I’ve been in love with this girl I met in high school since my junior year and I haven’t been able to get over her. It’s been 3 or 4 years now and I really would love to forget her. She broke my heart because she left and moved to a different city. At first when she moved she would email me but than it just stopped. After a year passedund her number and called her but she didn’t want to talk to me;she just hung up and that tore me up because I thought what we had was special. I had written to her a few times but she never wrote me back. So I just stopped but I think what hurts me the most is that I don’t know why she doesn’t want to talk to me. I rather she would tell me something like to leave her alone or something but no sometimes I think it is because I’m the first girl she’s ever been with. I know she did love me at some point but now I just want some closure even if she was to tell me something that would hurt me. I have been with other girls but that was before her and they didn’t mean nothing to me. I feel in love with her and I have never felt this kind of love. So now I just want to forget her.

What should I do to forget her? Do you think it would be wrong for me to go see her? Because I know where she lives but I’m scared when I go what I’m going to find. I’ve been single for a long time every now and then I mess around with some guy friends but I haven’t found anyone that would make me forget her. I’m bi by the way and it’s hard for me to find girls; what should I do?

Thanks for reading. xD

Okay. I met this girl and we only hung out a few times. One night, she came up to my college and a boy pushed us both in a bathroom. We started making out intensely. After that she started coming up every single weekend. She’d even take the train to come up. We were together all the time and we’d flirt and I’d catch her starring at me, the eye contact was unbelievable. We’d always be near each other constantly. It was her birthday and we all went out to the club. We were dancing and she tried making out with me but I backed away. We were dancing and she told me to go against the wall and started dancing with me. She was making a joke about how we share money, and it was like we were girlfriends and I said what? And she got nervous and said something else. The tension between us was palpable. That went on for every weekend for two months. I was dealing with family problems and I had to live on my own and dropping out was the only way to get money.

At that exact moment of my revelation she called me. I told her what I was going to do and she said that she wanted to come. We ended up moving cross country within two weeks. I know. Haha. But right when we moved down here we were at a club with these two boys dancing and she told she thought there was sexual tension between us. I backed away and said “yes I know please stop”… At that moment, I knew that if I gave in that would’ve been it. I wouldn’t have wanted to see her go. This all came to mind so clearly because I just got my nose pierced and it gave me quite a “revealing shock”… But after that she grabbed me and lead me to the other side of the club, I stopped her and we just starred at each other and then the boys caught up to us. Later that week she was with this boy, and she came rushing back to the apartment. She told me that while she was kissing him all she could think of was me. She left the boys house kind of abruptly and he was texting her some mean things. She started crying and I kissed her forehead and told her she was beautiful. She said all we need is each other, and I smiled and fell asleep. A couple of weeks later, she called me one night when she was supposedly drunk, she told me that she didn’t care about the boy I wanted to introduce her to, and that if I wanted to hear her underwear make noise. She made the seductive noise and then started randomly fighting with her parents and hung up.

The next day, she was back and talking to her friend thanking her that she stayed up late to talk to her after the fight. Which means she was quite stable and remembers what she said to me. I continued to be distant and ignore the signs. We continued to talk about guys and hung out with them, and the flirtation and beautiful tension begun to fade. I don’t know it was me, we just moved here; I was afraid to get used and then left with a heavy heart and… rent. I knew how difficult it is to be in a relationship with a girl and coming out. And even if she was just trying to experiment, or it was something more, I don’t know, was I wrong? So, it’s been several months later, she is back at home and I am back here, filled with a mind of “what if’s.” (It’s the worst “mind filler” to have in my opinion.) I finally said what the hell, what do I have to lose and texted her. I told her everything, from my sexuality (bi) to everything she said and how I felt about it (that I was scared because if I went further, I could have a relationship with a girl, god, the only thing I didn’t tell her was that I love her…) She texted me back, and I have never gotten such a sick feeling in my stomach, so sick that I puked. She told me that she never said those things, that she was drunk if she did, that she strictly likes guys and never want that with a girl. She said that she’d text me later and never did.

It’s been a week and she hasn’t texted me or called. Now, I leave for boot camp in a week! Did I make the right decision by telling her? I feel like an idiot. I loved her and totally blew her off and all the signs because of my cowardness and over secured walls… help please needed thank you so much…

Adrianna xx

I’m a woman and I love a woman so much. At fist, I have only a friend relationship with her. We started spending the night together when I’m alone; all my roommates were away on holiday. At the first night we played a game on my phone together that we need to be so close on bed. We felt great and she fell asleep in my arms. We woke up in the early morning. I kissed her and she didn’t do anything in respond. I smelled and felt her whole body. That was a wonderful morning to me. She came to sleep with me every night and I always did the same things to her. I could see how she felt about this. She never stopped me. But one day, a few months after we’re away, she sent me a letter to tell me she did not like it and she would not let it happen again. I said I can not stop myself. I tried hard to meet her. When we were together in one bed, we had sex like we did before. She said she is not a lesbian and never wants to be. What she did to me is just want me happy. She loves me much but just as a friend. I do love her too but not in the same way and I don’t want to lose her. What should I do?

Ok, so I am positive that I am bisexual, but I’m with out a doubt in love with my best friend who, of course, is a girl. We’re both 14 now. I fell for her in 7th grade, and I am currently ending 8th. She’s knows I’m bi, and she’s admitted that she’s liked me before, but claims she is straight. I love her so much she holds my hand, I hold her and she lets me, and sometimes I feel like she feels the same exact way. But today I broke out crying because she made out with her guy friend right in front of me. She keeps breaking my heart. And I know if I stay friends with her she’ll keep doing the same thing to me. Every time I try to let go of her, she pulls me back somehow, saying she misses me or something. I want to let her be, I want to fall out of love with her, I know this guy would treat her right, but it hurts me to see her with him. I was wondering if I should tell her how I feel? How should I do it? Should I tell her that I can’t be her friend? It would be so hard for me to do, because after all she is my best friend, but my heart hurts and I can’t stop crying. How can someone who causes you so much joy, cause you so much pain?

This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.

Hi,

Ok so here is what happened. I told one of my closest friends that I am bi and she took it pretty well, but after a few months she cracked because she wanted to tell another friend. So she begged me to let her tell one more person. Eventually I said yes and she told one of my other best friends and I told them both to keep it a secret. They both said yes. But when it was the weekend they both went camping with some other friends and they all started playing truth or dare. One of my friends picked truth and she told my secret because she wanted to protect her own secrets. The next week we were back in school and half of the school knows I am bi, probably the whole school now, I don’t really know because I have been off sick. I am only 14 and I wasn’t ready to come out yet. Anyway I feel really awkward around people now and some are acting weird around me too. What can I do to feel right again? And put things back to normal?

Thank you for reading this.

Anything would help.

I was dating this nice, pretty, funny girl, and this was back two months ago. We broke up because I caught her cheating on me (I say I forgive her, but I don’t know if I mean it truly on the inside). Then she lied to me, and told me she wanted me back. We didn’t talk for a week because she went on vacation with friends for spring break. When she came back she started dating the girl she cheated on me with. 2 months past (she was still dating the girl she cheated on me with), and I still wasn’t over her. I hadn’t talked to her either (in the 2 months), but then when things started getting rough between her and her girlfriend she started talking to me. My ex (her) and my exes new girlfriend (the girl she cheated on me with) were having problems, and my ex came to me, wanting to vent, and as the good person I am, I let her. She then broke up with her girlfriend and we started talking (I had/have a girlfriend) and we were just being friends (no flirting). She had asked me if I still liked her, at all, more than a friend. Even though I had/have a girlfriend, I told her yes, because I did like her. Then I asked her if she still liked me, and she said yes. So we were talking a little (and I wasn’t going to cheat on my girlfriend, I’m not shallow). And she told me it’d be cute if I was her girlfriend again, and took care of her because she was getting sick. I told her I couldn’t because I already had a girlfriend and it would be wrong. Then she had stopped talking to me. When I try talking to her she’ll just say something like “Mhm” or “Mmkay”. She never says that to me, ever. She texts me seldom, but I don’t reply. Afraid I’ll say something wrong, or go off on her, and be a bad friend. I ask her if she’s going to talk to me anymore or be friends with me, but she doesn’t say much but “Okay.” (I don’t know what that means.) And that (kind of) pulls me apart on the inside, but I show no emotion, and act like everything is going great. She said she’d always be here for me if I needed her, I need her now, but she isn’t here as a friend or anything. She’s got another girlfriend now. And I’m jealous. She talks crap about all her exes and I’m sure she talks/talked crap about me. But I can’t prove it. I can’t seem to get over her, and I’ve done everything I can to forget her, but it’s impossible (seriously). I cry when I think about what we could have had and when I read over things she said to me when we were dating (over Formspring). She even told me she wasn’t “real” with me like she wanted to be. (What does that mean? Our whole relationship was a lie?)  I don’t want to tell her I feel this way because she’ll just ignore me, or think it’s an act. And I’m too scared she won’t care, and truth is, she probably won’t. I post things on my Formspring, and Facebook, hoping she’ll read it and notice that it’s about her. But she never seems to notice. Every time I read something on her Formspring, MySpace, or Facebook that’s about her new girlfriend, or anyone she likes, it pulls me apart. I just want to cry, but I can’t. I have to be strong. I feel like she does it on purpose, but I know she doesn’t. I check my phone all the time wondering if she has texted me, I only think about her when I get up, I’m always on chat when she is hoping she’ll talk to me(even though I have a girlfriend). I can’t sleep at night, because when I close my eyes she’s standing there reminding me that I’m alone. No matter what I’ll always believe there’s hope, but I know I’ll just let myself down.

But I just can’t let her go. I think about her all the time. She’s different. I can’t break up with my girlfriend now, or even tell her how I feel about this girl. If I do she will kill herself. (Not even kidding, she has the nerve.) My girlfriend knows who she is; my girlfriend hates her for cheating on me too. But I still want her back. Yet I’m afraid of letting someone take their life, and getting myself hurt again. So what do I do? Do I forget her (If so how)? Do I take the risks? Am I in love?

So I’m 15 and recently realized I am definitely bi if not a lesbian (considering I am attracted to some guys) about a year ago…. Unfortunately I don’t know if the girl who I’m madly in love with is attracted to girls. We go way back and actually became friends cuz our moms were friends and we see each other like once a month or less whenever our moms have parties and invite each other over. Despite this we are actually really good friends ( though I wish we were more) and we’re really tight and tell each other everything and we txt each other a lot and chat on Facebook… anyways, so I don’t know if she likes me back cuz like let’s say we’re watching a movie together, she is a very friendly person and we often lay together on the couch and sorta hug and she tends to play with my hair (which I hate when anyone else does) butshe is just very comfortable around ppl meanwhile I NEVER am that comfortable around other people…. Also she sometimes teases me a bit about liking girls but like in a friendly way but once in a while I feel like she knows I like her cuz she flirts a bit… Like one time I was complaining about the dress my mom made me wear to their Christmas party and she laughed and said she would have worn a dress except all of hers are too sexy for a Christmas party…. I sorta jokingly said something like “well I’d love to see one of them on you” and she smiled and said “I bet you would” but she kept looking at me almost daring me to go further but then her grandma burst in to call us down for dinner, unfortunately it was that dinner where I discovered her mom was a somewhat homophobe :/ … Like she’s okay with gay people but complains a lot about them… My friend is very comfortable around me cuz she always hugs me or something And if I happen to come over after one of her dance rehearsals she walks around in her room with just a leotard or underwear and while she changes we talk and I tend to pretend to be texting as to stop myself from looking at her body… Sometimes she notices and I can see her kinda smiling in the mirror…. I don’t know if she knows that I like her and I don’t know how to tell her…. But, she does know that I’m bi….. I really like her a lot and sometimes I am just at the point of telling her my feelings when I think of all the things that could go wrong…. I end up giving her some random compliment or saying a random thought… for example:

Me: Hey ____,

Her: Yea?

Me: I wanted to tell you that I really…….

Her: (questioning look)

Me: (insert random thought here to avoid telling her your feelings)

And it always ends up being an awkward moment cuz I catch her attention and she turns to look at me and I just like freeze and all that runs through my mind is: Wow she has pretty eyes……What if she freaks? What if she somehow tells her mom and her mom hates me? We only see each other once a month, wouldn’t it be awkward? What about all those other ways it could go wrong????  We’re such close friends that I’m not sure if I am brave enough to risk it all just to tell her how much I love her…. But sometimes during those moments I get the feeling she knows cuz she knows me very well and when she looks me in the eyes I feel like she knows that I didn’t originally want to talk about how great her hair looks cuz she just keeps looking and kinda almost searching for what I really wanted to say….. I don’t know what to do! Help please!

The first time I ever laid eyes on her was summer camp before starting 8th grade, little did I know then that she would not only one day be my best friend, but also the love of my life. We’ll call her S. That week at summer camp I didn’t befriend S, nor did we talk much, she had her friends and I had mine… I never saw S again until she transferred to my school in the beginning of freshman year of high school at the K-12 I had been attending since 3rd grade. Back then I got bullied around a lot, but when S came, things changed, we became friends, not best friends but I had no one other friends and she was so nice to me that became the tag along with her and her friends, it was my friendship with S that got the bullying to stop… After freshman year I transferred to another high school, so I never hung out and saw S as much as I used to but we still talked and I still did see her as my best friend. We kept in touch until we graduated high school and it happened that we both attended the same community college… those 3 year in community college we would hang out everyday, it was always S, Me, and another friend ill call R… we were inseparable, we knew each others schedules by heart, we would spend every minute of free time at school with each other and during the weekends wed go out with the rest of our best friends. The summer right before our second year of community college S, R, and I went on a volunteer program abroad it was sometime during that program that I felt a bond with S that I never felt with anyone else. When she would get sad, I would get sad… her smile and laugh made all my pains go away… during this time I was also depressed and a cutter, S was the first person I ever told and the reason I stopped. Her sadness and disappointment made me want to rip my insides out; I never wanted to cause her the pain of having to see me like that again. When we were back we continued to hang out everyday and be best friends, that next summer we went to summer camp as counselors. It was there that I came to the realization that I might have feelings for her that exceed that of mere friendship, not long after school began again and again we went back to hanging out, around this time she started talking to this guy we all knew, and not long after talking turned into dating, by October however I came to the realization that I had fallen head over heels in love with her, and I knew she liked this boy so I kept my feelings to myself. She reigned my thoughts, I wanted to badly to tell her but I was afraid that it would mean loosing her; I would give my life up to protect her.

By the time spring quarter came around, I could no longer keep my feelings to myself, I decided to risk it all and tell her how I felt even though she was dating this guy. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my whole life, she took it better than I had expected, I told her I thought I might like girls… she asked how I knew this… and I said I like someone… and she asked me who… and after minutes of hesitation I replied… “You”… she told me she was flattered but had a boyfriend and didn’t feel the same way, but that there was never anything I could say that would ruin our friendship…

The next week things were a bit awkward, I could tell she was unsure of how to act around me, but didn’t want to make it obvious to R… she had also promised not to tell anyone which made it harder on her because she had no one to talk to. So near the end of that week when she approached me asking if I’d be willing to tell one other person, anyone I chose, just so she could have someone to talk to, I agreed.

It been almost a year now, I recently came out to the group of our mutual best friends… I did leave out the detail that I had fallen in love with her though… Over the past year though I transferred to a four year and live on campus which is an hour drive from home so I only see her and my other friends during the weekends when I go home… We are still as close as we were 3 years ago, she is still dating the same guy, and I have since gone on pretending I have gotten over her, and been talking to other people. In truth though I am today where I was a year ago, still so madly in love with her, I have indeed talk to other people but things never really work out… I still find myself constantly thinking about her, when were together I always find her looking at me or me looking  at her, every time I look her in the eyes I feel like she can see through my facade and can see that I am still madly in love with her. When we hang out with my friends of them all she always gives me the most attention, when she’s sad it hurts me so much that I want to cry for her, when she’s happy I am in a state of euphoria…

Recently I’ve been getting these awkward signals from her… She’s still dating her boyfriend, but it’s apparent that although she thinks he is the one, the relationship problems she complains about are the type that will ultimately end a relationship. When we hug she hangs on longer than most of my other friends, when we touch there’s gentleness about it… when were out as a group I always catch her looking at me… A few weeks ago I was driving her and another one of our best friends to our friends house, and she was talking about her relationship and she brought up the subject of her 21st birthday where we had gone to a lesbian bar (and she being extremely drunk… had managed to make out with a girl there… that incident had torn my heart apart I wanted to slap that other girl then an there and pull my S into my arms and just kiss her ant tell her she’s an idiot for doing that but I love her regardless)… S made a comment in the car that she didn’t really mind kissing girls and so maybe she might be bisexual, and as she said this she turned and looked at me as if waiting for a reaction from me, but I just continued to concentrate on the road and drive as if the comment hadn’t even caught my attention… At my friend’s house she managed to sit next to me on the couch and leaned her head on my shoulder as I looked at a magazine, when we were all in the jaccuzi she again sat next to me and at one point had her knee touching mine but didn’t move it when she realized… That night when 3 of us slept in the same bed while the other 2 slept on the couches she made it a point to sleep next to me and at one point she move her hand on top of mine under the pillow but I didn’t move and pretended to be asleep…

I don’t know what to make of any of these, I love her and if she were to tell me that she loved me I would give my soul to her without a second thought, but she is still dating this boy, and I don’t know if maybe I’m just over analyzing what I think may be signs or if maybe she might be confused and possibly have feelings for me… I really hope that indeed she does, but at the same time I cannot allow myself to become an experiment for her.

Ok here’s the thing, a little long but I need some help, I’m 18 and I like a friend of mine a lot! (We’re in the same school and classroom :/) she’s 18 too, she’s straight and has a boyfriend, and I had decided not to tell her anything cause I had told her I’m a lesbian but even with that I already knew how she would react.

One day we were chatting on messenger, suddenly she asked me if I liked someone and I said yes but didn’t tell her who, somehow this led to other question; she asked me if the one I liked was her. I was going to say no but she had asked me to be honest so I told her the truth. Immediately I tried to explain to her that I wasn’t asking for anything and I wouldn’t even think of it cause I knew she was with somebody else and, well, other things… but she was like: “even if you did I love someone else…”, “this makes me feel uncomfortable”, “this had never happened to me”, “I don’t know what to say”. Then I tried to explain something else to her and she just stopped answering.

I understood that she needed sometime and we agreed that we would talk about all this when she felt ready, but as I suspected that never happened. We stopped talking; we wouldn’t even say “hi” to each other. I thought of letting this pass by and both of us just move on, but after 2 months I realized I couldn’t leave it like that, so I decided to talk to her and she accepted. She told me that she had been a little cold with me but tried not to be rude, that she had lost her trust in me and that she felt like she couldn’t have a real friendship with me again because of all this… but we couldn’t finish because of an interruption so we left it for another day.

Now, after we talked I was left with a doubt: do you really think that we can’t be friends again? I just don’t know what to do because I don’t mind if I don’t have a chance with her, what hurts is losing her as a friend. And I’m confused so if you have some advices I would appreciate it!

Hey.

I’m Clare, I’m 17 years old and in a happy, healthy relationship with the girl of my dreams, and we’ve been together for 14 months.

I’m new to this website, so I thought I’d throw myself out there with a little background and a question that I’ve always been somewhat confused about.

Anyway, let me begin by telling you a little more about me.

All my life, I’ve had feelings for the same sex. In primary school, (when I was about 9-10 years old) I mindlessly kissed three of my friends. I never even thought about it, it was just nature to me, and there wasn’t at all a problem with it. I thought that every other girl I knew did and thought the same as me.

My first crush was a close friend called Laura. It was like a vivid obsession during my younger years. For example, I got insanely jealous when she was hanging out with anyone else, and if she showed me any sort of affection my entire body shivered.

I also had my first sexual experience at a young age as well. It’s a little embarrassing, so I won’t mention my age at the time nor the girl’s name, but let’s just say it was most definitely a sexual experience, despite my inability to feel much during.

My first year of high school was a difficult one. I had a close friend who I kissed casually when we were hanging out at my house. The truth was, we were discussing lesbians beforehand and it was her who originally began the kiss…but when a fall out occurred between us, she spread a false rumor about me around the school, that I’d tried to kiss her and she ran away from my house, horrified. I was bullied for months afterward, and eventually my mother pulled me out of school until I was moved into a new class.

It was then, that I met Natalie. I became close with her very quickly, but I would soon regret it. This girl was the most manipulative, disgusting creature I would ever have the misfortune to know. I’m not being cruel by saying that, she truly was and still is absolutely vile, and has, on many occasions, tried to ruin my happiness. But, before all that, I fell for her.

Now, here is the start of my confusion. I had a crush on her for about a year and a half or so. At the time, I thought it was love. I thought about her all the time, she made me happy, and we were a very flirtatious and physically close pair of friends. We dated twice, but this ‘relationship’ both times only lasted a mere two days.

After I stopped being friends with Nat, (this was when she’d left school due to her personal life being found out by nearly everyone there) I grew closer to a girl I used to be jealous of – Nat’s other best friend, Maddison. Now, at first, due to me dating a guy (yes, I know, the first time I’ve mentioned a guy. To cut a long story short — I thought I was bisexual since I was 12, then when I was 15, after many failed relationships with guys that lasted no longer than a month, I realized I was gay) I didn’t have any feelings for her. But after that relationship faltered, my feelings began to grow, and soon, spiraled out of control.

It had gotten to a point where I wanted to kill myself. The pain of seeing her being with someone else literally ripped me apart inside. The feelings I had for Maddison were so much more intense than the ones I’d had for Natalie. I cried for her every night, wrote poems and diary entries and notes to her that I would never show her, and talked non-stop to other people about her. She messed with my head a great deal, having once kissing me then getting together with someone else the next day, after my sleepless night of excitement believing she wanted me. She’s also once told me she loved me back, which must’ve been just short of a lie. She’d tell me these things, then never want anything to come from it. We’d dated twice before, the first time before we were actually friends, and I’d gotten quite hooked on her that time — but not half as much as the year after that. We only dated a week before she kicked me to the curb. The second time was a joke for our friends, turning out to be real for me but fake for her. It was an absolute mind-mess.

Then, my Saviour came. Brunette, green-eyed, beautiful. I met Chloe when I went out with Natalie for the first time in around a year, and it’s thanks to her that I have the girl I love by my side to this day.

Chloe saved me from my rapidly growing feelings for Maddison, which soon moved onto her, and even though me and Maddy are still friends, all previous feelings are gone.

My question is this: Was I really in love with Natalie and Maddison, not to mention Chloe, my current girlfriend? I never thought I was one to fall in love easily — I used to be a commitment-phobe — and I’ve always had a thought that you fall in love once, and all other times are simply an intense crush…I’m not sure. What do you think? & Also: Do you think I was born a lesbian, or I grew this way? Do you think all lesbians are born gay? Due to my past, I figured I was born gay, but I have had a lot of relationships (faltered ones that didn’t last long, but relationships all the same) with guys. I know it’s a long post and it’s a fairly pointless question, but I do tend to ramble on a lot, haha. And I also just wanted to get myself out there. Feel free to visit my profile and talk. Thanks a lot.

Thanks in advance to anyone who takes the time to read this. Here is my situation: I’m in the early stages of coming out and I’m really happy about it my mum has taken it really well but I have one problem and that is my best friend.

We have been best friends for years and we used to fight over boys which I find funny now because I’m a lesbian and I’m proud of that it’s taken a long time to accept it.

Anyway I plucked up the courage to tell her. I arranged for us to go out, it was the perfect time so I show up at her house and she tells me her new boyfriend is there and is excited that I’m going to meet him. It didn’t start of great because he did the “I’ve heard all about you thing”. “She talks about you all the time I’m almost jealous because she loves you so much”. I just smiled and thought OK maybe now is not the time to tell.

To cut a long story short after ten minutes of getting to know each other my best friend says you two will get on so well I’m so happy you have finally met we are going to have so much fun hanging out. Then she drops the bombshell she said oh by the way he is Irish catholic and loves everyone except gay people; he thinks its wrong to be gay so I’m lucky I don’t know any gay people my heart sank and I couldn’t believe my luck.

It’s been a few weeks now and I have been avoiding her which is wrong but  I’m stuck. I know I have to tell her because if I don’t someone else will but where do I start its impossible to get her on her own he is always there.

Any help you can give me would be great xx

So I went all the way through until grade 11 (now) being a straight girl dating a million guys. And I have this best friend Kristen she told me about a month ago she was a lesbian and we’ve been friends for 2 years. I fully accept her and I had a feeling she was because she never talks about hot guys. But once she told me I started to want her really bad! I started to wonder if I was bi. but I couldn’t think about any guys my heart was fixed on. My best friend Kristen is the only girl I’ve ever been attracted to. I told her of my feelings. She started to be a little more playful and open with me. But when I said Kristen your beautiful I love you. She says “I know”. Those very words would be equal to and all day punch in the gut. That’s all she could say! I asked her do you want to go out with me? She keeps saying I like you but I don’t know. Which makes me very angry.

So I started talking to my ex-boyfriend and ignored a few of her texts and she was livid with me. But I actually enjoyed that she was jealous of him. And we made up, butterflies and all. I got her flowers, chocolate, and a Teddy bear next morning. But even when I got the stuff she acted angry with me, not what I had in mind I just wanted to surprise her. And her not saying anything when I got her that stuff make me feel embarrassed and rejected because I “never” had that problem with guys! Meanwhile, every time I’m around her I’m worried if I’m standing too close to her saying right things. Basically a nervous wreck.

Later, I asked if she wanted to go out with me. She said she likes me but she doesn’t want to date anyone right now but she wants to date me in the future! Sooo confusing! I naturally with my bad temper and pms-ing same day called her and told her to stop messing with heart and playing with my head and for her to tell me if she wanted me just to leave her alone… She said angrily that if that were true I would tell you that. I think she’s blowing smoke… Next couple days were the hardest. I’d see her at school and couldn’t manage to speak or look at her. I texted her but no replies. Until I got rude and said what the hell’s going on why are you ignoring me? She insists she was busy whatever, not what her Facebook status said. Eventually she told me she didn’t want to talk; I said have a nice night dear friend. And here we are fighting again… I don’t know what to say to Kristen? I don’t know if I should just quit talking to her all together which would hurt me like hell. Or just be her best friend, or keep trying to be more. But it is killing me inside and it tortures me to hold back my love for her. What do I say? Or do? Is there someone else for her? I sure as hell hope not! Any advice/suggestions wanted!

This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.

Hi, my name is Sharon and I’m 14 years old. I’m currently out at as bisexual… but lately, I’ve been thinking that I may be lesbian. I know that I’m too young to tell, and I have my whole life ahead of me… But I’m just not into guys at all. The girl I like, Lindsay, is bisexual but she doesn’t want a relationship. She likes me back & she’s the only person that knows that I’m a lesbian. I’m too afraid to tell anyone else, including my parents. They know I’m bi. I do go to therapy, but I don’t like talking about that kind of stuff with her. I’ve been a victim of self-injury for about 2 years now. I really am afraid that this will lead to another fall of depression and I will SI…

I’m only in my freshman year of high school, and there aren’t many bisexual/lesbians that I know. I’ve been texting this one girl, Kayla, for a week or so… But I don’t know if I have any feelings for her yet. Lindsay wants me to not only chase after her… But how can I do that? The only person I’ve really fell hard for is my ex Kaili. She’s now going out with my best friend, KaylaB, whom I have feelings for… It really makes biology class awkward since we’re in that class together (Me, KaylaB, and Kaili.) Life is really getting difficult & this is really a first for me. I really have no idea what to do… Some advice would be excellent!

This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.

Hello all of my sisters out there! So sorry for the lack of updates from me, first it was battling the stomach flu for about a week, and then having a heck of a time with my internet, but everything is all good now and I am ready to give you all an update.

As most of you know, I am in love with my best friend, and yes it might be extreme for someone of my age to say that I have found true love but that is what I truly believe, with all of my heart. Things have been going quite well between the two of us, we have been hanging out, IM-ing each other like we always have, and simply enjoying each other’s company. I can never keep her off my mind, and I am constantly wondering how she is doing.

I have been taking the advice from all of you out there, and trying to take things nice and slow and not rush or push anything. I do realize that I have plenty of time for hopefully my friend to figure out if she has feelings for me or let them grow.

One thing I have not done yet though is buy that rose for her, now I feel completely awful about that, and I really still want to do it for her. But my question with that is; when do I give it to her? Or how do I give it to her? I am one shy girl when it comes to this kind of stuff, makes my heart feel like it’s going to explode merely at the thought of it, and I can even feel my heart beating rapidly about it even now! But I do want to say I did draw a picture for her on dA (deviantart.com) and she said that she loved it.

One day in my geography class she asked me if I was moving to the one house that was close to hers. I told her that my mom and I was looking at houses because we are thinking about moving out of my one home, and indeed the one house we looked at was nearby my friends house. I told her that I wasn’t sure because my mom hasn’t told me much lately, but it quite intrigued me that she asked about that, perhaps she has been thinking about that? Wanting me to move closer to her?

It is my spring break that I am on right now, and I am loving every moment of it! Anyways as I sit here typing I remembered the time my friend and I had art club last, I was sitting next to my friend on these stools that they have for chairs in the art room. Well I might be looking in this too much but there was a space between us, but my friend was putting her feet on my stool right where my feet where near, haha, maybe I was looking too much into that, but doesn’t hurt to say.

The week I was sick with the flu, I dragged myself to the computer one day to see if my friend was online, indeed she was on (And I apologize I didn’t come on here too), so I started to message her. Immediately she started questioning how I was doing, telling me that she wants me to get better, and to get my butt off the computer and go get some rest. At first I was thinking “What a mother hen” but gave it a little more thought, maybe she was honestly concerned for my health?

But I am deeply afraid, afraid that I may have just screwed things up, I even have a stomachache over thinking about this. Well last night I thought it may have been a good idea to be almost a bit daresay flirty? I sent a link to my friend of this song White Flag by Dido saying I was listening to my I-Pod and it reminded myself of how I felt about her, but right away in the same message I was apologizing saying I hope she can forgive me for being “flirty”. She said that it was a great song, and that it was fine, but of course I didn’t feel fine about it, because she didn’t sound that she was fine with it, my gut is just telling me so.

Did I just screw things up? I even lost sleep about it last night thinking about it, I am scared. But I might be growing into a nervous wreck over nothing, but I am not sure, that is why I need your help. Anyone who is reading this, friends who know me, or strangers curious to what my troubles may be. Is she upset with me? I even asked my friend if she was uncomfortable with it but merely replied with “no its fine”.

But my main questions are:
Should I still give her the rose? And how should I do it?
Do you think my friend is upset with me?
Was I a bit too rash with my “flirtyness”?

Anyone who can help me out there, you are the answers to my wishes, and I greatly and deeply appreciate anyone who can help, even if you are not sure what I should do, still, your concern and love to wish the best for me is great. Hope you are all healthy and happy, and thank you for reading and in advance if you can offer me any advice. <3

I’m a 31-year-old bisexual who’s had a strange on again/off again relationship with a friend of mine since we were both in high school. She told other friends of mine MANY years ago that she was into girls, but never out and out told that to me. I’ve experimented with my bisexuality since college, and shared those experiences with her, because, at the time, she was my best friend, and I trusted her with my life. There was one late night over at her house where the conversation died, we were alone, and she grabbed my wrist and pointed to her lips, as if to kiss her. But I told her it wouldn’t be right, and I did not act on her request. (She at the time was dating a guy and was on medication for an illness; didn’t think she was in her ‘right’ mind to be so impulsive; was afraid she’d regret me taking advantage of her)

Years later, through much separate drama, the trust has been broken, and we’ve gone through several times of not speaking, only to come back into each other’s lives through other friends. I have quit sharing my most intimate parts of my life with her, and we are mere acquaintances.

I’ve been married for 6 years now to a wonderful husband who is open and willing to accept and love me as I am. She has also been married for a while, and has a daughter. We recently started speaking again, keeping things neutral. She is a poet, and began talking of her writing. She has told me of a novel she is now working on about two women who have multiple personalities and the ‘other’ personalities –one a man, one a woman– fall in love. Her story follows these two women as they try to live their lives with their men, while their ‘other’ personalities are in love with each other.

I’ve gotten strange, mixed signals from her ever since I’ve known her, and the more I ask around, the stranger she gets. Her mom divorced when she was 6 months old; her half sister is a lesbian living with a partner, etc. Could she be bisexual or lesbian and denying her true self? Is this strange novel her way of telling me she wishes I would have fallen in love with her? The characters are modeled after her and me, according to her, though she has yet to let me see her professed 400 page draft.

Any advice? Suggestions? Could this be kickback for me not giving into her years ago? For being so open to her about my own sexuality while she felt she had to hide who she truly is? Is she trying to give me signals? I’m confused.

Thank you for taking the time to read this and any answer is appreciated.

Hello everyone, this is my first post here. I shall remain anonymous to protect myself, as well as the people I mention. First I shall tell you more about me. I’m Asian and 15 this year. I’m in an all girls school, and since I joined I have started feeling differently about girls. However, it only became more serious this year, and I am now very confused about my sexuality. I currently think of myself as bisexual, but I am not sure actually.

I do like guys, but I’m not sure how much, and whether I like girls more. When I see cute/hot guys, I feel like getting them to notice me but I don’t dare to flirt, because of my inexperience. I also have a sort-of boyfriend whom I just got close to recently, although I’ve known him since I was 9. He is very nice and caring towards me, and I feel very happy with him. I know that he also likes me in a more-than-friends way, just like me, as he sends flirty texts. However, I am worried about taking our relationship to the next level, one of the reasons being this is my first relationship. Also, I think that I may be bi/lesbian and I won’t want to hurt him in any way.

However, I feel a lot more comfortable being around and talking to girls. I guess this could be because of me being in an all girls school and having minimal contact with boys, hence my awkwardness around them. I like girls not just as friends, because I have caught myself staring at some of my friends and thinking about touching some of my closer friends. I don’t know if that’s normal as a teenage phase, or whether I’m really bi/les.

My best friend, whom I have known since I was 7 and is one year younger than me, has an average body and thinks she is fat, but I think she is hot. I have thought about kissing and touching her, but I’m afraid that it will ruin our beautiful friendship (We’ve been besties for more than half our lives and we have so much in common that were like sisters). She is in a mixed school, and I know that she likes guys, but I have no idea if she likes girls as I am too nervous to ask. I find myself fooling around with her, doing things like tickling her and playfully hitting her bum, and hugging her. I also tickle and hug my other friends, but in a different way. When I go over to her house, we lie on her bed and chat or use her laptop, and I find myself lying really close to her, touching her legs and snuggling close. I have no idea how she feels about this or if she minds, as she doesn’t say anything, move away or verbally acknowledge my actions, but I know that she is aware of it. I don’t know if all best friends act like that, as I’ve only had one best friend, her, since young till now. I know that we are special to each other, as we both have other close friends, but we both don’t treat them the way we treat each other. Another thing that makes me feel that she may sort-of like me back is how we address each other. I have good friends that call me dear, but my bestie calls me dear and darling openly, and in private online chats, sms’es, and away from others, she uses sweetie, lovely, honey etc, and so do I. My bestie is the main reason I think I may be bi/les, and I don’t know what to do.

I also feel a little for one of my other good friends who is in another girls school. However, I am more worried about what she might think, as she is the religious type. She is really beautiful, and has an even hotter body. I have slept over at her house and when she was asleep, I just couldn’t resist, so I cuddled really close and touched her a little, and when she shifted a little and her arm ended up around me, I was so happy. However, I have never flirted the way I did with my bestie, and she has no idea about how I feel.

After I realized that I may be bi/les, I went online to look for sites such as this to help answer my burning questions and find out more. While browsing, I came across some YouTube videos on lesbian kisses in movies and after watching them, I got really turned on and wanted to try it out. This made me feel that I wasn’t straight, and probably bisexual or lesbian. However, I still feel attracted to guys, but I really love my bestie too. And, I just got started with my sort-of boyfriend as well. So now I am really really troubled and confused about my feelings, how strong they are, whether this is a teenage phase or for real, and my sexuality. Should I continue flirting around with my bestie, and let her know, or not? And should I continue being with my sort-of boyfriend or leave him? Am I a lesbian or bisexual, or could all this be just a passing teenage phase and I’m only being curious? I’m in such a dilemma. Thanks for reading my long post, and any comments will be greatly appreciated.

<3, Anonymous girl

Alright, I’m confused and really angry.  In December, I was preparing to attend my first semester of school 1000 miles away from home.  Before I left, “Lily” and her boyfriend broke up because he felt “the relationship wasn’t going anywhere.”  Lily and I have been friends for a few years, the first of which I spent pining after her.  She returned my feelings, but because I was too cowardly to ask her out, she started dating our mutual friend.  It was kind of special for me, because it had been the first time that a crush of mine on a girl wasn’t unrequited.  She became a little depressed over it, she’s very emotional, but I believe I convinced her not to worry over me.  I got over her and no longer feel romantic about her.

Then, two years after I liked her, she has broken up with the boyfriend, and was feeling really down about it.  To try and comfort her, I tried to explain to her that she can do better, because she could have done better; she could have dated me instead of that guy.  I told her the truth, which was at one point in my life I would have given anything to be with her.

Now, she is flirting with me through texts saying how much she misses me, and to quote, that she “wants to….*ahem*…see me” really badly.  She also apparently expects a date when I come back.  I don’t know what to tell her.

I appreciate her as a friend now, but nothing more!  Was telling her that she could have had me a mistake?  I was trying to comfort her because I do care about her, but at one time she told me she was going “strictly dickly” for her boyfriend once broke my heart.  Any tips on how to approach this subject with her?

Gratefully yours,

Niki

Ok so me and my friend have been hooking up for the past month. Yes this is the same one from my other posts, the one with boyfriend, the one I live with, the one who can’t see herself in a relationship with another woman. Well we both decided that we would just “have fun” which is fine with me. I mean I have been having so much fun the sex is amazing! The only problem is that I can’t get rid of my feelings for her I can push them back for awhile but then they come right back… I mean I know that hooking up with her is probably not healthy but I can’t resist any chance I have to be with her, she just has something that pulls me towards her.

Well on with the story here, so she says that she is constantly thinking bout me and when the next time will be that we can be together again. She says she is always trying to think of ways we can do it while her boyfriend is home, like what code we can use or when he’s not going to be home… So the other night we were at this party and she said she wanted me and we ended up going to the bathroom but we got interrupted, so then we left and ended up just pulling over and doing it in the car. Well on the way home she tells me that she is always thinking of me and that she wants me in her bed! (Usually we use mine just because I figured she wouldn’t want to do it on the bed she shares with her boyfriend.) So when she said that I was shocked and I asked if she was serious and she said yes that way when she’s just laying in bed she could be thinking about me! Wow!! Like what does that mean?

So a few nights ago her boyfriend went out with his friends and she stayed home, and when I got home she said to go to her room and of course I did because I couldn’t say no to her even if I wanted to. So we had amazing sex and I really love satisfying her, I did feel a little weird because I was in the bed that her and her boyfriend share, I was a little grossed out too because they do stuff there too gross! She said that she is really comfortable with me and she has never been that comfortable with anybody else. I feel like something is there, like there is a deep connection and I think she feels it too. But then at the same time I don’t know if I’m just seeing what I want to, like I don’t know if this is all in my head. My cousin has said that when we all have gone out including her boyfriend, them two don’t act like they’re together, that my friend doesn’t seem happy, I see it too but I feel better knowing that someone else sees it too. My cousin also says that she is always looking at me and that night we went out like I would go to the bathroom or something and she would be right behind me even tho I didn’t ask her to, I figured I would let her have time with her boyfriend ya know but no she would leave him all alone on the dance floor to go with me…

So I don’t know I’m trying to not get my hopes up and I know I should stop but I can’t. Am I just being really stupid or what?? What do you all think about this? Is she in denial or is it normal for straight girls to want to have sex with girls without feelings? And if this is just about sex, why hasn’t she ever had sex with another girl these past 4 years?? Why only with me?? Any advice will be appreciated thanks!!

Hello there dearly loved sisters, doing well? I hope so. It’s me Hanna again, getting even more mixed signals from the one I love so much. I would like to say first thank you from the bottom of my heart to the ones who commented on my last post, it made me cry knowing there are people who actually are kind enough to spend their time and give me advice, thank you so much, it was greatly appreciated. <3 And thanks in advance to anyone reading this now and has a moment to perhaps offer some more words of wisdom.

Now this still concerns my best friend, the one I wrote about in my last post. For those of you who don’t know I can give you a quick summary, been best friends with this girl for about 3 years now, we are both in 9^th grade, I admitted my true and pure love to her, she doesn’t know how to react but she knows she loves me. If you may still be confused maybe reading the last post I have up will help. C:

Okay now to get to my confusion.

So I am seeing how things are turning out, still talking, hanging out, IM-ing my friend with every moment I can, I now go over to her house every Tuesday after school to hang out because we want to be with each other anytime we can. One day on Monday we were at art club, I was working on my coil pot for pottery and we were just talking about various things. We came across the subject of the future, you know what we are going to do, college, and then life after that.

Well she told me “My mom says I am going to die out there on my own if I am alone after college.” I turned to her and replied laughing “My mom says the same thing to me!” This made her laugh too, and then she said “What if we moved into an apartment together after college? Jess (her other best friend) says she is going to Japan when she gets older.” I nod and smile “Yeah sounds good!” We started laughing some more, and then it got a bit quiet and she quietly said “I- I was serious you know.” I simply replied “So was I.”

This made my heart race so much, just the thought of being with her even after High School and College really made me so happy. I brought the subject of this story up because it really sounds like my friend wants to be with me for a long time, what I was wondering however did she think only as friends then when we moved in together? I know I should have asked her then and there, but I don’t want her to pressure her into anything.

My situation is that I have been with my partner for nearly 10 years and love her greatly, although we have split up a number of times as I thought I had fallen out of love with her.  There is a large age difference between us. I told her when we split on one occasion that I had feelings for my dearest friend, which devastated her as her previous partner cheated on her with a mutual friend. I had a relationship with my friend and that was great but I needed them both in my life.

Cut a long story shorter… I eventually got back together with my partner but she does not want me to have any contact with my friend. She is the dearest friend I have ever had, she knows me so well and always makes me laugh, we are totally in tune with each other. We have not been in contact for 6-8 months as I try to build bridges in my relationship. But I miss her. She is now in another relationship. However, my partner still does not want me to have contact…

What can I do? Any suggestions? Can I keep my relationship and rebuild my friendship? I have hurt both of them but am sad without my friend in my life at all.

Look forward to hearing some thoughts and advice.

I’ve been living with her for about 6 months now and prior to that we’ve been really close friends for about 5 years. She and I share everything together, from our inner most thoughts and feelings to meals throughout the day. We enjoy our time together and we’re what you can consider “perfect friends.”

I just have one problem, I’m madly in love with her and I have been for years. She is everything I need in a partner and I feel as though I’m exactly what she needs as well. She currently has a girlfriend and it kills me every time I see her phone go off because I know it’s her girlfriend calling. As much as it hurts me inside, I don’t want to stop loving her. I don’t want to stop believing that she and I could have something incredible. But as the days go by, it gets harder and harder. I love her. So much that when she’s right next to me I feel pain go up and down my spine because all I want to do is hold her.

How do you know if someone likes you or just likes you as friends? I have a major crush on my BFF but I don’t know if I should act on it, she knows I’m 75% gay. I’m always talking about guys and girls being hot and the weird thing is that she doesn’t find anyone attractive; either she’s asexual or just weird lol. She doesn’t have a boyfriend or like no one, and pretty much just hangs out with me all the time, she tells me every single thing that happened in her day and she texted me something cute and I said wow you’re cute and she’s like you’re pretty cute yourself, and she’s always at my place and helps me clean and offers to cook for me and we just watch TV laying next to each other and I don’t know, what if I do something and I fuck it all up? I don’t wanna ruin our friendship. She’s my best friend but I like her too much… should I just let it go?

Hello, my name is Hanna. I know it may be extreme for a girl my age to say that I have found true love, but I think I honestly have fallen in love, and its no ordinary crush that most teens my age go through. I have recently discovered with myself that I am a bisexual teen, figuring out these feelings have been hard and difficult but I know they are true and is what my heart says. Even though a lot of people tell me I am too young for love, I don’t believe that love has any boundaries or limits.

Now there is this girl I meet in 7th grade, she was a quiet one, and a bit of an outcast from others or perhaps some called even a “weirdo”. I wanted to try to get to know her, because I believe everyone deserves a chance no matter what my other peers or friends might say. One day we randomly got paired up in my Face (Cooking/home class) class and I got a chance to know her. Before long we started talking and having a great time, laughing, sharing interests and without knowing forming a friendship. We were friends but by the time the quarter ended so did that class and I had no other classes with her so I didn’t get much time to talk to her again. Then 8th grade rolled around and we had the same Math class together all year long. We would talk again, she started inviting me over to her house to hang out, and we were starting a close bond with one another. But I noticed something…

Hi. I’m a middle aged lesbian and would like to meet gay women and make new friends. What are the best lesbian social groups in the San Francisco Bay Area? I hope to join ones that are not too threatening or too political… Just a nice atmosphere of friendly people…

Over the past year, I was with the girl of my dreams, my best friend. She is a very lovely woman, very sweet and funny. The relationship in itself went well until the very end, when it all hit the fan, and I’m left with much to desire and questions, but no answers.

It all started at the end of my freshman year. She and I were (still are) best friends, and we hung out together all the time. I had my share of crushes and flops in the closet with girls (one crush, one prior psycho girlfriend) but she had no experience. By the end of sophomore year, I realized I was deeply in love with her. Summer comes, and I haven’t gotten the guts to say my feelings… So nothing happens.
Then comes junior year…

Throughout the year, I begin to gradually come out to my circle of friends. My Aforementioned Best Friend already knew, but this might have shook her a little because I had a feeling that by then she figured out my feelings for her. More time passes and I finally get the guts to tell her how I feel. The end of junior year doesn’t turn out well; when I asked if she wanted to try going out, she turned me down. That night was awkward, especially because she spent the night at my house… We usually sleep in the same bed too, and that was REALLY awkward. When she shot me down, I needed alone time, so I walked outside and basically pouted to myself out on the porch. Well, my window is right next to the porch, and I forgot that I left it open, so whatever I said out there, she heard. So she changed her mind, out of guilt. Not the reaction I wanted, but I rolled with it anyways, ’cause I’m selfish. A couple days later she dumped me, which was okay, I guess. I didn’t want to force her into anything, at least, not purposefully.

It’s summer then and I decide to hang out over at her house. Just because she shot me down, doesn’t mean we still can’t be friends, right? Nighttime rolls around and she starts holding my hand… Confused, I just go with it. Then one thing turns to another and I decide to just go for it, and I kiss her. Very passionately, I must say. Now, a part of me is kicking myself for doing that because I knew she was so uncertain, but she decided to try to go out with me again.
That summer was magic.

Senior year goes by, and I graduate with her. A very happy couple we were. That summer though, things start going downhill. I could feel that she was getting more annoyed with me as time went by. I just ignored it like an idiot and just tried to make it work without addressing anything, until it hit the fan. She wanted a break, saying that I can go out with other people if I wanted to. Honestly I think she was giving me the option to give her the option. Two months go by and we don’t speak very much to each other.
What a bumpy road, that relationship was.

Finally the phone conversations pick up again, and we talk on the phone quite a bit. Sometimes it seems as though she wants to be with me again… she calls me really late (3:30 AM!), we talk for hours on end, and she seems to want to hang out with me a lot. I kept a journal of what she did and how she behaved, and it seems pretty peculiar. Once, I was over at her house and I had to leave, so despite my self-restraint, I reached for her with my hand, and I stroked her face. Immediately I playfully pushed her head back and went for the door when she smacked my butt. Having to always get the last smack, I threw a couple playful swats at her, and she was smiling the whole time. Her smile was so warm, like before the relationship went down the tubes. Another time she called me at about 6:30 in the morning, wanting me to come over. She threw excuses at me as to why… Our pipes were frozen, she needed help beating a boss, so on so forth. Then my phone’s battery was dying, so I had to go. She sounded so disappointed that our conversation was getting cut short. So I said that I could grab the other phone and she sounded relieved, excited even. Around Christmas time she wanted to talk to me more than to finish making presents for her family.

I keep getting vibes from her that she wants more from me. But not only am I unsure, I don’t want to “Bust a move” on her like before. I don’t want to push her into anything. I know I did before. She was unsure about her feelings but I went for her anyways. So I don’t know what to do. I want it to work. I know what I did wrong, but it might be too late. Do you think that she still might have feelings for me, and should I make a move? Or should I wait and see if she gives me any more signs?