Hello, my wünderbar ladies!! I wrote a post a while back on celebrity crushes, which has turned out to be a HUGE success (if you haven’t commented on it yet, or even seen it, check it out and add your beauties!), so in light of recent television discoveries (*cough cough* Once and Again’s lesbian couple *cough…blissful sigh*) I have decided to do a post on y’all’s favorite couples on the screen, stage, or page. Think hard, now, and don’t be afraid to add more comments as you think of some you may have forgotten. (Oh, and please make these real–no fantasy couples, i.e. Hermione and Ginny in HP, or Thirteen and Cameron on House. I’m sorry, truly.)

So here are mine to begin with:

Jessie (Evan Rachel Wood) and Katie (Mischa Barton) on Once and Again

Marissa (Mischa Barton) and Alex (Olivia Wilde) in The OC

Annabelle (Erin Kelly) and Simone (Diane Gaidry) from Loving Annabelle

Evie (Nicole Ari Parker) and Randy (Laurel Holloman) from The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls in Love

Love you all loads,

~S-B406

Hi girls!

I just wanted to show you a short film about lesbian stereotypes. The spanish version was very successful and now I want to show it to you.

The film explains five kinds os lesbian in a humorous way. I hope you like it.

Here is the link to Youtube.

Favorite girl crushes from the stage, screen, or recording studio!

Word is out that Losing Chase is now totally available on YouTube (labelled Parts 1-10). Helen Mirren playing a (non-practising though) lesbian… that’s almost as good as Jennifer Beals playing AlphaBette. Enjoy it girls.

Why is it that most lesbian films look like late night soft porn TV movies without the porn? The bad acting/overacting, the ugly actors, the crazy camera angles, the we-need-a-story-here screenplay, the overall amateurish feel… it’s all there in “It’s In The Water”, all but the porn. I guess we should be grateful to The L Word-producers for glossing up the General Dyke Image (and also forgiving for their slight tendency of overdoing it a bit). 

“It’s In The Water” is about 10 years old so I knew I had to look past the 90ies hairdos and the ugly jeans, but it’s no excuse for all the other horribleness I had to watch. I’m actually so totally underwhelmed by this film that I find myself trying very hard to summarize the story… and not succeeding. That’s how bad it was, the story isn’t even worth reviewing.

I guess seeing names like Kelli and Keri Jo on the DVD box (yes, I paid good money for it… the horror) should have given me a clue, I mean, if even the director’s and the lead actress’ name sound like soft porn stars’ names (if that even exists)… a bell really should start ringing, right? But us dykes, we’re so unspoiled when it comes to movies portraying our own kind that we just take what we can get. It’s pathetic actually.

But, I console myself with the thought that there are more pathetic people out there. Like the people who made this film, played in it and worst of all: paid for it. I can’t imagine that anyone could have made money out of a crappy film like this one.

All of this as a word of warning: when you find yourself in a store, checking out dyke movies and spotting “It’s In The Water”… Run and save yourself some money and some time. Because I didn’t only waste money on it, I also spent 100 minutes watching it… and there are a lot of things you can do in 100 minutes, like watching 2 episodes of The L Word; or play a game of basketball.

Dykes And The City

Making a decent lesbian movie must be one of the hardest things to do in life, seeing as there are so few of them. So with every new release the same old mixture of renewed hope and (vile) prejudice emerges, mostly resulting in an exasperating sigh of the I-Knew-It-Variety after watching it. Loving Annabelle wasn’t really an exception to that. Throughout the entire movie I kept on thinking: “What we are watching here is every teenage dyke’s biggest fantasy.” That may sound very promising, but it wasn’t very realistic.

Loving Annabelle tells the story of the (mutual) crush of a school girl and her teacher. Supposedly it depicts the agony the teacher goes through when coming to terms with the fact that she’s a lesbian, while teaching at an all-girls catholic boarding school (nuns and everything) and realizing she’s very sensitive to the attention of a student (Annabelle).

Imagine arriving at a new school, having a good-looking English teacher (it’s always the English teacher, isn’t it?), developing a crush and… having the teacher respond to that? Well, I’m pretty sure we’ve all imagined it once or twice in our life, but to see it in a movie AND believe it? That simply wasn’t working for me. (But maybe that’s just me…)

Unlike many other lesbian movies this one didn’t have all sorts of symbolic stuff popping up (like birds or flowers or whatever else lesbian directors like to use as metaphors), nor did it have excessive use of poetry/prose (just a little quote here and there); for which I am very thankful.

And, let’s be honest here, the whole fantasy-like story-line did result in one of the very best (=hottest) lesbian sex scenes I have ever seen on a screen. There was this massive build-up towards it throughout the first hour of the movie, and well, the climax did not disappoint at all. So, that (obviously) does kind of save the movie.

I think that the dramatic ending (they get caught and the teacher is escorted of the school) was supposed to give a touch of realism to the film, but at that point (not long after the hot sex – yeah, they only get to do it once) that just results in a big What-The-Fuck? We were just starting to get (very) warmed-up here, ready to let go and believe in this dream world and now you’re taking it away from us? Not a very nice thing to do…

Anyway, I’ve seen much worse (Claire Of The Moon, Inescapable) but I’ve also seen way better (High Art, When Night Is Falling) and I’m afraid that I won’t remember a whole lot of this one. Except for the sex.

Maybe we should have called this website “Bette-Porter-Lovers.com”, because (apart from the obligatory “lesbian”) that is for sure our favorite way of defining ourselves.

So, this is exciting news for us: Jennifer Beals as policewoman (they picked a great DVD-release date btw, just when every dyke has been properly warmed-up by the new The L Word season and is aching for way more than a small weekly dose). (But do keep in mind that it’s most probably not a dyke movie and that seeing Bette Porter as a straight woman may hurt.)