Hello, this might be a weird question, but I must know. Can you get any STD from having sex with a girl? No, I have not had sex, I’m only 13, I’m just curious. I don’t know where else to find the answer.

Thanks,
Em

So I’ve been out for about 5 years. I’m currently in a relationship with the greatest girl ever. We’re engaged. Yay. But… I’m having an issue. I’ve used toys in the past. I think I kinda like them. She hasn’t ever. Also she knows I have and throws it in my face that I’ve used them with my ex. I want to bring this up to her and would love to experiment with these and new things with her but I’m scared. I don’t want her to pull away or think I’m thinking of someone else I just feel she’s very against it. But in the same breathe she wants me to make her my slave… so I wonder would she be interested in some bdsm stuff? I’ve never really done anything like that but am curious. I’m not sure how to approach this with her. I don’t want to turn her away from me but think this would be awesome I just don’t know how to go about it. Don’t get me wrong our sex life is still rocking at 2 years strong I just want to add to it… Help…

Hi,

I’ve got an UBER candid question. I’m too nervous to ask any of my friends because I know they’ll all look at me weird. (I have tried asking an old friend before we lost touch… but she didn’t understand the question I’m assuming because she answered with hitting on me, hence the losing touch.)

Anyway, I’m eager to know the progression of lesbian sex. I’ve been in a few relationships, but have really only gotten down to it with one of my girlfriends. (It was awkward to say the least.)

I’m a little bit of a virgin to the scene, and I don’t want to seem like I have no idea what I’m doing in the BR- with my next girlfriend. I’ve been with my share of boyfriends, but since I’m new to the scene – I’m a little unsure of 1st, 2nd and 3rd base , when it comes to sex… (Although I know what they are and what they entail, I’ve noticed some things are a little backward in the entire lesbian situation… Or maybe that was just with my last few girlfriends.)

I’m really sorry to come off as… completely clueless… but I am. I just would rather not continue to make a fool out of myself.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for 7 months. And for the past 2 months she has mentioned us getting toys. Specifically a strap-on. I am really apprehensive and kind of said….. I donnnn’t knoowww. Is it normal for a lesbian couple to use a strap-on after a few months?

I have never used one so I am a little weary of the situation and I feel as though I’d be awkward. Besides that situation we have a good and exciting sex life. And I guess this means she is ready to take it the next level huh? Well does that mean I am just a prude then?

Did anyone else feel this way before they started using toys in bed with their partner?

I’ve been dating my girlfriend for about a year and a half. We’ve been intimate most of the time we’ve been together. In that time, she has not orgasmed once.  I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried everything that she likes. I’ve tried to get her to try new things to see if she likes them. But still, nothing. Sometimes she gets pretty into it, but she always stops me for some reason or another. I’ve been trying to learn what she likes and how she wants to be touched. I’ve been trying to do that for a year and a half. She always assures me that I do a good job, but it’s hard to believe when she stops me so often.

I used to feel better about it because we would have sex often, sometimes with her initiating it. But now I’m the only one that initiates, and I’m often turned down. I find I have to approach her in just the right manner to even stand a chance, and even then it’s not a sure thing.

She says she’s got “sex cycles” and that sex just isn’t important to her. But it still hurts being denied over and over. We’ve had numerous talks about this, most ending with me crying and giving up. I say I’ll try not to ask so often, and she says she’ll try to say yes more often. But I end up getting rejected more times that not. Then, the cycle begins again with her oblivious to my pain. I don’t think she can grasp how hard it is for me.

She says we don’t have time for sex with both of us being college students and her preparing to graduate in a few months. But even when we have nothing to do for a night, she says no.

There was a time when she admitted to actively avoiding sex with me, saying that I’d become too concerned with her orgasm. She said she wanted to just have fun and not worry about who cums and who doesn’t. So I try to accept that I just can’t get her to orgasm. And, it’s not like she’s ever done it before. I was her first, and she never masturbates. But I just can’t help but wonder if this time will be it, or maybe the next time. But it never is.

I get that we have different sex drives; I want it all the time and she doesn’t. But even that doesn’t explain the decline in our lovemaking. It used to be so good, mutual. Now, I feel like I should thank her for touching me, like she’s doing me some type of favor. I’m always scared she’s just doing it to pacify me, not because she wants to.  And even when she says she wants it, a part of me doesn’t believe it.  Lately, I’m finding it hard to climax myself. I used to orgasm every time. Now if I cum, it’s small. My orgasms used to be so powerful with her.

I feel like a horrible girlfriend for making this such a big deal. I mean, I love this woman, and she’s everything to me. I should be able to suck it up. But I can’t. Masturbating just frustrates me, and doing nothing leaves me horny and restless. I can’t help but want someone who wants me. I look at her, and I just want to rip her clothes off and throw her on the bed. There was a time when she would have let me, but that’s gone now.

I just want so badly for her to want me the way I want her and for her to see me the way I see her, but it doesn’t seem that’ll never be.

My question is (sorry for the rambling): How do I get her to want me like I want her? Or how do I cope with the fact that she never will.

Ok, so I’ve been attracted to females for about as long as I can remember. I was never “with” a woman until my senior year in college. Up until that time (and a few years after) I dealt with men strictly. When I was with men, I never felt the need and definitely did not want to pleasure them orally. Now, being with women, I feel bad because I still do not feel the need or want. In my current relationship, I feel guilty for not doing it. I feel as though I don’t want to be pressured into it but at the same time, I do not want her to leave (or look elsewhere) because I do not. I’m not sure if I will ever want to do it. That’s the big thing. Am I that selfish that I don’t want to please my partner as she pleases me? Why can’t I bring myself to even try? HELP Please!

I knew I liked girls when I was like 14. Last year, my junior year in high school, I met my girlfriend. I’m gonna call her J. She was a senior and in my NJROTC class. She was really kind of popular at school.

We ended up being friends and stuff and eventually she decided I had the qualities she wanted in a person. But she was straight. We went through several months of uncertainty. Eventually she fell in love with me. I had been in love with her for a while. (I’m really quick to give my heart, and all of it :/)

We went through 10 months of being together. Through her graduating and me staying behind for a year. Struggles with becoming public when she wasn’t comfortable. Her joining the Army. We broke up once in like September because she was trying to control me and was suffocating me. Yet she dumped me and pathetically begged for me to take her back. I made her sweat it out and then took her back.

She gave me a promise ring, promising to spend the rest of her life with me, marry me and all that. I gave her one also. We were completely in love with each other. With the greatest attraction I’ve seen in a long time. We were always honest, loyal and kind to each other. A thousand laughs, sweet sweet kisses. So many times we slept together, in each others arms. She is my safe place. And I was hers. We talked of our future. Getting a house together, getting married. All the details. She wanted 2 of every animal and a twin bed so we were forced to sleep in each others arms. She was so wonderful to me, generous, her whole focus and life was me, and mine was her.

She joined the Army and went to boot camp. For two months we only talked in letters and it was really hard. She came home for Christmas. I was kind of greedy with her. I knew she’d be leaving to finish boot camp and 6 months of job training before I’d see her again. But we had the greatest time. There were only 3 days or so we didn’t spend together.

She left and everything was good except we felt this consuming loneliness, it was the hardest time we’d ever had being apart. We spent several nights crying ourselves to sleep, dying inside not being able to hold each other and have all of those sweet moments that we lived on.

She graduated yesterday from boot camp. Since she had gotten her phone back she hadn’t talked much to me, just here and there and she decided it was more important to go run around with her friends. All the while I’m bedridden because I tore ligaments in my ankle and can’t walk. The old J would have taken her phone and talking to me would’ve been a part of whatever she was doing. That’s just our relationship. Last night I finally got mad at her because she hadn’t texted me in like 6 hours and wasn’t back when she said she was. She told me to take what I can get. I said well what am I your piece of shit girlfriend that waits around for you all day and takes whatever I can get out of you because I don’t deserve more and she said yes. Then she said she wasn’t sure she wanted to be with me anymore. That she didn’t know if she was in love anymore. That it’s on and off. She can’t handle the distance and wants to be free. She said she wants to be with a boy. That she can no longer see me in her future. I told her to leave me alone for the weekend and then she’ll see what it’s like to live without me, when the weekend is over, tell me what she wants. She won’t break up with me because she “loves” me and needs me in her life. I don’t understand how someone can be sooooo into something (relationship, in love, sex, all of it!) for over 10 months, then one day decide she’s not. I really need some advice please.

I have a girlfriend. We have an intense attraction for each other and we love each other… She’s bi and I’m lesbian. I’ve been with a few women but she has only had relationships with men. Now I have never had a problem with a girl and oral sex and orgasms… but she would rather use the vibrator. She says she loves it when I’m down there but when I am she likes to stop me and she wants me to use her vibrator… I don’t know, I just tried so many times and so many different ways, rough gentle fast slow wild controlled… She gives all the signs of loving it but I can’t get her to come and orgasm, only if I use the vibrator and my finger it works… I don’t know what to do, but it’s kind of drivig me crazy to know that I can’t get her to climax… and I’ve tried talking to her and asking her how she feels…

I have an awesome girlfriend but she is a top and I am both top and bottom. I have always had partners who have been giver/receivers. So to say the least I am a little frustrated with not being able to touch my girl. She lets me on occasion and has told me she would like to be dominated, but I have not been able to do what it takes to dominate her the way she needs me to. So my question is how do I top a top?  Do I have to play with her mind as well as her body?

I guess this is a very awkward question, but i hope you can answer it.What happened was that we had sex.

I really, really, really, need advice. My girlfriend and I are really close to having sex for the first time. We are both high school age, and I’ve had sex with boys, but for her this would be her first time doing anything like that. I really love her, and I know she loves me, and we both want this. But how do I even start, and what do I do once we get to this point? (We’ve all ready made out topless, and rubbed each other outside of our jeans.)

-Jennie

So, I have this best friend and things got complicated really fast. The moment she found out I was a lesbian things between us became different- more personal. She calls herself my girlfriend. She gets mad when I have actual girlfriends. We’ve slept together once, a drunken one night. She’s very touchy with me. We hold hands, she kisses me on the cheek a lot. She’s kissed me on the lips a few times as well. She playfully grabs my ass a lot, as well as my breasts.

However, we got into a fight right before she went to college, and now things are different between us. We held hands for the first time in months today, in the theater as we watched a movie.

I know I am attracted to her, and I do have feelings for her. But did she before the fight, and does she still? Others say she does. Please Help

Um, this is sorta embarrassing I’m 14 and I’m a freshman in high school and the title says everything.

I started masturbating in 7th grade at the age of twelve. At first when I did it I thought it was wrong until I figured out my sexuality (lesbian) when I was in 8th grade. I felt a little better because I thought the reason was because I was gay. They say that lesbians are always horny but I find it hard not to believe it because I do this often. I’m usually home by myself so I sometimes get the urge to do it. Sometimes every chance I get I would do it, mostly ever time I’m home alone. Sometimes after I you know… I feel dirty like it was wrong. Is it?

Once my friend said she smelled something. Can you really smell if someone had sex or masturbated? Because if you can I wanna know how you can cover up the smell. Is me being a lesbian the reason why I masturbate so much or is it natural? Is there away I can get my mind of this? Is there a better way to do it with out my parents finding out and if there is could you tell me.

I also have another problem, lesbian sex. I’m a virgin, I’ve never been with a guy or with a girl  and it would help for tips when I do have sex with a girl. How do I know if I’m ready to have sex with a girl. And how can I do it without my parents find this out too. How can I please a girl how do I know what to do? I tried lesbian sex but we didn’t go all the way, it stopped after I reached her underclothes.  My friend, who is a lesbian, was trying to teach me how to please a girl but we stopped because we were friends and she didn’t want it to go too far. So we only made out and touched each other but that wasn’t really a lot of help.

Thank you for you help it means a lot.

Quick catch up… me and my girlfriend, in 7 days will have been dating for 10 amazing months. She’s four years older than me and goes to school three hours away from where I live. We started dating the end of October last year and the very first weekend she came in town we had sex the first night and started dating the Sunday before she went back to school. Every weekend she would come in town we would have amazing sex and we could lay in bed for hours just looking at each other. When she was at school she would tell me how she wanted me and we had phone sex a lot but she spent the summer at home and our sex life just sucked all summer. She went back to school a week ago and we’ve talked about it a little bit so she knows how I feel and she thinks it might be her birth control and how busy she is keeping her from wanting sex but she says she wants to want sex. I feel like she’s just not sexually attracted to me anymore, though she assures me she is all the time. What can I do?

Hello,

I am a female in a straight relationship and I just had my first threesome, with me, my boyfriend, and a lesbian girl. We had sex around three times and all of a sudden she just up and said she didn’t want to do it anymore.

Now she does have a girlfriend that she just hooked up with a few weeks ago, they have been seeing each other on and off for a while, and her girlfriend keeps leaving her for another woman. Now that me and her have had sex I have a little thing for her. She has erotic pictures of me and just asked me to send her another one. I love my boyfriend and wouldn’t leave him for the world but I want our threesomes back.

Is there anything I can do to get that back or is it a done deal? Please help me I’m confused and when I talk to my boyfriend about it he says he understands but I need another opinion.

Thank you

This (lesbian) question was sent to us by e-mail, if you have any questions but feel uncomfortable with posting them yourself feel free to e-mail: ask@thelesbianquestion.com.

My love and I are madly in love with each other, we connect like no other! Every time we are around each other we can’t keep our hands off of each other, it’s not like sex is always on our minds but we do love it. I love to make her happy in any way possible, if you know what I mean. She and I have experienced everything together. She is amazing, beautiful, blunt, wonderful, brilliant, etc… We have been together for almost six amazing months. We both can talk to each other about pretty much anything, literally. So basically we need some advice to help spice up our sex life. So if anyone has any advice, please comment!

-2love14-

I am a femme and my girlfriend is a studdish type. We’ve been together for 2 years and I am feeling as if I am missing something. She doesn’t let me do all the things I would like to do sexually to her. I just sometimes have this yearning to caress, please, etc. just as she does, but she says I can find someone else (a femme) to have sex with. But that isn’t what I want to do, I want her. I have been feeling this way for months and she is giving me the impression that she is afraid I am going to leave, but I’m not. I just want a little loving.

Do most lesbians prefer fingering or eating out for the “main” part of sex? Or just, what do you prefer? The reason I’m asking is because I’m curious and also I want to know because whenever I have sex with new people, I don’t know which one to do.

So, I have been going out with my girlfriend (that I am totally in love with) for 5 months now. We’ve had sex around 8 times, if I had to guess. The thing is, I’ve never reached orgasm. Is something wrong with me? By the way, she is my first girlfriend and she’s the only person I’ve ever had sex with. I’ve never had an orgasm. The last time we had sex (yesterday), it was kind of painful at first, but then it felt good. And I think it was “significant stimulation” (not that I have anything to compare it too), but still no orgasm. And I know she feels really bad about it, because she feels like she can’t please me.

Also, for some reason, when I got home after we had sex last night, I noticed that I was bleeding a tiny bit down there (I’m not on my period). I least I think it was blood, as it was a slightly red-ish brown color. Maybe she cut me on accident? That happened once before, but there was more blood that time and the blood was redder. It’s still really sore down there… And another thing is that when she was ‘doing’ me (don’t know how else to put that XD), I felt this weird feeling, kind of like I had to pee, but I had just gone to the bathroom so I don’t know… Really sorry if this is TMI, but I’m not sure what’s relevant and what’s not. Oh, and I’m 16 years old and she is 17. And should I talk to my doctor about this?

This won’t be long I just wanted to get some quick feedback from you girls…

The best way to set the scenario I’m currently in up is, the typical friend falling for a friend thing… the not so typical part is that my friend is married. She told me she was interested in me and she’s always calling me and texting me throughout the day, we also work together so we see each other a lot. If we go out, she’s very affectionate and always reminds me of her attraction towards me, and I just have a fantastic time with her. If she were just married, it would be one thing but she has kids, that’s the part that scares me. I like this girl more and more each day, but I am so hesitant about making any type of move because of her family, I don’t know what to do.

I obviously don’t think there will be any type of long term commitment here, but I so badly want to hook up with her. What should I do? Also, with her being married and it being a huge secret from anyone we hang out with I would love to have any type of tips on how to tell when the right time would be to make a move if any. Thanks for taking the time to help me out!

Well here goes. I am 40 and have been out of the closet since I was 14 years old. I am completely out to everyone I know. I have had many lesbian relationships. Not all of them were the greatest but I know my way around. I have been in a relationship for 2 years now. And I love her a great deal. I admit that I am not certain if I’m in love with her, and I am not sure if she is in love with me. We had a commitment ceremony after our first year together. And we both take this relationship seriously. She is an awesome partner to be honest. She takes care of things I need. She is a housewife. And to put this out here right now, she is on anti depressants. Now I have read all the things about side effects. So please don’t think I am blind to such a problem. We are fantastic friends, awesome companions, and lousy lovers. I want her. I always have. And even today as I write this, I want her. But she is just not into the sex; of course I can’t help but feel she isn’t into me. I go through phases of feeling unattractive to her. She says she is, it’s not me, and it’s just her. And I know when I sit and think about it, I’m sure she is right. I have never had this problem before. I have been with my share of women and have never had this problem.

It has been about 6 months since anything has happened between us. And, to be blunt, probably 9 or 10 months since I went down on her. We have a few toys, but she doesn’t like them. I have suggested porn, no dice. We have had our share of problems in the relationship. I am the second woman she has been with. The first relationship was an on/off thing and her experience was limited to two times, I believe. And that was one sided because the woman she was with was a stone butch. It took her about 7 months before she ever touched my breasts or my privates. Our relationship was completely one sided. I kept telling myself she needed time. And one night she just did it. I 100% believe she wasn’t too fond of it. She even went so far as to tell me one night that my wetness was kinda gross. I was hurt beyond belief. There have been times when we were in the middle of sex and she has just made me stop because she was too sensitive or she just couldn’t get there. In the 2 years we have been together, I believe she has touched me with her hands, maybe 4 or 5 (and that is pushing it). Mostly she uses a toy on me. I never use a toy on her, again she doesn’t like them. So the few times we have made love it was basically one sided. I love to touch her. And she loves for me to touch her. And if she feels I am not paying enough attention to her she will mention it to me. She will mention if I don’t lay with my arm around her. She will mention if I don’t rub her back or kiss her enough. But it is all one sided. She told me once that her therapist told her she has to be in control of everything. And I believe that. And I enable her because I just didn’t want to cause any undo stress with her “first” true lesbian relationship. I love to kiss her at the base of her neck and on her shoulders. I love to caress her stomach and circle her body with my fingertips. Nothing fazes her. And if I pull away because I just get tired of the rejection, she will look at me and say you’re so sweet. Sweet isn’t what I’m looking for to be honest. And we have discussed it to death, we have separated because of it, we have fought about it. To no avail.

I believe we have separated 6 or 7 times. And the last time was because we both knew we were unhappy. We separated for about 5 days and decided to give it one more try. And things have been really good between us. We have had minimal disagreements but nothing to worry about. And she will talk to me about how long it’s been since we have had sex but nothing ever changes. And she will tell me she wishes she was more sexual and I believe she really does. Because she knows how hard this is on me. But it’s scary to think that I will never be wanted again. I will never know what it’s like to have quickies or make up sex. I will never feel that I’m desired by my partner. I will never feel the desire I feel for her. And she is completely happy with the relationship and how it is. Because we really are best friends. I just really don’t know if I am cut out to be in a sexless marriage. Some nights I catch myself thinking about past relationships and I don’t want that either! I miss so much from my past but what I didn’t have in my past was what I have now. I have a home and a family and I have a very loyal partner. I have companionship. But I’m being torn inside because I do not know if it’s enough. And I feel so guilty for it not being enough. I feel like a horrible person for missing my past. I really can’t see my life without her. And we have talked about that part too. That we would always be friends. Because she says she has never been this close to any of her partners before. I have suggested she see her doctor to change her medication. Or maybe see a therapist again to talk about her problems. She refuses to do either one of them. There are other problems not just the sex. She refuses to travel. She has a severe anxiety about being out of her “safe zone.” That is killing me too. I was single for 3 years before we got together. And I was a road warrior! And all that stopped when we got together. This part wasn’t really relevant but I wanted to support my suggestion to a therapist.

Please help me. Please give me some advice. I am so torn about what I feel inside. I love her with all my heart. But I miss so many things.

Last night I had sex for the first time. It was with my girlfriend. I don’t regret it or anything but I do have some questions about what happened. First of all, for some reason it kind of hurt some of the time, but some of the time it felt good… Why is that? And is it possible that she broke my ‘cherry’? Also, I’m a little confused because it didn’t like… arouse me as much as I thought it would. Like, thinking about it and her teasing me sort of aroused me more than the actual thing. And I just had my period starting this morning, so does that have anything to do with it? By the way, I’m 16 and she’s 17 if that makes any difference.

Is there such thing as a condom that provides STD protection for lesbians? I’m just bicurious, but I really want to know how to penetrate with a woman without getting STDs. Is there a condom you can put on the vagina that protects from getting STDs from another person’s vagina?

So we have been going out around 6-7 months, and she recently tells me she is a lesbian. She explained that she hadn’t been hiding it from me, she thought I was attractive at the time, she was in love with me, and still loves me. I support her decision because I know her life is going to be different now, and she needs support. We promised to remain best friends throughout it all, but I am having difficulty finding out what is going to happen. She was my first, as I was hers. We both love each other, and always will. She tells me I will have been the last and only guy she has ever been with, but I don’t want things to end like this.

She goes off to college in about 6 months and I want to do everything we have been doing in the past with her until she has to go. I realize I have to get over her romantically, but I want to make love with her in the future. My opinion is if we both love each other, and care for each other as much as we displayed in the past, it makes sense. I know I can treat her body how it deserves to be treated, and because she is my best friend, I feel like we can have “fun” times with each other, and we have no reason not to. Is it possible to be friends with benefits with your love who has turned lesbian?

This is my first time writing but I really need help with this. Ok my girlfriend and I have been dating for a little over 10 months and she has asked me a few times why I’m not the arouser or being the sexual one to her. I don’t know what to say because I don’t know what I’m doing wrong? I do sexual things to her but probably not as much as her. I feel horrible that I don’t because I know she is disappointed at times. Which bothers me because I want our sex life to be well but also not out of hand.

I’ve tried different things but it seems like not much has effect on her. I know were her sensitive spots are and I use those as an advantage but for example, when we finger each other, I just lose it when she does it to me. But when I do it to her, it’s hurting her and I hate when I do. I try the best I can to be gentle with her but it’s like extremely sensitive or something. For some reason also, I’m the one who is very easily turned on. I don’t know why but I just am. And for some odd reason, I get wet w/o even being touched by her! She could just walk in some sexy way or I’ll look at her ass (lol) and get turned on or wet. My God… I don’t get it! But the only time she really gets wet is when I ate her out. But we’ve only done that once with one another and just recently.

I don’t want to sound obsessive with this topic but I really want to know how can I be more sexual? Please help me. Are there any suggestions to do ‘certain’ things/ways that really turns her on? Not to sound weird but some times I’ve been watching lesbian porn (sorry, awkward) but only to see new ways.

Thanks,
Little cc <3