First of all, I’m not so good in English. Hope U can understand even if sometimes my words turn upside down, lol.

I have a problem, keep messing with my mind. I’m a closet lesbian, no one knows I am. But I ever had a relationship with a girl, but then we broke up because she actually already have bf… and I feel like I’m not really into her… maybe just to fill my loneliness and it was her who bravely said she loved me. There’re many girls attracted to me but I ignored them because I want to concentrate on my studies & don’t want to slip into any problems anymore with this kind of relationship. Oh… for your information, I’m quite boyish & I looked ‘handsome and charming’ – that’s what they said.

But, when I finished my studies & started working, I changed my appearance to a very feminine side (but my cool is still in), tried to change my life. Anyway, I still didn’t have feeling for boys but no relationships with girl too. The problem occurred when I met this woman (she’s already married with 2 sons).  At 1^st sight, I didn’t feel anything. But after several meetings, I felt something had bloomed between us. I started to confuse & suffer with the feeling.

Actually, the way she acted caused me headache. I don’t have any clue does she loves me or not. She get closer to me day by day but one day, I made a mistake by ignoring her once (only once), & she keep avoiding me after that… really strange. she looks angry but at the same time she seems wants me to get jealous of her by getting closer with my other friend…It hurts me, not because I’m jealous but because she avoid me, didn’t want to look at me, & didn’t reply me when I’m talking. But I keep talking to her & she started to talk to me after I tried so hard. At 1^st, she looked shy & always smiles when talking to me. After that, we became friends as usual and at that time she left my friend… obviously she was only trying to make me jealous.

I’m still confused if she loves me or not. Here is the situation, she treated me n my friends dinner, & my friends get a little surprise because she never treat them before (actually I’m a new worker there). N then there was one boy came to my life, from friends recommendation and she found out, she prevent me to accept him with a reason, go get other handsome man. Actually, I’m not into that boy too. She asked me to hang out again but never got a chance because of work. N she asked me to accompany her to do her work in a very romantic way but I can’t because of work too. She always tried to touch me every time we met. She looks so jealous if I’m with another girl or guy (especially guy)…if she saw it, she won’t speak to me, acts like I’m not there. & there’re many other signs, too long to be told

At the same time, she also made a very opposite signs of attraction. She always mentioned about her husband….I admitted I’m jealous but I won’t show it, I made it like a normal conversation. But the way she tell about her husband was strange…looks like to show off or else to make me jealous once again. She only mentions about her husband in front of me……what’s that mean? I’m suffering with this stuff…don’t know what to do…does she loves me? Or not? But I’m not going to live with her because she has a happy family as I seen. It’s just why does she tortured me like this…plz help me…tell me what did she want? Thank you for your help…

This story may seem a little unusual to many people who live in the Western liberal world. I am a half-American half-Lebanese 34 year old lesbian. I have been living in the west for years, have had several female partners, and am very comfortable with who I am. Having said so, when I used to live back in Lebanon, I was very homophobic myself and could not accept the fact that I was gay. The culture there is very different and very strong; it doesn’t allow one to think for herself. It doesn’t allow this freedom of thought and self expression. I grew up in Lebanon and only left when I was 23 and only return there occasionally to visit family.

At some point, it came to my attention that there is a rumour spreading among friends in Lebanon about me being gay. There’s no smoke without fire; a couple of close friends (who I am out to) told me they’ve heard it. It didn’t trouble me at that point since I no longer had something to worry about. What I didn’t realize is that it shied some away from me; I fell deeply in love once with a wonderful girl in Lebanon who was my best friend, she made attempts to let me know that she liked me too, but as soon as she heard the rumour she completely shut me out and until today we don’t speak.

During my last visit to Lebanon, an old acquaintance my age called me and we hung out almost every day. For now I’ll call her Sarah. Sarah and I went to the same college and knew each other from a distance, she however knew my previous best friend (the one who broke my heart) very well, and I am almost certain that she has heard the rumour about me at some point. Sarah would call/text me all the time, pick me up to go out and wouldn’t let a day pass by without seeing me. We would stare into each other’s eyes a lot, silently, without saying a word. We planned on spending a weekend together in a little town by the sea, but I had to cancel due to family obligations. At one point, when she was dropping me off, she hugged me while saying goodbye, we hugged for an extended period and almost kissed. Afterwards, she always made sure she was speaking on her cell phone when picking me up and she never hugged me again when dropping me off. We never discussed my sexual orientation. Knowing how big of a taboo homosexuality is over there, and being worried about losing a good friendship with someone I really like, I opted not to. I told her that I am currently exiting a relationship that’s not working well, but referred to my partner as a ”person” not a “she”. Towards the end of my visit though, the subject of homosexuality came up. Sarah was very homophobic (while trying to keep an open mind), and I on the other hand was of course very pro homosexuality. She said that the thought of her falling in love with a girl grosses her out. We didn’t talk about me being gay however. For the following week, Sarah avoided going out with me, but still calling and texting me. Her notes however became shorter than usual. I also didn’t contact her as often as I used to, and stopped any flirting with her (there was only very light flirting before). There was a distance between us all of a sudden which I didn’t experience before. That’s when I realized that I actually have feelings for her. I missed her. But still, not wanting to ruin our friendship, I never mentioned anything about me being gay. We talked about my current relationship a bit afterwards; I told her that my partner and I are breaking up, but haven’t yet, that I have troubles breaking up in general and I need to sort things out. She later asked me about a hypothetical person that she liked, and who just ended a long term relationship, and seems to be hard to get. She said that she would try to make herself difficult to get and that guys “enjoy the hunt”. I told her that since he just ended a relationship that she should better give him some space and just be there but from a distance. I also told her that I have huge commitment issues. I keep wondering if she was referring to me, and if she was distant all along because of what I said. Just before I left Lebanon, I texted her that I would be leaving in a couple of days, she texted me back several times that she would try and meet up with me, but it never happened. She called me a couple of hours before my plane took off to say goodbye, I told her that I am planning on visiting again within the next couple of months.

After I left Lebanon and returned to the States, we stayed in touch. I avoided initiating any conversation, preferring to let her reach out to me whenever she is ready instead. Sarah was always online on Facebook chat and Skype. So she would chat with me online once every few days, I would chat back, our chats became more and more redundant. We argued a lot over little things, and it seemed that we argued more than talked. Until one day the subject of homosexuality came up again, and she kept questioning me if I am gay, and always following up by saying that she is not gay herself. I avoided the question all together, preferring not to go there as I was worried about her reaction and losing her. Needless to say, things have really slowed down between us. On the flip side, Sarah would go and do very sweet things, such as hanging out with my family and having lunch with them, or checking out on my mom, and that completely made my heart melt. My mom loves her and says very nice things about her.

It’s been 2 months since I’ve been back in the States, and even though Sarah never asked me directly, the question of how come I haven’t made it back to visit again like I said is lingering. She always asks me what I am up to and how things are going with my plans. During our last chat, she told me that she wants to move to the States. When I try to think and rationalize her actions towards me, I get really confused. It’s as if she’s two different persons at the same time, one who is very homophobic and refuses to talk to me, and the other keeps reaching out to me every now and then and tries to get closer. Besides, she’s the type of person who internalizes things and when she gets upset with someone she completely shuts them out. Later on I decided that I need some space to manage my feelings towards her, and so I shut down my Facebook and Skype accounts for about a week, then eventually reactivated them back on. Afterwards, she started another chat session with me, and out of the blue, after a few lines between us, she ignored me completely. I haven’t said anything offensive; we were just having a normal conversation. I contacted her twice after it on other occasions when seeing her online, she would not respond and instead just exit the chat. I then left her a message that if she is not talking to me for some reason that she should let me know, but haven’t heard back. My mom told me that she bumped into her that same day and that Sarah told her something along the lines of me fooling her and that I won’t be visiting any time soon. Then Sarah’s best male friend and I were chatting online, and he asked me if I want to meet in Barcelona for a weekend, and that if I go that Sarah would go too. I said I was too busy – which I really was. Ever since then, I haven’t seen Sarah online at all.  She has had no posts on Facebook at all, and I have a feeling that she blocked me on Skype.

I do have strong feelings for her, but don’t know how to proceed. I am very worried about telling her and losing her all together. How can I understand what’s going on? What should I do?

Dear Everyone,

Thank you for all the replies and comments to my last post. It was helpful and made me think more clearly. I started to pull away from my ex and been trying to move on because I can’t cling onto someone who doesn’t want me. Which made me feel slightly better, yet randomly past memories would bring me down. Yet I’m working on that slowly.

Anyways now that I am single I’ve gone around looking at woman. All the ones I keep staring at mostly end up being straight. So I bugged all my friends and they joked around with me saying I have a broken “gaydar”! It got me so puzzled, why would my gaydar be messed up?! I had no trouble before, either way supposedly it’s because I still have feelings for my ex which I guess now I do. Yet I didn’t want to believe it so I went to a friend of mine over MySpace, I meet her a little bit before my break up with my ex, but she was in love with another woman so I never bothered her. Nor was I interested even though she is Extremely Gorgeous! I asked her if it was okay to go on a “friendly” date to get going and she said that she agreed, for we both were in a bad situation. So just yesterday I meet her face to face for the first time and I thought about how pretty she was, and that she was amazing. We started to hold hands, and then slowly started to cuddle. I spent the night at her house and later when I finally got home all I could think of …was what is wrong with me! No matter how close I was to her and how good it felt I still compared everything to my ex. And it hurts! Worse for all I don’t want to use this girl, she’s so sweet and practically the ideal type for me, just like my ex. Nothing is wrong with her, and she makes me laugh.  But it’s not the same as I felt for my ex.  And it hurts because I don’t want to feel that way.  I want to like her so much more, but I can’t, and comparing is not right.  Even worse I think my ex isn’t even ready to let me go anyways, like she seemed so up to do when she broke up with me. For you see She got on msn and sent me a message not to long ago, but I didn’t’ receive it. So later when I got to school and I randomly ran into her she brought it up. She even looked a little upset when she asked me about it and she even said it out of the blue and really quick, and I told her I didn’t receive anything, then she got all relieve while saying maybe it was her internet connection so I tried to part but being nicely and she ended up wanted to go to the art room when I said I was headed that way. Then on her birthday I was nice and sent her a Happy Birthday message and I end up hearing about how things are going worse with her mother. I feel so bad for her…but why is she still letting me know things about her that I thought only you should tell a lover or a super close friend. Also she use to say to me randomly when we were going down hill that she wouldn’t want to tell me everything. Since it’s better not to make someone worry over so much information that she only told friends bits an small parts. Then here she is like the first time we got close to each other spilling everything to me.  I don’t mean to be rude, but I want to get over her! Not going back and forth. I want to love someone new, that way we can be just be friends and I won’t hurt.  Don’t get my wrong, my ex is nice. I would want her back in a heart beat, but right now I don’t want to go and jump back in like we did before. And I doubt my ex would admit to her self of her own feelings anyways. Agh! I don’t get her! And I don’t know what to do now!

I love to flirt. My fiancé knows that I flirt with every woman I see. I can’t help it. I like making girls smile and I like being liked. I get it from my father, we call it the “Colon Charm” (last name, it’s Puerto Rican so it sounds like cologne.) Anywho, sometimes it seems that my flirting can be a little bit…less than harmless sometimes. I’ve been going to this Starbucks near where I live more often just to see this girl that is really obvious in flirting with me. I don’t even like Starbucks that much. But she’s cute and funny and laughs at my jokes (way too much if you ask me)…which is flattering.

She knows I’m gay and sees me with my fiancé sometimes. Even when my fiancé’s there with me she flirts like crazy. The other day when I was by myself she said, “Alright well, if I don’t see you, have a great weekend! And if I do see you, I’ll have a great weekend. ” That line was so cute it made ME blush.

There are a couple girls at work that blush every time I smile at them. There’s a chick at the yogurt place I go to that makes sure to touch my hand when handing me my order. It seems that with these girls they’re getting more and more aggressive with their flirting with me every time I flirt with them…

I can’t help but flirt. Should I tone it down? Am I leading them on? Or worse yet, am I leading myself on? Is this my subconscious telling me I’m not ready for a commitment like this? Or am I just using it as an excuse? I don’t know. I’m over thinking it. I would never really act on it. Or would I? No. I wouldn’t. Maybe? Yes. No…?

Ok, so here’s the deal with me. I am lesbian but only select people know. I work in a school system and people tend to get intertwined in your business so that is an obstacle I will never try to jump through in the workplace. I love my job and making money….

With that said, I’m in somewhat of a semi-dilemma. I’m contracted in the school system, not actually employed by the school system. I work with at-risk students but I am not a teacher or anything. I work closely with the teachers and other professionals in the school however. So, when I first started last October, I noticed this very pretty lady that is a teacher at the school. She instantly caught my attention. Of course, I won’t jeopardize my job for any reason even if I think someone is pretty.

This happened to me before – liking someone who already has a bf (she was bisexual). I pulled my feeling right away – simply because I really don’t wanna break the rule (my rule at least). We became good friends up till now; I must admit that it’s pretty hard though.

Now, it’s kinda happening again. I kinda like someone who has a bf. We enjoyed each other company, we constantly joking and laughing for our funny/stupid jokes during our first dinner. We just simply clicked.

She mentioned that she’s open to any possibilities (which makes her bisexual, I guess) and the fact that she wanted to go out for a dinner with me was kinda a good sign –> we met in an elevator and chatted for about 10mins, I gave her my card – We started talk online, after around a week, I asked her out for a dinner (nothing romantic at all, I just thought that she’s fun anyway…it’s simply pure as a friend, though I can’t deny that she’s pretty).

Moreover after she told me that she knew I am gay since the first time we met (if I were a straight girl, I wouldn’t wanna go out with a gay girl for a dinner if I am not interested in them more than as a friend, especially when I just met her and chatted for about 10mins only. I’m not being judgmental, it’s just that I don’t wanna give them a wrong impression. As an example, assuming if she’s a straight man who asked me for a dinner, I would probably go out with him at clubs with some friends, def not for a dinner. Does this make sense or do you guys think I’m just creating my own scenario?)

I may not approach her – she’s fun to be around with but I am not in love or anything. But I just wanna know what is considered as a normal behavior in this kind of thing? I have tons of guy friends and in their cases, they will still approach the girl regardless. They say that it’s her right to choose who she wants to be. Even some of my girlfriends told me exactly the same…But I really don’t know what to do. Personally I think that I should leave couples alone – but then again, I wouldn’t go out with someone if I were in a relationship unless I am not committed/not happy. Right?

Thoughts?

I’m worried that I’m becoming antisocial. I just moved 1,000 miles away from home, friends, and family to go to art school. Here, my identity feels threatened everyday because now I’m surrounded by people like me all the time. Motivated artists skilled and determined, unique and so lively. I’m honestly intimidated. To make matters worse I have the worst gay-dar. I fall for straight chicks and remain oblivious to women who might like me, not consciously.

To sum things up; does anyone know how the gay scene in Minneapolis is? I know of one bar, but haven’t had the funds or resources to visit it yet. It’s called the Gay 90′s if anyone knows of it and can tell me. Thank you in advance.

I totally feel you. But they are just such great people and I can’t even bear the thought of losing them, so, I would have this whole self control thing and end up just being their friend.

I had this crazy 700 day crush freshmen/sophomore year on this 200% straight girl who eventually became my housemate till now although she knows that I like her. There was one instance when I asked her if she would marry me if there were no men in this world. Reply was, “lol, you and your random questions”.

So I pulled myself together after 700 days, and later then, on the eve of Halloween this year I met this girl at a party. We were playing a drinking game, and we talked so much at some point I thought she mentioned that she was gay. We talked so much. I couldn’t forget her after Halloween. So a month later after a few online chats I asked her out. I’ve never done such a thing to someone whom I’ve only met once. It’s not like it was love at first sight or anything and I didn’t mean for it to be a date (if it was I would have done it the next day right). I just thought that she’s very interesting and I just wanted to know her. It was a different feeling. She is attractive. No big deal.

Anyway the good news is, yes, we went out, took an hour drive to watch an all girl rock band, took an hour drive back; it was between then when she mentioned about her boyfriend in Germany. Oops! It was probably something else that she said on Halloween. But it is OK. Remember I wasn’t out dating her. So after the show, I was gonna drop her off where she lives, we were right outside, she didn’t leave the car, we didn’t stop talking, so I suggested that we go for coffee. So we did, and we talked more, and then when we were done with our coffee, I dropped her off for the second time on the same night, and yes, this time it was a real goodbye, BUT only after 45 minutes of “more talking” in the car, and silent moments of just looking at each other… GREAT. I have never spent some 8 hours with just one person, talked and shared so much in a first official meeting. And now we would still talk online; as a matter of fact, she initiated a conversation after the concert and said she hopes that we can get together again sometime, wait, is that out of courtesy or what? She knows I’m gay even before we went out.

I feel that I can totally care for her, but at the same time I’m restraining myself from falling for her because she’s taken. She’s dressed rather boyishly which is why I said it wasn’t a date because as much as I’m femme I’m more attracted to femme girls, although she’s my very attractive eye candy. Lol. But after spending such QUALITY time with her I realized that she’s VERY MUCH A GIRL. Very much a lady. A very sweet, talented young lady… and I really want to see her again, but I don’t know if I should. Truth is, regardless of whatever advice, I think I will see her again. Because I want to… Oh no! OK. I WILL see her again, and just be a friend. How does that sound?

My friends have been telling me that this is unhealthy. That I’m living with an ex-crush, and making myself vulnerable to falling in love with another straight girl. Help! Because I can’t help myself…

Okay so here’s the deal in really really like this girl I’ve known for two years now. She is incredibly beautiful and smart. She is not afraid of acting like a dork in front of anyone and its one of the things i most like about her. But she is a straight girl… so I assume.

I am a senior now and I’ve known i was a lesbian since the seventh grade but i am still another one of those in the closet. I have never been with another girl nor have I ever kissed another girl. My best friends who I’ve been friends with all through high school have no idea I am a lesbian because I’ve been playing the straight girl role all my life. We go to parties all the time and mess around with guys from school and I join in so no one will wonder about me since the last time i had a bf was in the eighth grade.

There are no gays or lesbians out in the open at my school even though I’m sure they’re out there. People make such a big deal about anything here we’re all afraid to come out, at least I am. I really wish I could tell my friends the truth but I don’t want to scare them away either. I know that if they’re my real friends they will stand by my side no matter what, but I still can’t risk it because what if they don’t and then they go off and tell everyone else…

Anyway back to my girl. So I have known her since last year when she was in one of my classes and from the very first time I talked to her I thought she was amazing. Though I only talked to her a few times that year when we did we could go on forever. We would always tease each other and she would always play with my hair. I liked her a lot then but I simply let it pass like every other crush I’ve had on a girl because I’m always too afraid to act on it. Now this year she is in one of my classes again and we’ve been sitting next to each other all year me in front of her and she plays with my hair just like she used to. But now I’m even more attracted to her. We change seats every quarter in our class and she always cheats the system so that she ends up sitting behind me. Whenever my hands are cold she warms them up for me with her own. I don’t ever hang out with her because my friends don’t know her very well. So this week I asked her to have lunch with me and she said yes. Then I asked her again the next day which I probably shouldn’t have but I really like this girl so I did and she said she already had plans. But she apologized a million times and said she would make it up to me in a cute little note she left for me in my next class. Then she asked me to hang out with her this week after school but I couldn’t because I already had plans and she seemed really upset that she didn’t even talk to me the next day in class.

So I think she is straight and that I might be reading her wrong because a year ago she was in a relationship of a year and a half with some guy but hasn’t been in another one since. I really like this girl and I want to know if she feels the same way I feel about her because I don’t think I have ever felt like this for another person before. I really don’t know what to do because I don’t want to lose this girl as a friend but I really want to know how she feels about me if she’s scared like I am to act on our feelings. Is there any advice on how I can get hints if she’s les or not. Please help I’m in need of some advice.

Thanks a lot for reading!

Me and my friend S. hang out a lot and she has a boyfriend and all, and when we go to the school dances me and her and my other friend D. always dance really close and perverted. So one day while we were going off to our next class S. gave me a kiss (on the cheek) and then said goodbye.

Then at lunch she came up to me and said we should be girlfriends for a day (and she sounded playful but like she meant it) so I said yes and she kissed me on the cheek and I kissed her and we just walked around the whole day either holding hands or having our arms around each other.

Then the next day she said we should go out for a week and then break up but the thing is I am starting to have a crush on her and she said she might be bi so I am really confused by it all because nobody in the school knows I’m am lesbian and I don’t love her but I do really like her so what should in do? Should I try to go out with her or leave it alone and do you think she even likes me?

So, I’ve been attracted to both boys and girls for as long as I can remember. My long-term boyfriend and I recently broke up. I am tired of boys and I am ready to devote all my sexual energy to girls.

But I have never had any experiences with another girl and I just do not know how to initiate them. I am willing to try something casual at a party or go on a date. I just do not know how to tell if a girl is interested in me. I go to ASU so there are parties all the time. Is there an easy way to figure out if a girl is interested in me, how can I approach her, and how can I ask her out or take her to some dark corner?

I don’t mean to be a user but honestly I just want something casual for now because I’ve been in a relationship for a looong time.

As a side note I am pretty girly and in interested in another girly girl. I want to pull on long silky hair and caress some curves!

So, I have this best friend and things got complicated really fast. The moment she found out I was a lesbian things between us became different- more personal. She calls herself my girlfriend. She gets mad when I have actual girlfriends. We’ve slept together once, a drunken one night. She’s very touchy with me. We hold hands, she kisses me on the cheek a lot. She’s kissed me on the lips a few times as well. She playfully grabs my ass a lot, as well as my breasts.

However, we got into a fight right before she went to college, and now things are different between us. We held hands for the first time in months today, in the theater as we watched a movie.

I know I am attracted to her, and I do have feelings for her. But did she before the fight, and does she still? Others say she does. Please Help

I feel as though the girls I always end up liking turn out to be straight. I know that there’s always a chance because sexuality is fluid but the chances are low when the person has a boyfriend or there older. And it’s hard to find women around here because there’s a limited amount of out lesbians and bisexual woman at my college. It’s difficult. This one girl I like, she’s so beautiful and has a great personality. I know she’s not a lesbian or bisexual but I can’t help but think about her. Where do I find the lesbian and bisexual women (NY area)?

Hello,

Last year, I have kept staring at a girl in college. I had a crush on her. And she noticed me staring. Now I am embarrassed around her.
She doesn’t feel disgusted by me. She doesn’t think I am eww. She seems like a cool girl. I am not saying she is bi or gay, or curious but she seems nice.

Once I said hi to her, and she said hi to me and smiled so I smiled. But when she is with friends, she doesn’t say hi and I don’t either.
Problem is I can’t avoid her. We see each other on the halls like everyday. It’s so horrible because when I see her face to face I get like feelings of increased anxiety and feel like I can’t talk, I also feel like I shouldn’t look at her because I don’t want to look like a stalker, lesbian or weird, so I do like I am staring somewhere else and wait for her to say hi. But she doesn’t, so I say nothing.

This whole thing is weird. I am so weird; I am tired of my awful behaviour. I would like to become friends with her so I can stop feeling the urge to keep staring at her or make such a huge drama about saying or not hi. She is friendly. Maybe not gay but she wouldn’t tell others that I am weird or stuff. She’s is not like those bitchy straight chicks who think you are gross. In fact, once she made a comment to me and said ‘you are so skinny’ in a sorta pervy way (she was being perverted for real, not my imagination) (maybe she was feeling curious…lol)

The thing is I would like to become friends so I could stop this horrible social crappy anxiety feelings and weirdness. So guys could you give me suggestion on how to become friends without appearing gay or pushy, like I would like to appear as straight as possible but friendly and not arrogant. Maybe her things I am an ass because of walking next to her and not saying hi. I am such an idiot. I am so afraid of making mistakes and I fear from being rejected, I say nothing and end up looking like super stupid. I can feel like she is more straight then curious but I hate myself because I used to say hi to her, and then all of the sudden I feel this horrible anxiety I can’t say hi, she must think I am stupid. I feel horrible. Sometimes I am friendly sometimes I am distant and sometimes I am so afraid to run into her, I avoid the places where she is.
For example, today I hid into the bathroom (toilet) because she was in the bathroom mirrors with her friends.
I must solve this. I want to get over her for real, I hate it arrrrrrggg.

Please girls give me your help. I feel so nervous. Thanks a lot.

Btw, nobody knows I am gay and I don’t plan to tell anybody. Please girls give me your opinions about this, I can’t talk about this to anyone I am like super closeted.

Sorry for my bad English, it’s not my first language.

I used to have my gaydar towards the public; I can identify them on the street as accurate as I can. Nevertheless, it comes to a halt upon the person I’m into, it happens for times, makes me dare not to step forward and act on them. Is it my strong feeling towards her provokes the malfunctioning of my gaydar? And so I’m hereby asking for help.

I’m so into my new lecturer this time, yet I have no idea at all on how she feels on me. The first day she came, she locked her eyes on me while she was giving lecture; I felt nothing by that time as I thought maybe I’m sitting at the front row. After class, she came to me and asked for my name. I did not know when the spark is ignited. To me, I felt like she is a bit into me, but frankly, I’m not so sure on this, since I can’t even tell you is she a gay or a straight or maybe a bisexual. Sometimes she is so cold on me. One day, I was chatting with my friend while she was lecturing then I questioned her and ended up I scolded by her for not paying attention. Then we take five, she went to my other friend and asked is she over reacted that time and she felt sorry to me. Oh come on, she is the lecturer and I’m only her student, but she took my feelings into account seriously. Besides, we have had an argument on a question before, she raised her volume on me, and once again she asked my friend whether I’m angry on her after class… There was a time when she gave my friends and I a ride to a place in my university, I was sitting at the back right at the centre, I told myself not to look into her eyes through the rear-view mirror, when we reached, I look into her eyes through the mirror and surprisingly found that she was looking into mine at the same time, her eyes were full of passion.. Another day, she put her passionate eyes on me again after I helped her to hold a door which nearly hit her before going into class… Yet, she is leaving the university soon to further her study, she did not tell me at all, I know it somewhere else and I’m unable to catch her anymore. Her reactions are confusing, I can’t determine whether she is into me or not. Therefore, can you please tell me how do you feel on her towards me? Is she a gay, a straight or a bisexual, yea, she mingles around with boys always.

Thanks a lot for your time and opinions…

So I’m a freshman in college and just finally truly exploring my sexuality. I’ve always known I was attracted to girls (and possibly not to guys at all) but February was the first time I’ve ever hooked up with a girl (she kind of played me and it ended badly). However I now know for sure that I’m into girls.

So here’s the deal: there’s this girl I played travel soccer with my freshman year of high school. We saw each other at least four times a week throughout the whole year and I always felt a special bond with her. We talked and joked as if we had known each other forever. One time my whole team was talking about drinking and, being semi-sheltered I had never partaken in such activities haha. My whole team started to gang up on me and give me crap about being a “goody two shoes” and I felt completely helpless. She stood up for me and admitted that she didn’t drink yet either. I knew that I had a crush on her but obviously never did anything about it. We never played on the same team again but over then next three years I saw her every couple of months at games and tournaments and we always were super excited to see each other and acted as though no time had passed at all since we had been so close. my junior year we lost the championships to her team and instead of celebrating with her teammates upon the final pint she came over and hugged me to tell me I played great and console me (so cute!).

The catch is I checked her Facebook last week and saw that she has nothing listed under interested in… And I’m 90% sure it used to say interested in men. So this leads me to believe she might be into girls too?

So now I really want to get back in touch with her and see if maybe there’s still something there? I know that every time I saw her over the past four years I got butterflies in my stomach. But I don’t know how to get together with her without it being totally random and weird. We don’t talk on Facebook and it will be a miracle if I just run into her since we don’t play each other anymore. Any suggestions?

Yeah a common question but… for those who watch The L Word, in season 1 where Dana doesn’t have gaydar and her friends help her to identify if this lady is gay or not! So… how do you identify it?

Hoops earring=can’t tell
Some kind of heels with jeans=NO
Reaction on lesbian kissing=depends

Not all tomboys are bisexual or lesbian so don’t say that! Just go with the flow doesn’t help either! So… my weird question…

It started since the day of silence which is 4/17/09, after school (high school) I really think a lot about how I shouldn’t hide my feelings if I find someone is attractive or hot, that I should just show it and don’t care what’s the other person reaction may be. We (family) went to McDonalds and there she is, the cute girl I noticed long ago but I never did anything but ordering food, she was sitting by the window eating her meal, as I walk out of the car, I start looking at her and so was she. I walk in and was waiting in line, after ordering, we wait for the food and at the time, there is this Asian guy walking out of the door. I was looking at them and so was she, after they left, me and her lock eyes for a few seconds. After getting my food, I walk out the same door, looking at her while she is looking at me, both smiling. As I walk closer to the car, I turn back and she is still looking at me. I felt that she is interested in me or as you can call it, kinda flirting-ish…

Then on Monday, as I got out of school, riding the metro home. I went to get my mail and as I lock it and walk the way that leads to my house, there was this car passing by me slowly, as I look up to see who it was, it was a cute fine girl looking at me too… smiling, I smiled back. I thought again that this girl might be interested in me or as you can call it kinda flirting-ish…

Now the question is… am I CRAZY cuz I’m so desperate to find a girlfriend that I think them girls are interested in me? And should I keep doing what I’m doing now or hide my feelings when I see hot girls? Oh I’m a lesbian and I’m turning 16 in May so yeah… 16 lol

Appreciate helps, thanks

Ok so this is quite a long story so bear with me please. It’s such a long story because I’ve been in love with this girl for close to four years now so that’s a lot of story to cover. Alright so I met her freshman year of high school. I didn’t really know I was into girls then until I met her and couldn’t deny my feelings. We clicked fast and became friends but for the first like two years we weren’t super close. Which made it a lot easier to tame my feelings for her. For a while I had myself convinced that I wasn’t even in love with her anymore. Now this year we just became super close and all these feelings are coming back. Like we spend every hour together she tells me all of her secrets and she is very affectionate with me which makes things a lot harder for me to deal with. She’s just so touchy feely that it’s hard to tell whether she has the same feelings. Like not only does she hold my hand in public she laces our fingers. She always kisses my cheek and forehead. She always feels the need to sit on my lap or put her head on my shoulder. When we’re lying on the couch or in her bed she’ll always cuddle up to me. She sits behind me in one of our classes and sometimes she’ll just randomly grab my hand and start playing with it for half the class. Rubbing her finger across it, lacing our fingers, writing notes on my arm with her finger. I usually just let her do everything because I’m afraid I’ll go to far but the other night we went to a party and I drank quite a bit because I was really upset because on the way there she was like I feel like I can trust you with all my secrets then she tells me about how she had sex with this guy last year and that’s the second guy she’s had sex with so I drank quite a bit at the party trying to forget what she told me and once I loosened up I was all over her and she didn’t seem to care.

Someone even asked us if we were lesbians and she just laughed it off. Then that night since we were at someone else’s house we had to sleep in a single bed room and I said: you sleep in the bed and I’ll sleep in the floor and she was like no come here and she made me sleep behind her with my arms wrapped around her waist. Like all these things she does make my feelings go all over the place and to most people it would seem that she likes me back but here’s the problem. She has a boyfriend. They haven’t been together that long but she’s always with him. But today she was like he treats me like shit blah blah blah and then she just like turned around and hugged me and was like I’m over guys we should just be lesbians together you treat me right… It made me smile but I figured she was probably joking and I guess I was right because after school she was like yeah we made up. I just was like oh… awesome. And she asked me what that meant and I just walked away so I think she’s getting the hint that I don’t like him.

Oh yeah and another thing is that me and her are “married”. I know that sounds totally kindergarten but we have rings and everything. And she tells people that I’m her wifey. Which is probably also just platonic. I just don’t know what to do because I’ve never dealt with a friend like this… it just sucks. I mean if she wasn’t so touchy feely and always playing with my emotions maybe it would be easier to fall out of love with her… maybe. So anyone have any advice? Sorry this was so long I just had a lot to be said. Oh and btw she just texted me now randomly saying you’re so cute… See that’s another thing I won’t even be texting her and she’ll randomly send me texts like that… help? Anyone? Please… I know it may sound small and maybe pathetic but seriously the feelings suck. Like it’s not just saying my heart aches like it physically hurts…

about my very hot chinese teacher! just cant deal with it

Hi everyone, this is my first time posting on TLQ… I’ve been reading other people’s stories and decided that I wanted to get some stuff off of my chest. Here goes…

I am a lesbian, currently in high school, only (relatively) recently reconciled to my sexuality. After a period of turmoil and confusion that lasted a little over three years, I came to terms with it in October of 2008. Having done so, I was more than ready to get on the dating scene, especially after my most recent, disastrous relationship with a guy friend. Problem is, the LGBT population in my school is, to all appearances, absolutely zero. In a high school that’s as big as mine, there’s obviously no way that nobody is gay (of my close friends, one is a lesbian and one is bisexual), but nobody comes out. The only person I can remember as being totally out was a senior last year, and he’s long gone off to college. I seem to have the same sort of status — I’ve been coming out to a lot of people recently — and even if it hasn’t quite finished getting around, I’m sure people assume it anyway — I’ve heard as much from several people. That’s fine and dandy — but if nobody else is out, it doesn’t exactly help me. The two friends I know of are definitely off limits, seeing as one is 20 (she actually works at the school) and the other is just not my type, and either my gaydar is broken or everyone else is really good at hiding it. On top of that, every time I try to meet other lesbians in other places, I don’t manage to find any, or I’m passed over for a friend. Case in point: at an anime convention, where the LGBT population density is considerably higher than in most other gatherings, I managed to meet only one girl, who was 12 and a bit of a creeper, whereas my very straight female friend got hit on repeatedly by another girl.

Naturally, even if my viable dating pool has long dried up in our school’s scorching conservative sun, I still managed to get myself completely infatuated with yet another friend of mine. This girl was my true introduction into what it meant to actually have a crush on someone, a real crush, not a passing “oh, _____’s cute, wonder if we could go out…” My heart ached every time I saw her, and I went out of my way to be able to hug her, hold her, and see her. Then, of course, she had to go and get a crush on someone, and spew endless sugary anecdotes about how much she loved him. It was like she was stabbing a knife into my heart every time she mentioned him. She would go on and on and on, asking me what she should wear or what I thought of this or that other stupid thing that he’d done, and she had no idea of my feelings. How could she? I hadn’t told her, because she was, in her own words, “straight as a board”. Thing is, everyone and their grandmothers in our circle of friends all think she’s at least bi, which of course gives me false hope. Not only that, but she noticed that something was upsetting me greatly. In the end, I came out to her and told her that I had a huge crush on someone who had no idea — predictably enough, she was totally oblivious to the fact that I was referring to her and ended up unintentionally twisting the knife deeper with blithe comments about my virtues as a would-be girlfriend. In any case, I ended up having to get used to the fact that she liked someone else, and after an enormous effort (she ended up being the first person I ever cried over) I thought I’d put her behind me. She ended up moving to Virginia shortly afterward.

I thought I was done with it — and then she came back to visit, and it all came flooding back. I was seized with sudden urges to kiss her, to press her against a wall and press my lips to hers, to caress her waist, and I was barely able to stop myself. Thankfully, she was only able to see my friends and me twice in her week-long visit, and I was somehow able to control myself. Once again, I thought it was finally over. Again, I was wrong.

Just this past Friday evening, I was really feeling the loneliness. Already in a depressed state of mind, I decided to talk to her to try and alleviate some of my distress. When I told her that I was feeling down because I couldn’t manage to find anyone, she told me that if she swung that way, she’d snap me up in an instant. This, combined with my earlier depression, pushed me over the edge — I decided to confess to her so that she would finally stop torturing me with comments like that. She responded with, and I quote: “awwww  I’m sowwy sweety”, patronizing me and making me feel worse.

I’m not really sure if there’s a point to this. I sort of just wanted to get this off my chest. And please, I really don’t want to hear any “You’re young, you don’t need a girlfriend” or anything of that sort. I’ve had more than enough of any patronization for this weekend.

I have seven dilemmas on my hand and please take into consideration I’m in junior high.

• Last year I came out as bi in seventh grade and it’s really starting to get around this year.
• Everyone knows so I’m afraid it will get back to my Family.
• They really won’t understand. My grandfather is a preacher. So my family is a lawn full of skito praise crazy’s.
• I’m afraid they won’t understand the way I feel, and I’ll become the outcast.
• I think I’m in love with my best friend, and I think that she knows. [ =) ]
• I have never had a girlfriend because…
• I HAVE NO GAYDAR!!

Please give me as many answers as possible to my problems.

~thx~
mandy

So I have come out about being gay to most of my friends. It was pretty easy. I mean I fought with it for a long time, but when I felt the time was right for me to tell them it was easy. Most of them were pretty accepting. There still are the few that think this is just a stage, when I get out of college it will all be ok. They don’t understand that it is all ok now. I haven’t told anyone in my family because they are not open to it all. I spent Christmas there and they kept making fun of a man they knew and how he was gay. How am I ever supposed to come out to them when they are so judgemental and cruel?

On the other side now that I am out I am ready to have a relationship. I have never been with anyone. I am so nervous about what I am supposed to do. I can’t tell who is gay who is straight. It never mattered to me as long as they were a good person. I find myself dreaming about my friends and wanting to have relationships with them sometimes even though I know that’s not possible. And there is one girl I really really like. She’s in a relationship though and has been for a year and half with her girlfriend. I really don’t want to ruin their relationship because I know that it is hard to have something like that. I helped them move into their apartment just so I could be around her. I finally made the decision that I wasn’t going to talk to her because I didn’t want to mess things up. Well now I have to see her everyday in my science class and I know that I don’t have to talk to her, but it’s rude to just pretend as if she is not there.

I am so confused and so ready to share my life with someone else. I am sick of it just being me. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Hey everyone… So I just found this site and am now completely addicted, honestly you can never have too much advice! I just love all the different honest opinions. Ok so here’s my story…. I’m 21 and have been having crushes on girls for as long as I can remember, but I’m from a really small town and was never really exposed to any type of gay/lesbian community so I never really gave being a lesbian any thought. So all through public school and high school I listened to all my closest girlfriends going on an on about the boys they liked, who they’d kissed and dated, then later who they’d lost their virginity to (the whole time all I could think about was how hot Vanessa Marcil looked in a bikini or how cute the girl who sat in front of me in Math looked in her black rimmed glasses)… All the while also listening to them razz me about why I hadn’t “done it” yet.

Well, high school ended and the bar scene began (while my friends were checking out hot guys I couldn’t help but notice all the pretty girls)… along with the blind dates that my friends just had to set me up on because apparently being a virgin out of high school is a crime…. really who knew? It was just around this time that my sister brought home The L Word DVD (her best friend’s sister, who was the first lesbian I ever met at the age of 20 recommended it.) Well, it completely opened my eyes to something… I totally related to them and I was a lesbian (which I haven’t told my mother yet although I’m thinking she may know since I’ve never had a boyfriend. :S But my sister knows).

Anyways here I am a year later, still single, still a virgin, and still completely lesbian awkward! My biggest thing is I cannot for the life of me tell if another girl is gay… I lack the gaydar if you will… and I guess the idea of accidently hitting on a straight girl, because I thought she was gay, scares me a little. And since my town is without a gay/lesbian bar I’m always totally nervous. So any tips on that or advice in general that you girls can give would be helpful.

Hi sisters

I’m fourteen and I’m Asian. I’ve always wanted to post my story on this site so I’m doing it now. Let’s get straight to the point now…

I have a crush on this pretty girl who is in my class for almost a year now. At first, I didn’t like her but she was sending me signs first. So, about 2 months since I know her, I decided to tell her that ‘I like her a lot’ by sending her a message and she didn’t reply for about 5 or 10 minutes. Then I realised what a stupid thing I’ve just done so I sent her a message saying that it was sent wrongly to her. Do you know what happened next? She replied me immediately saying that it was ok.

Then there was this time when we went out together with our friends and at the end of the day, she purposely acted like she was going to kiss one of our friends and then she stared at me like she was checking if I was jealous but I just smiled at her. The same thing happened again during our PE period, she was doing the same thing to the same girl and then she stared at me to see my reaction but I just kept quiet like it doesn’t matter to me. Then there was this ‘class activity’ when we met each other in the school canteen with our group of friends then she held my chin and asked me if I miss her and I just laughed and said no (I know I’m a real fool but I guess she was just kidding with me.) After that nothing special happened we were just like normal friends, and I sometimes think she likes me too but sometimes it’s otherwise. By the way, we are both talkative but when we are with our friends or when we are alone together we just don’t talk to the other or she just says something to me and I just answer her and that’s all.

So here is my question to all the sisters out there:

- How do I know when she likes me too?
- How do I tell her I like her/ask her out?

Thanks to those who read this post.

Hi all,

I have another dilemma for you. So after my recent terrible break-up with my ex I had only one person in my life that I could truly call a friend. Things had been have been fun and exciting and we spoke about everything my past, her past, failed relationships, life, goals, weaknesses, sexual orientation, etc…she made perfectly clear to me that she was straight and would be gay but can’t because of lack of male genitalia so I NEVER seen her in any other light than hetero with all this being said sometime she likes to hold my hand, give me things constantly without me asking such as purses, scarves, old laptops, shoes, radios and seem to love to take me to any event that I wasn’t specifically invited to again I must say I thought this was being incredibly supportive as I was going through a hard time there’s only once after she got undressed near me that I asked her if she was certain that she was straight I got the needing a penis response again so I left it at that because as her friend I believe she tells me the truth skip ahead to now and I realize our relationship is changing she still does stuff for me now and again and we hangout but now the mention of old friends not even gay girls has me feeling blown off and awkward tension between us such as me creating online site accounts; another party I spoke to said it seems as if she’s interested in me and has been for sometime now even while I was involved but obviously it was bad timing and now that I’m getting over my ex that she is expecting me to realize that she’s interested but I haven’t and it’s beginning to bother her such as she’s waiting for me to make the first move.

This is very stressful to me as she is pretty much the best friend I’ve ever had, she accepts me for me and all the jazz that comes out of my mouth, I would really hate to lose her if this may all be true. I don’t read into her cuddling on me, the invitation to kiss because another friend said to kiss, the promise to spend most free time together, the constant dancing between her and I only in night clubs, the lingering hugs, the long length hand holding, the obvious ease it would be because there’s foundation there but I’m not in the business of turning women and will also feel disappointed if she thinks I am it’s a little predatory for me and a complete waste of time to chase someone who has complete opposite sexual interests. If the latter is true and she likes me and is waiting for me, how do I hold on to our friendship when she’s clearly stating she’s straight but keeps behaving the way she is towards me? This isn’t a matter of turning her down as there has been no direct request only behavior. Is this normal girl (FRIEND) behavior?