Lesbian Talk…
I know several lesbians, but I feel like I don’t fit in with them that much. I can talk to them about what girls I find attractive, but there are several differences between them and me.
a) They came out when they were around 14 to 17. I am 20 and I am just coming out now.
b) I think they consider me bisexual because I’ve slept with guys (or one main guy, one was a one night stand) and most of them haven’t slept with any guys. I’ve actually dated guys whereas they have come out and been with girls ever since. I haven’t done anything with a girl - not even as a dare or a drunken kiss.
c) Most of them look or act like stereotypical lesbians. While I am not a typical girl, I am definitely not butch. I get a lot of male attention and sometimes flirt with them if they show an interest in me. I guess I’m a tease like that. Bad me.
d) One lesbian I know has said to me you’re not a lesbian unless you want to spend your life with a girl. Do you guys agree or disagree with that statement? She said this to me when I challenged the theory that bisexuality actually does exist. She said that because I don’t see myself with a girl for the rest of my life I am bi-curious. Maybe there’s a reason why I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with a woman. This may actually change when I fall in love with a woman. Who can say what they want for the rest of their life, anyway?
e) Okay this is for all of you: Ever since you’ve accepted the fact that you’re lesbian, have you ever had any experiences with men? Dated, slept, had a relationship, etc. I don’t think I would deny any attraction to a man if I had one, while I think the lesbians I know would.
Thanks for reading this ramble. Please reply if you can. I guess I’m just trying to figure stuff out.
Comments
Trackbacks & Pingbacks
Leave a comment
Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>
ever since I came out I have found women the only option but it wasn’t until recently ( because I had a bad experience witlh my last relationship) that I considered trying to be with men…I’ve never been with man and I always get my sexuality challenged …they say how do you know your gay . You’ve nver been with a man …..I consider myself a lesbian but. Never say never because love is love… If u see it in your heart that ilu can like both then don’t let somene tell you that isn’t true…this is coming from an ex-bi hater …I just didn’t understand it …still don’t but I agree that love is lve to can’t define that.
We’ll try and deal with these one by one…
a. There’s nothing wrong with coming out at age 20. There are plenty of reasons why one wouldn’t come out early in that 14-17 range: societal influences, ignorance to their own orientation, fear, etc. Coming out now doesn’t make you any less gay than you actually are, which leads me to the next topic…
b. I’ve heard a handful of definitions for the word “bisexual.” A common one is “a SEXUAL attraction to both sexes.” If you’re perceived as bisexual, other lesbians may not take you as seriously. Sure, you could be attracted to a woman enough to have SEX with her, but could you be in a committed, romantic relationship with her? Your lack of lesbian experiences makes your friends question if you truly are gay.
c. Of course there’s a stereotypical lesbian look, but that image is fading. Lesbians have a newer, more diverse look every day. So what you don’t rock Birkenstocks, cargo pants and a short haircut? You’re your own person. Have your own style; it’s what makes you unique.
d. To me, lesbian means girl wanting to pursue relationships only with a women and will spend the rest of her life with one (or that’s the idea…). I believe bisexuality does exist to a certain degree…is that what you consider yourself? If so, I can understand why you might not want to spend the rest of your life with another woman. Like you said though, who knows? I mean, you haven’t even kissed a girl. Your first true lesbian kiss has a tendency to turn your world upside down.
Finally
e) Since I’ve been out (about 4 years now), I’ve had one experience with a man. It was a disaster, no physical attraction and complete stupidity on my part. Like you, I don’t “look” gay, so I gave into all the attention I was getting from a guy at work. I don’t see myself ever looking at a guy and saying “Wow! I’d like to get to know him.” I wouldn’t deny it if that happened, but I don’t think it’s possible to feel the way about a man the same way I’ve felt about certain women. But hey, if you’re attracted to someone, man or woman, go for it sister. You should be open to love. Good Luck
Hey, thanks for your replies. Here I’m going to ramble for a bit.
There are occasions when I’ve found men attractive because I’ve had feelings for them, but that’s a rare occasion. There are times when I’ve had feelings for men but can’t find them attractive physically, but they become more attractive as a person if that makes sense.
I can find women attractive without having feelings for them. There was a time when that was reversed, I used to find guys more attractive than girls. I would give myself a 4 on the Kinsley Scale “Predominantly homosexual, but more than incidentally heterosexual” which is considered bisexual. I’ve heard bisexual is the potential to be attracted to either gender, and if that’s true then I would be bisexual.
I can see myself with a woman now, but probably not for the rest of my life. But that can change after I have an experience with a woman. For now I know there was a guy I could have fallen in love with this year, I want to be able to feel something like that towards a guy again. It would be hard though given my sexuality at this point of time.
Bisexuality is confusing, especially when there is varying degrees to it.
I was married at one point when I was in my late teens early twenties. When I was 24 I had my last encounter with a man. It was not that there were not offers I was just not intersted. I had 14 years of celabicy while I figured out what I wanted and what I wanted was a woman. I can’t even think of going back with a man. Oh and I came out at 36.
I’ve had two relationships with a man, had a few sleepovers and presumed I was straight. At the age of 23, I met this wonderfull woman. I’m in a relationship with her for two and a half years now and refer to myself as a lesbian. Although technically speaking I am not, because I am still attracted to men (and women). But I chose to be in a monogamous relationship, so I don’t act upon feelings of lust for other people. I don’t think it matters whether I would fall in love with a man or a woman in the future. Most important are the feelings you have for one person at this moment. Nobody can look into the future. Your sexual orientations don’t define who you are. And preferences may change. If my current relationship doesn’t work out, I will look for a new attraction, male or female, just as it comes.