I am a Christian and I have always considered that I may be bisexual but when officially asked I would claim to be straight. But I had an unfortunate experience with my now ex-fiancé and I can’t bear to think about dating another man again…every time I try to picture myself with a man I have a panic attack. I began to realize I was never really sexually attracted to men; I was just going along with what I had been brought up to believe since childhood.

After reading Rev. Mel White’s “What the Bible Says – And Doesn’t Say – About Homosexuality” I began to accept that I was lesbian. I have met a wonderful girl who I absolutely adore and she and I have talked about dating but haven’t quite taken the step past flirting. She even broke up with her boyfriend so that she could be with me.

Still every now and then I’m reminded that my mother is a strong Southern Baptist Christian, so I haven’t opened up to her. I’m from a small southern town and a lot of my friends are from my church, which is more accepting than most churches but still a Baptist church in a rural, southern town. So I’m a bit awkward about opening up to some of the people closest to me. I feel like when I start dating and if I one day get married that people I’ve known for a long time will suddenly reject me and may even hate me…

It’s been a while since my last post here and I got a lot of answers and guidance from you guys…

My girlfriend and I have been together for two years and seven months now and were pretty sure that we want to spend the rest of our lives together in each other’s warm and loving arms. Through this year we had ups and downs, mostly our downs are the troubles we went through to hide our relationship form our families… Our friends accept us but the problem is her aunt, uncles, sister are judgmental persons and they would crush her for this…

And my problem is my mom… at the age of 15 I told her that I loved a girl not as a friend but as a girlfriend, the love of my life.. maybe at that time my problem was I didn’t tell her exactly my sexual orientation because in our country it’s either you’re a lesbian wearing men’s clothes and acting like a man or a gay wearing a dress and putting a make up on… by the way I live in the Philippines a CATHOLIC COUNTRY….

When she asked me whether the two of us are lesbians I said no and I didn’t prepare for the fact that she is not open minded about the concept of a bi- sexuals… She told me to stay away from her and that it is against the will of god….. In fact I confessed to a priest about this matter… I asked if it is bad to love someone who really makes you happy and he answered that there’s nothing wrong in loving for we are loved by god…

She also told me that I was young and going through a phase of life and she knows what is best for me for she is older than me… My point is it’s now the age of computer technology not the 80′s… yesterday is different than today…

I first attempted to tell my mom when I was 15… now I’m almost 18 and I really want to tell her and I don’t know how to do it in the right way… and one thing when she’s giving me the tone of discrimination and rejection I instantly cry and that’s the time she overpowers me and forces me to stay away from my girl….

I know many of you are already out of the closet… Can you please give a 17 year old girl some advice on how to come out? I’m really desperate to be out because we’re both starting to have problems about this matter… I know my mother can accept me… I just don’t know how to explain to her the right way…

P.S. My mother treats me like I’m a five year old kid when I told her that I loved a girl 2 years ago… I understand her and I love my mom I’m just afraid to be rejected by the most important person that gave me life…

(mom, if you ever stumbled upon this site and upon this post of mine… I want you to know that I love you so much and I want you to understand that I’m happy really happy with who I am… I hope you would still love me and accept me for who I am because it’s breaking my heart whenever we’re not in good terms because of my sexuality… I really love you… and mom when you told me to try date to date guys I tried but I wasn’t really happy… hope you and dad would understand… I love you guys … hope my dream and prayers would be answered…)

Need some help…

Please help to avoid this and submit a comment here.

Hey, this is an update of my previous post. So, in my last post I talked about how I confused about my sexuality, well, it took me a while but I finally come to terms with the fact that I am gay and I came out to the girl I talked about. She was totally fine with it and it made us become closer friends. Over the summer holidays, we spent a lot of time together, alone and we became closer. Then, towards the end of the holidays, she tells me that she was bisexual, which came as a complete shock. After that, we started to become even closer, and we would tell each other everything, and my feelings for her started to become even stronger. Because we were close, our friends started to suspect things, her group of friends were the first to say things and then my group of friends, who aren’t the most open minded people I have met, started to say things as well, we both just decided to ignore them and continued to go out together on our own. One day, we were sat in a park together and we were really really close. That was really the moment when I thought she could like me back.

Fast forward a few weeks, to the half term holidays, she slept over at my house, we were lying on the couch together and we were very close. Out of the blue, she kisses me, and I didn’t know what to make of it. She then kept apologizing, so I thought she didn’t mean to do it. Then we finally go up to my bedroom and I pull out the sofa bed for her, I don’t know what happened but I wound up sleeping on that bed next to her. We were sat there for hours just talking and holding hands, then our faces started to become really close and our lips were touching, then we started kissing. We kissed for most of the night then. We started to stay after school just so that we could both be alone together and she sometimes comes up to my house after school and lies to her parents about where she is. She had to do this because her parents are very strict because of their religion and feel that she will be losing her heritage if they knew what we were doing. Her family would also probably disown her if they knew she was bisexual.

At this moment in time, only we know what is going on, both of our parents suspect it and so do some of our friends. We both wish we could come out to people but the area we live hasn’t quite warmed to the homosexual community as of yet, and we would get a lot of abuse at school. Anyways, we have being going out for just over two weeks now and I would like to thank the people who commented on my last post and who just read it.

Well I’m pretty sure that I am a lesbian and not just bisexual…

I have always thought girls were much more attractive. But grew up in a strict Christian home where obviously LGBT lifestyles are shunned. So I would just push it away and I just dated guys… I never really even was attracted to them too much. I almost always broke up with them just because I felt friendlier towards them. Anyways… when I was between 18-19 I experimented a few times sexual with women. But never actually had a relationship with anyone.

I got married when I was 20 to the guy I was dating at the time because we got pregnant. Things have been horrible. He is so disgusting. And annoys me with everything he does. He has cheated on me numerous times. He’s abused me sexually and emotionally. And even physically but he has never really hurt me… He wanted to do a threesome and for the longest time I told him no I didn’t need anyone but him… that I really didn’t think it was a good idea. But after talking about it so long I just kept remembering how much I really prefer women… so I said yes for that reason. And it completely brought it all out again… and stronger. I feel ONLY attracted to women.

Anyways. After he had cheated on me about 4 times I think. I started talking to this girl online. At first I just wanted someone to talk to about sexual things. But eventually we just fell in love. She lives very far from me and we have never met. But we just feel like soulmates. I’ve tried to leave my husband but I can’t… he ends up making me feel guilty. And threatens to tell my family I’m a lesbian (something I’m VERY afraid to do, they definitely think it’s VERY wrong). He threatens to try to take my son away. Which I really do not believe he could even get custody of him. But I’m a SAHM and all so I really have no way of supporting us yet.

So anyways, we just moved. And I’m going to try to get a job and pretend all is well and when the time is right I’ll start the process for a divorce.

But my thing is, I have this lovely woman that I am so attracted to and so connected to. And she is literally the BEST thing ever. Haha. I mean… she is so understanding of my situation and everything. And willing to wait for me. But then I just feel so bad for making her wait. And putting her through all of this.

Ugh… I don’t know. And then… I feel like can I really be a lesbian? Can I ever come out about this? It would break my family’s heart. They would never understand or support it. I mean they might still be there for me. But inside I know they would be praying I would “change” and all of this. Is it right to keep her on hold waiting for me, when deep down I don’t even know if I could ever go through with this.

I’m not really sure why I’m writing this, except that I’ve never put it all in one place at one time, and am kind of curious to see what people might think of this huge mess I call my life. Please bear with me, as this will probably be long but I feel as if the background is important. I have spent a couple days going through this site and am amazed at how caring you all are.

I am 31, single, pretty much always have been for the most part. I’ve been attracted to girls for as long as I can remember, as early as 7 probably (not in an erotic sexual kind of way back then of course, but just an attraction). My childhood was kind of complicated and tragic in an emotional and physical sense. My dad was psychologically and sometimes physically abusive (not sexual, but beating w/ belts, etc). My grandfather on my mom’s side sexually abused me from ages 5 to about 7 or 8. I have managed to stuff most of those memories into a far dusty corner of my mind, but the emotional fallout remains. I never told anyone about my grandfather until I was 25, when I told my mom one day. I was floored by her response, but I don’t know why I expected anything different. She looked at me for a few seconds, kind of shrugged her shoulders and said “I always worried that something was going on”. And that was it. We have never spoken about it again as if she knows nothing of it, and I’ll be damned if I put myself through the emotional turmoil of talking about it to try to get help only to get another “I could really care less” response. That hurts me to the core to this very day. My grandfather died of cancer when I was 21, it will be ten years in November. I never cried at his funeral, and I know a lot of you will probably think that it’s a really horrible thing to say, but I was glad when he died. I felt like it might help me move on, but it really hasn’t made that much difference. It’s all still there, in the back of my mind. My family speaks about my grandfather like he was the most wonderful man who ever lived, and it just pisses me off so much.

I never dated in junior high or high school. I was just never attracted to guys at all. I actually felt very much repulsed by them. After being saturated with a very strict Baptist upbringing that made me feel rotten and sinful and dirty on the inside from my secret attraction to girls and the memories of my grandfather, I moved out on my own and decided it was time to do whatever the hell I wanted to do. When I wasn’t at work, I was drunk, and partied all the time. But even being drunk, I still couldn’t make myself enjoy being w/ a guy. I had a couple pretty much meaningless relationships, just going thru the motions trying as hard as I could to be “normal”.

I finally outgrew my reckless stage, and have dated a few guys since then, with pretty much the same results. I can’t get over the feeling that their only motive is sex, from the first hello. I know that stems from what happened with my grandfather; at least I think it does. I just couldn’t ever bring myself to have an enjoyable time with a guy. Even when we were alone and things began to get intimate, it just felt so… incredibly WRONG. The clumsiness, and the groping, and they’re always so rough, and the hairiness, it’s just all so GROSS. I could never bring myself to ever have sex with any of the guys I dated. Just the thought of it repulsed me. I didn’t even really like to be close to them or have them touch me or anything. I just went through the motions in every other aspect of the relationships, hoping that maybe those feelings would somehow develop and I would be like everybody else. But it never happened, and as usual, after a month or two of trying my hardest to be “normal”, I would get sick of it and dump them. It seems like all I attract is jerks (is there ANY other kind of guy?). The self-centered, chauvinistic kind or the I can’t get over my last relationship kind. It’s always just a disastrous experience. Even the ones that really seem into me, I can’t even MAKE myself be attracted to them.

I am to the point now where I’m just tired. Tired of trying to be “normal”. Even a guy’s touch or kiss doesn’t turn me on because it feels so incredibly wrong, but the simple thought of being touched by a woman just makes my heart beat out of my chest. I’ve never been with a woman, not even a kiss. So far it’s been nothing but just fantasies… Oh, but what amazing, soft, gentle, warm, caring, beautiful fantasies they are. I would love to be able to find out if it’s everything I imagine it to be.

I have pretty much accepted my real feelings, but I still feel so empty on the inside because I can’t express them. There is NO way I could ever come out to anyone, because I know my strict Baptist family would simply disown me. No question about it. My friends at work would probably for the most part be accepting, but I am a very private person and don’t like being the center of attention, and that’s exactly what that would get me. I am not ready to deal with that. But then again, the thought of just being able to be myself would be so liberating. I browsed a few online personals and talked to a couple girls, but only really hit it off with one, then she just stopped talking to me one day. I don’t have the courage to go to any gay/lesbian clubs or bars because I’m not really a bar crawler, and most certainly not by myself.

I know that it’s my ingrown Baptist teachings that want to play the “blame game” and say that these feelings are due to the fact that I’ve been abused, hurt and let down by most every important male role model in my life, starting with my grandfather. I’m not so sure if that’s true though. I’m sure some of this hatred and anger towards guys has come from that, but I really don’t think that it could cause these intense feelings that I have for women.

And then there’s this friend of mine…. yeah, you knew this was coming… We have been friends for a couple years, and over that period of time our friendship has, well, matured. We are very close, and I will not hesitate to admit that I am very attracted to her. She has a beautiful, fun-loving personality, and I feel more relaxed around her than I ever have around anyone else in my life. Herein lies my dilemma though: She has, over the past year or so, become more and more “flirty” towards me, and I’m not sure if that’s just a part of her fun-loving personality and she doesn’t mean anything by it, or if she’s kind of “testing the waters” so to speak. She will occasionally call me “baby” in conversation, very frequently says “I love you” at the end of our conversations and often even just out of the blue in a text message. We’ve never hesitated to say how much we care about each other. Sometimes she’ll say that she thinks I’m hot and has even said “I want you” on a handful of occasions. I said “seriously?” and she was like “just kidding”, but I’m not totally convinced that she is kidding. I just can’t seem to make her seem serious about it. We had a very intense texting conversation last week that SHE started, and I just kind of went along with it to see where it would go and how far… the more I played along, the more naughty she became, up to and including me being tied up with chocolate syrup… lol. I thought it was fantastic and very exciting, and she ended it by commenting on how horny we were and laughed. Yeah, it was great. When we are together, she is for the most part behaves herself and we go shopping or just go out or whatever. But when we drink she has a tendency to get a little excited and touchy, and her new thing is that she will not hesitate to feel my breasts and tell me how much she loves them… lol. I find it kind of funny and exciting at the same time. She has gotten to the point now, though, where she will sometimes do this when she’s sober. She says she’s straight, and recently started dating a new guy, and yet she acts this way towards me still, even feeling my breast in front of him the last time we were together, much to my surprise. That caught me very much off guard, as you can imagine. I made her stop because I was a little bit embarrassed and afraid that he might see that I enjoyed it… I don’t know why that would matter to me, except that I’m just so used to hiding my feelings that it’s my first reaction.

I have come so close on several occasions to telling her how I feel because I have such a strong suspicion that she feels the same way… why else would she act this way towards me? I don’t know how she could act like that and not actually have feelings for me. However, I am too scared that the truth about how I feel would drive her away. I’d rather have a friend that flirts like this sometimes than to lose her completely because I tried for more. But if the relationship keeps intensifying like it has been, then something will have to “break” so to speak. I have kind of teased her about it and she insists that she is “definitely not gay”, at which point I try to make her comfortable and tell her that it’s ok, she doesn’t have to fit any label, just to be herself. It seems to slowly be working. I have suggested that perhaps she is bi, and she doesn’t protest quite as much. Yet she never makes any accusations towards me, and that makes me wonder if maybe she doesn’t pretty much suspect the truth already, but she’s never said anything about it. I want so desperately to be able to tell her, but like I said, I just don’t want to take the risk of driving her away.

So… Yeah, there’s the tragedy I call my life. Sometimes I feel like such a complete disaster on the inside, a tormented soul waiting to be set free. I’m not really looking for anything here that will “fix” my life, but maybe a little support and I’m curious to read your comments.

Hey y’all, I was wondering if anyone had any advice for me because I have this idea but no clue how I could make it work.

I go to a Catholic high school and I want to make a sort of gay-straight alliance (but I wouldn’t call it that). Basically I think that the bullying, harassment and homophobia that goes on is not acceptable, especially because there are gay kids in the school.

1. All I want to address is homophobia. Despite many false assumptions, the Catholic Church doctrine states that homosexuality does exist, and while people of that orientation are called to chastity (abstinence from sex), they should be treated with respect and acceptance. That’s what I want to promote.

2. I think it’s necessary because I’ve had friends who went through tons of trouble (depression, self-harm, becoming suicidal, etc.) because they struggled with coming out to themselves and everyone around them. The worst thing I think would be if someone committed suicide in my school because of it (gay kids are 3x more likely to kill themselves) and maybe if someone had just said “it’s okay” then they would have hesitated. That’s what my goal is.

3. I hear homophobic comments SO MUCH. I know a lot of people do; I know that “gay” is a common insult, but it’s not okay. It’s not okay when people say “that’s retarded” either. It’s not okay that I hear it all the time and nobody says anything. It’s not okay that nobody seems to care. It’s not okay that when I say something about it, nobody realizes I’m serious. It’s not okay that some of my friends have said to me “you’re so gay – oh, wait, sorry…” and then turned around and said it again, or said it to somebody else. It’s not okay first of all because it’s insulting to gay people. It’s not okay secondly because someday, when we’re all grown up and in jobs, at least one of us is going slip and say it to his boss, and maybe his boss will be a decent enough person that the one of us who slips will get fired. Because using “gay” as an insult is not okay, and in most states, it’s illegal. It’s not okay thirdly because most people don’t mean to insult gay people when they say it; they’ve just heard it too much. That’s what I want to prevent.

So basically what I’m asking for is advice. I don’t know anything about gay-straight alliances, how they’re formed, what they actually DO, and I don’t know if anything like this has ever been tried in a Catholic school. I’ve talked to a few of my teachers who I’m out to, I’ve talked to my mom, I’ve talked to a bunch of kids who are interested, and they all agree with my point. Many of them also doubt the likelihood that the administration will let me start this group. I think I can convince them (the administration) if I do it right. I’m also in very good standing at my school so I think that helps. My point is that I’ve heard “no” enough times that if I were going to give up, I would have already. So I’m asking for constructive criticism and advice and some general info on gay-straight alliances. Please.

Thanks!

It’s all back again. All that I ever feared. I have to admit, your comments helped me greatly, but still, I was so weak, and I ran out of faith. I was not able to rely on Christ anymore, for he was not there when I was dying.

Here’s the update:
I went to a shrink, one of the finest they said, took antidepressants, took some anti-schizophrenia meds. Talked bout my past and was doing good, until one day, I realized, that the meds are making me more depressed than ever, I feel much more anxiety than before, and I wouldn’t sleep without my pills. I was dependent on them, not to erase depression, but to sleep. I was trashed, wasted by all means.

And all of a sudden, I snapped. I became the old ME again, I tried to kill myself twice, I overdosed and washed it down with alcohol, I cut my wrist; I stood on the edge on a high roof. My shrink and my dad turned against me, they said, if I wanted to kill myself to go ahead and do it. If I wanted to leave, go ahead and leave. So I did.

I left the clinic and wandered the streets for a while, killed time by watching other people from high building, watched them fade as I did. I went back home, and my parents told me that they’re sending me away. I am to leave to a foreign country, somewhere far, find a college, they’ll pay for the ticket, and pocket money for a month. Then I am to leave them alone forever, not to contact my siblings, and not to contact them. Dad said he’ll declare I died in a car accident and throw a funeral. Yeah, he said that.

Now I am confused. Should I leave this place? Can I leave my siblings whom I love so much? If I decided to stay, I have to live by their rules, continue to see a shrink, no homosexuality, no Christianity and follow their religion and traditions. To be frank, I cannot tolerate that.

What should I do? Help me.

I am having problems lately… (I already posted my experience/issues once last year.) It’s been a while since I had that particular relationship; actually, I was not really looking until recently when I started feeling that I was missing something. I just want to ask people out there if they ever feel this way. I feel like I want to have sex nut I never had a sexual relationship with a man so I assume that I would prefer to have sex with a woman. I am not sure if this is normal. Can I ask for some advice or any experiences you had?

I think it all started when I watched the “The L Word”. They had very hot scenes that really moved my imagination. I need some advice on how others get past this stage…

Okay, I’ve been reading posts on here for the past several days, and I’ve finally decided to throw my story out there for your consideration. I am 26 years old, and recently, I have finally realized/admitted to myself that I am attracted to women. Much like a lot of other posts, I think I’ve really known this since I was about a sophomore in high school, but I’ve only just now finally come around to admitting it to myself, and actually saying it out loud. I have a good friend whom I’ve confided in recently, and he has been very supportive. (He also came out to me in college.)

Here is my dilemma (it has a few levels). First off, I think the main reason that it’s taken me this long is because of my background. I was raised Catholic, and I am still a practicing Catholic, and frankly being gay was simply not an option. I figured all of these thoughts/feelings I was having were just strong feelings of friendship. The more I think about it however, I have never really had those same feelings for a guy. So I am currently still struggling with that, along with the fact that I’m certain my family would not approve of the lifestyle.

The second part of my dilemma is that I live in a VERY small town, and there is really nothing I can do with these new feelings I am exploring. There is certainly not any sort of GLBT community around my area, and I’m at the point where I feel that I need to explore this further and just see what happens. Maybe it’s all in my head, but I really think I need to be around other women like me and find out what all of these feelings are that I’ve been having.

Any thoughts or advice would be appreciated. Thanks for reading!

Well, I have been reading other peoples concerns and relationship issues, so I have decided to write one also. If for nothing else just to get it out of me and vent a little. I will try to not to go on and on.

I have been in a wonderful relationship with a beautiful woman for about 12 years. But things haven’t been that great lately. We both have 2 kids from marriages that went south before we met. For the most part it has just been the 4 kids and us. I have always had an issue with being a lesbian; it’s hard for me to accept, even though I have known since high school. I come from a very religious family that would not be accepting of my relationship. They think that we are just good friends (or that is what I think they think). We have lived together for about 8 of the years together. She on the other hand has been open with family and friends, no big deal for them or her.

I was in the military when we met and I had to keep our relationship a secret, so when I retired from the military I continued to keep my life a secret, because that is what I have always known. I love my partner a lot and want us to be together, we have been to my family’s houses across the country together and they all like her (as my best friend). They think we live together to financially make it in life. But over the last couple of years we have become “friends” more than “lovers”. There isn’t that much intimacy anymore and it seems like a wall is being built between us.

I couldn’t figure the whole thing out so I started questioning her a few months ago. Only to find out that she is miserable with being kept a secret. I can’t seem to open up to people about myself, not even to my good friends at work. If I don’t do something soon, the time invested with each other will be totally lost. I am more and more depressed that my love for her isn’t enough and that it is possibly too late. I think a lot that I should just set her free and that maybe she would be happier with someone else. Financially we have a lot of bills together which would make it hard to separate, but I am beginning to think it is what needs to be done.

Any advice is appreciated. Thanks.

I’m sixteen. I officially came out to a really good friend when I was in eighth grade, and she almost sort of came out to me as well. From then, we both had intense feelings for each other but never acted on them. This girl… let’s call her Laura. Well, I really fell for her hard, but she has a really religious family and my mom never liked her. Needless to say, since I didn’t have a car or any other way to see her much, it never worked out.

I guess about a year after I first met Laura I met this other, older girl. She was eighteen and I was fifteen. We got really trashed one night, hooked up, and we have been dating ever since (a year and a half). The relationship’s been really great. We have broken up shortly a few times, but other than that everything has been okay. But I’m starting to drift I guess. Drift back to Laura, the first girl I ever felt strong feelings for.

Maybe it’s not the best question ever, but I really need help figuring out what to do… Stay in the good relationship, feeling smothered, or get out of it only to chase something that never worked?

Ok, so recently I’ve been getting more into Christianity… but I have a hard time with it because I think I’m bisexual. I mean, I see girls and am physcially attracted to them, then see guys and am physically attracted to them as well… and I take that to mean I am bisexual. Anyway, so homosexuality is basically ‘bad’ in Christianity. I can’t bring myself to think that God (of any type) would want to stop someone from loving someone else just because they are the same sex. But who am I to try and fathom a god’s opinion on mortal relationships, right? Hm… maybe I don’t really have a question. That’s just something I’ve been struggling with, I suppose.

On another note, I have always led people to believe I’m straight, because I was afraid of losing my friends if they knew I was attracted to girls. Now, it feels like the more I stay hidden, the harder it will be for me to actually come out. Any advice on this?

Oh… yet another note. I have a lesbian friend who I think I might like, but she is sort of a player. She asked me out years ago, but that was before I was ready to acknowledge the fact that I liked girls, too, so I turned her down. Now, it seems like we’re only going to be friends, and that’s cool. But should I tell her how I feel anyway, or let it be? I don’t guess I really need advice, but would just like to hear what you would do in this situation. I’m probably not going to tell her.

Ok, here’s the issue… My family is deeply religious, I mean casting demons out of people, the whole thing. And I love my family; they mean the absolute world to me. But I know for a fact that it wouldn’t be received well if I came out to them, I know because my brother did about 2 years ago. My mom took it the hardest; she feels it to be a personal failure and at first they did the whole ‘it’s just a sin we can go to church get counseling and get rid of it’. After a while my brother stopped pretending. And now their relationship is completely shattered with no hope of repair unless he gets some chick pregnant (you know what I’m saying).Now, I love girls, I really do but my relationship with my family is extremely important, and frankly I don’t mind showing them only the part of me that they are comfortable with. I don’t feel like it’s wrong for me to want to keep my relationship with my family.

But what I do feel terrible about is my brother, I feel like a coward letting him endure my family’s ridicule alone, I feel awful talking to my mom about it and letting her express disgust in his choice when it’s a lifestyle I take part in. But I know I will feel 50 times worse if I lose my family over this, it’s not worth it to me. Maybe it will be worth it if I meet someone some day but it’s not today, and I doubt it’s anytime soon really. I just feel like I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place and I don’t know how to deal with it.