I’m In Love With A Girl And I Never Want To Go Back

You can expect your parents to go through many stages on their road to accepting your new sexual identity. These are: shock; denial; guilt; anger; hurt; and true acceptance.

When you come out to your parents, you may find that you your roles are reversed. For all of your life, your parents have been the ones offering support, answering questions, and dealing with problems. You will now have to do this.

Shock
If they have no idea, an initial stage of shock can be anticipated. It may last for weeks, but will probably disappear after a few days. Shock is a reaction we all experience (and need) to avoid distress at a later stage. Explain that you haven’t been able to be completely honest with them and you have found it increasingly hard to deal with the distance which has grown between you over the last few years. Say it more than once, although they may not respond to it immediately, they will reflect on it when they are alone. Remind them that you are the same person you were yesterday, and that yesterday they loved you.

Denial
Denial helps shield a person from something threatening or painful. It is different from shock because it indicates that the person has heard what they have been told and they are attempting to build a defence mechanism to cope. Denial can come in many forms: hostility (no daughter if mine is a dyke!); non-registering (that’s nice dear, what do you want for dinner?); non-caring (if you choose that lifestyle, I don’t want to know about it) or rejection (it’s just a phase, you’ll get over it). Their perception of your sexuality will be distorted by messages they have received and accepted from the homophobic society we unfortunately live in. Some parents will display hysteric emotions, crying or shouting, but most will take the ‘middle-of-the-road’ approach, but do expect some crying.

Guilt
Most people who deal with homosexuality initially perceive it as a ‘disease’, asking ‘what causes it?’, because if they can find what causes it, there can’t be too far to go to find a ‘cure’. For many parents the question becomes introspective, asking instead ‘what did I do?’. For a while, no matter what angle your parents look at this, they will continue to believe that they did something wrong. Although both parents will feel guilt, in the case of lesbians, it is often the mother who feels this burden the most, and for gay men, the father. Because they are your parents, they might not be able to admit this to you, admitting that they feel that they are the reason and you will somehow hate them for it. If they contact support groups or complete some research, they will soon realise that it was not their failings, but rather it is just the way you are.

Anger
You’re parents could be angry at a number of things depending on their moral and religious beliefs. The big one is believing that they will never have any grandchildren. Sometimes it feels as though it is a personal attack on them, as if you are doing it to punish them for something. Anger is best out in the open, and if you can act in a calm and reassuring manner, the anger should disperse quickly.

Hurt
A natural ally of anger is hurt. Things which make us angry are often very personal, so therefore they will naturally cause hurt. On the surface, your parents might appear spiteful and cruel, but it is better to let these feelings progress than deny their existence, it means that they are on the way to accepting it.

True Acceptance
It is worth noting at this stage that, unfortunately, some parents never reach this stage, but this is usually an indicator that something else was wrong before you told them. Luckily, most parents love their child without condition, accepting their child’s life as long as they are safe, healthy and happy. Some even reach the point were they can celebrate their child’s uniqueness, and view their child’s sexuality as a legitimate expression of human sexuality. These are the parents who would prefer to change society so that their child can live without rejection or fear rather than change the child.

Parents who truly accept their child face up to their own guilt, that they live in a homophobic society. They reflect on the gay jokes they have told and laughed at over the years. They begin to understand that they helped create a society in which coming out could be a very traumatic experience. This often leads to a complete change of views with regards to homosexuality in general. They begin to speak up against the oppression, they talk as a means of educating others and defending their child. Some do this on pride marches, and some do it in subtle ways during a discussion in the cafeteria at work. But all are making a difference - and so are you by coming out.

From The Gay Girls Guide
http://www.gaygirlsguide.co.uk
…for girls who do girls….and those who want to

I came out by email, and I recommend the same. Just kidding!
Please remember that whatever their reaction to you and your girlfriend, its truly just ignorance and fear. Ignorance caused by the stigma society and religion has placed on homosexual relationships, and fear of how that same society will treat you differently. In the own twisted way, they just want to protect you from what they feel is something bad; they don’t want to see you (or the world to see you) as abnormal. Please try not let it bother you personally, or your relationship. My mother was the same way (religious, homophobic) and while I know she doesn’t love it, she’s accepted it & my gf, and invites her to all the family functions.
Hang in there, and congratulations on finding love and happiness!

wow..
i can really relate to you..
i have the same problem..
well, almost..
i think my parents knows about it..
but they find it hard to lay it all on the table..
just be ready for whatever might come your way..
if you really love your girl..
then she’ll be your courage..
you’re parents would soon see how much you love her..
though not immediately..they’ll come around..
^_^