’t know what to do…does she loves me? Or not? But I’m not going to live with her because she has a happy family as I seen. It’s just why does she tortured me like this…plz help me…tell me what did she want? Thank you for your help…

This story may seem a little unusual to many people who live in the Western liberal world. I am a half-American half-Lebanese 34 year old lesbian. I have been living in the west for years, have had several female partners, and am very comfortable with who I am. Having said so, when I used to live back in Lebanon, I was very homophobic myself and could not accept the fact that I was gay. The culture there is very different and very strong; it doesn’t allow one to think for herself. It doesn’t allow this freedom of thought and self expression. I grew up in Lebanon and only left when I was 23 and only return there occasionally to visit family.

At some point, it came to my attention that there is a rumour spreading among friends in Lebanon about me being gay. There’s no smoke without fire; a couple of close friends (who I am out to) told me they’ve heard it. It didn’t trouble me at that point since I no longer had something to worry about. What I didn’t realize is that it shied some away from me; I fell deeply in love once with a wonderful girl in Lebanon who was my best friend, she made attempts to let me know that she liked me too, but as soon as she heard the rumour she completely shut me out and until today we don’t speak.

During my last visit to Lebanon, an old acquaintance my age called me and we hung out almost every day. For now I’ll call her Sarah. Sarah and I went to the same college and knew each other from a distance, she however knew my previous best friend (the one who broke my heart) very well, and I am almost certain that she has heard the rumour about me at some point. Sarah would call/text me all the time, pick me up to go out and wouldn’t let a day pass by without seeing me. We would stare into each other’s eyes a lot, silently, without saying a word. We planned on spending a weekend together in a little town by the sea, but I had to cancel due to family obligations. At one point, when she was dropping me off, she hugged me while saying goodbye, we hugged for an extended period and almost kissed. Afterwards, she always made sure she was speaking on her cell phone when picking me up and she never hugged me again when dropping me off. We never discussed my sexual orientation. Knowing how big of a taboo homosexuality is over there, and being worried about losing a good friendship with someone I really like, I opted not to. I told her that I am currently exiting a relationship that’s not working well, but referred to my partner as a ”person” not a “she”. Towards the end of my visit though, the subject of homosexuality came up. Sarah was very homophobic (while trying to keep an open mind), and I on the other hand was of course very pro homosexuality. She said that the thought of her falling in love with a girl grosses her out. We didn’t talk about me being gay however. For the following week, Sarah avoided going out with me, but still calling and texting me. Her notes however became shorter than usual. I also didn’t contact her as often as I used to, and stopped any flirting with her (there was only very light flirting before). There was a distance between us all of a sudden which I didn’t experience before. That’s when I realized that I actually have feelings for her. I missed her. But still, not wanting to ruin our friendship, I never mentioned anything about me being gay. We talked about my current relationship a bit afterwards; I told her that my partner and I are breaking up, but haven’t yet, that I have troubles breaking up in general and I need to sort things out. She later asked me about a hypothetical person that she liked, and who just ended a long term relationship, and seems to be hard to get. She said that she would try to make herself difficult to get and that guys “enjoy the hunt”. I told her that since he just ended a relationship that she should better give him some space and just be there but from a distance. I also told her that I have huge commitment issues. I keep wondering if she was referring to me, and if she was distant all along because of what I said. Just before I left Lebanon, I texted her that I would be leaving in a couple of days, she texted me back several times that she would try and meet up with me, but it never happened. She called me a couple of hours before my plane took off to say goodbye, I told her that I am planning on visiting again within the next couple of months.

After I left Lebanon and returned to the States, we stayed in touch. I avoided initiating any conversation, preferring to let her reach out to me whenever she is ready instead. Sarah was always online on Facebook chat and Skype. So she would chat with me online once every few days, I would chat back, our chats became more and more redundant. We argued a lot over little things, and it seemed that we argued more than talked. Until one day the subject of homosexuality came up again, and she kept questioning me if I am gay, and always following up by saying that she is not gay herself. I avoided the question all together, preferring not to go there as I was worried about her reaction and losing her. Needless to say, things have really slowed down between us. On the flip side, Sarah would go and do very sweet things, such as hanging out with my family and having lunch with them, or checking out on my mom, and that completely made my heart melt. My mom loves her and says very nice things about her.

It’s been 2 months since I’ve been back in the States, and even though Sarah never asked me directly, the question of how come I haven’t made it back to visit again like I said is lingering. She always asks me what I am up to and how things are going with my plans. During our last chat, she told me that she wants to move to the States. When I try to think and rationalize her actions towards me, I get really confused. It’s as if she’s two different persons at the same time, one who is very homophobic and refuses to talk to me, and the other keeps reaching out to me every now and then and tries to get closer. Besides, she’s the type of person who internalizes things and when she gets upset with someone she completely shuts them out. Later on I decided that I need some space to manage my feelings towards her, and so I shut down my Facebook and Skype accounts for about a week, then eventually reactivated them back on. Afterwards, she started another chat session with me, and out of the blue, after a few lines between us, she ignored me completely. I haven’t said anything offensive; we were just having a normal conversation. I contacted her twice after it on other occasions when seeing her online, she would not respond and instead just exit the chat. I then left her a message that if she is not talking to me for some reason that she should let me know, but haven’t heard back. My mom told me that she bumped into her that same day and that Sarah told her something along the lines of me fooling her and that I won’t be visiting any time soon. Then Sarah’s best male friend and I were chatting online, and he asked me if I want to meet in Barcelona for a weekend, and that if I go that Sarah would go too. I said I was too busy – which I really was. Ever since then, I haven’t seen Sarah online at all.  She has had no posts on Facebook at all, and I have a feeling that she blocked me on Skype.

I do have strong feelings for her, but don’t know how to proceed. I am very worried about telling her and losing her all together. How can I understand what’s going on? What should I do?

Ok so I’m 13, in the 7th grade and in the closet. I do find it hard to make friends my age at my school because I am on a different maturity level than most of the people in my school on top of the sexuality barrier. Because of that, I only have one friend I would dare call a best friend. That friend’s name is Alexandra, a year older than me, a grade higher than me and doesn’t go to the same school. Alex and I have know and played softball together for 6 years. We’ve laughed together, cried together, and even pooped together. The girl really is like a sister to me. Around the 5th grade I started feeling a more passionate attraction to her like I hadn’t before even though I determined I was gay in the 3rd grade. She doesn’t know I’m a lesbian because I refuse to risk running her off.

Now most people would tell me to go find a different friend who would support me but I don’t think anybody but me could understand how hard that would be and how much I don’t want to find a different friend. I mean, Delaware is a small state and everyone knows everyone. And I enjoy my time with her so much because at the same time she IS a best friend. There aren’t many people who let you put them in a trash can at Home Depot and then pop out at people in the store. But then again Alex is the very flirty touchy kind. Perfect example: this 4th of July we were watching fireworks. She came and plopped down on my lap, put my arm around her shoulder and held my hand there. This is a common thing she would do but I said “you know we probably look like a couple right?” and her reply is “oooooh yeah baby” and rubs her hand up my thigh. I have to act annoyed and “eww” to the thought of being lesbian to cover my ass when all I want to do is sit there and let her do it.

Now some will question “are you sure she’s not bi or a lesbian?” but I would think I would know considering her track record is 2 blow jobs, and a hand job at the age of 14. But I swear spending time with her now is what I call happy torture. You can look, but not touch. But cant stand not at least looking. So I have fun with her, but it hurts. And I would never touch her in a way to make her feel the least bit awkward without her permission; no matter how innocent my intensions. I have never touched her in the least while we slept together or anything like that. I respect her way too much for that. but I think everyone can understand how difficult it is for a 13 year old lesbian that has not even had the experience of kissing a guy let along a girl, watching her crush she has extreme feelings for, ass naked in front of her getting changed. All I want is her, but I wouldn’t dare risk a friendship over a possible fling that could last a week, die and ruin our amazing friendship. Does anyone have any advice of how to cope with these feelings? (P.S. I have homophobic parents I’m not coming out to until I’m in college so that’s ruled out)

For starters, please excuse how long this story is going to be! I want to give a clear picture so there’s a better understanding for feedback purposes.  At the beginning of the school year (Fall 09) I met this girl.  I am 28 and a contract Physical Therapist for local school districts.  Tiffany is 24 and a general education teacher.  This was both our first year at the same school.  The second I laid my eyes on her my gut shot to my throat.  I knew I was going to fall hard for this girl if I ever worked up enough guts to actually get to know her.  She was beautiful, smart, and charming.  The first few weeks of school everyone fawned over her, but I, being shy and out of the loop with the general education teachers, stuck to my end of the building having my only contact with her when I needed to pull students from her class.  After awhile, her emails back to me became longer and longer.  At one point, she emailed me her number and told me to text her the next time I am doing something exciting on the weekend.  I do consider myself bisexual but I have never opened up to anyone at work about it and at the beginning of this year I was dating a guy (who I stayed with until Jan 10).

During those months Tiffany and I really hit it off.  Basically there was touching and flirting going on between us all the time.  Even other coworkers commented about us “hanging out so much.”  I actually became a “popular” teacher merely because everyone saw Tiffany investing so much interest in me.  It’s important to note that during this time Tiffany was dating a lot of guys.  She constantly broke up with them because they weren’t “good looking enough, rich enough, or they plain bored her.”  But around Jan I broke up with my BF at the time and she decided to “take a time out from dating.”  So by the time Feb started we were literally hanging with each other every weekend and several nights during the week.  Drinks after work, dancing on Saturday, she crashed at my place pretty much every Saturday night for 3 months straight.  She slept on the couch.  During this time, we constantly texted during the day and nights we weren’t together.  When she was drunk she would flirt with me by grinding on me while dancing, shooing away guys saying she was with me, touching me, etc.  I never made a move because I hadn’t told her I was bi and frankly because we had become such good friends I was terrified of freaking her out.  But it felt like she wanted something to happen between us.  So middle of May it was just her and I one night.  She had bought concert tickets for us and had planned this big dinner thing just the two of us.  I found out from a mutual friend that my ex girlfriend was going to be at the concert.  If my ex saw me with Tiffany, I KNEW she would say something rude to us.  My ex would bank on the fact that I haven’t told Tiffany and would try to embarrass me. So I told Tiffany about my past and being bi in fair warning.  She said how my happiness means the world to her and she’s so glad I opened up with her/etc.  But, later that night she was completely different, she was distant, didn’t laugh as much, had nothing to say, and basically to me it looked like she was trying to show that she was hardcore straight by getting every guy in the place to dance on her.  So anyways, she crashed that night but left the next morning before I could say anything.

The next two weeks she completely ignored me. Blew me off every way, no text messages, no calls, ignored me in the hallway.  School ended.  She was leaving for Florida with her BFF for her typical summer getaway trip.  She had been ignoring me since the night I told her I was bi.  I get that, but since I was losing her as a friend, I figured why not just tell her the truth…that over the past few months I had fallen head over heels for her?? So I did it, I wrote her a letter, drove to her place the night before she left and gave it to her.  When I got there she hugged me, was all over me, and acted like we were best friends again.  I handed her the letter and haven’t heard one thing from her in 3 weeks except one text that said “having the time of my life. Will be staying until August.”

So.  My question is what’s my next step besides trying to forget her and move on? Clearly she isn’t in to me and I freaked her out.  Basically…I’m heartbroken. I know I can’t force her to feel anything for me or to contact me or anything. I know I can’t text her or call her because the ball is in her court.  I’m just….heartbroken.  I lost my friend and I’m regretting that I told her my feelings.  Has anyone else been in this position?  I would have regretted not telling her just as much though.

I don’t know if this is love or what….but all I know is I never felt this strongly for someone or been so stuck on someone like this before. I’m 15 going to the tenth grade, but I wanna start from the beginning.

I’ve come to realize that I’ve always been attracted to girls, but just never paid the feeling any attention. I guess I didn’t see myself having a strong relationship with a girl, or guy. Don’t get me wrong I think guys are attractive too but their like looking at a really nice car. You admire the car but in the end it’s just something nice to look at. And it’s not like I’m unattractive and can’t get a bf I’ve been asked out but jus was never was really interested. I jus moved to this area like 2 years ago even though that’s enough time to adjust, I’m a little slower then others. I don’t know why, but that’s jus the way I am (sigh). The people here weren’t really what I was use to so my anti-socialness rose into full affect 8th grade year which was hell, but I couldn’t help it I sunk deeper in the shell I’m already in. So, I decided high school I was gonna try to be a little more social then I was last year cuz I jus didn’t feel like myself anymore, I had nothing to lose. So I meet some friends or whatever and things were turning out ok. I was having problems with my school schedule so my lunch got switched from 4th to 5th. And one of my friends I met on the bus invited me to sit wit her and her friends. And that’s when I met her. Let’s call her Heidy.

Jus from first sight I can tell Heidy was different from the people around. I go to a school full of rich black kids that “think” and act like they’re from the hood but u go to their place it’s a huge 6 bedroom 4 bathroom mansion. I’m black too but I grew up in a mixed environment and middle class so I’m a little diverse in my style. I listen to all kinds of music but my main is alternative rock. I kinda get weird looks when people ask me if I heard the new (for example) lil Wayne song and “I’m like who the fuck is that”….lol

 Anyway Heidy wore dark clothes and had this kinda scene hair style with curly hair. She is like a couple of inches taller than me which I envy being I play basketball. Heidy not the most striking of girls I’ve ever seen by physical appearance but her personality was. So I began to talk to her and realized we had a lot in common like we loved the same kind of music and watched the same shows and stuff like that. Our differences were she was very girly and wore make up. I’m not the most girly person but I don’t dress like a guy or anything….I just don’t put on make up or put on a lot of accessories. I throw on some earrings, bracelet, and sometimes a purse. She’d force lip gloss on me saying it look cute on me knowing I don’t care for that crap but I think it was for her own amusement lol.

Heidy wrapped her arm around mine when we walked to class and id pretend like I was annoyed cuz I don’t really let people touch me n I don’t touch others but  she could have dragged me off the end of the earth if she want to cuz her touch was jus…. different. I joked with her a lot and she thought I was the most hilarious person she ever met which made me feel tingly and crap (gawsh). Then when we text shed say “I love you’s” to me randomly which made me wondered if she meant it. Later shed say it under her breath when I made her laugh and give me this devious sexy smile. Whenever she looked at me for more then a few seconds my whole stomach would get this weird feeling and id tell her to stop and shed laugh keep stain until I had a frigging panic attack which she loved giving me but really I felt like Heidy was looking rite through me reading my mind…that scared me a little.

Things started to get a little flirty when we texted and shed joke about stalking or watching me when I shower (not really true). Then the flirting started flirting in real life whenever her stupid friends weren’t around. She’d give me all these sexy remarks, smiles, and looks…and I couldn’t stop having these thoughts of being with her so I’m wondering “damn is it official do I really like this girl.” One day kinda made it official.

We were at lunch three of the stupid girls that sit wit us regularly were gone for some chorus trip and another was jus not there today. So it was me, Heidy, and one other girl but she was busy finishing some project so she didn’t kn0w what the hell was going on. I was sitting across from her I didn’t have my contacts on that day and I’m blind with out them but my glasses are too ugly to wear. She was making fun of my blindness by putting up fingers asking how many do I see. And I’m like “I cannot see shit girl” she laughed and  continued to put up fingers so I grabbed her hand playfully and I could see the shock in her face clearly cuz I never really touched her. I think she liked it an wanted more so I felt her run her hand down my leg and I didn’t know what to do so I jus let her keep going and pretended like I didn’t feel it. Next thing I know it was time to go but I wanted to say something so bad to let her know I’m interested. But I wasn’t sure if she was willing. I don’t even know if she straight, les, bi, or what. I haven’t really seen her with anyone. All I know is I can’t stop think of her since that day. I jus wanted her so bad and wanted to do things with her that would get us in trouble and she is a goody goody smart girl so the thought of jus having her do things and feel things I know she never had before TURNED…ME…ON. Damn I had to have her!

Unfortunately we grew apart cuz of her stupid crappy friends. They started making fun of me calling me a dude which pissed me off. I use to be really tomboyish when I was little and got made fun of so bad I changed my whole image jus not to go through that again but I see it still follows me. BUT the thing that really pissed me off is that she would tag along and make fun wit them even though hers weren’t as harsh as theirs it still hurt but I asked her to back off please in a nice way cuz they were really getting to me. She said she could tell and said she would and she did for a bit but then started back up. I didn’t want to cut her off but insults from her and the others were getting too much for me to handle and there we re other things going on in my life I began stressing so bad that my parents could see it. We still text each other every now and then but not like we use to. I don’t really think she was intending to hurt me because she seems concerned about me still but I jus don’t know…. I miss her though.

I still have these thoughts of her and every time I see her it feels like my heart sinking down from my chest. I still love her a lot. And my questions is did I do the right thing? Do u think it’s bad if  maybe later on I ease back with her and pick up what I left off?…sorry this is so long I don’t have anyone to talk about this too at all so I jus wanted get everything off my chest before I lose my mind.

Hello everyone, I don’t want to bore anyone with details so I’ll try to summarize this up…

I’m in love with my best friend, best friend isn’t in love with me, almost been a year now since I have fallen in love her, now I’m trying to get over her, horribly. I’ve cut off all communication with her, online chatting, talking on the phone, or going over to her house to hang out, for only about three days here, and it’s been hard, I’m so used to talking to her every single day. I really want to continue being best friends with her, but I don’t want to still be in love with her, and it seems impossible. Sorry to sound arrogant but it really does feel that way to me. I feel even depressed now, and I try to distract myself away from her, but she comes wandering right back into my head.

My question is, what should I do? Does anyone have any real good advice for getting over someone you love?

Thanks very much for reading, and I hope all is well with you.

I’m a woman and I love a woman so much. At fist, I have only a friend relationship with her. We started spending the night together when I’m alone; all my roommates were away on holiday. At the first night we played a game on my phone together that we need to be so close on bed. We felt great and she fell asleep in my arms. We woke up in the early morning. I kissed her and she didn’t do anything in respond. I smelled and felt her whole body. That was a wonderful morning to me. She came to sleep with me every night and I always did the same things to her. I could see how she felt about this. She never stopped me. But one day, a few months after we’re away, she sent me a letter to tell me she did not like it and she would not let it happen again. I said I can not stop myself. I tried hard to meet her. When we were together in one bed, we had sex like we did before. She said she is not a lesbian and never wants to be. What she did to me is just want me happy. She loves me much but just as a friend. I do love her too but not in the same way and I don’t want to lose her. What should I do?

Ok, so I am positive that I am bisexual, but I’m with out a doubt in love with my best friend who, of course, is a girl. We’re both 14 now. I fell for her in 7th grade, and I am currently ending 8th. She’s knows I’m bi, and she’s admitted that she’s liked me before, but claims she is straight. I love her so much she holds my hand, I hold her and she lets me, and sometimes I feel like she feels the same exact way. But today I broke out crying because she made out with her guy friend right in front of me. She keeps breaking my heart. And I know if I stay friends with her she’ll keep doing the same thing to me. Every time I try to let go of her, she pulls me back somehow, saying she misses me or something. I want to let her be, I want to fall out of love with her, I know this guy would treat her right, but it hurts me to see her with him. I was wondering if I should tell her how I feel? How should I do it? Should I tell her that I can’t be her friend? It would be so hard for me to do, because after all she is my best friend, but my heart hurts and I can’t stop crying. How can someone who causes you so much joy, cause you so much pain?

This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.

When we started talking I was the one who was making all the moves and flirting until she told me she wasn’t sure if she wanted to be with a girl due to her painful experience with her first girlfriend. I stop talking to her then because I liked her more than a friend and she was ok with it. Two months later she looks for me telling me that she knows what she wants and wants to talk to me again. I accepted and things kicked off. We talked everyday till the sun came up. I would be the one calling/txt for her. During one of our talks she said she wanted to go slow; not rush into things. I understood so I agree .After three days of talking online, phone and text she wanted to see me; she asked me on a date. We went out to the movies there she made the first move with the hand holding; it was fine by me. Later after a walk she made the first move again with the kiss; fine by me except I was confused about what slow meant to her.

At this point I start to “feel” things for her. After out first date we had our second date the day after and the next day the third date. We would be in contact 24/7. After two weeks she starts telling me she doesn’t want commitment. That’s when things get wired. I had feelings for her; I cared fore her. Regardless I continue knowing this. On our fourth date I had the brilliant idea to get her flowers. Contrary to popular believe the flowers were a disaster. She didn’t even smile or said thank you for them. I felt like an idiot; a fool. I told my best friend about it. That’s when hell broke loose. He texted her cursing her out for not appreciating me. Oh did I mention they were close friends! They stop talking due to a fight two years ago. My best friend is still resentful about it and used his anger to end to my relationship with her.

After she cursed me out and told me not to ever call her; that’s what I did. A week after the fight she is txt that she is sorry that she overreacted….. And then she drops the bomb “Can we be friends?” I agree and later find out that she wants to be friends because she likes talking to me and likes me. However every time I talked about my feelings fore her she answer is “it doesn’t matter or I don’t care” and then she warns me that if I keep talking about it she will stop talking. Moreover she’s the one looking for me now. I haven’t call or txt. We talk like before till sun rise. She won’t go to sleep if I’m talking to her. I know for a fact that she is jealous because she wants to keep tabs one me and asking me who I’m going out with. What should I do?

I am a Christian and I have always considered that I may be bisexual but when officially asked I would claim to be straight. But I had an unfortunate experience with my now ex-fiancé and I can’t bear to think about dating another man again…every time I try to picture myself with a man I have a panic attack. I began to realize I was never really sexually attracted to men; I was just going along with what I had been brought up to believe since childhood.

After reading Rev. Mel White’s “What the Bible Says – And Doesn’t Say – About Homosexuality” I began to accept that I was lesbian. I have met a wonderful girl who I absolutely adore and she and I have talked about dating but haven’t quite taken the step past flirting. She even broke up with her boyfriend so that she could be with me.

Still every now and then I’m reminded that my mother is a strong Southern Baptist Christian, so I haven’t opened up to her. I’m from a small southern town and a lot of my friends are from my church, which is more accepting than most churches but still a Baptist church in a rural, southern town. So I’m a bit awkward about opening up to some of the people closest to me. I feel like when I start dating and if I one day get married that people I’ve known for a long time will suddenly reject me and may even hate me…

We were college friends and now it’s 14 years later. We have kept in touch despite being in different cities. I’m planning to visit her in a few weeks. She’s single and lives alone. I am very much a live-and-let-live person and hate to ask personal questions. That’s why I never broached the topic through all these years. I figured if she had something to tell me, she would.

None of this has at all to do with the relationship that we have (I don’t think she has feelings for me). But, after all this time there are subtle signs that she may be a lesbian, such as, to my knowledge, never dating a guy at all, despite being very cute and attractive by guys or girls standards.

Her family is very traditional and she is close to them. Whether she is a lesbian or not and if she would want to come out, etc. is totally her business and it’s not my nature to pry but I am starting to feel a little concerned. She has told me she wants to have kids and a family. If she is gay, I would hope that they could accept that and get on with her life and have the family that she wants. She is a wonderful person and is very easy going and would be a great partner for anyone to have.

Is it appropriate for me to ask? I feel like it should not be a big deal and maybe would not be if we had met more recently but given all the time we’ve been friends and it’s never come up, maybe it’s something she’s not comfortable with. Maybe she is straight! If so, I wouldn’t want to say something and make her feel bad about not attracting guys. She does not send off a vibe that she is into guys at all, though. . Maybe she appreciates our friendship because I am not nosy and don’t ask these questions. But I do care for her and want her to know that whatever her orientation, I don’t care.

I was dating this nice, pretty, funny girl, and this was back two months ago. We broke up because I caught her cheating on me (I say I forgive her, but I don’t know if I mean it truly on the inside). Then she lied to me, and told me she wanted me back. We didn’t talk for a week because she went on vacation with friends for spring break. When she came back she started dating the girl she cheated on me with. 2 months past (she was still dating the girl she cheated on me with), and I still wasn’t over her. I hadn’t talked to her either (in the 2 months), but then when things started getting rough between her and her girlfriend she started talking to me. My ex (her) and my exes new girlfriend (the girl she cheated on me with) were having problems, and my ex came to me, wanting to vent, and as the good person I am, I let her. She then broke up with her girlfriend and we started talking (I had/have a girlfriend) and we were just being friends (no flirting). She had asked me if I still liked her, at all, more than a friend. Even though I had/have a girlfriend, I told her yes, because I did like her. Then I asked her if she still liked me, and she said yes. So we were talking a little (and I wasn’t going to cheat on my girlfriend, I’m not shallow). And she told me it’d be cute if I was her girlfriend again, and took care of her because she was getting sick. I told her I couldn’t because I already had a girlfriend and it would be wrong. Then she had stopped talking to me. When I try talking to her she’ll just say something like “Mhm” or “Mmkay”. She never says that to me, ever. She texts me seldom, but I don’t reply. Afraid I’ll say something wrong, or go off on her, and be a bad friend. I ask her if she’s going to talk to me anymore or be friends with me, but she doesn’t say much but “Okay.” (I don’t know what that means.) And that (kind of) pulls me apart on the inside, but I show no emotion, and act like everything is going great. She said she’d always be here for me if I needed her, I need her now, but she isn’t here as a friend or anything. She’s got another girlfriend now. And I’m jealous. She talks crap about all her exes and I’m sure she talks/talked crap about me. But I can’t prove it. I can’t seem to get over her, and I’ve done everything I can to forget her, but it’s impossible (seriously). I cry when I think about what we could have had and when I read over things she said to me when we were dating (over Formspring). She even told me she wasn’t “real” with me like she wanted to be. (What does that mean? Our whole relationship was a lie?)  I don’t want to tell her I feel this way because she’ll just ignore me, or think it’s an act. And I’m too scared she won’t care, and truth is, she probably won’t. I post things on my Formspring, and Facebook, hoping she’ll read it and notice that it’s about her. But she never seems to notice. Every time I read something on her Formspring, MySpace, or Facebook that’s about her new girlfriend, or anyone she likes, it pulls me apart. I just want to cry, but I can’t. I have to be strong. I feel like she does it on purpose, but I know she doesn’t. I check my phone all the time wondering if she has texted me, I only think about her when I get up, I’m always on chat when she is hoping she’ll talk to me(even though I have a girlfriend). I can’t sleep at night, because when I close my eyes she’s standing there reminding me that I’m alone. No matter what I’ll always believe there’s hope, but I know I’ll just let myself down.

But I just can’t let her go. I think about her all the time. She’s different. I can’t break up with my girlfriend now, or even tell her how I feel about this girl. If I do she will kill herself. (Not even kidding, she has the nerve.) My girlfriend knows who she is; my girlfriend hates her for cheating on me too. But I still want her back. Yet I’m afraid of letting someone take their life, and getting myself hurt again. So what do I do? Do I forget her (If so how)? Do I take the risks? Am I in love?

So I’m 15 and recently realized I am definitely bi if not a lesbian (considering I am attracted to some guys) about a year ago…. Unfortunately I don’t know if the girl who I’m madly in love with is attracted to girls. We go way back and actually became friends cuz our moms were friends and we see each other like once a month or less whenever our moms have parties and invite each other over. Despite this we are actually really good friends ( though I wish we were more) and we’re really tight and tell each other everything and we txt each other a lot and chat on Facebook… anyways, so I don’t know if she likes me back cuz like let’s say we’re watching a movie together, she is a very friendly person and we often lay together on the couch and sorta hug and she tends to play with my hair (which I hate when anyone else does) butshe is just very comfortable around ppl meanwhile I NEVER am that comfortable around other people…. Also she sometimes teases me a bit about liking girls but like in a friendly way but once in a while I feel like she knows I like her cuz she flirts a bit… Like one time I was complaining about the dress my mom made me wear to their Christmas party and she laughed and said she would have worn a dress except all of hers are too sexy for a Christmas party…. I sorta jokingly said something like “well I’d love to see one of them on you” and she smiled and said “I bet you would” but she kept looking at me almost daring me to go further but then her grandma burst in to call us down for dinner, unfortunately it was that dinner where I discovered her mom was a somewhat homophobe :/ … Like she’s okay with gay people but complains a lot about them… My friend is very comfortable around me cuz she always hugs me or something And if I happen to come over after one of her dance rehearsals she walks around in her room with just a leotard or underwear and while she changes we talk and I tend to pretend to be texting as to stop myself from looking at her body… Sometimes she notices and I can see her kinda smiling in the mirror…. I don’t know if she knows that I like her and I don’t know how to tell her…. But, she does know that I’m bi….. I really like her a lot and sometimes I am just at the point of telling her my feelings when I think of all the things that could go wrong…. I end up giving her some random compliment or saying a random thought… for example:

Me: Hey ____,

Her: Yea?

Me: I wanted to tell you that I really…….

Her: (questioning look)

Me: (insert random thought here to avoid telling her your feelings)

And it always ends up being an awkward moment cuz I catch her attention and she turns to look at me and I just like freeze and all that runs through my mind is: Wow she has pretty eyes……What if she freaks? What if she somehow tells her mom and her mom hates me? We only see each other once a month, wouldn’t it be awkward? What about all those other ways it could go wrong????  We’re such close friends that I’m not sure if I am brave enough to risk it all just to tell her how much I love her…. But sometimes during those moments I get the feeling she knows cuz she knows me very well and when she looks me in the eyes I feel like she knows that I didn’t originally want to talk about how great her hair looks cuz she just keeps looking and kinda almost searching for what I really wanted to say….. I don’t know what to do! Help please!

The first time I ever laid eyes on her was summer camp before starting 8th grade, little did I know then that she would not only one day be my best friend, but also the love of my life. We’ll call her S. That week at summer camp I didn’t befriend S, nor did we talk much, she had her friends and I had mine… I never saw S again until she transferred to my school in the beginning of freshman year of high school at the K-12 I had been attending since 3rd grade. Back then I got bullied around a lot, but when S came, things changed, we became friends, not best friends but I had no one other friends and she was so nice to me that became the tag along with her and her friends, it was my friendship with S that got the bullying to stop… After freshman year I transferred to another high school, so I never hung out and saw S as much as I used to but we still talked and I still did see her as my best friend. We kept in touch until we graduated high school and it happened that we both attended the same community college… those 3 year in community college we would hang out everyday, it was always S, Me, and another friend ill call R… we were inseparable, we knew each others schedules by heart, we would spend every minute of free time at school with each other and during the weekends wed go out with the rest of our best friends. The summer right before our second year of community college S, R, and I went on a volunteer program abroad it was sometime during that program that I felt a bond with S that I never felt with anyone else. When she would get sad, I would get sad… her smile and laugh made all my pains go away… during this time I was also depressed and a cutter, S was the first person I ever told and the reason I stopped. Her sadness and disappointment made me want to rip my insides out; I never wanted to cause her the pain of having to see me like that again. When we were back we continued to hang out everyday and be best friends, that next summer we went to summer camp as counselors. It was there that I came to the realization that I might have feelings for her that exceed that of mere friendship, not long after school began again and again we went back to hanging out, around this time she started talking to this guy we all knew, and not long after talking turned into dating, by October however I came to the realization that I had fallen head over heels in love with her, and I knew she liked this boy so I kept my feelings to myself. She reigned my thoughts, I wanted to badly to tell her but I was afraid that it would mean loosing her; I would give my life up to protect her.

By the time spring quarter came around, I could no longer keep my feelings to myself, I decided to risk it all and tell her how I felt even though she was dating this guy. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my whole life, she took it better than I had expected, I told her I thought I might like girls… she asked how I knew this… and I said I like someone… and she asked me who… and after minutes of hesitation I replied… “You”… she told me she was flattered but had a boyfriend and didn’t feel the same way, but that there was never anything I could say that would ruin our friendship…

The next week things were a bit awkward, I could tell she was unsure of how to act around me, but didn’t want to make it obvious to R… she had also promised not to tell anyone which made it harder on her because she had no one to talk to. So near the end of that week when she approached me asking if I’d be willing to tell one other person, anyone I chose, just so she could have someone to talk to, I agreed.

It been almost a year now, I recently came out to the group of our mutual best friends… I did leave out the detail that I had fallen in love with her though… Over the past year though I transferred to a four year and live on campus which is an hour drive from home so I only see her and my other friends during the weekends when I go home… We are still as close as we were 3 years ago, she is still dating the same guy, and I have since gone on pretending I have gotten over her, and been talking to other people. In truth though I am today where I was a year ago, still so madly in love with her, I have indeed talk to other people but things never really work out… I still find myself constantly thinking about her, when were together I always find her looking at me or me looking  at her, every time I look her in the eyes I feel like she can see through my facade and can see that I am still madly in love with her. When we hang out with my friends of them all she always gives me the most attention, when she’s sad it hurts me so much that I want to cry for her, when she’s happy I am in a state of euphoria…

Recently I’ve been getting these awkward signals from her… She’s still dating her boyfriend, but it’s apparent that although she thinks he is the one, the relationship problems she complains about are the type that will ultimately end a relationship. When we hug she hangs on longer than most of my other friends, when we touch there’s gentleness about it… when were out as a group I always catch her looking at me… A few weeks ago I was driving her and another one of our best friends to our friends house, and she was talking about her relationship and she brought up the subject of her 21st birthday where we had gone to a lesbian bar (and she being extremely drunk… had managed to make out with a girl there… that incident had torn my heart apart I wanted to slap that other girl then an there and pull my S into my arms and just kiss her ant tell her she’s an idiot for doing that but I love her regardless)… S made a comment in the car that she didn’t really mind kissing girls and so maybe she might be bisexual, and as she said this she turned and looked at me as if waiting for a reaction from me, but I just continued to concentrate on the road and drive as if the comment hadn’t even caught my attention… At my friend’s house she managed to sit next to me on the couch and leaned her head on my shoulder as I looked at a magazine, when we were all in the jaccuzi she again sat next to me and at one point had her knee touching mine but didn’t move it when she realized… That night when 3 of us slept in the same bed while the other 2 slept on the couches she made it a point to sleep next to me and at one point she move her hand on top of mine under the pillow but I didn’t move and pretended to be asleep…

I don’t know what to make of any of these, I love her and if she were to tell me that she loved me I would give my soul to her without a second thought, but she is still dating this boy, and I don’t know if maybe I’m just over analyzing what I think may be signs or if maybe she might be confused and possibly have feelings for me… I really hope that indeed she does, but at the same time I cannot allow myself to become an experiment for her.

I am 31 years old. I have never been in a relationship with a woman. I was in a LTR with a man and it recently ended. I have dated women in the past but it never went anywhere other than a first date. I have always been so shy and scared to make any moves when it comes to girls. I recently met a woman online and we have seen each other twice now. She is in a similar situation and has had relationships with men but never with women. When she responded to my profile she said she wanted to make friends first and see what happened. We have gotten along great and have tons in common. So much in common that neither of us is very forward. I like her and we have plans to go out for drinks next week. I want her to know that I am interested in her but don’t know what to do. I cannot tell if she likes me or if she just wants to be friends.

Hello everyone.  I’m back again, with slightly happier talk than usual!  With my last post I was talking about a classmate of mine that I was interested in.  Well, I worked up the courage and told her I liked her.

She didn’t say she exactly liked me back, but she said she “didn’t know how to be in a relationship,” so I held back some, not wanting to overwhelm her or anything.  We agreed to hang out together, going for walks around town and to a movie and just talking.  We seem to be very compatible, we get along well.  But it seems like she and I have the same problem, we’re both too guarded.  I would like to work on that problem together, but since our last hang out a few weeks ago, it’s become finals time and we haven’t really seen each other much since then.  I’m okay with this, it was only a crush.  If she doesn’t feel ready for a relationship that’s fine, I don’t want to force her or anything.  We still talk in class, in fact more so than we had before because now I’m not freaking out trying not to seem obvious or whatever.  Now, onto the next situation.  My friend’s roommate hung out with us a couple of months ago and I thought she was really cute, but straight.  So I just sort of drew a big red X across her name in my mind, so I wouldn’t be encouraged to think of her as more than a potential friend.  Well, after a night of light drinking my friends and I return to her apartment to watch a movie and her roommate, who I’ll dub M for now, joined us.  Being a physically cuddley drunk, I ended up cuddling up to her under a blanket.  During our conversation she confessed that she wanted to try being with a girl, that she’d always been curious.  She also said that she thought I was cute, and that I was really comfortable to cuddle with.  By the end of night, she had asked me out on a date and we had kissed a couple of times.  Yeah, I know, I move fast.

That was last week.  Since then we’ve hung out more, and we’ve slept together.  We’ve been trying to figure out where we stand, and because I can feel myself becoming emotionally dependent on her I really want to know if she sees me as a friend she can experiment with or something else.  We’ve talked about our lives, where we come from and what we’ve done.  She’s been very depressed most of her life, and she’s insanely sensitive to others and their feelings and needs.  She has a few male fuck-buddies around campus, but she’s only had a few real boyfriends.  She has said that she feels more comfortable with me than she does with any guy, and that she likes being around girls more than guys.  But she’s still confused as to what she should identify.  I told her she should take her time and not worry about labels right now, because they just complicate things.  She seems to think I’ve had more successful/deep relationships than she has, but she doesn’t seem to understand that I have a really hard time opening up to others; that’s the way I’ve been my whole life.  But I feel really comfortable with her, I feel like she wouldn’t hurt me.

Then, I start to freak out.  What if I fall in love with her, then she decides she’s straight?  We both have tried to be as honest as possible with each other, I’ve even told her she should try to find some other girls to experiment with besides me.  I don’t want the whole of her experience with girls to be with only me.  And yet I feel like if she asked me to be her girlfriend right now, I would say yes.

Despite how complicated this all sounds, I’m honestly happy I’ve been with her so far.  She’s different than either of my ex’s and I feel like she isn’t expecting anything from me when I’m with her.  She’s fun and sensual and we fit together really well.  She’s told me stories that had her crying from the memories, and I’ve found myself almost doing the same, which is amazing for me.  I usually keep that stuff internal, because that’s just too personal.  I could actually feel something inside that held me back when I wanted to tell her something deeply personal, and I just didn’t tell her whatever it was.  I felt ashamed afterward, because M had been honest with me as far as I knew, but I couldn’t bring myself to be that honest.  It was startling to even have the urge to share that story, like part of me wanted to be completely open with her.

I guess my question is, would it be worth it for me to invest myself emotionally in her, or is she just experimenting with me?  I’ve been trying my best to avoid falling for another straight girl, because that just hurts too much to deal with again.  Is that what will end up happening if I don’t keep myself guarded until she decides what she wants from me?

Thank you to anyone who reads this,

<3Niki

I live in small town America, in the middle of nowhere, with corn fields, tractors, and the whole kit and kabootal.  When I went to high school, I graduated with one black student out of 84, so you can simply guess the view on sexuality.  I don’t bring up the fact that I want to wear men’s jeans or even within the realm that I am a lesbian.  I went away to college, and I came back to figure out my next move, start paying off my loans. (Obviously, students in the USA have to be in poverty to get an education.)

I just turned 22 a month ago.  At least five of the people I graduated with have a baby, and of those one has a toddler and two are pregnant or just had their second child.  They are engaged or married, and I just don’t know if this is a small town thing, or a heterosexual thing.  Maybe its a college education vs. a high school education? I wonder this last part because not one of the people I stay in touch with from college has a child or is married.

Maybe I feel like I am weird because I am the only lesbian I know, and I am the only person I know who doesn’t want children right now. I want to go out with friends, to travel, to live before I am tied down to diapers and bottles.  I want to stay up late talking about society and questioning why women can wear men’s jeans and be seen as fine, while men wearing skirts are seen as wrong.  I love children – as long as I can give them back to their parents. I am not saying never, just…. not right now.

Are there more lesbians out there that feel like this, or am I just crazy?

All right so here goes:

Here is some background before I go into the story: after about 3 years of knowing something was different, and realizing I was gay but not wanting to admit it, even to myself… so I met my best friend Matt who I had class with and eventually I got a crush on him after thinking he had one on me… We have been friends since October and he is the one person who can calm me down and make me crazy at the same time LOL… Anywho, he is gay and knows that I had a crush on him which I think is still there because I get butterflies when I know I am going to hang out with him and there are times that when we are together that it feels like we are a couple without the sex and there are times it seems like we both like each other… Now I know that he is gay and I’m a lesbian and personally I wouldn’t want to have a physical relationship with him and that’s because I couldn’t see myself in that situation and that’s the way it is.

Now here are my reasons for even bringing this up:
1. When we go somewhere together, it feels like we are on a date
2. We get very playful with each other
3. He can tell what I’m thinking or referring to without me saying anything
4. If I start to get real quiet, he makes sure I’m okay
5. He can make me laugh and calm me down really quick
6. I find myself thinking about him when we are apart and when he is on Facebook I get butterflies in the tummy
7. He is very understanding and I hardly get mad at him, or if I do, it’s not for long

Alright, these are pretty much the reasons I think there is something there… He once told me we have a friendmance which as he put it is a relationship with someone that seems like a relationship but it’s not… So I guess what I am wondering is could there be crush like vibes from his side… I know I could talk to him about this and it seems like we both know something is there but we don’t talk about it… Any ideas?

Hello everyone, I’m really sorry that I haven’t been on much, life has been getting a bit hectic.  But great big thanks in advance to any person who may be kindly reading this. C:

I can’t get rid of my love for my best friend still, and I am trying to be patient with her and give her more time to figure out her feelings for me (been about half a year now), but I have a feeling she isn’t giving it much thought to it at all, I hope with all my heart that isn’t the case though… I am just an insecure wreck when it comes to her, I can’t let go, because I know this is love.

Things seem pretty good between me and her though, we talk a lot still, and hang out quite some time, and she even brought up the idea of me staying the weekend at the trailer they go to during the weekends together, this really made me smile.

Even though we don’t have classes together anymore we hang out at art club, at her house on Tuesdays, and she does this cute thing even after 1^st block, she usually tries to catch me at my locker, just to smile and say hi, then she really doesn’t have much to say afterwards but it makes me so happy.

Everything and I mean everything new she gets if it’s a TV. show, music, game, whatever pipes up her interest, she immediately wants me to get into it too, not that I mind at all, haha, I know I must sound so corny when I say this, but it’s the most adorable thing ever. I’ve noticed that she even mirrors how I sit, whether I have my hand on my chin, legs crossed, leaning back or forward, she does it, and I even mimic her too without realizing it.

Oh boy sorry to get off topic here, once my mind goes off on her, usually doesn’t stop for a good measure. Anyways, before I get off completely off topic I would like to ask for your opinion and views. I have waited so long now, but should I do some more waiting to ask my friend how she feels about me? I know the saying “good things come to those who wait”. But being the young anxious teen I can be, I feel that it’s going to be impossible.

I don’t want to lose/scare her though. Losing her would be my hell on earth. But there is this feeling in my gut I do need to talk to her about this; is my gut right about this? Or maybe I should ignore that gut of mine and just wait some more time? This is when I need you friends or mere strangers to help me out, like you all kindly have for many of my issues. <3

Should I talk to her about “us”?

If I do, how should the conversation maybe go?

I’m I just a plain old idiot for asking this? (Haha sorry couldn’t resist!)

Thanks so much everyone, hope all is very well with you guys, and hopefully you aren’t a hopeless romantic like myself! Any advice please is so appreciated, and I take to the heart very dearly. C:

Ok here’s the thing, a little long but I need some help, I’m 18 and I like a friend of mine a lot! (We’re in the same school and classroom :/) she’s 18 too, she’s straight and has a boyfriend, and I had decided not to tell her anything cause I had told her I’m a lesbian but even with that I already knew how she would react.

One day we were chatting on messenger, suddenly she asked me if I liked someone and I said yes but didn’t tell her who, somehow this led to other question; she asked me if the one I liked was her. I was going to say no but she had asked me to be honest so I told her the truth. Immediately I tried to explain to her that I wasn’t asking for anything and I wouldn’t even think of it cause I knew she was with somebody else and, well, other things… but she was like: “even if you did I love someone else…”, “this makes me feel uncomfortable”, “this had never happened to me”, “I don’t know what to say”. Then I tried to explain something else to her and she just stopped answering.

I understood that she needed sometime and we agreed that we would talk about all this when she felt ready, but as I suspected that never happened. We stopped talking; we wouldn’t even say “hi” to each other. I thought of letting this pass by and both of us just move on, but after 2 months I realized I couldn’t leave it like that, so I decided to talk to her and she accepted. She told me that she had been a little cold with me but tried not to be rude, that she had lost her trust in me and that she felt like she couldn’t have a real friendship with me again because of all this… but we couldn’t finish because of an interruption so we left it for another day.

Now, after we talked I was left with a doubt: do you really think that we can’t be friends again? I just don’t know what to do because I don’t mind if I don’t have a chance with her, what hurts is losing her as a friend. And I’m confused so if you have some advices I would appreciate it!