Being Friends Or More Than That With An Ex

Here’s the thing. I have this ex from a year ago and we hadn’t spoke for about 8 months, I ran into one of her friends and decided I should contact her. Now the reason we hadn’t spoke in so long was because of her current girlfriend who wouldn’t let her talk to me. Anyways, I contacted her over the internet thinking she probably won’t even respond. So the next week I checked my email and to my surprise she responded. She told me how sorry she was that she hadn’t spoke to me just because of her girlfriend, who has now broken up with her. So we decided we would meet up and go out to a movie and catch up. At first it was kind of awkward, but by the end of the night it was as if it was just like before when we were friends.

Anyways the next couple of days we hung out and I started flirting with her. We had then decided since we were both now single we could have sex and fool around. I didn’t know if this was really a good idea or not, but I decided it would be okay for the time being. The next day, we were watching a movie on her couch and she started making out with me which was perfectly fine with me at the time, except for the little thing in the back of my head telling me it’s not a good idea. I left her house later that night and went home. The following day I was hanging out with some friends and I got drunk and hooked up with my cousin’s best friend who happens to be a guy. To me it was nothing, just a one night stand and I don’t really like being with a guy. Then I would go over to her and make out with her and then go see my cousin’s friend Sam, and make out with him and I don’t even know why because I didn’t enjoy it.

Anyway, she found out a little bit about what was going on and got upset. So I said okay you don’t fool around with anyone else and I won’t either. A couple days later we went out again and went to a movie and the whole time during the movie she was texting some chick that goes to school with her. I got mad and the rest of the night gave her the cold shoulder and she had no idea why. Later on, on the way to take her home I told her when you go out with someone don’t talk to someone else on the phone. It is a pet peeve of mine; I hate it when people are on the phone when you’re supposed to be spending time with them. By her doing this it brought back a ton of emotions from a year ago when she had broken up with me. This is part of why she apologized to me when I had emailed her, because of how mean she was when she did it, and now she is saying sorry and that she made a mistake.

Everywhere we go she is looking at other people, commenting how hot some girl is, and telling me how she flirts with the girls in her class at school. She had even said she wanted to go out with someone in her school so she could show up her ex-girlfriend. This all bothers me because she says this stuff and then later kisses me and tries to make me fall for her again. She has some kind of charm about her, because she is so confident about herself. She could make anyone fall in love with her. Thing is if I went to her school she would probably want me back, but I’m older than her and have already gone to college and she is only 17 so there is that age gap.

I get jealous when she talks about these other people. I told her that I have feelings for her that I used to have before but she says she just doesn’t feel the same way. I think she had just agreed to fool around with me because she doesn’t like being alone, as she is always on the rebound after she breaks up with everyone she goes with. I think she will just use me until she finds someone else who is better and I told her that. But its like no matter what she does to make me mad at her I want her more and it drives me crazy.

I know that I can’t be friends with her but I don’t want to be without her, and the only way I want her is for me to be with her, I guess it’s because I love her. I need help here I don’t know what to do. I think my problem with dating is I’m too nice, I always am the one that pays, and does nice things, I don’t take many risks so for some people that could be boring, and she won’t tell me what I did wrong before. The more she doesn’t want me the more I blame myself for a problem that probably doesn’t exist and in reality it’s probably a problem with her. If someone can please help me out, I appreciate it.

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