I’m 18 years old and have known I was a lesbian since I was around 11. I have had serious problems admitting to myself that I’m a lesbian. I look in the mirror every morning disgusted and confused. I try so hard to enjoy being with men, but by the end of the day I realize all I want to do is be with a women. I don’t look gay and I try so hard not to act gay, but I am gay.

When gorgeous women walk by me I don’t even want to look, sometimes I even hold my breath. I don’t want to live like this, it’s so frustrating how I’m not who I want to be. I’ve been like this since I’ve fallen in love with my best friend 2 years ago. Every time she was near my stomach would feel like it was in my throat, my palms would get sweaty, I would be so nervous to talk to the point where I just excluded her out of my life. Ever since then, looking at how graceful, soft, and beautiful women makes me wish I could be normal, or like everyone else I know. I don’t think I’ve ever met gay women, or even talked to one. Help?