Please Sort These Signals For Me
I met Jane through a mutual friend. We’re both gay so at least that part’s easy. The meeting was brief and uneventful, but I told the friend I was interested so she set up a double date with me and Jane and her and her boyfriend. The date went alright. Jane and our friend are good friends who haven’t talked much lately so they had a lot of catching up to do which sort of left me out of the conversation. Plus I was really nervous and am pretty shy to begin with. Jane told our friend that she had a great time, but I was too quiet. I would agree, but Jane and the friend are big talkers so it was hard for me.
Anyway, that was three weeks ago and Jane and I have been playing phone tag since. I know that she’s really busy with school and work which is the reason she keeps giving for why we’ve been missing each other. The friend confirms this and even mentioned beforehand so I know it’s not just an excuse. But three weeks is a long time. She returns my calls or texts but doesn’t initiate any. I’ve tried to set up a date but no luck. She said she would love to but she couldn’t because she was busy (she was more specific than that). I told her that it’s okay, and I would keep trying. Her text response: ‘Yeah lol my life is going to be hell for the next two months.’ She graduates from school in two months.
So what does this mean? Is she interested but just genuinely busy? Or is she trying to blow me off in the least confrontational way possible? Should I keep trying to set up something every so often or should I just wait until she’s done with school? The mutual friend hasn’t talked to her and doesn’t want to get in the middle so she’s not much help.
I know it was just one date, but I usually don’t like people I don’t know. I have to be friends with someone first before there’s an attraction. But since I already feel it with her, I’m really interested in pursuing it so I don’t want to just let it go if I have a shot. What do you ladies think?
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Tough call… but I will tell you this; I was in a very similar situation once. In my case, I was “Jane,” and met this girl at the gym. She approached me and said she liked my top (I had a tank top on that says “I <3 girls” lol). From there, we went on a couple of dates. I enjoyed both dates and even found out we had a few things in common: One, she knew a friend of mine and two; we both were in grad school (but in different states).
When school started, she went back to Boston. We played email tag (as I was never good with returning calls) and made plans for the weekends. Each time though, I would cancel or let her know in advance that I have a paper due, etc. This lasted for about a month and a half, until she stopped emailing me altogether.
After things were a bit calmer from my end, I suddenly thought about her. Since I was too chicken to email her (after not hearing from her for a long time), I decided to ring my friend. My friend did tell me that “K” is with someone else now and thought I wasn’t interested.
Apart from the blow to the ego, I was a bit disappointed, but I do take the blame for this one. If I were truly interested, I would have found the time to hang out with her. Plus, I shouldn’t have been cocky enough to think that she would’ve waited for me.
In your case, it’s hard to tell if your Jane is playing mind games with you or that she’s truly busy with school. Try not to call her and see what happens. If you really like her and are willing to wait for her, tell her you can hang out when she’s free. Leave the ball in her court. Good luck!
Hi!
First, my english is not that good, so be patient!
I think is a good idea to let her know you can adapt to her schedule, so she doesn’t feel she is under any pressure.
Personally, if I’m interesting in someone, I would let her know. And, no matter how busy I’m, I’ll try and send her at least an phone message.
Sometimes you get to know wonderful people, but the timing is lousy…
Bye
Carmen
Agree totally with Pinky…. at the moment I am in ‘Jane’s’ position and it is really difficult being a couple of months off finishing school as there are so many things to get done. But the thing is that if you are truly interested in someone you’d make the time. That is not to say she is not interested, just that for a relationship to work or get going, you’d need to spend time together, which she seems she doesn’t have. She may just not be focussed on girls at the moment and is trying to get school done so she can party later. I would just not call for a bit and leave it to her. If you know when she finishes school, send her an email right before and she may be more willing to see past the finish line… If not, then just put it to lousy timing……..
at least send her flowers….
send her flowers….
I think she is geniunely trying to put you off. I don’t think its because she dislikes you…because if she didn’t like you she wouldn’t go through the trouble of emailing or texting you back. So I say leave it alone for a while and if she calls then great if not at least its a learning experience. Give it a few weeks and try again. Good Luck
I also think that her interest is not as big to make efforts. I am sure it has happened to you before, that you find someone you feel so attracted to that put everything else on a second place. So, as the other girls said, give her some time. You have done enough! if she calls you, she is interested if not, well you had an experience. Move on! you deserve at least a call don’t you think?