New Friends…
I’ve recently broken up with my girlfriend and although I have a large group of friends they are all straight. My old gay friends have moved cities, due to jobs, family and travel and I feel very lonely. I’m a very femme lesbian and I find it very hard to be accepted as gay when I do go out as they assume I’m just another straight girl within a group of them… Do you have any suggestions as to where I can meet new people in the North of England?
Where Does A Femme Fit?
I will start by saying that I am 19, bisexual (although I prefer women significantly over men, about 9 to 1) and consider myself to be quite feminine. While I’m not the typical blond girl, I’m tallish and quite slim with long copper hair. I wear skirts. I enjoy shopping. I can’t change a tire to save my life and high heels are my torture of choice (they just look so cute)!
I went to my local pride parade about a month ago and didn’t see anyone who looked like me at all. Lots of women who were somewhat less femme than me. I felt out of place; like the straight girl among the queers… and I am so not straight! It’s not that I don’t find the more butch end of the continuum attractive; it’s more will they even take me seriously looking as I do?
I like how I look. I dress the way I dress for myself and no one else. I don’t want to change to fit in with any group, I’m just scared that because we happen to fall into a minority, I risk isolating myself from others who can provide support, advice, friendship, and, dare I say, love.
Anyone with any experience on the matter?
Coming Out as a Posh Bisexual
I’m so glad I’ve found this forum.
I am a 22-year-old college senior caught up in exams and graduation rites and moving forward into the world; I have neither the time nor the energy for severe emotional upheaval. Nevertheless, it is now, when I really ought to be studying for honours, that I find myself unable to ignore any longer the seriousness of my attraction to women and, ultimately, notions of my bisexuality. On the surface, it all feels very natural; I am an intensely aesthetic creature, so I suppose it was only a matter of time before I realized how silly it was to limit my understanding of attraction to a particular gender. Beauty is beauty, after all, and I have always been inexorably drawn to people I find beautiful. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize how ill-equipped I am to puzzle through the larger implications of this discovery on my own.
Now that there are a bare two weeks until graduation, I’m finding I’ve missed the chance to engage with a supportive LGBT community in an intimate and liberal college setting. I’ve also been forced to admit to myself that I could have reached out sooner, but did not do so because I’m rather intimidated (and somewhat put off) by the out and proud queer students on campus. They are loud and angry individuals committed to loud, angry activism. During “Coming Out Week,” they cover the walkways with sexually explicit chalkings that attack straight lifestyles, and they seem to equate being “out” with being overtly sexual and writing protest poetry or vindictive newspaper columns. I wanted to attend meetings to gain more perspective on/support for my burgeoning identity, but, ironically, was afraid to do so on account of my physical and emotional differences.
To wit: I am highly invested in the cultivation of good looks and style (increasingly so, as time goes by) and believe that intellect should be accompanied by keen physical intelligence and fashion sense. I’m not much for politics or activism (I want to change the world, but I’ll do it through education, not protest) and am not in a position to come out to my conservative immigrant parents. I know I need support in hashing through my self-conceptions, but I’m afraid I’ll be marginalised or mocked by the queer community for not being blatantly queer. Similarly, I’m not ready for the term “bisexual” to colour my straight friends’ impressions of me. The only person who knows something of my current mental state is my best male friend who is himself bisexual and is convinced that his physical attraction to other guys is morally wrong. Although he does not judge me, he is trying to crush his own bisexuality by turning to Christianity, which he feels allows him to make up for his “deviance” through various forms of religious penitence. I am not at all religious, nor do I feel there is anything wrong with me, so his support, though much appreciated, considering how difficult it is for him to talk about these things, is not particularly helpful. In any case, I am too worried about his inner turmoil to burden him with my uncertainties.
I will be living more or less on my own this summer, in a large city with a gay neighbourhood. I’d like to go to a club or bar and interact with lesbian or bisexual women, but am at a total loss as to how I might approach such interactions. I don’t want to go alone (I’ve never even been to a straight club/bar), I look for all the world like a posh straight girl (am attracted to similarly posh straight-seeming girls), and I’m not a big social drinker. I’m considering coming out to an out and proud gay friend, but the friendship is relatively new and I don’t want him to feel used. What should I do? I know I could probably move successfully (if not necessarily happily) through life and love by restricting myself to relationships with men alone, but I don’t want to close off an entire half of myself simply because it seems convenient at the moment. In all honesty, what I need is experience; I need a chance to express myself and to explore, but I have no idea who to tell or where and how to start.
Lesbian On The Inside
Hey there all,
I am new to this message board, and I would like to ask the opinions and advice of a few fellow lesbians. I am 21 years old, and have only been out (even to myself) for just over a year. During this time, I have been seeking to make new friends within the gay community, but I am seriously about to give up. You see, the problem that I encounter is that I am very girly (even more girly than the majority of straight girls). I always wear makeup, have my hair (which is long and blonde) blow waved, love mini skirts, pomeranians, gucci, baking etc. etc. This seems to be for some reason really offensive to most other lesbian women. Every time I have gone into a gay bar, everyone assumes that either I am there with my male gay best friend, or that I am a straight chick out for some fun in the dyke bar. Either way, no gay chicks will come near me (guess they don’t want to be caught cruising the ‘straight’ chick……) I would like to hear some of your opinions on this, and also, does any one have any suggestions as to where I can meet other like minded people who will love me for who I am and not judge me on my appearance??
I’ve recently broken up with my girlfriend and although I have a large group of friends they are all straight. My old gay friends have moved cities, due to jobs, family and travel and I feel very lonely. I’m a very femme lesbian and I find it very hard to be accepted as gay when I do go out as they assume I’m just another straight girl within a group of them… Do you have any suggestions as to where I can meet new people in the North of England?
I will start by saying that I am 19, bisexual (although I prefer women significantly over men, about 9 to 1) and consider myself to be quite feminine. While I’m not the typical blond girl, I’m tallish and quite slim with long copper hair. I wear skirts. I enjoy shopping. I can’t change a tire to save my life and high heels are my torture of choice (they just look so cute)!
I went to my local pride parade about a month ago and didn’t see anyone who looked like me at all. Lots of women who were somewhat less femme than me. I felt out of place; like the straight girl among the queers… and I am so not straight! It’s not that I don’t find the more butch end of the continuum attractive; it’s more will they even take me seriously looking as I do?
I like how I look. I dress the way I dress for myself and no one else. I don’t want to change to fit in with any group, I’m just scared that because we happen to fall into a minority, I risk isolating myself from others who can provide support, advice, friendship, and, dare I say, love.
Anyone with any experience on the matter?
Coming Out as a Posh Bisexual
I’m so glad I’ve found this forum.
I am a 22-year-old college senior caught up in exams and graduation rites and moving forward into the world; I have neither the time nor the energy for severe emotional upheaval. Nevertheless, it is now, when I really ought to be studying for honours, that I find myself unable to ignore any longer the seriousness of my attraction to women and, ultimately, notions of my bisexuality. On the surface, it all feels very natural; I am an intensely aesthetic creature, so I suppose it was only a matter of time before I realized how silly it was to limit my understanding of attraction to a particular gender. Beauty is beauty, after all, and I have always been inexorably drawn to people I find beautiful. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize how ill-equipped I am to puzzle through the larger implications of this discovery on my own.
Now that there are a bare two weeks until graduation, I’m finding I’ve missed the chance to engage with a supportive LGBT community in an intimate and liberal college setting. I’ve also been forced to admit to myself that I could have reached out sooner, but did not do so because I’m rather intimidated (and somewhat put off) by the out and proud queer students on campus. They are loud and angry individuals committed to loud, angry activism. During “Coming Out Week,” they cover the walkways with sexually explicit chalkings that attack straight lifestyles, and they seem to equate being “out” with being overtly sexual and writing protest poetry or vindictive newspaper columns. I wanted to attend meetings to gain more perspective on/support for my burgeoning identity, but, ironically, was afraid to do so on account of my physical and emotional differences.
To wit: I am highly invested in the cultivation of good looks and style (increasingly so, as time goes by) and believe that intellect should be accompanied by keen physical intelligence and fashion sense. I’m not much for politics or activism (I want to change the world, but I’ll do it through education, not protest) and am not in a position to come out to my conservative immigrant parents. I know I need support in hashing through my self-conceptions, but I’m afraid I’ll be marginalised or mocked by the queer community for not being blatantly queer. Similarly, I’m not ready for the term “bisexual” to colour my straight friends’ impressions of me. The only person who knows something of my current mental state is my best male friend who is himself bisexual and is convinced that his physical attraction to other guys is morally wrong. Although he does not judge me, he is trying to crush his own bisexuality by turning to Christianity, which he feels allows him to make up for his “deviance” through various forms of religious penitence. I am not at all religious, nor do I feel there is anything wrong with me, so his support, though much appreciated, considering how difficult it is for him to talk about these things, is not particularly helpful. In any case, I am too worried about his inner turmoil to burden him with my uncertainties.
I will be living more or less on my own this summer, in a large city with a gay neighbourhood. I’d like to go to a club or bar and interact with lesbian or bisexual women, but am at a total loss as to how I might approach such interactions. I don’t want to go alone (I’ve never even been to a straight club/bar), I look for all the world like a posh straight girl (am attracted to similarly posh straight-seeming girls), and I’m not a big social drinker. I’m considering coming out to an out and proud gay friend, but the friendship is relatively new and I don’t want him to feel used. What should I do? I know I could probably move successfully (if not necessarily happily) through life and love by restricting myself to relationships with men alone, but I don’t want to close off an entire half of myself simply because it seems convenient at the moment. In all honesty, what I need is experience; I need a chance to express myself and to explore, but I have no idea who to tell or where and how to start.
Lesbian On The Inside
Hey there all,
I am new to this message board, and I would like to ask the opinions and advice of a few fellow lesbians. I am 21 years old, and have only been out (even to myself) for just over a year. During this time, I have been seeking to make new friends within the gay community, but I am seriously about to give up. You see, the problem that I encounter is that I am very girly (even more girly than the majority of straight girls). I always wear makeup, have my hair (which is long and blonde) blow waved, love mini skirts, pomeranians, gucci, baking etc. etc. This seems to be for some reason really offensive to most other lesbian women. Every time I have gone into a gay bar, everyone assumes that either I am there with my male gay best friend, or that I am a straight chick out for some fun in the dyke bar. Either way, no gay chicks will come near me (guess they don’t want to be caught cruising the ‘straight’ chick……) I would like to hear some of your opinions on this, and also, does any one have any suggestions as to where I can meet other like minded people who will love me for who I am and not judge me on my appearance??
I’m so glad I’ve found this forum.
I am a 22-year-old college senior caught up in exams and graduation rites and moving forward into the world; I have neither the time nor the energy for severe emotional upheaval. Nevertheless, it is now, when I really ought to be studying for honours, that I find myself unable to ignore any longer the seriousness of my attraction to women and, ultimately, notions of my bisexuality. On the surface, it all feels very natural; I am an intensely aesthetic creature, so I suppose it was only a matter of time before I realized how silly it was to limit my understanding of attraction to a particular gender. Beauty is beauty, after all, and I have always been inexorably drawn to people I find beautiful. However, the more I think about it, the more I realize how ill-equipped I am to puzzle through the larger implications of this discovery on my own.
Now that there are a bare two weeks until graduation, I’m finding I’ve missed the chance to engage with a supportive LGBT community in an intimate and liberal college setting. I’ve also been forced to admit to myself that I could have reached out sooner, but did not do so because I’m rather intimidated (and somewhat put off) by the out and proud queer students on campus. They are loud and angry individuals committed to loud, angry activism. During “Coming Out Week,” they cover the walkways with sexually explicit chalkings that attack straight lifestyles, and they seem to equate being “out” with being overtly sexual and writing protest poetry or vindictive newspaper columns. I wanted to attend meetings to gain more perspective on/support for my burgeoning identity, but, ironically, was afraid to do so on account of my physical and emotional differences.
To wit: I am highly invested in the cultivation of good looks and style (increasingly so, as time goes by) and believe that intellect should be accompanied by keen physical intelligence and fashion sense. I’m not much for politics or activism (I want to change the world, but I’ll do it through education, not protest) and am not in a position to come out to my conservative immigrant parents. I know I need support in hashing through my self-conceptions, but I’m afraid I’ll be marginalised or mocked by the queer community for not being blatantly queer. Similarly, I’m not ready for the term “bisexual” to colour my straight friends’ impressions of me. The only person who knows something of my current mental state is my best male friend who is himself bisexual and is convinced that his physical attraction to other guys is morally wrong. Although he does not judge me, he is trying to crush his own bisexuality by turning to Christianity, which he feels allows him to make up for his “deviance” through various forms of religious penitence. I am not at all religious, nor do I feel there is anything wrong with me, so his support, though much appreciated, considering how difficult it is for him to talk about these things, is not particularly helpful. In any case, I am too worried about his inner turmoil to burden him with my uncertainties.
I will be living more or less on my own this summer, in a large city with a gay neighbourhood. I’d like to go to a club or bar and interact with lesbian or bisexual women, but am at a total loss as to how I might approach such interactions. I don’t want to go alone (I’ve never even been to a straight club/bar), I look for all the world like a posh straight girl (am attracted to similarly posh straight-seeming girls), and I’m not a big social drinker. I’m considering coming out to an out and proud gay friend, but the friendship is relatively new and I don’t want him to feel used. What should I do? I know I could probably move successfully (if not necessarily happily) through life and love by restricting myself to relationships with men alone, but I don’t want to close off an entire half of myself simply because it seems convenient at the moment. In all honesty, what I need is experience; I need a chance to express myself and to explore, but I have no idea who to tell or where and how to start.
Hey there all,
I am new to this message board, and I would like to ask the opinions and advice of a few fellow lesbians. I am 21 years old, and have only been out (even to myself) for just over a year. During this time, I have been seeking to make new friends within the gay community, but I am seriously about to give up. You see, the problem that I encounter is that I am very girly (even more girly than the majority of straight girls). I always wear makeup, have my hair (which is long and blonde) blow waved, love mini skirts, pomeranians, gucci, baking etc. etc. This seems to be for some reason really offensive to most other lesbian women. Every time I have gone into a gay bar, everyone assumes that either I am there with my male gay best friend, or that I am a straight chick out for some fun in the dyke bar. Either way, no gay chicks will come near me (guess they don’t want to be caught cruising the ‘straight’ chick……) I would like to hear some of your opinions on this, and also, does any one have any suggestions as to where I can meet other like minded people who will love me for who I am and not judge me on my appearance??
