Do You Get Another Chance?
Ever since my ex and I broke up for the last time, I’ve started to feel like that was my only shot at a genuine relationship. We had dated off and on since we were 17. I am now 23 and this has been my only relationship with another girl. When we first got together my family freaked out and I was forced to run away to another town and finish high school. My ex and I lost contact after she became involved with drugs and other people.
Everyday that passed I thought of her and longed for what was lost. Years later we met again and started hanging out. One day she told me I was the one she wanted and that she had made a mistake. The months that followed were the happiest of my life. Despite my friends dislike of her it felt right. To make a long story short, one week things just fell apart. Now not even friendship remains. Even after everything this relationship has caused me, I would go back in a second if she said the word.
Now it’s been months and I feel like that was my only chance. I feel like I could never love anyone as much as I love her. I have dated men but never another woman. I don’t know how to put myself out there. I feel like I want to date women exclusively but I don’t know how. My family has never been supportive so I don’t involve them in my personal life. None of my friends are gay, and most of them are in successful relationships.
I’m tired of not having a companion. My last relationship took so much from me, I feel like I’ve lost my “game”. I don’t have gaydar and feel lost when trying to find women. I know that the skepticism that is building up isn’t healthy for putting myself out there and especially for coming out. I want to come out, and be able to find someone to love me. I feel like every time I’ve expressed my sexuality it has only caused problems and pain. How do I get over my ex, my fears, and get on with life?
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wow, i completely understand exactly where youre at! im a little older-28, but going thru almost the same thing. my friends didnt like my ex either. she was involved with drugs at some point. i moved out of town to be with her and eventually i moved out of town to get away from her. i didnt want to, but she left me with no choice. i almost did the impossible, and agreed to move to be with her again, but i took too long deciding and she started seeing someone else. i have the ability to hang on forever i believe, but i dont want to live with the torturous longing and sadness for longer than i have to. been there, done that, and it sucks! for a while, i really didnt know what was more painful- being without her, or being with her. so i have had to force myself to let go and move on. i had to tell myself daily that if its meant to be, its meant to be. i had to change my phone number and not let her know what the new number was, because even tho she was seeing someone else, i knew she still loved me and wasnt ready to let me go. i knew she would secretly call me and i would obsessively check my phone, waiting for her calls. thats no way to live tho. i wasnt capable of being friends, tho i tried with everything i had for the past year or so to do that. we always ended up in some painful place well beyond friendship, but painfully seperated by time, distance, and circumstance. right now, after about 2 months i am starting to feel a little more emotionally stable. i have not given up on us being together- i still daydream of our happily ever after daily. but i am also excited and relieved about being able to focus on improving my life right now. i spent the past almost 5 years consumed with thoughts of her and our life together, working on our relationship- which was highly damaged and unbelievably complex. i lost myself and almost all of my confidence. thats a humbling experience because i was not this person when we met. now i have to learn how to be me again and its tough. one thing i have learned and believe with my whole heart is that whether we end up together again or not- i deserve to be in a much healthier and emotionally supportive relationship than the one i had. so im doing my part by improving and strengthening myself so i dont repeat past mistakes. perhaps she is doing the same and perhaps our paths with cross again. right now, its ok that i have to believe we will end up together. i know that as time passes and things change, its ok if i choose to not believe that anymore too. for now, i take comfort knowing that we are doing exactly what has to be done for each of us to find our happiness, and that is more important than our being together.
Thanks for the input I hope I can get to that palce as well.
I know it’s still painful now, but believe me 23 is quite young. You will find someone. The best thing you can do is not look for a relationship. Go have fun. Meet new people and experience new things. Take time to really get to know yourself.
WAKE UP ! Life is too short to waste time on a long distance relationship that your questioning.Don’t second guess yourself honey.