About a year ago, I was friends with a girl named Anna. She was in my eighth grade class, and as a class, we went camping and hiking a lot. On our winter camping trip, Anna and I grew closer. By the end of the three day trip, while on the bus home, I realized, I had a crush on her. For the first time, I had a real crush on a girl.

Months went by, and I said nothing to her. I tried to stay normal, as if I still only thought of her as a friend, but I knew that was a lie. In those months, she trusted me enough to confide one of her most prized secrets in me. She is gender confused. She wants to get the surgery once she becomes old enough. I didn’t feel so weird for liking her then.

Six months ago, Anna confessed to me that she had also had a crush on me. We lasted six days, due to both of us just letting out all of our emotions at once.

Three months ago, we got back together. I have never felt so strongly about anyone ever before. Before I met her, I would cringe at the thought of being touched by anyone in any way. Now, I find myself being turned on by her. I have had dreams of having sex with her. Recently, these dreams have increased. I want her. But what if she doesn’t feel the same? I told her about one of my dreams, and she didn’t seem to care. I’m glad she doesn’t hate me for it, but that still leaves the chance that she doesn’t feel anything more for me then just a crush.  What do I do? Does she like me?

And before, the first dream I had of seducing her, she was a boy, Ben. Now, I dream of her, as a girl, as Anna. I like it both ways, but I’m still a virgin, so could I be wrong?

I also have another problem that I really need help on. I am very oblivious to my “parts”. In all reality, I’m not sure if I really even know where it is. I mean, I have an idea, but I’ve never touched it really. I get “in the mood” and feel like I really want to be touched, but I don’t know how, or if this is even right! A lot of my friends have asked me if I’ve ever touched myself, but I never have. Is this normal? Should I be pleasuring myself? But how? I don’t know…

But now I get that feeling, better described as being “horny” more often. And when I think of her, I get all tingly and hot. Don’t get me wrong, I still like guys, but I have a hard time thinking about doing sexual things with them. I like their “parts” as far as I know, but not them.

What if she doesn’t feel this way about me? And what if she wants to wait till she “changes”? If I am a lesbian, would I still be able to like her, or am I bi, and it just wouldn’t matter? I don’t think I can wait for her to change, I want her so badly now. Is that wrong? Is that even possible?

PLEASE HELP ME!