I Think I Love Her… Will She Give Me A Chance?

I am in my early 20’s, my personal and religious beliefs have always been pretty conservative… not passed on from my family. I have always been a tomboy, playing sports, learning about cars, just about anything hands-on or outdoors. My focus has never been on relationships… rather school, work, my future, etc. which has made me into an amazing friend; I’m extremely loving and loyal toward my closest friends. After graduating college I went to Europe as sort of a “find myself” trip and followed it with a move to New York.

I’m pretty sure I’ve always been bi-curious but I’ve never had true sexual or emotional feelings toward other women. My best guy friend from college is gay and I’ve had a couple bi/lesbian friends over the years and even in conversation they didn’t feel I was of “bi-tendencies” so I just left it as is. I’ve dated a few men and have met a few that I would’ve been willing to settle down with, but have never been in a true relationship. And now I’ve come across a situation I can’t figure out.

Back home I was very involved in a church group which allowed me to hangout and network with other young singles. Within the past year I met a women who I had started becoming pretty good friends with, I found her to be beautiful but nothing more in attraction. She has many attributes that attract me and a young daughter that I love. I was invited on a camping trip along with a couple of my close friends who were not able to make it and a few of her co-workers. We set up camp late in the evening and started off the night with plenty to drink. By the end of the night she and I remained with two of the guys out by the fire… there was a moment lost where as if I awoke from a dream and found that she had kissed me, twice for that matter so I knew it was real, I held her hand and as we laid together in my tent she held mine. Up till this point I thought nothing of the act and posed it as just another drunken action, until the following morning… no, nothing happened, but there was a moment when she got up to leave the tent where she paused, turned, and gave me a “hidden” or “secret” smile…. and from that moment on I’ve had mixed but strong feelings for her.
The day went on as it would’ve, great fun amongst friends and once again that night around the fire we held hands, kissed and lay together before we slept. Following, we still went out as friends and nothing more.

Following my graduation party there was a little play and I kissed her once again and pursued her, I stayed with her that night and things were still fine the next morning… and the alone time we had on a few other outings. On a phone call we decided that it was a great weekend and even following but we didn’t want to harm our friendship. Problem is, I’ve fallen. I’ve never felt love like this and knowing the sacrifices are great. She is a mother, hard-worker and student in her late 30’s with an ex-husband to deal with. I am living in a place of abundant opportunities, looking for a job, trying to start a new life. But over the time I spent in Europe and since I have come to discover… I love her. I would love nothing more than to be with her, put a roof over her head, put her through school and one day her daughter; I want to be her provider.

Now, how do I tell her I am in love with her if I’m pretty certain she will never speak to me again? I’m torn on what to do. My heart pulls in two different directions and I would give up the future I’ve always worked for, settle back home and create my future with her. I’m not perfect nor is she but I’m willing to try. I need some new perspective on this. What do you think I should do?

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