Silly Infatuation
About a week ago, I went out for drinks with two of my cousins and met up with one of my cousin’s group of friends. I was on vacation in a different state and didn’t know these people but became more comfortable as the night went on and the alcohol kept coming. One of my cousin’s friends sat across from me and I was immediately drawn to her - so gorgeous. I kept staring and smiling at her until we left early in the morning. I don’t remember too much of the conversations we had because of intoxication, heh, but I certainly remember her and her smile.
I also remember one of his other friends talking about her while she went to get another drink, suggesting that she is gay but doesn’t want to admit it to anyone. My “gaydar” is pretty accurate, until it comes to girls I’m attracted to! I could’ve found out if I was slick enough to chat it up in the bathroom or buy her a drink or something, but I was too shy. So I left that night with no luck.
That night I had a dream about her and when I woke up I was just thinking “I have to get to know that girl!” I couldn’t stop thinking about her. I waited a while and the next morning, I sent her a message on MySpace (corny, I know, but I didn’t have her number…) saying it was nice to meet her and blah blah blah. We’ve sent a couple messages back and forth but nothing has come of it - I was really only asking a simple question and not provoking any real conversation.
My question is, should I pursue this girl or leave it? I will probably be back in the state in a month, possibly to work there for a while, but I’m not sure. Do I ask her if she’s gay? If she’s interested? Do I just come out and say I thought she was super cute? Should I just drop it? I don’t want to creep her out.
I’m so lost when it comes to this kind of stuff and it’s even harder since we’re not even in the same state, but any advice would be appreciated!
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Unless you know that you really are moving there, I’d just drop it. Seems like a waste of time. Wouldn’t you rather date someone you can actually see on a regular basis? Besides, you were drunk and you don’t even remember talking to her that much. It wasn’t a love connection.
If you do end up working there, send her another message saying you had fun and would like to hang out one on one. Does your myspace say you’re gay? Does hers? If you put it on yours, she (or others) might realize you’re interested.
I’d wait until I am in town again. The thing is, if you weren’t getting signals from her again, be careful because you’re entering into awkward territory. If she is not admitting to being gay she may have a wall up. If you know you didn’t get signals from her for whatever reason, then the next time you’re in town get your cousin to organize another get together with friends and just talk to her as if you are meeting up again as old pals. This time, make sure you get to know her a bit more and see what kind of indicators of interest she maybe giving out. If she doesn’t look interested then drop it, and you won’t have anything to lose because it was your cousin (not you) who organized the meet.
Otherwise, if she looked interested that night and the messages seemed really positive, then send her a message when you’re in town to see if she would like to meet up. But as Wandalake said, it is hard to sustain a long-distance relationship when you’re just starting up.
Either way don’t stress it and don’t try to push it. Otherwise, everything will sound forced and contrived. Like Wandalake said, you want the love connection not the infatuation that doesn’t last.
Well, I know what I would do- and that would be to ask her (casually) if she’s gay. But hey, that’s just me… because I know it would drive me absolutely NUTS not knowing and thinking what could’ve been.
I’d casually message her saying, “Oh, btw, are you gay? ‘cuz if you aren’t– such a waste… heh, just kidding” And sure, why not.. tell her you found her super cute! What’s the worst thing that could happen? She’d either be flattered or ignore you (which isn’t that bad, considering she lives in a different state and it’s not like you KNOW her, ya know?) But don’t worry, chances are she will be flattered, gay or not!
If she says she isn’t gay (or denies it), then move on. At least you know and you’ll have peace of mind. And if she is, well then, the next step is entirely up to you
Good luck!
What I would do completely depends on whether your cousins know your gay or not. If they know - heck just come out and ask her. You live in different states and you could probably do it in such a way that you’re not giving up anything about yourself.
You only live once and I’m a sucker for romance stories and this sounds like it has potential -
Good luck!