I’ve been dating my girl for a year and a couple of months, but last month everything started going down the drain basically. She started growing feelings for a coworker and decided to try something new with him. I on the other hand am still in love with her. She moved in with him for a week or two and now is back living with her mom. Ever since she came back to live with her mom she has been calling me every night and has texted me everyday… I forgave her and told her I wanted her to be my girl, mine and only mine… but we never settled that up… We have phone sex every night and it’s such a pleasure I have been feeling as if everything is back to normal and thought the guy was out of the picture…

Yet, today I texted her when she got off from work and she replied saying, “Hey ill talk to you later I’m with him.” That tore me up because I thought everything was getting better between the both of us…

Now I don’t know what to do I love her with all my heart but I can’t share her… She claims she loves me too but I’m not sure I could believe that after today… I just need some advice whether I should stick around or leave her behind… ): Please someone help me…

I am a Christian and I have always considered that I may be bisexual but when officially asked I would claim to be straight. But I had an unfortunate experience with my now ex-fiancé and I can’t bear to think about dating another man again…every time I try to picture myself with a man I have a panic attack. I began to realize I was never really sexually attracted to men; I was just going along with what I had been brought up to believe since childhood.

After reading Rev. Mel White’s “What the Bible Says – And Doesn’t Say – About Homosexuality” I began to accept that I was lesbian. I have met a wonderful girl who I absolutely adore and she and I have talked about dating but haven’t quite taken the step past flirting. She even broke up with her boyfriend so that she could be with me.

Still every now and then I’m reminded that my mother is a strong Southern Baptist Christian, so I haven’t opened up to her. I’m from a small southern town and a lot of my friends are from my church, which is more accepting than most churches but still a Baptist church in a rural, southern town. So I’m a bit awkward about opening up to some of the people closest to me. I feel like when I start dating and if I one day get married that people I’ve known for a long time will suddenly reject me and may even hate me…

So, I’m not sure what to do. I’m really not sure. I’m falling for a girl that isn’t even aware of me. I just broke up with my girlfriend because all she wanted to talk about was sex, and never about anything else. And now we aren’t going to get back together, so it she doesn’t matter.

But that isn’t my point. I’m falling for a girl, and I have her number and everything. But I feel as if she never wants to talk to me. I always want to talk to her, or ask what she is doing. I try to text her everyday, but I’m afraid I’ll get on her nerves. We have a lot in common, and I’m pretty sure I’m falling for her, and she is going to steal my heart. And I know when I fall for her I’m probably going to hit rock bottom, and hurt myself. I want her to notice me, but I don’t want to be annoying about it. I’ll do little things just to get her to notice me, but they don’t seem to work. I don’t want to bug her. She’s different from other people, and she isn’t like everyone else. There is something about her that just stands out.

She’s smart, funny, and short. But that doesn’t matter. She is the same age as me, and we live in different states, so that is also a factor. I think that could be one reason why she wouldn’t like me, or go for me like that. I wish she would see me, for someone amazing, but I feel as if it will never be. She looks at everything in a different perspective, and not just as what it is.

I really have no clue what to do, and I need some serious help. I want to be with her, but I don’t know if she wants to be with me, or even what she thinks about me. I need a way to get notice, or a way to not fall for her. Please help me?

So I guess I should start with the fact that I’m eighteen and have not dated in a very long time. Not for lack of offers, just a bad past. Then about a year ago I met this girl. I noticed her right away. I knew she was a lesbian, and she kinda saw through my hetero facade and would flirt all the time. I was so attracted to her; she gave me butterflies, made me act stupid and giddy. But I ruined it because I had never considered dating women. I wasn’t sure that I could.

Then a few months back I met this guy. He is much older, unconventional, brilliant and I convinced myself that I was attracted to him. I enjoyed the conversation and his company. Soon after we became intimate. He was my first. But I never felt a thing. Not his kiss not his touch. Nothing. I felt no amount of pleasure. So I thought maybe it was just him, maybe there wasn’t enough emotion, maybe he wasn’t good. So one night I was intimate with a very good friend (who is supposed to be a sex god) and still nothing. Then recently after a few months of seeing Older Man and realizing I could be with women I was at his place and we were in the act and I started to cry. I continued as if nothing though. When it was over we were talking and I jumped up and started dressing and told him I couldn’t do it anymore. He didn’t understand what I meant. So I very emotionally explained I prefer women and he surprised me. He was so kind and understanding. He gave me advice and is willing to remain friends and be there for me.

But my confusion is I don’t know what to do or where to go from here. I’m not sure if I’m fully lesbian or bi. The only real emotion I ever felt for anyone was that girl a year ago. In my head the idea of being with a man is attractive but in the act it is lackluster, I feel nothing. I don’t enjoy it. It leaves me feeling empty and unfulfilled. But it’s hard because in my head I am attracted to women, I check them out more often then men, but I have never been with a woman so I have no basis for comparison.

What if I don’t enjoy being with women either? I have always looked at women, I have watched lesbian porn, had school girl crushes on girls. But I’m so unsure. It’s hard, some feedback and opinions on the situation would be great. Or even some personal stories that can relate.

I’m 18 years old and have known I was a lesbian since I was around 11. I have had serious problems admitting to myself that I’m a lesbian. I look in the mirror every morning disgusted and confused. I try so hard to enjoy being with men, but by the end of the day I realize all I want to do is be with a women. I don’t look gay and I try so hard not to act gay, but I am gay.

When gorgeous women walk by me I don’t even want to look, sometimes I even hold my breath. I don’t want to live like this, it’s so frustrating how I’m not who I want to be. I’ve been like this since I’ve fallen in love with my best friend 2 years ago. Every time she was near my stomach would feel like it was in my throat, my palms would get sweaty, I would be so nervous to talk to the point where I just excluded her out of my life. Ever since then, looking at how graceful, soft, and beautiful women makes me wish I could be normal, or like everyone else I know. I don’t think I’ve ever met gay women, or even talked to one. Help?

I’m a male, 19 years old but I think my girlfriend is a lesbian. She’s always saying she doesn’t like sex with me, but due to the fact she’s the most beautiful girl I have ever seen I just take what I get. She has long blonde hair down to her belly button, green eyes, amazing thin body with nice curves so you wouldn’t even guess she’s a lesbian, but she always says “What would you do if I was a lesbian?” and constantly making jokes about her being gay and saying how hot Megan Fox is, or even girls that walk past her. When she was younger she told her parents she was a lesbian and they all freaked on her, and her sisters wouldn’t even change in the same room with her for quite a while which means it had to be hurtful. She tells her family “thank god that phase is over” but then after she says that, she looks kind of upset like she knows it’s not a phase. I feel kind of desperate writing on this, but I mean – what do I do?

She also watches T.V shows about lesbians, like South Of Nowhere, The L Word, but she talks about them freely. She was reading a book and I decided to read the back when she wasn’t near it and it’s actually a teen love story about 2 girls who fall in love. I want to confront her about it, but I’m wishing I wasn’t so madly in love with her. Write back, Thanks.

My girl thinks I’m bi because of the way I look and then because I use to be bi a little while ago. She feels as if I can’t grow out of it. But I honestly don’t like guys. Everybody enjoys a nice looking person so if I see a nice looking guy I well look. But it’s the same as looking at beautiful girl. Right? But I really don’t look at people like that because I am in a relationship. It’s just the way I am… Just because I say a certain guy is cute doesn’t mean I’m bi, right?

Hey everyone! This is my first time to ever do anything like this. I am a lesbian and I have already come out of the closet to my mom and my best friend. Well, I have never been able to get the courage to ask a girl out before.

I decided to write this because I need some advice. I have a major crush on my basketball coach!

My basketball coach is already engaged, so I know that I am pretty much hopeless, but I can’t seem to get her out of my mind. Every time I’m near her I feel this sadness, that I can’t be with her, hold her hand, hug her, or kiss her. I was wondering if anyone could help me!

I also need to add something else; I’m not sure if it’s only me or if others are the same. Every time I’m with her I act like a different person, I get all rude and mean. I really can’t help it. I’m guessing that it might be from sadness or me just trying to get her attention, and because of it I’m not sure she likes me.

I am seriously lost, please help me!

Last year sometime my best guy friend told me he liked me as more than a friend. He knows I am a lesbian though and never pursued anything. This year he says that he is still trying to turn me straight to date me. For the past few months I have been thinking about what I want in life. I am getting ready to graduate college and I am ready to start a new life, one that includes a family. I don’t know if it’s because he is the only one showing interest in me or if I really think he can make me happy.

It’s been a while since I have dated a woman and really found someone who fits into what I am looking for. My friend has many of the qualities I like, plus I would be able to be married, have kids, and not hide from my church and profession. Now besides that, I do feel that I could love him emotionally. Physically would be hard, but I think over time I could. I just need advice as to whether or not I should do it. Many of my friends have said I will never know if I don’t try and to follow my heart. They also can see that I am just trying to be happy so they do back me up. Any advice?

I really, really, really, need advice. My girlfriend and I are really close to having sex for the first time. We are both high school age, and I’ve had sex with boys, but for her this would be her first time doing anything like that. I really love her, and I know she loves me, and we both want this. But how do I even start, and what do I do once we get to this point? (We’ve all ready made out topless, and rubbed each other outside of our jeans.)

-Jennie

Hello everyone,

This might be a long one…

I am turning 22 this year, and am just scared sh*tless about realizing that I am not… well, heterosexual. I guess I’ve sorta always known at some suppressed level that I am more attracted to girls. Since I was little, I’ve never really taken any interest in guys… then i grew up and got a little interested. Still, I’ve never had a relationship with anyone (there were occasional the childish primary/secondary boyfriend who wasn’t really a boyfriend at all)…guess I’ve just never found someone I’ve liked enough…I have hooked up with guys in the past and it has been ok… nothing out of the ordinary. I do find some guys attractive, but I find myself checking out more girls than I do guys. So at this point, I’m still trying to figure out whether or not I am bi or a lesbian. I know labels don’t really matter, but it would come in handy when I come out to family and friends, for me to know who I am.

This then leads to my next issue… coming out. Last year, I came out to my best friend who is like a sister from another mother. She was totally cool and supportive about it, but we don’t talk about it because I told her that I’m not really ready. Since then, I have told two other close mates. Both were supportive. This year, I’ve decided to come out to my brother, and possibly my parents. I am really close to my brother, and am hoping and praying that he will be able to accept me, although I know that he can get quite homophobic when it comes to gay guys. Just the way we have been brought up. I love my parents, and am afraid of what will happen. I have asked my parents what would happen if they found out my brother was gay (just to see their reaction)…and their answer was that he is their son, and they would love him still. In saying that however, I have on countless occasions heard my father make homophobic comments like “s/he should be embarrassed/ashamed”, “its a pity s/he is gay/les” or when he found out that a good mate of mine is gay, my father asked me how he could be so proud and open about it- like it was something one should hide. I am afraid of losing them. I am afraid & confused. I don’t have a girlfriend or any interests at the moment and am wondering if I should come out now, or wait till I’m in a relationship? Or if I should wait till I’m more certain?
HELP!

I hope I make sense. Thanks for hearing me out.

Alright.  So I think I may love my best friend. But here is the problem… She’s straight and has a boyfriend. I don’t know if I’m straight now or not. Because she is the only girl I’ve felt this way about.

When I met her we were just friends and I loved her like a friend, but then things started to change. It all started around April. When she sent me a text saying “my boyfriend thinks that you’re randomly going to push me down and start making out with me!” I didn’t know what to say to that. I replied “isn’t that special”. She then was like “well would you ever do that?”  At that time I seriously thought I would only do that if I was drunk. And that is what I told her. But the conversation continued and it soon felt like she was pressuring me to make out with her or she wanted me to do it. It was just so awkward.

She spent the night at my house one night and we were taking pictures. She said “let’s take one of us kissing so I can send it to my boyfriend to freak him out” I being the easy-going best friend that didn’t care was like sure. Why not? So we kissed and it was just completely awkward.

At least once a week we would have these awkward conversations. She told me “I’m the only girl you can make out with or have hot lesbian sex with. So you better not cheat on me.” At this point I was concerned and I was like “you have a boyfriend. How can you say this? We’re not in a relationship” it just kept going on and all this pressuring just never stopped. It really did sound like she wanted me to do this with her. But moving on…

During the summer we spent a week out of state with each other. But a couple days before we left she’s like “we’ll have no contact with our families or our other friends.  Anything can happen and we won’t care.” it sounded like she wanted something to happen… but what did happen was we took a shower together and we started to play the awkward game. We started kissing and stuff. But nothing happened.

But this is the part that is confusing. I don’t know if I’m bi or not. Because of all this it makes me feel like I am. But I know I like boys. My best friend is the only girl I’ve ever done anything with or felt this way about. Her boyfriend is okay with her and I doing stuff. I just don’t know what to do. We haven’t made out. But part of me wants to; the other part doesn’t because what if she takes it the wrong way and doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore? She’s the best friend I’ve ever had. I can’t risk losing that. What do I do? =(

Hi Gals!

Just passing on the information:
Dominique Bourque, professor at University of Ottawa (Canada) is currently doing a research on the perception of young french-speaking lesbian or bisexual women (18-30) towards sexuality and lesbianism.

Dominique Bourque, professeure à l’Université d’Ottawa, réalise une étude sur la perception qu’ont les jeunes femmes lesbiennes ou bisexuelles francophones (18-30 ans) sur la sexualité et le lesbianisme.

Je vous invite à répondre à ce questionnaire en ligne :
http://www.surveymonkey.com/s.aspx?sm=2NkO_2fG9YmTo8fXwWMcFnnQ_3d_3d

Site sécurisé, anonymat assuré.

My question is about what it means to be a lesbian, how one knows she is a lesbian, and develops an identity as a lesbian with a significant, often positive history with many men. I also want to understand the power of creating a closet – Can people really think they’re into the opposite sex for a long time and not know they are gay?

I grew up in a liberal, “accepting” environment, am very social justice-minded, and always felt I knew myself well.

I have known I wasn’t straight since I was 14. I identified as bisexual and was open about that with friends and men I dated. My primary parent had a negative reaction to this. I had a really intense relationship with a female in high school. It felt wrong and right. Our first kiss was the most powerful, overwhelming experience that made everything in my head go crazy and make sense all at once. After her I basically only dated men, aside from a few flings with women over the years. I had two very serious relationships with men. I left both, they were heartbroken, I was relieved. Both are wonderful, kind, smart men. I though I loved them, I spent much time thinking about marriage kids, planning our lives together. Now I don’t know if I have ever been in love. I think I wanted marriage/kid/sensitive husband/heterosexual icons so badly, and because of a challenging background I think I really relied on and needed their love for and support of me.

I have had very sexual relationships with men, and I think I enjoyed sex with them… though in my last relationship I certainly used to want it to end quickly and eventually felt very not into it. Maybe that has always happened after the first couple of months with a man. Now the idea of having sex with a man seems pretty gross… but I know there have been times in the past when I probably wanted it. I don’t know how to make sense of that.

I’m in my 20s, and after leaving the last boyfriend, I started reading through my journals, reflecting, acknowledging my feelings for a friend and realizing I think I may be a lesbian. I fell into an intense, challenging, and passionate relationship with the friend. We split eventually, but I am right now only dating women though I am theoretically open to a guy… just not interested.

The main question to me now is if I am I gay? Or am I bisexual? I haven’t been attracted to men in a while, certainly since I more publicly came out to my community, family and friends as “queer.” But every now and then I feel some vague draw to a guy, though it usually ends quickly. I am definitely more physically attracted to women. But I am very drawn to hetero images still…

Other questions: Why does it matter to me to identify one way or the other? Am I turning to questioning my sexual orientation just because my experiences with men have been so unfulfilling and I have felt so misunderstood – what if those were simply the wrong men? Are there other women who have grown up in liberal, “accepting” environments, are strong, social justice-minded, feel like they know themselves, yet have still felt tremendous, overwhelming pressure to be in the closet to the point where they almost didn’t know they are gay? Can you be a “transitional bisexual” for years? I feel I have a strange story of being out at a very young age (openly in a relationship with a girl at least in high school), then going back into the closet basically during my early 20s for a few years, and then re-coming out. Really seeking insight, feeling very lost about this.

I’ll admit, I’m nervous about writing this but I’m so sick and tired of having this suffocating me.

A couple of years ago I was seriously sexually assaulted by a man, who kept me for over four hours before giving me to his friend, who chucked me out in the middle of the night and left me to wander around alone, affected by drugs I’d been given and injured by falling and being beaten [severe bruising, cuts, busted lip, cracked shoulder blade, broken wrist…] It was the most horrific experience and whilst the first man was charged and convicted for what he did [turns out, I'm one of seven other young women] it’s still something that wakes me up at night.

Anyway… the reason I’m writing here is because I’m trying to move on, and I’m confused, to say the least. Sexuality is such a pivotal part of life, regardless of how you choose [or choose not] to express it. We not only need it, we’re surrounded by it.

I’ll get to the point… sorry if this is so long, I’ll try to hurry it up, I’m sure you get so many emails… maybe this was a bad idea :\

The thing is, when I was younger I’d noticed that I’d always been a bit inclined ‘that way’ towards women… but since I didn’t really feel like I’d had enough ‘definitive’ sexual experiences [okay, I'll just say it- I'm still seventeen!] I didn’t really feel like I could ‘label’ myself, as such. Not that you have to, ever- but I think the idea sort of frightened me, for all the usual reasons [conservative family, peers, feeling like a minority, the 'values' I was brought up with...] so I suppose I just wanted some sort of sign or validation, particularly at such an important age period of character development.

After a recent break-up with a total jerk of a guy, I find myself wondering again… what do I want?

The assault has definitely impacted upon the way I relate to men and I’m terrified that I might be just be telling myself that I’m a lesbian to escape the fact that practically every man I’ve known has in some way ruined my life.

Please help me.

Hello. I’m 16 and I think I’m bi. No one would suspect that I am bi and pretty much everyone thinks I’m straight. But I know that I have feelings for women. I get very physically attracted to them and well, women are beautiful! I love everything about them. I also like guys though. I’ve never had a relationship with a guy, or a girl. But recently I’ve wanted to be with girls more.

It’s hard because my friends and family would be in total shock and I don’t want to tell anyone, so this is why I’m doing this here. I’ve been so attracted to women. I look at them more than I do to anyone else. I find myself staring at them wondering if I’ll ever have a girlfriend. But I also like guys; they tend to disgust me because of them being so cocky. I don’t know, I just was wondering if anyone had any advice. It’s hard, and I know that people will understand but I just don’t want to tell anyone. Thanks in advance.

The love of my life and I broke up after an amazing 4 years, she moved on after a week. I want her back, but am not sure what to do, or how to get her back. I’m desperate for her. She’s all I think about and the only person I want to be with. Please help!

I really like this girl in my school; I’m planning on asking her out on Thursday 5/21 the day before I take 1 week off vacation to Alaska on a cruise. I plan to do that because if I get rejected I wouldn’t have to see her and suffer the pain but instead go on a cruise and have fun.

I really want to ask her out but I have the feeling or should I say I’m kinda  99.9% pretty sure that I’m going to get rejected. So should I still ask her out? I really do love her; it’s my first love and my first asking somebody out. I’m really confused, help me please thanks…

I’m a lesbian so yeah and she is a bisexual.

Yeah a common question but… for those who watch The L Word, in season 1 where Dana doesn’t have gaydar and her friends help her to identify if this lady is gay or not! So… how do you identify it?

Hoops earring=can’t tell
Some kind of heels with jeans=NO
Reaction on lesbian kissing=depends

Not all tomboys are bisexual or lesbian so don’t say that! Just go with the flow doesn’t help either! So… my weird question…

It started since the day of silence which is 4/17/09, after school (high school) I really think a lot about how I shouldn’t hide my feelings if I find someone is attractive or hot, that I should just show it and don’t care what’s the other person reaction may be. We (family) went to McDonalds and there she is, the cute girl I noticed long ago but I never did anything but ordering food, she was sitting by the window eating her meal, as I walk out of the car, I start looking at her and so was she. I walk in and was waiting in line, after ordering, we wait for the food and at the time, there is this Asian guy walking out of the door. I was looking at them and so was she, after they left, me and her lock eyes for a few seconds. After getting my food, I walk out the same door, looking at her while she is looking at me, both smiling. As I walk closer to the car, I turn back and she is still looking at me. I felt that she is interested in me or as you can call it, kinda flirting-ish…

Then on Monday, as I got out of school, riding the metro home. I went to get my mail and as I lock it and walk the way that leads to my house, there was this car passing by me slowly, as I look up to see who it was, it was a cute fine girl looking at me too… smiling, I smiled back. I thought again that this girl might be interested in me or as you can call it kinda flirting-ish…

Now the question is… am I CRAZY cuz I’m so desperate to find a girlfriend that I think them girls are interested in me? And should I keep doing what I’m doing now or hide my feelings when I see hot girls? Oh I’m a lesbian and I’m turning 16 in May so yeah… 16 lol

Appreciate helps, thanks

This is my first post so bear with me…

I don’t really know how to start, but here we go… I’m seventeen and over the past year I’ve really been struggling with my sexuality. I dated a few guys years ago but they never lasted long and really had no meaning. But I have these feelings for women unlike the ones I have for men. I’ve blamed it on confusion and the lack of dating either sex, but when I really search myself I feel like I am a lesbian and I was just too afraid to admit it to myself. I read some posts on this site and I’m the classic, don’t notice the hot guys my friends notice, always checking out girls, and secretly watching The L Word and loving it, wishing it was my life, girl. I think I have a crush on this girl but she is obnoxiously straight and we are just friends. We are “married” on Facebook and we would pretend to flirt and make sexual gestures to each other. I’m pretty sure it was all platonic, but I wish it wasn’t.

What I want more than anything is to be in a relationship with somebody. Probably a girl because that’s what my feelings are, but I haven’t written off men because I’ve never had a serious relationship with anyone (boy or girl). I don’t know for sure if I’m a lesbian and I’m too afraid to come out and know for sure.

I’m pretty popular in my school and I have a lot of friends. I’m smart and I play sports (and I’m even a captain). I feel like I would be letting people down if they found out. Most of my friends and family are really homophobic and rejected my cousin when he came out. I don’t even think there are any gay people at my school that I could even think of dating, making it not even worth it to come out now, but I tried to come out to my sister (who is 2 years younger than me, basically my best friend, and straight, but watches the L word with me) but she thought I was kidding so I went with it because I was too embarrassed.

Lately I’ve felt desperately alone. I kept telling myself, “only 1 year till college and you can have a fresh start, where nobody knows you”, but life isn’t some fantasy where I go off to college and meet someone fantastic and life is perfect, which makes me even more depressed. My parents are going through a messy divorce and there are a lot of details that I know about their break up that only I know and are really hard for me to deal with. I can’t even tell my sisters because I don’t want them to think less of my parents. I try to talk to my best friends about the divorce stuff but they don’t really understand/care. I’m stuck with all of that on my plate on top of all the normal teenage things and I feel awful. I’m really depressed and I’ve cut myself a few times. On the outside, I seem like I’m a really happy and friendly person and you would never be able to tell any of this by looking at me, but I don’t want anyone to know that deep down I’m a mess.

I’ve been keeping this all inside, but I came across this site and I really just wanted to finally get all of this off of my chest and maybe get some kind of advice or hope. Thanks for reading this, I know it may seem very teenagey and melodramatic but it’s true and it has helped already just to get it out.

Hey everyone… So I just found this site and am now completely addicted, honestly you can never have too much advice! I just love all the different honest opinions. Ok so here’s my story…. I’m 21 and have been having crushes on girls for as long as I can remember, but I’m from a really small town and was never really exposed to any type of gay/lesbian community so I never really gave being a lesbian any thought. So all through public school and high school I listened to all my closest girlfriends going on an on about the boys they liked, who they’d kissed and dated, then later who they’d lost their virginity to (the whole time all I could think about was how hot Vanessa Marcil looked in a bikini or how cute the girl who sat in front of me in Math looked in her black rimmed glasses)… All the while also listening to them razz me about why I hadn’t “done it” yet.

Well, high school ended and the bar scene began (while my friends were checking out hot guys I couldn’t help but notice all the pretty girls)… along with the blind dates that my friends just had to set me up on because apparently being a virgin out of high school is a crime…. really who knew? It was just around this time that my sister brought home The L Word DVD (her best friend’s sister, who was the first lesbian I ever met at the age of 20 recommended it.) Well, it completely opened my eyes to something… I totally related to them and I was a lesbian (which I haven’t told my mother yet although I’m thinking she may know since I’ve never had a boyfriend. :S But my sister knows).

Anyways here I am a year later, still single, still a virgin, and still completely lesbian awkward! My biggest thing is I cannot for the life of me tell if another girl is gay… I lack the gaydar if you will… and I guess the idea of accidently hitting on a straight girl, because I thought she was gay, scares me a little. And since my town is without a gay/lesbian bar I’m always totally nervous. So any tips on that or advice in general that you girls can give would be helpful.

So we have been going out around 6-7 months, and she recently tells me she is a lesbian. She explained that she hadn’t been hiding it from me, she thought I was attractive at the time, she was in love with me, and still loves me. I support her decision because I know her life is going to be different now, and she needs support. We promised to remain best friends throughout it all, but I am having difficulty finding out what is going to happen. She was my first, as I was hers. We both love each other, and always will. She tells me I will have been the last and only guy she has ever been with, but I don’t want things to end like this.

She goes off to college in about 6 months and I want to do everything we have been doing in the past with her until she has to go. I realize I have to get over her romantically, but I want to make love with her in the future. My opinion is if we both love each other, and care for each other as much as we displayed in the past, it makes sense. I know I can treat her body how it deserves to be treated, and because she is my best friend, I feel like we can have “fun” times with each other, and we have no reason not to. Is it possible to be friends with benefits with your love who has turned lesbian?

Well I’m pretty sure that I am a lesbian and not just bisexual…

I have always thought girls were much more attractive. But grew up in a strict Christian home where obviously LGBT lifestyles are shunned. So I would just push it away and I just dated guys… I never really even was attracted to them too much. I almost always broke up with them just because I felt friendlier towards them. Anyways… when I was between 18-19 I experimented a few times sexual with women. But never actually had a relationship with anyone.

I got married when I was 20 to the guy I was dating at the time because we got pregnant. Things have been horrible. He is so disgusting. And annoys me with everything he does. He has cheated on me numerous times. He’s abused me sexually and emotionally. And even physically but he has never really hurt me… He wanted to do a threesome and for the longest time I told him no I didn’t need anyone but him… that I really didn’t think it was a good idea. But after talking about it so long I just kept remembering how much I really prefer women… so I said yes for that reason. And it completely brought it all out again… and stronger. I feel ONLY attracted to women.

Anyways. After he had cheated on me about 4 times I think. I started talking to this girl online. At first I just wanted someone to talk to about sexual things. But eventually we just fell in love. She lives very far from me and we have never met. But we just feel like soulmates. I’ve tried to leave my husband but I can’t… he ends up making me feel guilty. And threatens to tell my family I’m a lesbian (something I’m VERY afraid to do, they definitely think it’s VERY wrong). He threatens to try to take my son away. Which I really do not believe he could even get custody of him. But I’m a SAHM and all so I really have no way of supporting us yet.

So anyways, we just moved. And I’m going to try to get a job and pretend all is well and when the time is right I’ll start the process for a divorce.

But my thing is, I have this lovely woman that I am so attracted to and so connected to. And she is literally the BEST thing ever. Haha. I mean… she is so understanding of my situation and everything. And willing to wait for me. But then I just feel so bad for making her wait. And putting her through all of this.

Ugh… I don’t know. And then… I feel like can I really be a lesbian? Can I ever come out about this? It would break my family’s heart. They would never understand or support it. I mean they might still be there for me. But inside I know they would be praying I would “change” and all of this. Is it right to keep her on hold waiting for me, when deep down I don’t even know if I could ever go through with this.

Okay I’m REALLY confused and I have been thinking about this question for months, constantly, and I’m still stuck in the same spot!! I’m just hoping to get some good advice that can help me clear out my thoughts about this, because it’s all I am thinking about and it’s depressing me.

Okay here’s my story, I’m not really good at explaining, so bear with me! I’m 21… The main thing that has made me think about this is my closest best girlfriend. I sometimes think I might love her, I don’t know if it’s love love or just I’m so close to her that I feel like this. I got upset when she had a boyfriend, like jealous I guess. SO I’m thinking, wow wtf, AM I gay? And it made me happy when she was single. I have wanted to kiss her before too… Now the other side here is, I do not find women attractive, and I have never looked at a woman like that. (In general) I just couldn’t picture myself with a woman, I don’t know why. I can look at guys and think they are attractive though.

Here is another example. I had a few boyfriends in the past, and I didn’t like it when they kissed me, felt gross. Haha. Then, I just broke up with them because I just didn’t feel any emotional attraction to them. BUT there was ONE guy, who I think I REALLY liked, and I did like it when he kissed me, and I did get jealous when he had a girlfriend, and when I saw them kissing it REALLY hurt me.

What do you guys honestly think?

I was about 21-ish, I think. I’d left South Africa for the UK with a long list of questions I needed answers for, including, since I was pretty sure I was gay – how the hell was I going to go about getting confirmation? Since everyday life never seemed to bring me an opportunity to sleep with a woman, I decided that a personal ad in London’s Time Out magazine was the way to go. I kept that ad for ages, wish I still had it. I said something about red wine and good conversation and intelligence and humour. It was a good investment, that ad … kept me in friends, lovers, admirers and stalkers for years. But that, as they say, is another story; quite a few other stories in fact. It brought me my first four month relationship with a woman. She was a few years younger than me, 6′ tall and a biker, with a pierced nose and an interesting hairstyle. I never told her I was a virgin.

A little while into the relationship and with the zeal of the newly-converted, I decided it was Time To Tell My Mother. Considering I pride myself on my honestly, I have to wonder why, at that stage, I needed to phone mother, 6000 miles away, but not tell anyone in the actual geographical area around me, when I’d already been there a year or so. Anyway, at the time I was also quite an accomplished drinker, so I travelled rather far down a bottle of Stolichnaya (they’re not sponsoring this story) fresh from the freezer, and dialed South Africa. I was drunk. When I’m drunk I’m excessively cheerful and I merrily said to my poor mother, “I’ve got something to tell you!” She asked what and I sniggered and told her to guess. She got it in two. First she asked if I was pregnant and then, over the sound of my guffaws, whether I was a lesbian. It was a sobering moment and I just said yes. We spoke for a a short while afterwards and she impressed me by asking whether I had my own closet and if it was pink.

Apparently she cried a bit and spoke to my stepsister, who reassured her that I was still me and so forth. Apparently she surprised herself by suddenly and for the first time ever, being sorry that I might not have children (at 38 I still don’t and am sure I won’t). She was cool though and remains fairly cool, although too much talk of sexuality irritates her badly and we’ve had some heated debates about just why gay people have to be so “in your face” about it.

After that, my boss sussed me out, told friends she thought I was gay and eventually the job became untenable and I resigned. I was young and outraged and marched and bought t-shirts and proceeded to wrestle myself into my new identity with mostly positive results and reactions. I think in many ways it made me; it certainly gave me confidence.

I was thrilled when TLQ emailed about this project, as I’ve been collecting coming out stories too.