Dear Everyone,

Hi. Please someone help me, it’s very complicated so I doubt anyone can reply. Plus if you need more details I’m sure I can do that, but I rather not bore you too much with my problems. Yet I really need help.

You see my life keeps getting worse and worse! My girlfriend broke up with me, and worse of all I know it’s my fault. She won’t let me take the blame, saying that she never did love me and that she only liked me. And that she never even tried to fix things (when she did). I feel as if that is all a lie, and no matter how hard I try to prove her wrong she snaps back with more evidence but it never adds up all the way. Yet I can’t believe it! I feel like I’m in denial but by now I think I should have given up. She’s been hurting me so much and now all I can do is hurt her even more by not wanting to let her go. It’s scary thinking that I’m going to lose this love of my life. I’ve never meet someone so Beautiful, Funny, Random, and talented like her! She on the other hand ever since I’ve been hurting her has lost interest in me, found that being with me was more of a chore, and now wants to end everything for good. I noticed it too, I nag at her to fix things with in our relationship that doesn’t even matter…but it’s all from the idea of losing her, I wanted to bond, and all I did was pout and got her annoyed. A lot of the time I treated her badly, she would smile and press her head against mine and I would pull away, upset. Then later coming back to do it to her and want her to do it back…all because of what? I have no idea! I guess since we broke up the second time I found myself wanting to hurt her in some way to show her my pain, to make her feel mistreated and to beg me to fix it. I learned that it was the WORST mistake in my whole entire life. And most of all now I want to fix it and she doesn’t even care. She’s looking out for her self, because she just can’t keep on looking out for my feelings when she feels mistreated and wrong. I agree on that, I just wish I could gain a chance to fix things! And it’s hard to move on; I know she was one in a million. But do I deserve her? I doubt it unless I treated her like I use to, but since her mom found out that fear drove in and kicked into over drive. It was so unfair because I felt like I was special to her, and now when I look back at it she won’t even admit that she did think that. She states how when she said certain things she actually was being nice and didn’t want to sound too “dry” or not that good. Yet when I look at old messages where she use to talk to me and say things like “I miss you!” with out me even stating it I remember how she used to feel! I feel as if all I will say is going to get bashed by her…because when I do that’s all she does. Worse of all I have no back bone or the time to fight for every single one of my statements since she lives in Mexico and I live an half an hour or an hour away.

So please, please, please, and please!!! Someone help me!
Tell me how can I turn things around? Has anyone gone through this before? Any type of advice would help, just sadly hearing the words move hurts more then anything. For she’s much more then just another girl I dated.  Please someone help me.

Sincerely,

Kaze

I’m 18 years old and have known I was a lesbian since I was around 11. I have had serious problems admitting to myself that I’m a lesbian. I look in the mirror every morning disgusted and confused. I try so hard to enjoy being with men, but by the end of the day I realize all I want to do is be with a women. I don’t look gay and I try so hard not to act gay, but I am gay.

When gorgeous women walk by me I don’t even want to look, sometimes I even hold my breath. I don’t want to live like this, it’s so frustrating how I’m not who I want to be. I’ve been like this since I’ve fallen in love with my best friend 2 years ago. Every time she was near my stomach would feel like it was in my throat, my palms would get sweaty, I would be so nervous to talk to the point where I just excluded her out of my life. Ever since then, looking at how graceful, soft, and beautiful women makes me wish I could be normal, or like everyone else I know. I don’t think I’ve ever met gay women, or even talked to one. Help?